50 Facts About Men

 
 
1.Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. 

2.Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
 They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 

3.If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the
 first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the
 bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream
 and a flush. 

4.Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance
 of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." 

5.Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a 
world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. 

6.Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that
 when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
 concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble,
 he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're
 really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they 
call him. 

7.If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man
 during play-off season. 

8.Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel
 important. 

9.Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning.
 Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. 

10.All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals. 

11.The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if
 he can ever care about anyone else. 

12.Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can
learn in private; in public they have to know. 

13.Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps. 


14.All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one
 under my pillow, instead of a gun. 

15.A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men
 usually have jobs and bathe. 

16.Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has
 one that is a combination address book, telescope, and
 piano. 

17.All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our
 relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of
 even General Schwarzkopf. 

18.Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire
 and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. 

19.Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave
 enough to get a bikini wax. 

20.All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not.
 Contact me for a list of names. 

21.Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man. 

22.Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two
 types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types:
 nerdy and not nerdy. 

23.Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your
 heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to
 a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore. 

24.Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never
 seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so
 embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing
 a black tuxedo." 

25.Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
 usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
 from the door. 

26.If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three
 or more types of lettuce, he is serious. 

27.If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if
 he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist,
 you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory
 only works on cocoons and butterflies. 

28.Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits
 get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and
 longer. 

29.No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on 
record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. 

30.When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31.When four or more women get together, they talk about men. 

32.Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. 

33.Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen
 the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily. 

34.Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally
 and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my
 team win? How's my car?" 

35.If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't
 forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He
 just didn't want to call you. 

36.Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked
 him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not
 with each other." 

37.Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight
 should do it out of sight of women. 

38.Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
 problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might
 sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I 
suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want
 to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks. 

39.Men accept compliments much better than women do. 
Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On 
the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? 
Must be the lighting." 

40.Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home
 Shopping Network. 

41.Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit. 

42.Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how
 complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when 
she's wearing a jumpsuit. 

43.Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women
 do because their clothes all button and zip in the front.
 Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need
 men emotionally, but we also need men to help us get dressed. 

44.Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying
 with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they
 grow up identifying with Barbie. 

45.When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels
 tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries
 something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the
 clothing has shrunk. 

46.Male menopause is a lot more fun --you get to drive
 motorcycles. 

47.Men forget everything; women remember everything. 

48.That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've
 already forgotten what happened. 

49.Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like
 monotony. 

50.All men would still really like to own a train set.