"All the Doritos you can eat..."

WRITTEN BY: Martin Braid

ORIGINAL CONCEPT: Jinx & Martin Braid

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: This is my first attempt at Walkerton FanFiction. Although I tried hard to keep the story in the true mould, I don't think I successfully grasped the characters' personalities and actions as well as I could. However, as already mentioned, this is my first attempt and with each new story I hope to improve on the characters . Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy reading it!

NOTE FROM DAVID WILLIS, THE CREATOR: Aw, hush up, Martin! You Do a better job than I do!!!!:)

The serenity of the cold morning was shattered by the engines of the Stealth Bomber. Thick plumes of oily-black smoke erupted from its sides as it hurtled towards the ground. There was a deafening explosion as the warped hull of the ship met terra-firma at top speed. Small flames licked around the mangled wings and grew in intensity to spread across the ship.
From this blazing inferno, a blackened figure slowly emerged from the cockpit. He pulled
himself away from the wreckage and walked slowly towards a nearby tree. There he sat down, reached into his pockets and pulled out a small packet of Doritos.
From the Stealth Bomber another figure emerged weakly. "Walkerton!" he yelled. "You fell
asleep at the controls again!!!"
Walkerton looked up from where he was munching on the Nacho Chips. "Oops, heh
heh...sorry Dave..." he muttered pathetically. "Still, look on the bright side;" he pointed to his bag of chips; "At least my Doritos weren't damaged!"
"Shut up, Doritos Boy!" yelled Mike, crawling from the wreckage of the Bomber. He
scowled angrily and went into his traditional sulking pose; arms folded across his chest.
After recovering from the crash, Dave turned towards the downed craft. "Well, we'd better
salvage this thing. We need our lasers."
Walkerton frowned. "Um, Dave, are you sure you want to go back in there?" Dave had
a reputation of being the most unlucky person on Earth. All kinds of bad things were always happening to him.
"I'm sure," the co-pilot replied as he made his way to the Stealth Bomber. "The fire is only
small, so I'll have plenty of time to go in with no risk whatsoever."
The explosion was enormous. Plumes of flame erupted from the ship and white hot sparks
were spewed from the burning wreck. The cockpit windshield smashed and large shards of glass were thrown forward at amazing speed. Dave was also thrown back at amazing speed and tumbled headfirst into Walkerton's tree. The co-pilot slumped to the floor.
"Dave, nooooo!!!" screamed Walkerton and bent over his friend. Mike just laughed.
"The geek had it coming," he muttered vindictively.
There was a whoooosh as Sal's Stealth Bomber appeared over the horizon.
From the Bomber, Sal Walters surveyed the wreckage. "Looks like Walkerton fell asleep
at the controls again!" she muttered. "We'll land over here and help them."
Jason Patterson, her co-pilot, turned to face her with wide eyes. "Are you mad?! I'll get
dirt and soot on my costume; and we can't have that!" He straightened his bow tie instinctively.
Sal just turned and gave him the Evil Eye.
"Um...well, I suppose I do have my spare suit back at SEMY. Heh heh heh..." Jason blurted. He hated when Sal gave him the Evil Eye. He forced a smile across his lips, then started to fiddle with his tie again.
Sal rolled her eyes.
Walkerton watched from the tree as Sal smartly brought her Bomber down in a nearby field. He looked down at Dave, who was muttering incoherently. Mike was walking around, also muttering. Walkerton could hear what he was saying, but wished that he couldn't. Nervously, the Pilot continued munching his Doritos.
Sal ran to the downed Bomber with an extinguisher. "Is everybody out?" she yelled.
Walkerton turned to face his sister. "Out of what?"
"The Stealth Bomber!"
"The Stealth Bomber?" Walkerton muttered innocently.
"You know, that big lump of burning metal over there?" Sal practically screamed.
"Oh..." Walkerton frowned.
Half an hour later the fire was out but the Stealth Bomber was nothing but a charred shell;
damaged beyond repair. Jason, with an effort, had given the now-conscious-but- delirious Dave a head dressing. Mike was standing in the corner, arms-folded, tapping his foot impatiently. And Sal was talking with Walkerton.
"Walkerton, we gotta get back to SEMY and let Big Boss know of the Alien plans
we discovered!"
Walkerton thought long and hard about this, before finally speaking. "SEMY?" he asked.
Sal shook her head in disbelief. "You know, the big Anti-Alien Establishment we work for!"
"The what?!" Walkerton was genuinely surprised.
"Never mind, bro," Sal muttered, and walked back to help the others lift Dave into her Stealth Bomber.
"Come on, let's go."
Walkerton rose stiffly from the tree and slowly followed his sister.
"This is brilliant work, Squadron 128!" gasped Big Boss, who was looking at the Alien Plans.
All five of the Squadron were sitting in Big Boss' Office in SEMY Headquarters. Dave was
now almost back to full health, though he still had a big lump on his head.
"Without this, we would not know of the oncoming Invasion of SEMY," continued Big Boss.
"Now we know, we can start preparing in advance; and plan this fight perfectly. This time WE SHALL PREVAIL!!"
Walkerton caught about one in five of those words. He was thinking about Doritos.
"Now, Walkerton;" said Big Boss, "Although you all did a great job, one of the two Bombers is out of commission, so I'm afraid all of you will need to use Pilot Walters' Stealth Bomber. I wish to stress that this is only temporary, but please try to manage for now."
Sal nodded slowly.
"Excellent," Big Boss smiled. "Now, Pilot Walkerton, please bring the Stealth Bomber out of the hanger and on to the runway, ready for take-off."
Walkerton happily skipped into Sal's Stealth Bomber and climbed into the Pilot's seat. He
was amazed at how similar to his own the plane was. Everything seemed to be the same, right down to the secret stash of Doritos in the front cupboard!
Suddenly Walkerton frowned. Where was the 'GO' button? He looked all around the
Control Panel but it was nowhere to be found. "I'd better tell Sal that she has an inferior design and should demand a replacement!" he growled angrily.
The truth of the matter was that Walkerton had never actually passed his Flying Exam.
SEMY had to make a special Control Panel for him, with simplistic 'GO' and 'STOP' buttons! Walkerton licked his lips and looked at the buttons again. Everything else seemed similar,
so he pressed the Autopilot button. "That'll do it," he smiled. Immediately, all the instruments and machines hummed into life. With a jolt the afterburners ignited, thrusting the Bomber forward. Walkerton squirmed with delight. What he forgot was the Autopilot was programmed for takeoff, and it began to do so. As he felt the craft leaving the ground Walkerton realised with horror that he was still in the hangar!
As the Stealth Bomber collided with the steel wall, there was an incredible metallic clang
and Walkerton was thrust forward. He smashed straight through the windshield, into the hanger wall and slid to the ground. Looking up he saw the roof tumbling towards him with incredible speed. Then everything went black.
Walkerton awoke to find himself somewhere else. Somewhere very very dark. And it stank
like SEMY's Clam Chowder. The pilot resisted a sudden urge to vomit.
Walkerton discovered that he was waste-deep in...something. It was all sticky and gooey.
He dipped his hands in to experiment, and to his horror discovered that it was SEMY's Clam Chowder. The Pilot again resisted a sudden but justified reason to vomit.
Trying to pull himself away from the disgusting slop, Walkerton turned and shrieked as something metallic prodded him in the chest.
"AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!" he screamed. "HELP ME!!" He squirmed furiously and popped like a cork out of a bottle from his Chowder prison. With an incredible BANG Walkerton hit his head painfully on something metallic and slumped back down. "OWWWW!!!" The Pilot blacked out again.
Walkerton awoke once again to find he was lying in the back yard of SEMY. Lying on
concrete hadn't done his head much good and he looked drearily up. A blurred figure stood above him. In shock, the Pilot rubbed his eyes to get them in focus, and saw Janitor Phil worriedly looking down at him.
Sensing that Walkerton had finally come round, he bent down by his side.
"Laddie, are you okay?"
Walkerton couldn't remember a thing. "What happened? Where am I?" He sat up, but a
wave of dizziness hit him and lay back again.
"Laddie, you've been in one of SEMY's Trash Cans for the last two days! Cleared away
with trash from the 'hangar incident'! I only found you when I came to empty them today!" Walkerton yet again resisted the temptation to be sick. "You mean to tell me that I've been lying in a pile of clam chowder for the last two days?!"
The Janitor looked down at him and sighed. "I'm afraid so, sonny."
Walkerton was sick.
A good few showers later, Walkerton no longer stank of Trash and Clam Chowder
and was dressed in new clean-clothes, SEMY-Supplied of course.
Over the last few days of his disappearance, the Aliens had attacked SEMY and a battle
was raging outside. Big Boss told the Pilot that he was allowed three hours rest before he went fighting. He went straight to sleep.
"Pilot Walkerton," Miss Eables voice boomed over the Intercom. "Big Boss will see you now." Walkerton awoke and frowned. "Okay, Miss Eables," he muttered and rolled out of bed,
landing on the floor on his head.
The Pilot stumbled woozily down the hall towards Big Boss' Office. But something wasn't
right. He shouldn't be feeling this bad. Walkerton knocked on the door and entered.
There was a scream and a woman shrieked, "Get out of here before I call security!"
Walkerton stumbled quickly out of the room. Looking with bleary eyes up at the door he read the sign aloud: " 'Ladies Bathroom'. Whoops". The Pilot went extremely red and tried the next door. "Come in," called Big Boss.
Walkerton opened the door and entered the office. All of the Squadron were
already there. Suddenly his vision went blurry and his legs felt weak. Big Boss seemingly changed. His face became twisted and distorted and large fangs grew from his gaping mouth.
"WELCOME TO HELL!!" screamed Big Boss wildly and dived at Walkerton. The Pilot
shrieked and shook his head to clear his mind. Big Boss was back to normal and gesturing for Walkerton to sit down.
The pilot fought off his increasing dizziness and pulled up a chair.
"Well Walkerton, I must apologise for this little, shall we say - 'incident'. I know you may not be on full form at present but we really need you right now. As you know, the Aliens have invaded You're a great asset to the team so we have rebuilt your Stealth Bomber."
Walkerton just groaned and clutched at his head, trying to get rid of the stars floating
infront of his eyes. What was wrong with him?
"Pilot Walkerton, are you okay with this plan?" asked Big Boss thoughtfully.
Dave smiled. "He'll be fine, as long as he has an attention span long enough to remember what he's doing!"
"As long as I have a what to do who?" asked Walkerton innocently.
Suddenly, there was an Earth-shattering explosion. Big Boss ran to his window and peered out. He couldn't believe what he saw. The Aliens were making their big move.
"Squadron 128, SCRAMBLE!!" he bellowed.
"Uhhh...®" Walkerton groaned and slunk back in his chair. *
"Pilot Walkerton," Big Boss spoke. "I know you've had a horrible ordeal recently
but we really need you right now. You're the best of the rest and," he smiled, "If you can pull this off SEMY will provide you with a YEAR'S SUPPLY OF DORITOS!"
Walkerton shot upright in his seat. His eyes were wide with excitement. He snapped
back his arm into a smart, military-style salute. In his deepest, most professional sounding voice he yelled, "Yes sir! I will serve SEMY and I will defend my country!" He climbed to his feet and ran to the Stealth Bomber. The others in his Squadron could barely keep up with him!
When all of the team were in the Bomber, Walkerton pressed the wonderfully
familiar 'GO' button and grabbed the Control Yoke, a determined grin flashing on his face.
He took off perfectly.
However, the feel-good factor was quickly diminished once airborne. Walkerton's vision went blurry again, and he finally realised what was happening to him. He hadn't eaten Doritos for two days!
Suddenly, he felt very ill indeed. He could barely see, so he reached down to press
the 'Autopilot' button. However, he missed slightly and accidentally pressed the 'Release Bombs' button.
Immediately the flaps on the wings opened and a stream of C-4 bombs poured from
these newly-created gaps. Walkerton gasped at his terrible blunder and peered from the windscreen in horror. There was nothing he could do.
The bombs tumbled with amazing speed and struck with deadly accuracy on SEMY's
Hangar, demolishing it again. Then Walkerton's worst nightmare became a terrible reality. A stray bomb collided with a Doritos Warehouse! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This was too much for the two-days-Doritos-sober Pilot to take. He began screaming
maniacally and spinning the control yoke in all directions.
"Oh no!" screamed Dave. "Walkerton's flipped out!!"
"He's been flipped out for a long time, if you ask me!" muttered Mike, scowling.
The Bomber tilted and twisted and span through the air. Sal and Dave climbed up to
restrain the lunatic Pilot when Walkerton leaned forward on the yoke. The Bomber went into a suicidal dive and shot towards the ground at an alarming rate.
The crew of the Bomber were thrown from their seats when the plane smashed to the
ground. Walkerton again found himself flying towards the windshield and he screamed as it shattered before him. The poor pilot flew straight out, tumbled twenty feet and hit the ground. On impact, all the air rushed out of his lungs and he rolled on the floor in agony.
He saw Dave dangling precariously from the nose of the Bomber, and with an effort climbed
to his feet. Then Walkerton remembered the Doritos Warehouse. He almost shrieked in terror. "Um, I'll be right back Dave! Er, don't let go!" With that, the Pilot sprinted from the scene,
leaving a startled and terrified Dave hanging tough.
Walkerton ran to the entrance of the factory and heaved open the door with new-found strength. He was shocked and appalled at what he saw.
Flames leapt and danced and crawled over shelves stacked with his favourite snacks. "NOOOO!!!!" the Pilot spied a fire extinguisher by the wall and ran into the blaze, squirting
foam for all he was worth. Which isn't two cents, actually but never mind!
Five minutes later Walkerton had successfully succeeded in extinguishing the blaze and
had saved the Doritos. The workers had crowded round him, thanking him for saving the building and the Doritos. In return, they gave the Pilot a box of the chips which he began to devour eagerly. Two days without them made them taste extra-great!
As he was busy chomping, a tall, thin man strode into the room and up to Walkerton.
"Thank you, sir!" he beamed, shaking the Pilot's hand. "Thanks to you, most of our Doritos were saved. Without your help they would all be up in flames!"
Walkerton had missed all the words after 'most of our Doritos'. His jaw dropped.
"Most of the Doritos? You mean - some of them were destroyed?!"
The man's expression remained unchanged. "Yes, one box was burned beyond recognition but all the others are fine! Thank you so much!"
At that, he left.
Walkerton's features drooped. An enormous feeling of guilt swept through his entire body. He had started the blaze that had destroyed a whole box of the Nacho chips. He was dumbstruck. Walkerton no longer felt worthy to live. He had destroyed what he loved most. There was only one thing for it.
Commit suicide.
During World War II, British spies were sent out to discover the plans and strategies of
Hitler and his army. In case they were captured during this process, they were given a cyanide capsules which were to be stored under the tongue. If, in imprisonment, they were to be tortured and interrogated to spit out plans of the Allies, they could simply bite the tablet for a quick, painless death.
Walkerton had his own death-device, although it was not without pain.
The SEMY Soldier spied a television and VCR in the Security Room nearby and made
his way inside. There, he reached into his pockets and brought out a sure-killer; his Full House Video!
Walkerton was trembling as he inserted the tape into the player. He wondered if he
should suffer a different, less agonising death; after all, this was Full House!
Then he remembered his crime and felt the cassette was the only just- punishment.
With a heavy sigh, Walkerton picked up the Remote Control and reached for the
play button. He turned around to look through the room's one and only window for a last look at the world.
The Pilot saw his smoking wreck of a Stealth Bomber, where the Squadron members
were dragging themselves from the scene with all their remaining strength. He also saw Sal diving towards the window at alarming speed.
Sal, inches from the window, sharply lashed out and the glass smashed cleanly, falling
in a sheet to the desk below. In mid-air she pulled out her laser, fired at the television which exploded satisfactorily, and kicked Walkerton in the back of the head.
There was a sickening crack and her brother slumped to the ground, babbling inconsistently.
Walkerton groaned and awoke. He looked around himself, trying to get his bearings.
The pounding in his head had stopped, which was a good thing. He could see clearly, too, which was an added bonus.
The pilot sat up and found himself in his office, in his chair. Sal was sitting at his side.
"Er, sorry about that, bro," she muttered. "But ya were delirious! I hadda stop ya before ya watched Full House!"
Walkerton jolted upright as he remembered everything. He couldn't believe it; he must
have been completely delirious without his favourite snacks for so long. He smiled weakly and cleared his throat. "Thanks, Sal. Er, how are the others? How did the battle go?"
Sal smiled. "Well, everyone is fine, apart from poor ol' Dave. He fell from the nose cone and
landed on his head! Dontcha worry though, he's out of the Critical Ward now! And as for the battle; well, yer a bit of a hero!"
Walkerton frowned. "Huh? Why? What I do now?!" he asked innocently.
"I don't know how you did it, bro, but the aliens overpowered SEMY who were forced to surrender. The aliens landed their crafts in the Hangar an' climbed out to enter the SEMY building. It was then that ya dropped bombs on the section, which crushed them and their ships!"
Walkerton smiled. "Wow, so do I get my Years-Supply of Doritos?"
Sal's face beamed. "Yep! They're already here!" She pointed to the far side of the room, and Walkerton's jaw dropped. Crate after crate of Doritos stretched up from floor to ceiling!!
The ecstatic soldier ran to the room and pulled down a box.
His smile quickly faded.
"What the heck?!" he gasped, reading the label. "SEMY Chips?!"
Sal shrugged. "Well, SEMY hadda cut back their budget a little bit..."
"I guess.." Walkerton mumbled, "But Clam Chowder flavour???"
Little did Walkerton know that these cheap Doritos Clones were only the beginning of a huge galaxy-spanning adventure! But hey, that's another story...

THE END

* Hehehe, the "Uhhh...®" is a little-in joke. Sadly, I think only David and his School-friends will understand this. If you want to find out more, visit Chris William's Wolf Page, linked from David Willis' Index.

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