Getting To Know You...

The Quartermaines

Procreation in this family doesn't work out. ~ AJ Quartermaine.

Edward Quartermaine (John Ingle)

The patriarch of the Q family, Edward spends most of his time scheming and blustering. He's essentially ineffectual.

Monica: Edward is the best appetite suppressant I know.

Lila: Tact has never been his strongest suit.

Lila: Isn't it comforting to know a man doesn't have to deserve you in order for you to love him?

Lila Quartermaine (Anna Lee)

"Oh my dear."

"Oh Edward."

I'm not exactly sure what Lila's purpose on the show is...she wheels in and out of the Q living room, chastising Edward, praising everyone else, and is pretty much the most revered person in Port Charles (her only competition being Mary Mae Ward, who died several years ago.) Lila has a rose garden. And sometimes she talks to cook. That's pretty much it. Except that I think she looks kind of like a bird. I dunno.

Alan Quartermaine, Sr. (Stuart Damon)

Son of Edward and Lila, married (most of the time) to Monica. When Alan isn't cheating on his wife, he is very busy being a doctor at GH, or doing drugs on Courtland Street. Alan's great claim to fame is that he gave the Q mansion to Monica years ago.

AJ: Two words - seek counseling.

Monica Quartermaine. (Leslie Charleson)

The other Dr. Q. Monica cheats on Alan as much as he cheats on her. Monica takes greatest pride in the fact that she owns the Q mansion (Alan bought it for her!) She has two sons, AJ and Jason, and an adopted daughter, Emily Bowen Q. None of whom have ever seen her for more than ten minutes a day, three times a week.

Edward: Why can't both of you just stick with what you're good at? You know, like infidelity and divorce? You've never been anything but miserable failures as parents. Why subject us to another attempt?

Alan: As soon as Monica makes up her mind she's going to sleep with you, you may as well pack your pajamas.

Alan: You're obviously so hopped up on hormones, you're not thinking straight.

Alan (AJ) Quartermaine, Jr. (Billy Warlock)

The Q family screw-up. Since he lost his job as ELQ CEO as well as his wife Carly and son Michael, AJ has been busy getting drunk and pursuing Hannah Scott. Now, some people (Hannah included) think that AJ should stop drinking. But if he did that, (1) his only storyline would be his pathetic pursuit of Hannah and (2) he would be too sober to want to pursue Hannah.

Edward: Isn't one AJ enough? Why risk giving birth to another?

Edward: The only reason that we know that AJ is drinking again is that he has the courtesy to do it right up here in front so we can't help but see it.

Hannah: I'm trying to be a friend. He doesn't seem to have any.

Hannah: Bored, rich, dilettante.

Bobbie: AJ is headed for tragedy. The only question is who he's going to send to the ER next.

Emily Bowen Quartermaine (Amber Tamblyn)

Emily gave up a promising career in modeling to be Juan's promoter/groupie/whatever. But she has matured of late: instead of trailing around after Juan, young Ms. Q. is falling in love with her kidnapper, Zander. Em's greatest accomplishment is managing to remain friends with Elizabeth (anyone who can listen to that girl prattle on about Lucky 24/7 is a true friend) over the past year.

Carly: Emily looks more like a lady wrestler to me than a model.

Ned Ashton (Wallace Kurth)

Ned is the son of Tracy Quartermaine (Edward and Lila's daughter). He used to be the Q family "gatekeeper" but has retired from that position to run his own company, L&B Entertainments - the company that made him a famous rock star. Lately, Ned has been slipping back into his leather pants to play Eddie Maine (then slipping out of his pants to play with Alexis...but that's another story.)

Chloe Morgan (Tava Smiley)

"I don't understand..."

Related to Lila Quartermaine, and yet somehow still able to marry Ned (Lila's grandson). I don't pretend to understand the details. It's amazing that someone who designs clothes for a living dresses like a pre-teen with abysmal fashion sense. Her relationship with Jax, thankfully over, was so sickly sweet that rumor has it several GH viewers actually went into diabetic comas watching their scenes. Interstingly enough, she seems to forming a relationship with Stefan (proving once again that supposedly intelligent men do like vapid women!) Oh yeah, and she's psychic -- she can see through Helena's eyes. Oh, what a talent.

Stefan: As long as she's ill and dreaming, she is of use.

Helena: Jax's silly little paramour.

This page was last updated: October 22, 2000