Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the
species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats
backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it
made man think.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and
caterpillars.
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water
out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back
in.
The process of turning steam back into water again is
called conversation.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead
cat.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male
wears a condominium.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of
them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what
you are talking about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even
deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a
bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good
meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by
spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmer's grain and
soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired
sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of
adolescence.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on
them and makes them perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one
individual manufactures another individual by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it
can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an
obscene triangle.
Blood flows down one leg an up the other.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not
quite so often in the winter.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the
soul.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get
a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the
mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the
human branes [sic] have more convulsions.
For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently
back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has
not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and
down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the
nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it
drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a
blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient
is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe
magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what
Christ did long ago in wintertime.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide.