Tarnished Armor
Part 1

 
Chandler Mansion, a summer night.

The baby monitor sits on top of the desk at the foot of the stairs.

Liza's and Adam's voices can be heard over the monitor.

Adam (over monitor): Well, I'm just saying that there's a fortune to be made if they did it right.

Liza (over monitor): I think they've already made a fortune, Adam.

Colby gurgles over the monitor.

Liza (over monitor): See, she agrees with me.

Adam (over monitor): Now, that's a funny thing, because I distinctly heard her say, "Oh, Mommy, listen to Daddy."

Liza (over monitor): You got all that from a burp and a dribble?

Adam (over monitor): Don't forget the sigh. The sigh came right after the dribble.

Liza (over monitor): Well, here's a cloth. That also comes after the dribble. Wipe away, oh mighty translator.

The doorbell rings.

Adam (over monitor): I think she needs a diaper change, Mommy.

Liza (over monitor): Nice try, buster. It's your turn.

Winifred comes out of Adam's study.

The doorbell rings again, and Winifred walks more quickly.

Winifred opens the door, and Jake enters.

Jake: Hello, Winifred. I'm here to see my daughter.

Liza (over monitor): Oh, Adam, get that thing away from me.

Adam (over monitor): It's a baby smell. Junior tells me that Tad and Jake have him smell it all the time. They say it's scrumptious.

Liza (over monitor): Well, let's collect a few and ship them over to Chez Martin.

Jake shifts awkwardly.

Winifred: Are they expecting you, Mr. Martin?

Jake: Um, no. I had some extra time on my hands, and thought I'd drop by.

Colby gurgles again over the monitor.

Liza (over monitor): That's right, Colbs, you tell him -- it stinks!

Winifred: I'll let them know you're here, Mr. Martin.

Winifred goes up the stairs.

Jake heads over to the couch. He picks up a copy of "Parent" magazine from the coffee table.

Liza (over monitor): All clean, Daddy?

Jake grimaces.

Adam (over monitor): Yes, Mommy.

Liza (over monitor): Then you can come over here for your reward.

Adam (over monitor): With pleasure.

There's a moment of silence.

Adam (over monitor): Did I ever tell you --

Winifred (over monitor): Mr. Chandler, Mrs. -- oh, I'm sorry.

Adam (over monitor): Winifred, there's a strange custom in these parts where a person raps their hand against the door before entering.

Jake: Pompous jerk. What does Liza see in him?

Liza (over monitor): It's known as knocking, Winifred.

Winifred (over monitor): Yes, Mrs. Chandler, but --

Adam (over monitor): What is it, Winifred?

Winifred (over monitor): Jake Martin is here to see Colby.

Liza (over monitor): Now?

Winifred (over monitor): Yes.

Adam (over monitor): I'll go down.

Liza (over monitor): You? The Prince of Tact? I'll go.

Jake smiles.

Adam (over monitor): Thank you, Miss Manners.

Liza laughs.

Liza (over monitor): Would you rather go down?

Adam (over monitor): I'd rather --

Winifred (whispers over monitor): Mr. Chandler -- the monitor.

Liza (over monitor): I'll be back in a minute. Save my place?

Adam (over monitor): Always.

Tarnished Armor Index
Part Two