50 facts about Women

 


1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where 
 they feel like they're actually in control. 

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is
 irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale
 is fair game. 

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks
 of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand". 

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they 
 know you can hear them. 

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in
 an effort to trap you into feeling guilty. 

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a
 need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say. 

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they
 are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so
 successful. 

8. Didn't like this one.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man
 around when there's a spider or a wasp involved. 

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the
 inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy,
 providing they only tell two or three people. 

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them
 a chance to gossip. 

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what
 they're doing. It might be the lottery calling. 

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand
 that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch. 

14. Women think all beer is the same. 

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different
 conditioners in the shower. 

16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a
 tropical rain forest. 

17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek
 entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek
 entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could*
 be. 

18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days 
 worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman
 goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she 
 doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day. 

19. Women brush their hair *before* bed. 

20. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty 
 good idea about what she'll be like in the future. 

21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling. 

22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans
 responsibility, "It's there in the bible". Hmmm who was
 it that gave Adam the apple? 

23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil
 doesn't stick?" 

24. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and
 red carpet. 

25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 
 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 

26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women
 aren't looking, men kick cats. 

27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her
 girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will
 call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. 

28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
 empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the
 mail. 

29. Didn't like this one either.

30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the
 possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. 

31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do 
 I look?' 

32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men 
 think it means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse. 

33. The first naked man woman see is "Ken". 

34. Women are looking for that one man to satisfy their every
 want and need; Men are looking for every woman to satisfy that
 one want and need. 

35. Women are insecure about their weight and overall size. 

36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one
 left-hand turn. 

37. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-
language than it does in man-language. 

38a. All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with
 them about it. 38b. All women are overweight by definition,
 don't agree with them about it. 

39. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower
 shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What
 did you do?" 

40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and
 the "good china". 

41. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting
 a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it
 impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets 
 whizzed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble) 

42. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to
 prefer chewing men out because they "left thg seat up" instead
 of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves. 

43. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will
 get men arrested. 

44. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy
 despite claims to the contrary. You don't see womens trampling
 over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried do you? I'm
 still looking for the example of a humourous guy...Just
 Kidding!

45. I didn't like it, so I took it out.

46. It's OK for women to dance with each other. You don't see
 many men dancing together. 

47. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing
 the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check. 

48. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up
 unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. 

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then
 they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. 

50. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women'll
 always catch men checking out other women. 

BONUS: The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another
 woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear
 men say: "Oh-my!, there's another man wearing a black tux, get
 me outta here!"

BONUS 2: If a woman doesn't like something, she's not afraid of 
 taking it out.