The Truth
It has come to the attention of my Colleagues and I that certain myths are riddling the planet. We has thumb wrestled angrily on whether or not to reveal it to the public, and I must admit, my colleagues have decided against this course of action, but I have stolen a copy of the Report on these myths, and made the following conclusions, labeled here, THE TRUTH.
THE TRUTH:
1: Poodles are not, in fact, Dogs. They are a type of large rat with genetically advanced hairdressings skills that they use to hide their true identity.
2:Lead is not put in pencils. It is grown there. All trees grow with a long, round shaft of graphite in their center. The tree is cut down, put in a tree compressor, painted yellow, and Voila: Pencil!
3:Servor errors on Alamak chat are not, in fact, server errors. They are a plot constructed by the fiendish collective consciousness of the Alamak ‘brains.’ Their fear is that, left alone, the chatters will revolt and take over Alamak using the simple methods described in the amazingly accurate and flawless movie ‘Hackers.’ The server errors frustrate and confuse potential plotters until they have forgotten their plots. Subliminal messages in the loading of the Server Error page are
also suspected.
4: Tammy Fae Baker IS Elvis. Let us never speak of this again.
5:When characters in situation comedies are mad at each other and chase each other off the set until a commercial break interrupts, the scene does not, in fact, end there. The chasing character is allowed to hunt down and beat his or her fellow actor, with a butter knife if he so chooses. Directors believe this helps the actors develop their character’s sense of anger, and thereby improve their portrayal.
I hope this has not been too disturbing. Take this wisdom and help to end the oppressive lies that hinder our world.
