5o Ways to Annoy Your Teacher

 
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by
 waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 

2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to
 focus the overhead projector.
 
3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth 
into sharp points. 

4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
 
5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my
 name, don't wear it out!" 

6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan
 flute". 

7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his
 soul would go if he died tomorrow.
 
8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak 
louder. 

9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 

10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. 
In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask 
whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch. 

11. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the 
professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 

12. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare
 your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.

13. Sing your questions. 

14. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme. 

15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S 
MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry." 

16. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. 
If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir
 Fernandez O'Reilly. 

17. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and 
sniffing it. 

18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so. 

19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". 

20. Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a 
friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken. 

21. Stare continually at the professor's nose.

22. Address the professor as "your excellency". 

23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor 
if he's been drinking. 

24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
 
25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on
 your face. 

26. Ask whether you have to come to class. 

27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket. 

28. Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class. 

29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle
 haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't
understand you. 

30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the
 chalkboard erasers. 

31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
 
32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall. 

33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat
 beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
 
34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!" 

35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation 
of your name, even if it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
 
36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis 
and snickering. 

37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on
 the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so
 anyway. 

38. Claim that you wrote the class text book. 

39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects,
 jump up and scream "IMPOSTOR!" 

40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students. 

41. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper,
 write "Signup Sheet" at the top, and start passing it around
 the room. 

42. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat 
after the professor answers. 

43. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S
 stands for "stud". 

44. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you
 spell that?" 

45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently" propel pieces across the
 room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to
 retrieve the pieces. Repeat. 

46. Wink at the professor every few minutes. 

47. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he
believes in ghosts. 

48. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when 
you laugh. 

49. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell. 

50. Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the
blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because
 you can't see Macedonia.