The Story

By Theytrew1 & Kaeghlt Traelblaizerh

One day, in the land of chocolate, it started to rain, and the people were joyous, for the likes of rain had never before been seen in a world eternally brown. And lo, the rain was milk, a pleasent teeming shower of dairy produce. And with the rain came Refreshos, god of rain, and his wastrel son, Temperdo, who is the hero of our tale ...

As they arrived in this great land of eternal delight, a crowd of lowly chocalate peasants, realizing the gods, ran forward and fell on their knees.
"Oh great lords!" One cried. "Art thou truly Gods from thelands beyond the horizon or are ye winged angels of salvation?"
"We are Gods!" Refreshos announced. "My son and I have been sent by my fellow Gods to find the answers to the riddles that plague us! We wish to know if thine blood is the sweet taste of caramel topping, which us Gods hath run out of in heaven!"

And with that ominous statement left hanging over the crowd, the gods teleported themselves, and a substantial number of the chocolate men, to a location on the great forbidding mountain of Thesnowisreallyicecream, which is home to all the gods and ruled by the mighty pantheon of thirteen, (Featuring great gods such as pigpoke [lord of farm animals], Hellowouldyoulikeasconeandperhapssometeaaswellandifyouhavethetimewecouldmakepoliteconversation, [God of manners, Procrastination and the English] and George [god of male cross-dressing singers]. The poor chocolate men and women found themselves in holding cells, and the two gods made their way to the scientific laboraties of Sybille [Goddess of fashion accessories, shoes and complicated advanced genetic engineering techniques (including cloning and all forms of biological warfare and Germiculture)] ...

"Father" Temperdo began, "why must we gods be so harsh as to take the lives of these folk, who have done no misdeeds to us, for the simple act of taking that sweet, thick caramel topping for our already tasteful icecreams?"

"My son, remember all that rain of milk I created, for their benefit? Did they even care? Did they even thank me?" Refreshos cried in anguish.
"well they did actual-" Temperdo began
"And lets not forget what happened to the hare who thought he would surely beat the turtle, when he decided to take a break and have an apple!!"
"It was a turtoise, not a turtle, father. And yes, I do know. The turtoise won the day, because the hare fell asleep under the apple tree."
"Exactly! This rainstorm must be fixed before it get any worse"
"You make no sense! I dont understand, father!" Temperdo yelled in anguish.
"You will in time, my son." He murmured, his eyes suddenly seeing hundreds of miles away... "You will in time."

Temperdo shook his head. At last they had reached Sybille's labatory palace, where giant test tubes and bunsen burners rose into the sky as towers, sending smoke, fire and burning acids into the clouds and onto the earth far below and slightly to the left...

And found the pristene goddess supervising a team of surgeons, ice-cream men, and dentists, who were already preforming a series of complicated tests and procedures designed to discover the exact caramel content of the chocolate people's blood on a large chocolate-man they had strapped to a table.

As the two gods, Refreshos and Sybille, went apart to talk in private, Tempardo noticed one of the team of specialists, a dentist by the look of him, take a huge bite from the man's chocolate shoulder and hastily chew the delicious substance as he worked. Closely examining the body on the table, he noticed hundreds of such wounds, and hurried off to tell Sybille what her freinds were doing ...

However, when he arrived at his fathers side, he discovered the conversation to be nothing more than the two elder gods sharing a chocolate-man between them,
their mouths full and chewing. Disgusted, he sought out the company of his best friend, Kollakko ... Who, Temperdo knew, was hiding under his bed back at home. He teleported to his room quickly, and looked under his bed. It took some time to explain to Kollakko his situation, who sat under the bed, very quiet and attentive ...

"Kallakko! What should I do?!" He begged.
"Niddip!" Croaked the frog.
"Thats not very helpful, Kollako!"
"Niddip!"
"Hmm... yes, I suppose we are knee deep in this situation..."
"Niddip!"
"Hmmm, it must be some sort of puzzle that I cant understand!"
Little did Tamperdo know that Kollakko the frog was infact the dark dragon god Heartlung Entrails who had been brought back to life (although stuck in a frogs body), and was even now creating a web of deceit, lies and intrigue inside Temperdo's confused mind...

In another part of the world, batman and robin were trying to figure out a puzzle that had been sent by the riddler... if only they could figure it out before the timebomb blew...

Meanwhile, the chocolate men had formed an alliance with Pokey, who had managed to get some long term leave from Gumbi so he could save the world). There were others whom had pledged their loyalty, such as Pingu, Mr. Plod, and of course Bill Gates, who financed for them a massive army of robots, which unfortunetely had to be networked by cables, and became quite useless. All they had to do was think of a way to get to heaven, then they could do battle...

Long and hard did the people of the alliance search ... for the mountain of the gods was well defended and to approach it was death. After many minutes of fruitless persual, the leaders of the free world all got together to seek a solution to this great problem.
"Woe", they cried in anguish, "is there no-one who can stand and fight for our cause? ... No-one with super strength (deodorant), or one who can shoot silly-string from his wrists? ... where oh where have the super-heros gone? ..."

Meanwhile ... in the Bat Cave ... Batman and Robin had given up on The Riddler's clue and were totally hell-bent on becoming as drunk as possible in the short time which remained before the Riddler riddled himself into the history books as the most evil and vicious of all the super villians (exepting Lex Luthor, who had destroyed Superman, Spiderman and Belgarath the Sorcerer to reign as emperor of New Jersy and Iowa).

Back to the story ... The leaders of the Extended Division For International Society Of Viscious Bloodsucking Monsters And Affiliated Scumbags And Evil-Doers Of All Description (EDFISOVBMAASAEDOAD) were plotting in conjunction with the Pure Evil Association For Misplaced Souls With An Enourmous Capacity For Hate And Destruction (the PEAFMSWACFHAD) to fill young Tempardo's head with mouthwatering thoughts of creamy caramel topping ...

...And indeed, this evil plot, which the darkest of the darkest devils, the baddest of the baddest bad guys, and the worstest of the worst, these malignant of the malignantest, these stupendously tremendously cunningly villainous villains... had hatched, was working... to a degree ... somehow. And this degree, which happened to be 666 degrees celcius opened up a great portal to such a degree of degrees that from it poured the denizens of the underworld, who were very angry at the disturbance of their tea party (it was someone's unbirthday, i think). The demons created a swathe of destruction so vast it destroyed the very lands as far as the eye could see. Naturally, this portal did not open in Temperdo's bedroom, nor in the heavenly lands. In fact, the very lands that the demons arrived to had sunk due to a series of volcanic eruptions and unstable earthquakes, and thus, being underwater, the demons quickly drowned, apart from the ones with large lung capacity who survived a little longer, and then drowned. The writer would like to officially apologise for the bit about the demons creating a swathe of destruction, which was totally fictional. But ofcourse, Temperdo, unaware of such events, decided he would visit the blind seer, Miss Charmane, far away in the mountains: an old hag who had become a hermit due to her obese size. Perhaps from this seer, Temperdo could find a way to prevent the destruction of the chocolate men without enraging his father...

... Who at that very moment was sitting down to a feast of chocolate-men with his dear friend Ferittic Delanor ... the god of sneezes and accounting ... who was relaying to him the cost of raising chocolate-men as a legitimate food source to the gods ... which was difficult considering the new 50% GST tax that the king of the gods (Maxijohnimus Howardium) had just imposed on the sale of all chocolate-based lifeforms ... which put a serious dampiner on the sale of, among other things, Chocolate frogs ...
... Soon the conversation turned to Tempardo ... who (unbeknown to the gods) was
even now en route to the domain of the seer ...

"So, Refreshos," Delanor spake, shifting his glasses. "I heard your son was unhappy in the gods decision to steal chocolate men, perform evil and sadistic experiments on them, eat them for breakfast lunch and tea, and other terrible things that gods would normally frown upon."
Refreshos sighed. "Indeed, he is a strange son. He does not seem to understand us. I explained to him our needs. I even told him about the storm, but he wouldnt listen."
Delanor nodded. "Hmm. How unfortunate. But tell me, did you explain to him what happened with the turtle and the hair?"
"Indeed I did. It was a hare, though, not a hair."
"I said that."
"You did not!"

Meanwhile, Temperdo had hiked through a great mountain pass, finally stopping to rest his worn and tired pumpable super duper mid-80s reebok shoes (never mind, long story), to gaze at Mt. KaladinAck' 'Ow Lulu Wawa Uki Noonoo, the great volcanic mountain that Miss Charmane lived in. It was here that Temperdo would find his answers. The climb would be long and tiresome, and there was always a chance that the volcano would erupt. Suddenly remembering his godly powers, he teleported himself to Miss Charmane's dining room, where Miss Charmane happened to be eating as usual.
"Oh come in dearie." She muttered through mouthfuls of corned beef. "You're just in time."
Temperdo then noticed the hungry crazed look in Miss Charmane's eyes. Temperdo was afraid of that look. It meant trouble. And wherever there was trouble, there was a fight.
"Just in time for what?" Temperdo asked nervously.
"In time for desert."
"Desert?"
"I meant dessert. Chocolate dessert. In fact, the desert was sent by your father, just the other day. My buttler is... cutting some up as we speak, you simply MUST join me." ...
Temperdo stared at Miss Charmane in horror, horror just as powerful and all-consuming as Miss Charmane's mouth ...
Finally Tempardo managed to stammer a reply.
"Ch...ch...chocolate ???" He sputtered, dismayed by the strange look on Miss Charmane's face.
"Oh, yes dear ... Actually it was quite strange receiving a gift from your father, after all these years ..." Miss Charmane smiled, obviously pleased by all the godly attention she was receiving. Distracted, Temperdo didn't understand for a moment ... Then ...
"You ... And my father ... Eww ..." Temperdo was assaulted by an image of his youthful father and the obese seer ...
"Well," said Miss Charmane, "if you can't handle it, get out!"
"But," said Temperdo.
"GO!" Roared Miss Charmane, and her butler came running in, his hands covered in caramel ...

Overwhelmed, Temperdo hastily teleported himself as far away from the vast dining hall as he could, and as a consequence found himself in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers, and feeling very queer from having all of his childhood illusions destroyed in one fell swoop ...
Luckily the place he found himself in was a remote monastary and the monks there were very friendly and sat down with him and showed him how to destroy evil for all time ...
Meanwhile, the chocolate men had found a way to get to the heavenly lands of the eternal gods. By pulling the heat fans from Bill Gates' robots and placing them on the back of paper aeroplanes, which were then flung from the giant slingshots (that pokey had once used in Gumby episode 5432 in which he flew to outer space, entitled "Aliens Discover New Dance: The Pokey Probe") the chocolate men found they could reach the heavenly lands. Mr Plod led the attack, an invasion he felt was doomed to failure. When the planes were shot into the air, Bill Gates started sueing Mr. Plod who then arrested Bill Gates for obstructing the law. The planes then flew lost for four days until someone finally confiscated all communication devices from Pingu who had been talking and yelling incoherently to the other pilots for 4 days straight...

Meanwhile , abundantly armed with powerful knowledge, Temperdo emerged from the monestary, calmly surveying his surroundings. Temperdo knew that the Gods' obsession with chocolate was not natural. This evil infection upon the gods must be stopped...

Resolutely, Temperdo began his journey into the darklands, where the shadow lies ... Long and dangerous his journey is, and he will meet many a challenge and destroy many a demon, but meanwhile in the lands of the gods ...

The forerunners of the mortal army landed on the slopes of the mountain of the gods and prepared for their assault on the fortress stronghold of the mighty gods ... meanwhile the gods drank and feasted on the blood of men.
Unbenownst to any of the aforelisted participants of the godswar, the forces of evil were, even now, preparing to launch their own assault ... on the undefended lands of the mortal army ...

Refreshos grunted, dizzy from drinking too much Gods wine. He stumbled from Ferittic Delanor's great hall. The grunt he realized was quite a musical noise, and he soon came up with some interesting grunt beats which in turn became a tune that he sang to himself until he came to a door. He looked up and realized it was his son's room. He realized that he felt compelled to enter, that something inside was waiting for him. He was too drunk to realize it was a trap. Where was his son anyway? He opened the door and realized it was slightly ajar. The room was a mess, as usual. Refreshos stumbled in the room, hearing a splat. At his feet lay the crumpled form of a frog he had just stepped on.
"Whoops!" He exclaimed, giggling to himself. Refreshos suddenly held his breath, a sudden chill going through his immortal spine as Kollako's spirit rose from the dead carcass,
"Begone, evil spirit!" Refreshos cried.
The ghostly frog laughed. "Do not bother, Refreshos. Your mind is clouded with greed and other evil thoughts. You and your fellow Gods have been influenced by evil for too long now. Your lawful magics no longer effect us!"
And with that, Kollako dove into Refreshos' body. The struggle etween two minds was brief as Kollako took the body, pushing Refreshos to the deepest recesses of subconsciousness.
Grinning evilly, Kollako headed to the great palace where Maxijohnimus Howardium, who recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, sat in his gold, gem encrusted throne. Soon, Kollako would take control of the heavens, whilst the demon armies would destroy any earthly or chocolatee demi gods or super heroes. None would stand in their way...

No-one exept perhaps Temperdo, who had had a rather easy journey into the darklands and had arrived to find it deserted exept for a trio of singing mice and an old man named Bob who liked to dress in yellow fishing waders and talk to invisible cats ... After days of pretending to be a cat in an effort to get Bob to tell him where all the demons went, Temperdo left the darklands to visit the only person he could really trust ... his pet frog Kollako ...

Arriving in his bedroom, Temperdo was enraged to discover the death of his now extremely rare and precious chocolate frog, and set off to find his father in an effort to discover what had befallen his little friend ...
Apon locating his father, who was staring intently at a map of the lower kingdoms, where (unbeknown to Temperdo), the robot drones of Bill Gates were fighting a large battle against the demons of hell ... and losing ...

He confronted the evil Heartlung Entrails (who was using Refreshos as one would a suit) who in turn faced him, and a great battle of wits was joined ...
Temperdo felt the will of another God in his mind, attempting to take control of him.
"Father, what are you doing?"
The evil God laughed at Temperdo. "You foolish young God. I am not your father. I am the dark and sinister and evil and manipulative super evil foul all mighty and powerfully stupendously crazy God, Heartlung Entrails! I took the soul of your frog, Kolloko, and now I have taken your fathers!" (insert battle music from the movie 'The One') "I will soon control both the heavens and the earth. You cannot stop me! You're my bitch!"
"NO!" Screamed Temperdo. With blind hatred, he charged.
The evil god laughed, a giant magical fist smashing into the young god which sent him to the ground. The fist smashed into him again and again. Temperdo felt doomed. How could he face such a dark and sinister and evil and manipulative super evil foul all mighty and powerfully stupendously crazy God? How? Could Temperdo do all these cool battle moves and defeat his enemy? Or was it something spiritual?

Heartlung Entrails laughed in glee, standing over the pained Temperdo. His eyes began to glow green. "You will be my first godly slave. You will do my bidding!"

Temperdo's foot began to tap to an imaginary beat ... and his hips to sway to an imaginary song ... Temperdo began to dance, slowly at first, and lacking grace, but as he got into it he began to twinkle and leap, to pirroette and twirl ... to prance as he never pranced before ... Slowly the evil god felt his hold on Temperdo slipping ... Control being negated by the one thing he couldn't control, love of interpretive dance ...

Frantically the god began to twist and writhe, his movements creating a strange, unholy counterpart to the joy of Temperdo's girly prancing and showboating. The two opposite forces perfectly balanced and opposed, clashing in vivid displays of light and sound. As the Two dancers escalated their movements, something strange began to happen, something neither of them expected ...

And this unexpected twist was, that one of the co-writers of this masterful work of art, stopped writing. And with this commentator's unexplained sudden pall of silence, the two characters stuck in the particular scene involved had decided to have a tea party. The two sat and talked, and suddenly a second strange thing happened.

This 2nd strange thing was love. Their love for each other that had lain dormant, slowly growing between pet and master. Yes, thats right, love.
"Oh, Kollako! Why are we fighting?"
"I know not darling!"
"Lets never fight again!"
Then the two embraced, and as they did so, a wind gathered in the room and smashed the delicate fine china that had been their tea party, and suddenly a
golden teleporter appeared, and from it a figure came before them, a figure so mighty and powerful it dwarfed in intensity the two gods.

Heartlung and Temperdo fell to the ground, shocked and afraid, as the silhouetted figure seemed to glare at them with flashing eyes. Soon the teleporter winked out, and the figure was no longer silhouetted, but identified for all to see...

And Revealed in his awful majesty was the king of the demons himself, Tory Alexander ... and lo, his might was terrible to perceive, and the traitor Heartlung Entrails felt his feet quake in his boots and the warm piddle trickle down his leg. For as all know ... all that ever stopped the Demon lord from emerging from hell was the stablising force of the earthly gods ...

But with the gods steeped in evil persuits, the demon lord could rule the world ... only thing was, now that he could have ultimate power, all he really wanted was a nice cup of tea ...

So once the tea set was restored they all sat down for tea and crumpets and a light hearted conversation sprang up over which side was going to win the Good vs Evil interplanar cricket match. And they all found, to their extreme surprise, that they all wanted each other to win ...

But back to the story ... An invading army finds their way to the bottom of the Godsmountain as a demon hoard sweeps down on unprotected villages ...

Mr. Plod stood upon a craggy hilltop sipping some devonshire tea, made by Mrs Bear. The wind upon the side of the mountain howled like no other as the army trudged slowly up the mountain, and he prudently decided he would go looking for Mrs Bear, not to thank her for the cup of devonshire tea (though it was good tea, by Mr Plod's standards, which were quite high), but to remind her to tie her hat down. Suddenly, officer Pingu ran up to Mr Plod, screaming incoherently. "Goodness' sake, Pingu, learn a language!"
Mr Plod shook his head, but realized that penguin was an important strategic figurehad in this important war, a character of necessity so prominent, and so vastly and intricately weaved into the very core, nay, the very BEING of this story; the absolute essence of this army's fortitude, that with one wrong word could destroy the very galaxy, much less the army. Well actually, that was a bit much... but, well... i thought he was amusing to begin with, but now all i can think of is his constant yelling and crying, and ice cream.
    Luckily, Condorman just flew out of the skies to interrupt the conversation. "We seem to be in luck sir, the mountain is quiet."

"Yes, a little TOO quiet. What we're dealing with is some sort of quiet predator...yes."
"But, sir, there's noth-"
"Careflul! Thats just what he WANTS us to think."
"Right." Condorman murmured dubiously. There was a crazed look in Mr Plod's eyes that Condorman didnt agree with.
Suddenly 2 children appeared.
"Who are you 2?"
"Why, we're joe and bessy, and we were just visiting this land."
How did you get here?"
"our wishing chair!" Joe exclaimed, gesturing towards the little red chair that stood quietly, its wings folded neatly. "We jump on it and it takes us on adventures!"
"Great!" Mr Plod yelled in a commanding voice. "Guards! Sieze those children and enlist them in the army, give them a toothbrush, a sword, a shield, and some decent clothes! And this chair, shall be my throne!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!"
Condorman, concerned for the whole army, decided he would watch Mr Plodd rather closely. He seemed to smell fishy, as well as kinda like wood. It wasnt as annoying as Pingu's plasticine smell, but it WAS awful... In fact it was the most awful smell that Condorman had ever smelt (and he had smelt a lot, coming as he had from a family of shoe salesmen). For unbeknown to Condorman and the rest of the rebel alliance, their fearless leader (aka mr plod) was infact an agent for the very evil which moved agaist the world at large. Yes that's right ... Mr plod was a Demon's little bitch ... and not any demon, oh no, for Mr Plod's twisted standards would have allowed no less than service to the best ... so this is how Mr Plod came to serve the ultimate of all evils ... Amrinfluence ...

The legend of Amerinfluence is an old and evil one, passed down through generations of honest Australand families. You see long ago, in the beginning there were only two great civilisations, these were the Empire and the Wilds ... Both were more or less equal in size and power, but then powerful elements within the empire caused it to become unstably corrupted by the forces of evil. The leaders of the empire become worried and commenced programs to rid itself of these deadly criminals. This saw vast numbers of people shipped away to parts of the wilds, forming colonies beyond counting. These colonies evolved over hundreds of years into things unrecognisable to their origens. Possibly the largest of these colonies was the land known as Guppie (pronounced for no real reason as 'pug'). This land was a breeding ground for scum of all types. Inhabited by the people known only as the guppimen this land flourished under the light of the midnight sun and worhipped a great green bill. From this pit of evil came one entity powerful to sway even the greatest of the worlds gods. His name was Amerinfluence. Eons ago this entity was sealed by a circe of fifty gods into a small teacup. (The very teacup, in fact, that mr plod had been drinking from for a majority of the last twenty years.) And the wards of binding handed over to George, who promptly went out drinking and lost the teacup in a rigged game of blackjack. From there we can suppose what would have happened to the cup. It would have been sold and resold to an untold many of people, affecting all that touched it with it's evil power, tainting the world and seeking it's release from it's fell prison. Until one day, someone would have recognised it as an article of true evil, and given it to mr plod (who really deserved whatever was coming to him, the silly fool ...) who would have begun, almost at once, to become evil.

Even now plod sits in his tent, clutching the frilly pink teacup, and murmuring in a language horrible to behold "My preciousssssssssss ... "

Meanwhile, the three at the tea party had resolved to get roaring drunk, and so did not note the moment when pure evil regained conciousness and came to possess the body of an evil frilly pink teacup ... Now a floating evil frilly pink teacup with red glowing dots for eyes and a elegantly shaped handle for a nose ...

"Whats that then eh?" Mr. Plod grunted, staring at the tea cup, shaking one fat finger at the tea cup. "You come back here so i can finish my devonshire tea!"
And that was the last words of Mr. Plod before he became an evildoer. Blinking, Mr plod watched the tea cup as it imparted him with the knowledge and power of stealing another's life essence through his nose.
"Oh Mr Plod!" Mrs Bear asked. "What on earth are you doing with your devonshire tea floating in the air like some sort of evil menacing teacup?" She huffed. Instantly, Mr Plod sniffed Mrs Bear up his nose, and when she got stuck half way, he managed to push and sniff until the bear's frantically kicking legs disapeared. And that was the end of Mrs Bear and her rudiculous devonshire tea.
"Ooh me precious, that was lovely" he crowed to his floating teacup as he frantically tried to digest Mrs Bear's inapropriatly large pink hat ...

Meanwhile the Cup had vanished ... Off to do more evil ... As it passed through the camp of the mortal army, something queer began to happen ... All the men began to scratch, then wobble and finally to gelatanise ... The cup left behind a large army of living jelly warriors, all ready to battle the chocolate minions of the semi weird god type dudes ...
Meanwhile, back in the god's labs, Sybille was still running tests on the caged chocolate men. "Miss Sybille!" Cried an assistant, it seems the pheasants have a hint of mint in them!"
"That is interesting!" Sybille exclaimed. "But did you just says pheasants?"
The assistant shrugged. "Well, ofcourse."
Sybille looked into the cages, suddenly realizing that they were talking chocolate PHEASANTS, and not peasants at all!
"Umm ... miss god type," The assistant continued, "that's not entirely correct either." Sybille looked again and was doubly astonished to see neither peasants nor PHEASANTS, but talking chocolate PRESENTS, which all seemed to be drinking rum and doing the cha-cha.

"Has the world gone mad?" Sybille cried, "everyone knows you cant feed rum to talking, cha-chaing, chocolate, caramel filled, minty presents, that's what all the cheap scotch is for ... God! Can't anyone think for themselves around here?"

The lobotomised assistants all duly nodded and slobbered, nodded and slobbered, as they had done for the past million years, while Sybille had done all the work herself with subconcious telekinetic god powers n stuff.

Fustrated, Sybille teleported to Refreshos to report her new findings, and found herself in a strange land, the land of tea-parties, where two gods, the demon of demons, an incorpreal spirit and a queer little man named moonface sat and had the most delightful of tea parties together in the shade of a magical faraway tree. Sighing, Sybille joined them and took her double decaf moca choca no fat soy milk sugarless coffieless tealess iced glass of ... pebbles? And drank the drink that Mother drank to fill her happy soul to the brinks of godly contentment, her worries cheerfully forgotten.

Meanwhile, Mr Plod and his sentient gelatinous army continued its attack. Being acid based jelly, the army began to eat away at the very foundations of the mountain, and as they cut (or burnt or whatever) their way through, they managed to find a large cavern where bats hung upside down above. Off to one side they noticed a large laboratory, and to the other side, a vast array of buttons and tv screens. The room stank of vodka and jack daniels, and on the floor lay two unconscious rudiculous looking drunks, surrounded by about 30 half empty bottles. One in a black suit and a cape, the other in colourful tights. In the middle of the room was a large black and sleek automobile. The first two jelly soldiers to find the room grinned at each other and ran boyishly across the room to the car.
"Stop!" Mr Plod yelled. "Do not move! This room will be our command centre, where we shall strike the Gods from below!"
Mr. Plod surveyed the room, smiling in victory. However, no one had noticed the small innocent box that held The Riddler's puzzle and timebomb, which naturally had not been solved, and had not, yet, exploded. The Gods and demons etc above, were interrupted by the tremors and protests of their heavenly or not so heavenly mountain, and knew that something below was very very wrong... Or perhaps not, perhaps in fact, it was very very right and all this was just a dream in the eye of one catatonic frog. However, sadly, it was all too true, and in fact the aforementioned catatonic frog was in fact not quite catatonic and not quite a frog. You see, as the strange being known as Kollako slowly awakens from his weird soul coma trip thing, the soul of the darstedly Heartlung Entrails is sucked out of the great god Refreshos and back, back to the lovly green body that usually contains his overly evil soul.

This simple act of awakaning, I think, changed the world. You see, without the conflicting powers of Heartlung and Temperdo holding everything in balance on the Plane of immortals the natural fabric of the plane began to broil and convulse, causing strange Temporal mists to arise and warp the very fabric of existance.

One of these weird mist thingies was in fact even now arising in the Plodcave, where it proceeded to turn jelly into molten toffie and clothing into impenitrable, unmovable steel.

Apon the mountain of the gods however, there were four at a tea party, Oblivious for the moment, but about to be made very, VERY aware ...

...of the fact that they were running out of tea. It was at this moment that the most devilish of the group began to cry.
"Now, now, Tori, its going to be okay!" Temperdo choked who also began to tear. "Its going to be alright!! I know Heartlung is gone, and that we can no longer have tea. But we have some expresso coffee back in Mr Punchinello's coffee shop!!"
"Its not that." Tori snuffled "Its just that, we've been together all this time, and I realized that I WANTED Heartlung gone... so I could have you by my side forever! But I know, that your father, who doth awaken, would never agree!"
Temperdo lifted his pinky finger to his mouth quickly.
"Riiiiight..."
And then he rose.
"So!" Refreshos boomed. "You think you can steal my son, as well as the God's land?"

But poor Tori had no time to reply, for just then, the Weird Misty Thingies arose, seeping through cracks and really deep pot holes, turning grass into mini clothes lines, and trees into quite large Golf Umbrellas ...
Luckily, Pingu, (who, obviously, had learnt how to fly) and Condorman happened to be flying overhead...

Quickly they swooped down to rescue the embattled partygoers, carrying them a safe distance away before dropping to the ground, exhausted.

"Please your godlynesses", they groaned in tiredness, "help to save everyone from this strange evil that is loose on the mountain, or we are all surely doomed ...", and with a sigh they fainted, simultainiously.

"Hmmm", said the tall god Refreshos, "I don't like the sound of this .. lets do something about it ..." And with that he strode of down the mountain, his friends following on his heels ...

Soon, as Refreshos made his way down the mountain he was joined by various creatures who resided on the mountains. Panthers, unicorns, chimeras, and all kinds of fantastic creatures, curious as to why such a God was walking down a hill, felt compelled to follow. Sybille joined them naturally, but the other gods were much too busy procrastinating and doing their taxes. Also, mutinees from the army that had tried to make war with the heavens joined them, and moon face especially was delighted to see jo and bessie. or was it john and jessie? Anyway, soon the now large group looked upon the mortal world and saw the demonic armies that were looting and pillaging the peasants. Refreshos blinked and rubbed his eyes...were they peasants, or talking chocolate PRESENTS, which all seemed to be drinking rum and doing the cha-cha?

Apon closer examination they proved, in fact, to be chocolate Pheasants, but this was irrelivent because much construction work had to be done on the mighty demon killing weapon currently being constructed by three blind mice. The large group, seeing the potential of this colossal machene, straight away set about assisting the hapless mice, who were really quite skilled inventors ...

Soon the machene was assembled and they all stood back to look at it ...

"Wow ... such a coke machene has never before been seen ..." said a passing dutchman ...

And they realised that their marvelous weapon was in fact a giant coke dispenser. Quickly the activated machene reached it's peak activity.

Suddenly giant cans of coke started exploding out of the machene, dropping rapidly to the lands below and bursting, throwing brown liquid and foam all over the fiery Demons, foam that had a strange effect on the evil beings ...

"My goodness, that is amazing!" Refreshos excaimed.
"A marvel to behold." Murmured a soldier fervently.

Indeed, as the crowd watched, this strange effect was so cataclysmically powerful, so wowafying, that it could not be explained, and was thus shamefully anti-climatic. But thats how rudiculous stories sometimes go, and with that said, the demons were destroyed. Refreshos nodded to himself, glad that the ordeal was finally over. Raising his fist, he made the skies rain, to wash away the decay of the demonic carcasses, and so each creature picked out for themselves each a ...Golf Umbrella (which some say looked like a... uh nevermind) to shield themselves from mother nature's tears.
The crowd of mortals and immortals, after much contemplation, looked to the three blind mice in awe...

The three blind mice, being blind and oblivious to the gaze attack of so many gods decided that their source of cola here was pretty much extinguished and went in search of some cheese and wax paper, which they planned to use in the invention of a better mousetrap, every inventors dream. The three mice were, in fact, never heard from again, but legend has it that they invented that mousetrap in some remote paradise, where they still "live" today ...

As the mice scurried away into the sunset, bumping into every golf umbrella in their way, the crowd began to dissipate; men and gods going their seperate ways.

Refreshos retired, finding peace and other things by living with a certain hermit called Miss Charmane, and Temperdo decided that he would put his Godly powers aside for another day, and open up a Golf Umbrella shop. Batman and Robin awoke to find they had been molested by the Wishing Chair, who had drunk all the remaining alcohol, and pingu and condorman awoke to find themselves at the God's now deserted teaparty...

At last the land was safe again, if a bit wrecked, and the peoples of the world could rest ...

The End

5th - December - 2002