As she placed the receiver against her ear, she wondered who would be calling at this hour. "hello," she said softly. "Hello Catherine." There was a pause before the caller continued. "I am sorry for calling so late, but I really need to talk to you."
Instantly all thoughts of further sleep vanished. "Steve? What's wrong?" she asked feeling slightly on edge by the tone of his voice. "I can't talk over the phone...I know it is late...but...may I come over for a few minutes?" He sounded so troubled. She looked at the clock once more...before saying, 'Of course...I'll make some coffee. How long before you're here?" "Ten minutes..." She could almost hear the tension lessen a bit. "Good. See you shortly." Gently she placed the receiver back on the phone, reached for her robe and hurried downstairs to put the coffee pot on. Before she had time to set out some pastry, she heard his truck in the driveway.
Walking through the livingroom on her way to the foyer, she wondered what could be upsetting him so much that he needed to come by tonight. It seemed so out of character.
The door opened before he had a chance to knock. His legs felt unsteady as he looked up to see her in her robe. When he called he wasn't sure if she had been asleep, although the thought did cross his mind. Apparently she had been. The nervousness and anxiety he had been feeling increased as he realized he had awakened her.
His thoughts lingered ever so quickly on how the robe did little to hide the fullness of her breasts, or the shapeliness of her legs. The slight opening as the garment was drawn together showed a hint of cleavage. He tried hard not to notice as he walked past her and into the livingroom.
"Would you like some coffee, Steve?" Her voice was warm, friendly. "yes, please," was all he managed to say.
As she passed him on her way to the kitchen, Catherine felt very uneasy. Something was bothering him.Yet she had no idea what it could be, or if she would be able to help in any way. He looked so tense, so distracted. Alex was away for the next few days. She was almost certain he was the one Steve should be speaking to, not her.
Soon the coffee was steaming in the mug,and a few cookies and muffins placed on a plate. She walked back into the living room to find him sitting quietly on the sofa...staring out the window, totally oblivious to her presense. As she stood there for a moment watching him, she wondered if perhaps all of this was a result of their last meeting. Circumstances had not permitted them to discuss it at all, but it was not unusual to be shaken slightly by such an experience. Against her better judgement she had not pursued the need to talk things out. When he woke up the next morning, he had assured her he was fine.
The mug being placed on the table beside him brought Steve back to the present. Slowly he turned and met her eyes. He felt a slow shiver move through his body as she sat down at the other end of the sofa, the faintest scent of vanilla lingering in the air. Every moment since he left this room, 3 weeks ago, his thoughts returned to the sensations and feelings he experienced. He was torn between torment and desire. Perhaps he should have taken her up on her offer to discuss that evening. But he was so overwhelmed by the entire episode he wasn't sure where to begin or even how. Yet each day he found a new question enter his thoughts...a new anxiety, a new desire. As awkward and difficult as it was to call tonight, he knew she was the only one he could turn to in this regard. Now the time was here. She was but a few feet away.
"Steve...please tell me what is wrong," the concern in her voice calmed him slightly. Taking a deep breath, he began, "Catherine, I had everything I wanted to say rehearsed. Every thought, every feeling...but now, nothing seems to make sense." "Are your children alright? Karen?" she asked hoping against hope everyone he cared for was safe and well. He smiled at the concern in her voice. "Yes, they are all fine. Thank you for asking... but this has to do with the other night..."
Instantly she felt herself relax. This was something she could do something about. Settling back against the pillows on the sofa, she smiled and waited for him to continue. He detected the change in her demeanor and he wasn't sure what to make of it. His anxiety began to grow as he tried to explain his thoughts of late. "I cannot get the other night out of my mind. No matter what I do, my thoughts find their way back to that night. The feelings you caused...the things you did... I don't understand any of this. And it is consuming me." He had been focusing on his coffee mug but slowly raised his head and looked into her eyes.
As she sat quietly listening, she could feel the turmoil he was experiencing. She could feel the fear, the anxiety, yet she also knew this was a desire he could not ignore. He may not have realized it, but he had become her responsiblity that night, when he said he belonged to her. This was something she had wanted to discuss with him, something he needed to know. If only she had been more insistent about getting together to talk.
Slowly she stood and moved closer to where he was sitting. "Let's go into the dining room, Steve. It will be easier to talk there." The soft cotton of her robe lightly brushed against his arm as she walked by causing a slight tingle to flow through his body.
Once in the diningroom, she lighted the candle in the center of the table. The warm glow and gentle flickering created a sense of peace. Furniture placement also allowed him to relax a bit as the chairs were not side by side. He sat at one end, she to his left.
"Steve, the other night was an emotional experience. It is normal for you to have concerns, questions, doubts, even fears. What you need to remember, however, is first...above all else...I am your friend. You are very special to me. Secondly, these desires, fantasies you have will not ever go away. People who have tried to ignore them, or pretend they don't exist, have become very frustrated and unhappy. If you are feeling embarrassed about the other night, there is no reason to. You did not do or say anything wrong. In fact you responded perfectly."
She reached out and gently covered his hand with hers. "To take the first step was admirable. It takes great strength and courage to want to begin a journey of self-discovery. Admitting you have these needs is the most difficult aspect. Now the rest is up to me, if you will allow it." His head was swimming with what she was saying and how she seemed to address each of his feelings without him even mentioning them. "I don't understand, Catherine," he managed to say.
"Well, let me see....what is the best way to address this?" She gave his hand a little squeeze. "The bdsm lifestyle is very intimidating in the beginning. Overwhelming would be more accurate, as one finally decides to explore the outer edges of it. The sensations, desires and fantasies we have are so personal...yet we find a group of people who also share 'similiar' feelings. It is encouraging ...but at the same time we have just admitted to ourselves and others that we are part of this 'deviant' sub-culture. One part of us says 'thankgoodness I am not crazy after all' and another part says 'oh, but you are worse than crazy, you are twisted'. There is a lot of turmoil."
Slowly she released his hand and stood up from the table. Once again he caught just the slightest glimpse of cleavage. "More coffee?" she asked. His hands shook slightly as he held the cup to her. Soon she was back, the warmth from the coffee felt good against his skin.
Sitting back down, she continued. "Part of the problem is that so many people have a distorted view of this lifestyle. Without even understanding it, misconceptions are formed and labels given. It is no wonder it is difficult to admit even the slightest interest in it. We have gone this far, though, right?" She smiled as she looked over, waiting for some reaction.
The subdued lighting concealed the warmth he felt radiating to his cheeks. He nodded slowly, finding himself suddenly speechless after the days of constant questions.
"Steve...this is a very special step. I could give you countless articles on the philosophies and beliefs of bdsm or D/s. You could in turn spend hours, days, even weeks and months researching and still only scratch the surface. Because each person has their own unique needs and desires, each 'relationship' is different. There isn't one 'right' form of bdsm. Every one that involves the rules of 'safe, sane and consentual' is 'right'. The other night a lot of things happened. Things were said, and done that may have unnerved you. If you will allow it, I would like to teach you what this is about. Perhaps calm your anxiety... show you it does not need to cause you so much concern. Will you allow me to do this?"
The silence in the room at that moment was almost deafening. There was no denying he had these desires. She was correct in stating he felt there was something wrong with him for fantasizing as he did. His curiosity was piqued the other night...and he did want to learn more about it. Since she was a friend, he did feel maybe she would be the one to teach him. "As much as I would like to learn more, I can't help but feel very uneasy about this." He smiled weakly, feeling once more very shy and uncomfortable.
He could almost detect the slightest hint of amusement in her voice when she rose from the table. "Well, Steve...I do understand you feeling uneasy. Really I do...but I will keep you safe. I promise." With that she reached out and tenderly touched his cheek. "As I said I could give you many things to read, but I have an idea on how to instill in you, the basic principles of this lifestyle. This way everything else you learn will have a foundation and be easier to understand."
Leaning over, she gently blew out the candle, and reached for his hand. "Let's go upstairs." She couldn't help but laugh as she saw the shocked look on his face. "Steve....please, relax. It isn't what you think, I promise." Taking her word for it, he moved away from the table and followed her back through the living room. She lead the way up the stairs, her hips swaying gently, the curve of her legs even more apparent. He had never been to this part of the house before and felt somewhat unsettled as she turned to the right and entered the master bedroom.
A bedroom tells so much of the people in the house. The queen size bed was to the left of the doorway. It's thick comforter and fluffy pillows looked soft and relaxing. End tables on either side, indicated who slept where. Alex had sports magazines and a small basket of nuts and fruit on his side. Catherine had the telephone on hers as well as a few stuffed animals and some creams. Before reaching the dresser, there was a small table with a television. The dresser was placed directly at the foot of the bed and had a variety of books neatly resting against the mirror. A clock and lamp was on one end, an oscellating fan at the other. To the right of the dresser sat a huge easy chair with two cats sleeping peacefully curled around each other. Over in the corner of the room was an exercise bike and various other equipment. The over-all atmosphere was calm and comfortable.
"Steve?" He seemed lost for a moment as she watched him looking around the room. "Sorry..."he stammered...as he smiled at her. "Not a problem....would you sit beside me, please?"
He glanced over and sure enough she was sitting on the bed. Slowly he moved closer and hesitatingly sat down. "Steve...you do consider me your friend, right? Even though we haven't really known each other that long...you do know I would not willingly do anything to hurt you, right?"
"yes...I know that," he responded, relieved at being able to answer one question easily. "Good. Keep that in mind tonight, ok?" she smiled and she felt him tense just a bit. "I would like you to lay down in the center of the bed...but before you do, I would like you to remove your tshirt."
"I..." "Steve....please, do not argue....just do it. You will understand shortly." Her voice was calm, soft. Slowly he lifted his arms over his head as he tugged the shirt off. She took it from him and folded it neatly before laying it on the dresser. She watched as he moved to find a comfortable spot on the bed, admiring how firm his upper body was. "Comfy?" she asked. "ah...not really..."he responded,"but it has nothing to do with the bed."
She laughed softly as she began rummaging around in the bedside table. The familiar clinking of metal caused his breath to catch in his throat. He turned his head quickly and saw, what he expected. A set of handcuffs hung threateningly from a piece of rope. He was about to say something but she placed her finger softly over his lips. Then she laid the cuffs on the bed beside him.
The next item she withdrew from the table was a silk scarf and four smaller pieces of material. "Do not speak until I am finished. This is an important lesson. You will understand soon enough." He swallowed hard, as he thought about the cuffs around his wrists. The totally stripping of control...the feeling of helplessness, fear.
Her touch brought him back to the present as he felt two pieces of material gently being placed over his eyes. The room was already a little dark, but the material blocked out all light. Then she drew the silk scarf over the cloth and tied it snuggling behind his head. He could feel the panic begin. Then he felt something slip around his wrist. It felt soft and not metallic at all. He was puzzled until he felt the unyielding metal snap shut over the cloth. She held it in her hand as she double locked it. Then reached for his other hand. Once again the soft material was placed under the cold cuff before it was locked in place. With the rope she gently lifted his arms over his head and secured them to the head board.
Now even though his legs were free....even though he was fully clothed from the waist down, he knew he was totally vulnerable. If she had used scarves it would have been less threatening. It would have been difficult to break free. But he was certain he would have been able to do it. The handcuffs were another story. There was nothing he could do to escape this. Yet, he had to try. He pulled against the rope, fastening him to the bed. He twisted his upper body from side to side...pulled harder. Beads of perspiration began to dot his forehead. He could feel his heart begin to race. His breathing became more rapid.
Then he felt the bed shift. He was torn between his need to break free and the small sense of comfort that at least she was there. "Catherine?" he whispered...barely getting the words out, his sense of panic almost getting the better of him. Gently she placed her hand on his cheek. "Yes Steve, I am here. Please try to relax. It is ok." Her hand moved softly across his face. "The other night, you said you belonged to me. Do you remember that, Steve?" It was a struggle to place his fears aside long enough to answer her question. His mind flashing back to him on the brink of orgasm... offering himself to her. "yes....yes I remember."
"Well, at that moment I became your Mistress and you my submissive. At that point your emotional and physical well being became my responsiblity." Softly she continued stroking his cheek, his face, trying to calm him, relax him. "One of the foundations of a Dominant/ submissive relationship is trust. You need to know that you are and will always be completely safe when I am with you. No matter what state you find yourself in...be it blindfolded or restrained...you need to know you will never ever be harmed." He could feel his panic dissapating as he concentrated on the sound of her voice.
"As much as you hate handcuffs, Steve...I used them tonight for a purpose. They can represent all sorts of negative experiences. Escape from them is next to impossible. However...as you found yourself feeling frightened, even panicky..." her hand moved up and began stroking his arm, moving closer to his wrist, "...I needed you to become aware that no matter what fears you had, no matter how a situation effected you, you were safe with me. I wanted you to realize that under no circumstance would any harm come to you. As distasteful as the cuffs are to you...as distasteful as it is to be afraid...my dominance over you is like the cloth surrounding your wrists. It protects you from the harshness of your fears, your concerns, your anxieties. After tonight,however, you have my word, you will never feel them around your wrists again." Placing her hand over his, she squeezed it tenderly.
He was surprised at how relaxed he was beginning feel. Heart rate and breathing had returned to normal. The cuffs were not against his skin and were not so snug that they felt uncomfortable. His fears were all in his mind. There wasn't any real danger at all. Smiling softly he waited for her to continue.
As she sensed the change in his mood, she slowly began running her hand across his chest. He gasped as every now again her fingers would lightly touch his nipples. "If I had but one wish....if I could use one word to describe this situation.......it would be 'safe'. Every feeling you have that surrounds your interpretation of safety...is what you will find here. To me it means total acceptance, unconditional support and affection, and confidentiality. It comes from the realization that you have found someone who you can trust completely...someone who you know will not deliberately hurt you...someone who will always be willing to listen...someone who is ultimately concerned with what is best for you."
He moaned softly as her fingers began circling his nipple. The skin began to pucker, the bud becoming more pronounced, harder. "There are many paths to explore in this journey. Taking you to new heights of sexual arousal is merely one." Leaning over she flicked her tongue over the nipple closest to her. He felt the softness of her robe before his body twitched at the sudden touch of her tongue. Her hands continued running lightly over his chest, across his stomach as her mouth covered the tiny protrusion. Gently she began sucking it, tugging it between her teeth and flicking it back and forth. He arched his back and moaned, no longer the least bit concerned with the handcuffs, or any of the anxiety or self-doubts that had plagued him over the past few weeks.
"Before I continue, Steve...before you get too swept away here....I need to know that you understand what I have said to you. You need to confirm that you wish to explore this lifestyle with me." She stopped touching his chest but moved close enough so her leg was resting against his side, keeping the sense of security constant. "Catherine....yes....I want to continue. Really... I am beginning to understand."he smiled and felt her fingers move lightly across his lips.
"Steve, are you willing to sign a contract, outlining your responsibilities to me...and mine to you?" A contract sounded serious. For a moment his mind flashed to other situations in which a contract was involved. Those experiences were no more positive than the handcuff ones. Yet, he sensed that even this might be positive, with her. Perhaps he was understanding the trust aspect. Although he did not know for certain all would be well...he was willing to take that chance. A combining of trust and faith in her caused him to answered without any doubt. "yes, Catherine...I will. For you, anything." The words sounded strange as his mind worked its way around this sudden feeling of peace. He had never said anything even remotely similar to anyone. Now, handcuffed to a bed, he was telling this person, he would agree to anything she asked. As off-the-wall as this seemed, he also knew for the first time things made perfect sense.
