DOG HAIKU

I love my master

Thus I perfume myself with

This long-rotten squirrel.

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I lie belly-up

In the sunshine, happier than

You ever will be.

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Today I sniffed

Many dog butts-I celebrate

By kissing your face.

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I sound the alarm!

Paperboy-come to kill us all-

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

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I sound the alarm!

Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

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I sound the alarm!

Meter reader-come to kill all-

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

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I sound the alarm!

Garbage man-come to kill us all-

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

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I sound the alarm!

Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

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I lift my leg and

Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -

Sniff this and weep.

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How do I love thee?

The ways are numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

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My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle.

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I hate my choke chain

Look, world, they strangle me!

Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

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Sleeping here, my chin

On your foot - no greater bliss -

well, Maybe catching cats.

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Look in my eyes and

Deny it. No human could

Love you as much I do.

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The cat is not all

Bad - she fills the litter box

With Tootsie Rolls.

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Dig under fence-why?

Because it's there. Because it's

There. Because it's there.

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I am your best friend,

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating.

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You may call them fleas,

But they are far more -I call

Them a vocation.

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My owners' mood is

Romantic-I lie near their

Feet. I fart a big one.