In case you have never heard of Local H suffice it to say that they are the last bastion of manhood in a music scene mired in garbage. Local H is a two(!) man band (Scott Lucas: vocals and guitars above right, and Joe Daniels: drums above left) hailing from Zion, Illinois, and also the only band with enough nuts to agree to an interview with us- the bastard sons of the internet! So without any further ado, we bring you the questions that we feel are most on the minds of our readers:

1) Do you have any theories as to the identity of the third gunman on the grassy knoll?
"Rip Taylor."

2) Have you ever eaten Fondue, and if so what are your favorite varieties?
"What the f#ck is Fondue?"

3) Your preference- fat Elvis, skinny Elvis, or dead Elvis?
"Patty Elvis." (Side note: Patty Elvis is a lesbian Elvis impersonator that lives in Chicago. It is also rumored that she does a mean Danzig)

4) Largest prize ever won on a rub-off?
"A scorching case of Herpes!"

5) Is there any truth to the rumor that you once cut an import EP with Puffy Combs?
"I'd like to cut that motherf#cker PERIOD!"

6) Did you happen to get caught up in the Popping / Break dancing craze of the early 80's, and if so what crew were you down with?
Whaddaya mean "were"? Once down, always down."

7) Do you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain?
"But of course."

8) Has Mike Tyson ever tried biting you on the ear?
"No- but he did try to f#ck me."

9) Can any of you play the Nose Harp?
"We're working on it."

10) Have you ever pissed in a sink?
"What do you mean?"

11) If asked, would you ever consider opening for The Three Tenors?
"Only the third."

12) On average, how many hours a week do you spend on-line checkin' out the nudie sites? (We spend about 80)
"80."

13) For the love of sweet baby Jesus, what does the H stand for?
"Don't be so shallow!" (We can't help ourselves)

14) Darkest event in American history- The Kennedy assassination, The Great Depression, or Jenny McCarthy getting her own show?
"I love Jenny."

15) Who would win in a fist fight: Jesus or Santa Claus?
"Jesus was a pacifist."

16) Would you like to buy a vowel?
"Who's selling?"

17) Have you ever had to bitch slap an overzealous groupie?
"No- just overzealous interviewers!"

18) During a show you notice The Iranian Pants Bomber™ in the middle of the mosh pit. Do you drop your instruments and flee, or accept his shrapnel in the name of Rock 'N' Roll?
"I think you know the answer to that already."

19) How much do you regret accepting this interview?
"Depends on what the last question is going to be."

20) Can we get a hug?
"YES- i DO regret it!"

For tour dates near you: Go read another webpage, ya lazy bastid! Do we gotta do everything for you?!?!?!?

Also click here to see Local H showin' support for their favorite webpage! (Ok, Ok, so we hadda bribe 'em to take the friggin' pic! BIG DEAL!)

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More celebrity interviews added as soon as we can con someone else into it!!

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