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THE KOKA KOLA HIT MEN INTERVIEW
HISTORY/HOW DID YOU MEET?
Well, we all smoked crack in da same alley of da damned.
Dis guy named SLEAZEE PEA MARTENNIE-WEENIE tried ta recruit
us as a band, wantin' ta call us GUAR-BAGE, or somethin',
but BRADO CREAMED CORN came, and I mean came! an' kicked his
ass after !@#$in' it, stole his band idea, an' here we are!
It turns out SLEAZEE grabbed some of our sheet, gave it a
personality ta appeal ta the weak, and turned it inta
somethin' on some METAL BALL-LICKER RECORDS, who like makin'
moolah and appeasin' GUE-GUE BALLS ta prevent a sue-sue.
WHO WRITES THE SONGS?
Nobody here, we don't write songs. We just steal 'em from
an even lesser credible band dat we have orgies with, an'
no one's da wiser, 'cept da dead German Kaiser, who we
bunk with our spunk!
HOW OLD ARE THE BAND MEMBERS?
Well, let's just say dat we've outlived da majority of da
gangsta rap community, simply 'cause when we gang bang, it's
an orgy, not no shotgun funeral. Yeah, an' we use da bomb,
da real artillery, whatever our pal SODOM in ICRAQ provides us!
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DOES THE BAND LISTEN TO?
Da music of bands like MALICKIS HAPPY CORN CLUB, an', uh,
MHCC. Dat bad ass real rock 'n' roll terrorist kinda sheet.
HOW DO YOU LIKE PLAYING IN THE NIAGARA REGION?
Well, we don't play. We !@#$ around! But, what I mean is,
well, we !@#$ around, but we don't !@#$ around by just
!@#$in' around, we !@#$ around by not !@#$in' around. Dig?
NO.
Well, ya betta, 'cause otherwise ya momma's gonna be
buryin' ya while all her orifices bleed profusely from da
fury of my nine, an' I'm not talkin' GLOCK, I'm jivin' FOCK!
LET US DISCUSS YOUR DEBUT RELEASE PRICE, HOW MUCH IS IT?
$50 a hit. Butt!, we're willin' ta exchange it for crack:
da drug or hole! As far as sellin', hey, wait a sec, we
don't have no more copies, they just sold out, an' da money
we wuz gonna put to pressin' more went straight to blow and blow jobs!!
WHERE WAS IT RECORDED?
Uh, we don't know, see, we threw out da album covers of da
band we stole 'em from, and exchanged 'em with da one's we
had made up at da print shop. Wow, what a deal we got,
double-sided full colour copies in exchange for double bongin'
an' dongin' da owner's butt slut wife!
WHAT ARE THE SONGS ON YOUR RELEASE ABOUT?
Uhm, !@#$ man, we don't know, we just packaged 'em.
JUST PACKAGED THEM?
See: We had a lotta coke baggies left, 'cause a southside deal
got all whacked, so no coke, an' lotsa baggies, so, hey, waste
not, want not, we put 'em inta da mix!
YOUR ALBUM SOUNDS LIKE FUDGEPACKER ICE'S LAST ONE. ARE YOU AWARE OF THIS?
No !@#$in' way! Dat cat's got more lives dan a MILLER!!
We useta share the SNOW, 'til some INFORMER got us all 5-0'Ded!
Say, is it true he's fudge packin' at da suck cock CELLBLOCK?
THE INTERVIEW HAS BEEN CENSORED FROM TYPE AT THIS POINT, DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES NOT FIT TO PUBLICIZE IN ANY FORUM.
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