SEMY.....Again?!

WRITTEN BY: David Willis

It was a day not unlike any other day in the SEMY Complex. Walkerton, the most
unqualified pilot in his sector, relaxed in his office. Lifting his feet up and dropping them haphazardly on his empty desk, he stared off at his bright blue wall-papering and various framed pictures of Gilligan and Doritos.
After a few moments pondering the frailties of the universe ("Do French people think in
French?"), Walkerton’s hunger growled for a snack. He hesitated, however. Four out of five times, whenever it was a day unlike any other day, and he was about to open up a bag of Doritos, Miss Eables, the SEMY receptionist, would call Walkerton into Big Boss’s office. Big Boss would predictably send Walkerton and his squadron off on another mission.
Walkerton weighed his options in his head. "Starvation....mission...starvation...mission...
.starvation...." he debated. "Doritos," he smiled craftily as he opened his nacho bag-stuffed drawer and pulled out a bag of Nacho-Cheesier Doritos.
The intercom speaker clicked on and Miss Eables breathed on the mike. Walkerton
slumped. "Pilot Walkerton," the receptionist started, "Big Boss would like to see you in his office." Walkerton imagined the evil smirk on Miss Eables’ face as she mouthed the words.
Walkerton groaned in reply, "If he wants to see me, I have a few 8x6 glossies in my hanger
locker." When he gave those remarks, he always envisioned the heartless receptionist laughing, but she never did. Just a menacing growl.
"Okay, okay, I’m going!" Walkerton frowned as he removed his feet from his desk and
dashed out his door.
"HEY, BIG BOSS!" Walkerton screamed at the top of his lungs as he instantly swung open
the giant wooden door to Big Boss’s office and peeked inside. The sudden entrance sent the surprised SEMY head out of his seat, spilling coffee everywhere.
Enraged, but used to the situation, Big Boss hauled himself off the ground and managed
to wipe some of the coffee off his grey suit. "Why doesn't Miss Eables ever announce you?" "Because she’s an evil woman who lives to torture us mortals?" Walkerton answered innocently. Unaware of his superior's tension, he let Big Boss pick up his chair and desk by himself and sit down.
"Are you going to pick up those papers, or what?" Walkerton demanded as he pointed to
the mess on the floor. Big Boss ignored him and instead changed the subject to why he had brought the pilot in. "Our agents have detected aliens in the Bermuda Triangle, and--"
Walkerton interrupted, "And you want our squadron to go and destroy their base. Big
surprise. I can read my life like a book!" Walkerton had played deja vu long enough. He figured the only way out of the cycle was to beat it.
"Good," Big Boss smiled, "you understand. Now go."
"No, I DON’T understand. My life is in a rut. And the only way to stop it is to do
something I've never done before." As Walkerton pondered, Big Boss watched in amazement. "I refuse to go on this mission!" he announced proudly.
BOOOOM!!! A large section of Big Boss’s wall was ripped away from the building and
landed on the floor in pieces. As the smoke cleared, Walkerton and Big Boss looked out the new hole to see a fleet of alien aircraft bombing the SEMY Complex.
Big Boss fumed. "Are you happy now?!"
Sticking his finger to his chin, the pilot said, "No, I’m not. The aliens have attacked our base
before, This still isn’t something new."
Walkerton joined Dave Rease and Mike Warner, his crew, in Hanger Numero Cinq.
The aliens were bombarding the airbase, and their squadron was assigned to attack from the air. "Hurry up, Dorito Boy," Mike, the ever-grouchy soldier, complained, "and find that darn stealth fighter."
Walkerton searched back and forth, and said, "I always take the stealth bomber. I wanna
take something different." He found an aircraft that caught his interest. "I’ll take that helicopter."
"But you don’t know how to fly a helicopter!" Dave countered as they crawled inside.
"He doesn’t know how to fly a stealth bomber, either!" Mike frowned.
Sitting in the pilot seat of the helicopter, Walkerton reached for what he hoped was the flight
stick and pulled up and forward. The helicopter flew up and forward out of the hanger, dragging its nose along the ground.
"Contact!" Walkerton shouted as they rocketed out into the explosion-riddled sky.
"Wait," he thought, "I always shout that." He paused, then shouted, "Up, up, and away!" Mike dug his head into his hands.
They raised up into the continuing battle. Getting used to Walkerton’s mindset, Dave asked,
"So, what are you gonna do now? Usually we just attack the aliens and shoot them down, or follow them back to their base."
Walkerton yanked the flight stick back into his lap. "I'm gonna do a loop-dee-loop!" The
helicopter jerked upward, knocking Mike and Dave out of their seats. Mike stopped himself from sliding back long enough to warn, "Walkerton, helicopters CAN’T DO loop-dee-loops." Walkerton looked back and asked, "Why not?"
The helicopter angled at ninety degrees and suddenly lost its lift.
"Oh," Walkerton grimaced as they plummeted towards the earth. Hanging from the back
of his seat, Dave was able to pull himself up to Walkerton. "I guess we eject now," Walkerton said as the helicopter continued downward.
"That’s another thing you don’t do in a helicopter," Dave frowned. He grabbed the
controls and leveled themselves, stopping the craft’s fall. Despite saving the day momentarily, Dave was still unable to stop the laser beam that abruptly ripped through the helicopter’s engine.
"Oh great," Mike complained as he completed the uphill battle to his seat. But the craft’s
propellers slowed, sending the helicopter into an earthwards barrel roll. Mike flew out of his seat again, followed by Dave and Walkerton.
Dave rammed into the back of the cockpit, accidentally knocking the cargo bay door
ajar. Hundreds of feet in the air, losing altitude by the minute, Dave grabbed onto Mike’s feet, who in turn took hold of Walkerton. Dave dropped out of the bottom of the helicopter, then Mike, and then Walkerton, who grasped the cargo bay door handle. The helicopter careemed towards the earth with all three soldiers forming a chain out of the back.
"Uh oh," Walkerton murmured as they fell.
"What? As if it mattered," Mike asked.
"This door is the kind that breaks off in an emergency when you pull on the handle a
certain way," he answered.
Dave cautioned from below, "Well, as long as you don’t--"
The door broke loose, shooting them away from the side of the craft. Dave had to think
quick. Any second, they were going to be "floating" through the twirling blades of the helicopter’s propellers. "Everyone let go of each other!" Dave commanded a split-second after the separation. Arms and legs outspread, the three added air resistance. The helicopter was falling faster now.
A first propeller went by. Walkerton cleared the propeller.
The second propeller arrived. Dave passed.
The first propeller returned, and continued in time to allow Mike through.
Dave yelled, "Grab on!" and turned on his jetpack. Carrying Walkerton and Mike, Dave
stopped their descent five feet from the ground. The helicopter crashed seconds earlier fifty feet away. Mike and Dave collapsed as soon as they reached the ground. Walkerton removed a bag of Doritos from his pocket. The aliens were retreating overhead.
It was a day not unlike any other day in Walkerton’s office. Walkerton reached into
his desk drawer and pulled out a bag of Doritos. After opening the bag, the intercom sounded and Miss Eables demanded Walkerton into Big Boss’ office. Walkerton frowned over the loss of his snack time and darted towards the office.
All according to schedule.

THE END