World Video Game Wrestling

Written by

Omega

Cait-Sith: Welcome one and all, to the first annual World Video Game Wrestling deathmatch show. I am your host, Cait-Sith, and sitting next to me, is my co-host, from Resident Evil, Jill.

Jill: Thank you Cait, it is good to be here.

Cait-Sith: Of course it is, who wouldn’t enjoy sitting next to a giant moogle and an annoying cat?

Jill: Uhh…

Cait-Sith: Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, we have an awesome line-up here for you tonight. Samus vs. Contra vs. Mega Man, and Cloud vs. Link vs. Ninja, are just two of our fabulous matches we have here tonight. Oh, and all of the competitors have all signed a waiver stating that all injuries or deaths can not be held liable to the WVGW corporation. Don’t you just love the small print?

Jill: Hey Cait!

Cait-Sith: What?

Jill: START THE DAMN MATCHES ALREADY!!!

Cait-Sith (jittering with fear): o….oooh….k…

Jill: On down to our announcer, from Suikoden I and II, Viktor!

(The camera zooms down, for a close up to Viktor.)

Viktor: Thank you Jill, now out (smack), ouch damn it, back that camera up a bit, we don’t need “THAT” much of a close up!

(Camera backs up from Viktor so we can actually see him, not his moving cells.)

Viktor: That’s better, now our first match, in the blue corner, hailing from Super Metroid, Samus!

Samus: (blows a kiss to the crowd, then puts on her helmet.)

Viktor: In the red corner, hailing from Contra I, II, and III, Contra himself!

Contra: (fires a stream of bullets into the air)

Princess Toadstool: (ratta)Uhh….(tatta)ooh…(tatta)ouch…(falls over and dies)

Contra: oops…

Viktor: Uhhh…and….out third contestant, hailing from the Mega Man series, Mega Man!

Mega Man: (was going to fire a shot in the air, but has second thoughts, then just waves)

Viktor: Alright gentlemen, FIGHT!

Samus: (Charges at Mega Man, and try to blast him with her flame thrower.)

Mega Man: (jumps out of the way) Ha! (Gets shot in the back by Contra. Dies)

Contra: Ha! (Turns to face Samus)

Samus: What ya gonna do now pretty boy?

Contra: Don’t know, what are you gonna do, ugly girl!

Samus: What did you call me?

Contra: an……ugly…..(Samus shoots him in the head, it explodes).

Samus: That’s what I thought.

Viktor: And it looks like out winner is Samus!

(Back up in the Announcer’s Booth)

Cait-Sith: Wasn’t that a great match!

Jill: You think that is a great match!? You should have seen this one time, when I was fighting this guy name Tyrant, he was huge. We were just about out of the mansion, but then he came after us, but then I took out this rocket launcher, and I blasted him, and he flew in to a million pieces, and then there was this other time, there was this guy named Nemesis, he was a real pain in the @$$. When I first met him, he killed a buncha people, and then he just kept saying, STARS…STARS…(keeps going on and on and on)

Cait-Sith: Um, Jill? Jill……….are you there Jill?………Helllooooo?

Jill: STARS….STARS…that was all he’d say, well that and ARRRGGGG, so he was pretty boring…..(still going on and on and on)

Cait-Sith: Ok, either she has drank one too many cups of coffee, or she has gotta get away from that Raccoon resort she always goes too… Uh, Paramedics! Can we get this girl outta here?!

Tifa: Sure thing Cait! (grabs Jill, who is “still” going on and on, and drags her out of the booth).

Cait-Sith: Ok…..now I have no co-host…..

Omega: Yes you do.

Cait-Sith: Who the hell are you! Get the hell outta my booth! This is my booth!

Omega: I happen to be the author of this little fic.

Cait-Sith: oh…

Omega: So you want another co-host right?

Cait-Sith: Yes…

Omega: Ok (poof….nah, abracadabra!….nah, alakazam! Ya that’s it!)

(Bulma, from Dragon Ball Z, suddenly appears)

Cait-Sith: Oh, hello Bulma.

Bulma: What the hell am I doing here? One second I was on Namek, staring at some green dude, then the next I am here!

Cait-Sith: You are at the WVGW deathmatch show.

Bulma: OHYA! I was trying to get tickets to this damn show but they were all sold out!

Cait-Sith: They were selling tickets to this show?

Bulma: Hey, I didn’t know either, I just said that because its in the script.

Cait-Sith: The script?

Bulma: Ya, all the characters in this fanfic got one.

Cait-Sith: Aw man, I get jipped outta everything.

Bulma: So, are we gonna get the next match, or what?

Cait-Sith: Oh, ya, right.

(Camera zooms in on Viktor again)

Viktor: Now for our next ma…(smack)! Dammit! You stupid camera! BACK UP!

(Camera backs up so we can actually see Viktor, and not those little cells at their beach party.)

Viktor: Again, that’s better. Now, this match is a tag team match. In the blue corner, hailing from any almost any Mario game, The Mario Brothers!

Luigi: (not paying attention to Viktor) Why does it say on our registration sheet, the Mario Brothers huh? Why does it ALWAYS have to say “Mario” huh!? MARIO MARIO MARIO, that all I f**king hear! WHY IS IT ALWAYS MARIO BROTHERS!!!!!?????

Mario: cause it’s our last name…

Luigi: oh………….ya…………

Viktor: (annoyed): I SAID: THE MARIO BROTHERS!

Mario and Luigi: OH! (Waves to the crowd)

Viktor: And in the red corner, hailing from the Mystical Ninja games, Goemon and Ebisumaru.

Goemon: (smoking his pipe, then sees everyone looking at him, quickly puts it out, and burns himself) OUCH!!! (Starts running around, as his clothes start on fire. Then he falls to the ground and burns to death.)

Ebisumaru: (waves….)

Viktor: Uhh….

Cait-Sith: Uhh…

Viktor: Uhh……FIGHT!!!!

Mario: (Walks over to Ebisumaru, and punches him in the nose)

Ebisumaru: (wips out wind-up camera, and sits down, winding it up)

Luigi and Mario: (Luigi cuts into the story) Hey! Look at that! Over there, where it tells who’s talking, it said LUIGI before MARIO! HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Omega: Yes Luigi, we all see that, now can we just get on with the story?

Luigi: Well its just…….its just….I NEVER GET TO BE FIRST! (goes and grabs Goemon’s pipe and burns himself to death with it).

Omega: oops…

Mario: Luigi! Luigi is gone! (*evil grin*)

Viktor: Uhhh…you guys, the match isn’t over yet.

Mario: Ohya, I’ll get’em! (jumps into the air)

Ebisumaru: (Turns around and uses the wind-up camera, a big flash of light hits Mario in the eyes.)

Mario: OWW!! What the f**k was that! That hurt my f**king eyes!

Crowd: Shocked to hear the peaceful plumber talk like that. (They start to throw trash at him)

Mario: OW! F**K! Quit that you F**KING RETARDS!! YOU ALL A$$HOLES!!

Princess Leia: Oh now Mr.Mario, that is now way to talk!

Mario: F**K YOU B***H!

Princess Leia: Now, that is it! (Pulls out a blaster and shots Mario into a thousand pieces, then leaves the stadium disgusted)

Viktor: Well, seeing how there are no rules in this type of competition, I guess Ebisumaru wins (oddly enough)!!

(Back in the booth)

Cait-Sith: Well, that was definitely a very odd fight!

Bulma: You can say that again!

Cait-Sith: Well, that was definitely a very odd fight!

Bulma: You can say that again!

Cait-Sith: Well, that was definitely a very odd fight!

Bulma: You can say that again!

Omega: Dammit (Hits Fanfic).

Cait-Sith: Well, that was definitely a very odd fight!

Bulma: Ya, who expected Luigi to win.

Cait-Sith: It was surely a……HEY!

Bulma: What?

Cait-Sith: Luigi didn’t win!

Bulma: Yes he did!

Cait-Sith: No he didn’t!

Bulma: Yes he did, it says right here! (Shows Cait the script)

Cait-Sith: But….but…..but…

Bulma: Are you saying my butt looks big?!

Cait-Sith: I was just…

Bulma: You were weren’t you! VEGETA!!!

(Vegeta comes flying through the door)

Vegeta: Yes darling?

Bulma: These stupid moogle here…

Cait-Sith: and cat…

Bulma: SHUT-UP, he was saying I had a big butt!

Vegeta: Oh really?

Cait-Sith: No, I didn’t…I….I…

Vegeta: You saying my wife is lying?

Cait-Sith: No…

Vegeta: So your saying that you did say that Bulma’s butt is big?

Cait-Sith: No…

Vegeta: Oh, your in for it now buddy! (Vegeta blasts Cait out of the booth)

(Cait fly’s out into the middle of the ring, where they are still cleaning up the remains of Goemon, Luigi and Mario.)

Vegeta: Now white boy, your gonna die. (Vegeta fly’s over top of Cait and charges at him at full speed)

Cait-Sith: Noooo! (Covers his dead with his hands)

Vegeta: (makes contact with…..Cait’s microphone!) Uhhh…(dies)

Cait-Sith: Ummm…(looks at his, now, bloody microphone)…..ooops?

Crowd: (shocked)

(Silence for several moments)

Bob: Hey All!

Cait-Sith: Who the hell are you!

Bob: I’m the tension breaker! Omega keeps me around for times when the story is getting to tense (a ten-ton boulder falls on Bob’s head.)

Cait-Sith: Ummm…where did that boulder come from?

Omega: Does it matter?

Cait-Sith: Not really…

Omega: Well then, go back to the booth and continue…

Cait-Sith: Ok (walks back to announcer booth) Now on to Viktor!

(Camera zooms in on Viktor)

Viktor: Alright, now for thi…(smack!)…OUCH! You stupid cameramen! Don’t you know have to work a stupid camera! BACK UP!

(Camera backs up so we can see Viktor…….and that’s all, no stupid cell joke, sorry…)

Viktor: Alright, now for another three way match! In the blue corner, hailing from Metal Gear Solid, Snake!

Snake: (just stands there)

Viktor: And in the red corner, hailing from the Ninja Gaiden Trilogy, Gaiden!

Gaiden: (twirls around his sword)

Viktor: and in the yellow corner (hey, so I picked yellow, who cares!) from ********, its Joe!

Cait-Sith: Joe? Who the hell is Joe?

Omega: Joe, is a man.

Cait-Sith: Really? YA THINK!?

Omega: Hey, don’t get lippy!

Cait-Sith: uhhh…ok

Viktor: Well……..I guess…..FIGHT!

Snake: (Runs over to Joe)

<<<<Cut in Story>>>>

Omega: So…How should my new character, Joe, kill Snake? (hears all this yelling in the background) What?! Did you actually think that I was gonna let Snake kill my brand spanking new character?! I don’t think so!

Omega: I think Joe should have a unique special attack. One that would kick @$$! I think it will be called…..The Super-Duper-Ultra-Wammie-Uga-Woga-Attack-WithaHAT!…..

Omega: I know it sounds stupid, but hey! I’m the writer!

<<<<Story Continues>>>>

Joe: (uses his The Super-Duper-Ultra-Wammie-Uga-Woga-Attack-WithaHAT!!!)

[!!!Move censored!!!]

Snake: (dies)

Gaiden: Holy SH!T!!!!!!!!

Joe: (Turns to Gaiden)

Gaiden: Uh….oh….

Joe: (uses his Super-Duper-Ultra-Wammi….)

Gaiden: (Stabs Joe)

Joe: (dies)

Omega: So I changed my mind, so sue me…

Viktor: And it looks like our winner is….Gaiden!!!

Cait-Sith: Well, that was another good one for the books, right Chun-Li?!

A man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Hey! Where did Bulma go off to?

Cait-Sith: I don’t know, do you?

Again who we have no idea who he is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: No…

Cait-Sith: Good, cause if you did, I’d have to kill you!

Once again a man who we have no idea who he is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Oh….ok…

Cait-Sith: So Chun-Li, what made you ever give-up your old chineseish outfit…and switch to that….new… “skin” tight one?

Chun-Li: Well, I think that in today’s world, to be more popular (especially in a fighting game) you have to look more appealing to get anywhere.

Cait-Sith: (staring at Chun-Li’s…umm…chest) Huh? What did you say?

Chun-Li: What?! You weren’t even listening to me! Ahwell…that’s what I get for having this outfit on… So what is up next…

Cait-Sith: (drooling)…OH! Ummm…Up next is a very special match! Why don’t we let Viktor tell us all about it!

(camera zooms in on Viktor)

Viktor: Yes, Cait was rig…(SMACK!) DAMN IT, THAT HURT!!! (Viktor throws down his microphone and charges the cameraman. All we see is Viktor take out his sword, then the camera falls, and we hear the sounds of a man being brutalized and slashed up.)

Cameraman: AHHHHHH!!!! (dies)

Viktor’s Voice: Can we get a new cameraman out here please, AND A GOOD ONE THIS TIME!

(A very shaky cameraman comes out and picks up the camera)

Viktor: Now, as I was saying (wipes the blood off of his sword, and put it back in his sheath), our next match is a very special one. It is a battle of gigantic proportions. On the blue side, hailing from Final Fantasy VII, the Emerald Weapon!

Emerald Weapon: (gleams in the sun)

Viktor: And in the red corner (what a coincidence, red corner, red armor…why am I the only one who cares?), the Ruby Weapon!

Ruby Weapon: (appears out of the ground)

Viktor: FIGHT!

Emerald Weapon: (Fire’s several laser beams at the Ruby Weapon)

Ruby Weapon: (The laser beams crash through one of its arms, knocking it right off)

Janitor: (looks up) Uh-oh (Ruby arms crushes him)

Cait-Sith: Ooooo…that’s gotta…well you know the rest…

Ruby Weapon: (swipes at Emerald with one of its tentacles)

Emerald Weapon: (the swipe goes right through its head, then it explodes and dies.)

(The Ruby Weapon roars in triumph.)

Viktor: And the winner is….The Ruby Weapon!

Cait-Sith: Well that was a “huge” match….hahaha….I crack myself up…

Chun-Li: What was that about my crack?

Cait-Sith: No, I said, I….crack…my…

Chun-Li: You are one disgusting pig, you know that?!

Cait-Sith: But I didn’t say any….

Chun-Li: Heeeeeeya! (She kicks Cait in the stomach, then does an axe kick and send Cait through the floor, through the wires, and wood, three floors down, to the last level of the stadium.)

Cait-Sith: AAAAAAaaaaaaahh….(crash!)

Chun-Li: (Jumps down through the hole)

Cait-Sith: Noooo!

Chun-Li: (As she goes through the hole her neck gets entangled, she chokes, and dies)

Cait-Sith: Again?

Omega: Yes, again, now get back to your stinkin booth.

Cait-Sith: But?

Omega: You want “another” co-host right?

Cait-Sith: Ya, sort of…

Omega: Yup, I thought so…go back to your booth, and your new co-host will be there.

Cait-Sith: (goes back to his booth).

Momo: Hey Cait!

Cait-Sith: Momo? From Breath of Fire III? Ah man…

Omega: Hey, you’re the one that keeps loosing co-hosts…

Cait-Sith: I guess I deserve that much…even though none of that was my fault…

Omega: can you just get on with the fanfic please?

Cait-Sith: Sure, whatever. And now, our sponsors proudly bring to you! OUR NEXT MATCH…

(Camera zooms in on Viktor, then quickly jumps backwards and shakes violently)

Viktor: (looks at the camera) Hey, you’re gonna do o.k. kid. For our next match, we have to ask all the audience to put their money in this hat. (Passes around a hat)

(Hat gets back to Viktor)

Viktor: Thank you. (RUNS OUT OF THE BUILDING OFF INTO THE DISTANCE)

Cait-Sith: Huh?

(Crowd looks on.)

Bob: HEY PEOPLE! I’m baaaaack

Cait-Sith: Aren’t you dead?

Bob: Not any more…

Cait-Sith: but you…were…

Bob: Nope, not dead, I am a fresh, new, (dies)

Cait-Sith: Wait, how did he die?

Omega: I don’t know, couldn’t think of anything…

Cait-Sith: Oh…

Omega: So what did you do this weekend?

Cait-Sith: Should we get back to the fanfic?

Omega: Oh, ya, I guess so…

Cait-Sith: Alright ladies and gentlemen, we introduce our new announcer; Luna, from Lunar: Silver Star Story!

(camera zooms in on Luna)

Luna: Well now, out next match, is a “We have this match because the team that we all gonna know is gonna loose, no one likes so it doesn’t matter” MATCH! (*huff huff*)

Cait-Sith: SO?

Luna: (*huff huff*), ok….the match is between, our champion here at the Stadium, Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: (swirls sword around.) (sword is so long it cuts Yoshi’s head off in the stands)

Cait-Sith: YA!!!…oops…I mean…what a tragedy…ya that’s what I meant…

Luna: Uh….and in our red corner, (Omega cut in: This would be the team that no one cares about, like Luna said a couple lines up)….Those annoying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo, Mike (hence you get I have no idea how to spell the entire idiots name): Hi all!

Crowd: BOOO!!!!

TMNT: What? What did we do?

Luna: FIGHT!

Sephiroth: (quickly cuts off Mike’s head)

Omega: So I was a little embarrassed I couldn’t spell his full name…

Raphael: (runs at Sephiroth with Sai’s taken out)

Sephiroth: (turns around and accidentally cuts off Raphael’s head)

Omega: Told you they suck…

Donatello: HEY! That was my brother you just killed! (Goes green in the face….)

Cait-Sith: Goes green in the face? How can anyone tell? He’s a f**king turtle?

Omega: Eh…(shrugs shoulder)

Sephiroth: (puts down swords, puts up fists)

Donatello and Leonardo: Oh, you wanna box now huh? (Both throw down weapons too and walk over to Sephiroth)

Sephiroth: (Quickly picks up sword and cuts both their heads off)

Luna: Hey! That was cheap!

Sephiroth: (cuts Luna’s head off)

Cait-Sith: What the hell is going on here?!

Sephiroth: (Jumps into the crowd, killing people) YOU WILL JOIN THE LIFESTREAM!

Cait-Sith: Someone get out there! He’s going nuts “again!”

Sephiroth: RAAA!!! DIE!!

(The Turks come out)

Reno: Ok dude, that’s enough!

Elena: Ya, come on Sephiroth…lighten up?

Sephiroth: (kills Elena) Don’t ever, tell me to come on…

(Reno, Tseng and Rude all jump Sephiroth)

Sephiroth: (gets tackled to the ground) ARG! Get…..off…..me!!!

Rude: I don’t think so dude! (dies)

Cait-Sith: Huh?

Omega: No one is allowed to rhyme in my stories…

Cait-Sith: Oh…

(Reno and Tseng eventually haul Sephiroth out of the coliseum.)

Cait-Sith: Well that was an exciting match!

A man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: So, are you gonna tell us where Bulma is already?!

Cait-Sith: NO! I don’t wanna know where she is!

Again man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Why not!

Cait-Sith: Cause If I knew, then I’d have to tell you, then I’d have to shoot you.

One more time, a man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Oh…

Cait-Sith: So, Momo, what kinda inventions you planning now?

Omega: (whispering to Cait) …are you sure you wanna do that?…

Cait-Sith: Sure, why not?

Omega: Just don’t say, I didn’t warn you…

Momo: I’m working on household robotic animals, mainly cats…

Cait-Sith: Oh, what kind of pussy are you working on?……………………………………….oh sh!t……

Momo: What was that about my pu$$y? (now censored because it is used in a bad sense…censoring brought to you by; Shinra’s Censoring Inc.)

Cid: (Goes off to kill everyone at Shinra.)

Cait-Sith: No, I didn’t mean it…

Momo: I happen to have a very nice….

Omega: I just didn’t like the way that sentence was going, so I just left it like that…ahwell…

Cait-Sith: I’m sure you do…

Momo: So, now your hitting on me?! (Aims at Cait with her bazooka.)

Cait-Sith: (Falls backwards, loosing grip or microphone, and it flies and sticks into Momo’s bazooka)

Momo: (Bazooka back fires, and kills Momo)

Cait-Sith: Not again…

Omega: I told you…

Cait-Sith: Oh shut up and just give me another stupid co-host…

Omega: Ok, just turn around…

Cait-Sith: (Turns around)

Aeris: Hey Cait!

Cait-Sith: Oh hey Aeris! Finally someone I already am used to!

Omega: So then get on with it!

Cait-Sith: Got it… anways, now that Luna is dead, we have a new announcer!

(Camera zooms in on Celes)

Celes: Alright ladies an…(smack) oww…that hurt! (Looks at cameraman angrily)

(Cameraman takes off his mask)

Cammy: Hey B***h!

Celes: Huh? Cammy? Don’t you have to go beat up Blanka or something?

Cammy: No, I came here to get you!

Celes: Me? What did I do to you?

Cammy: Oh nothing, you just have a nice @$$…

Celes: Huh?………………OHHHHHH!

(Celes grabs Cammy’s arm and they run off)

Omega: I’d just like to say, I have nothing against gays or lesbians…(This message sponsored by The Garden’s Equality Rights Co.)

Cid: Well, I’m off again (goes off to…well you know where and what he’s gonna do now…)

Cait-Sith: Dammit! Not again!

Aeris: I didn’t know Cammy was….ah nevermind…

Cait-Sith: Who are we gonna use now?

(Sakura runs out from the stands)

Sakura: I’ll do it! I’ll do it!

(Elly runs out)

Elly: No No NO! I’ll do it!

Sakura: No way! I wanna do it!

Elly: I don’t think so! (trips Sakura with her rod)

Sakura: (falls, then does a back roll, gets up and throws a fireball) HA!

Elly: Ha yourself! (dodges the fireball and fires her own fire attack)

Sakura: (Rolls out of the way, does an uppercut)

Elly: (gets hit and falls backwards) Ouch!

Sakura: HAHA!

Bob: You guys aren’t funny enough! (kills Elly)

Sakura: Hey!…….ohwell…I get to be announcer, I get to be announcer! I am so happy and gappy!

Sakura: (dies)

Omega: was that a rhyme I heard?

Cait-Sith: Well that doesn’t solve our problem does it?

Aeris: gappy? What the hell does gappy mean?

Omega: Hmmmm…another co-host?

(Sonic quickly runs onto the grounds)

Sonic: I’ll do it!

Omega: You, Sonic, will do it?

Sonic: Sure!

Omega: You mean, Sonic, the fastest hedgehog in the entire world!?

Sonic: You bet!

Omega: And the coolest, most blue, guy in the world?!

Sonic: Yup!

Omega: From Sega too?!

Sonic: You bet! (a big anvil falls on his head and he dies)

Omega: I hate Sega…

Cait-Sith: Can you like…….quit killing people? We sorta have a fanfic to finish here…

Omega: Okokok…

A-ko: Hey all!

Omega: There, you happy now!?

Cait-Sith: I guess so!

(Bob walks onto the field)

Cait-Sith: Him again!

Bob: Yep…(walks up to the side of the building)

Cait-Sith: What are you doing?

Bob: Oh, you’ll see…(ties a rope to the building pole)… Ok boys, bring it in!

Cait-Sith: Bring what in?

(Twenty men bring in a gigantic boulder and tie it to the building)

(The boulder is suspended 50 feet off the ground)

Cait-Sith: So what the hell is that for?!

Bob: Lets just say….well you’ll see

Cait-Sith: Fine, just start the match already!

A-Ko: This is a three corner’s match! In the blue corner, hailing from FFVII, Cloud!

Cloud: (Swirls around his sword)

A-Ko: And in the red corner, hailing from The Zelda series, Link!

Link: (Throws boomerang, pokes someone’s eye with it, then catches it)

A-Ko: Umm…And in the yellow corner, from Metal Gear Solid, Ninja!

Ninja: (appears outta nowhere)

A-Ko: ………………………

Cait-Sith: Well?

A-Ko: What?

Cait-Sith: Start the match!

A-Ko: Why?

Cait-Sith: Just say, FIGHT!

A-Ko: Why? You just did!

Cait-Sith: But….you’re supposed to!

A-Ko: Who says?

Aeris: THE SCRIPT!

Cait Sith: Dammit! I gotta get me one of those!

A-Ko: Oh….I guess so….FIGHT!

(All three are just staring at A-Ko, stunned by her stupidity…)

A-Ko: FIGHT!!!!!

Link: Oh…(Jumps after Cloud)

Cloud: (gets into usual fighting position)

Link: Uh-oh…(Link didn’t think Cloud’s sword was THAT big, and lands right on the blade….dies)

Cloud: Hey, I “knew” there was a reason I got this thing…

Ninja: (clicks on cloaking device)

Cloud: Huh? Where’d he go?

Ninja: (Go behind Cloud and grabs him into a choke hold)

Cloud: What the hell!

Ninja: (is going to slit Cloud’s throat)

Cloud: Oh well…(Puts sword away, stabs Ninja)

Ninja: (dies) (and cloaking devices malfunctions, so, he appears)

Cloud: Oh, there you are! You’re gonna die!

Ninja: (doesn’t move)

Cloud: Come on, quit playing!

Ninja: (the wind blows his arm over)

Cloud: HA! (starts to stab Ninja violently)

Cait-Sith: Umm…shouldn’t we do something about this?

Cloud: (still stabbing Ninja)

Omega: Oh, I was expecting this…

Cait-Sith: You were expecting this? How?

Omega: I’m the author remember?

Cait-Sith: Ohya…

Omega: 5, 4, 3, 2,…

Gaiden: Hey! That’s a fellow ninja your stabbing!

Cloud: (stops stabbing Ninja, and turns around) So?

Gaiden: So this! (Jumps up in the air, and cut the rope)

Cloud: (gets crushed by a giant boulder)

Omega: see…

A-Ko: And the winner is…well…who is the winner…

Cait-Sith: Umm…

(Crowd looks on)

Omega:……..Wait! I know!

Bob: Hey people!

Omega: *evil laugh*

Cait-Sith: Him, again!?

Cid: (Up in Highwind, on intercom) Hey people! I’m back!

(Suddenly a bunch of missiles come out of Highwind and kill Bob)

Cid: (Up in Highwind, on intercom) Damn it, who put the trigger…

Pilot: (Up in Highwind, on intercom) Sir, that trigger has always been there…

Cid: (Up in Highwind, on intercom): Oh…

Aeris: Well that was an up-setting match…my Cloudy got killed…

Cait-Sith: Ya, he was crushed flat…

Aeris: Flat? Are you saying I’m flat?

Cait-Sith: Not again…

Aeris: Did you, or did you not say I was flat?!

Cait-Sith: Does it matter how I answer? You will still think that I did…

Aeris: You did call me flat!

Cait-Sith: see…

Aeris: I can’t believe you! After all we’ve been through together!

Cait-Sith: Obaa Obaa Bloobagooba…

Aeris: And you still call me flat!

Cait-Sith: Its gotta be a curse…

Aeris: (smacks Cait with her staff)

Cait-Sith: (falls through the announcer’s booth window, the glass shatters)

Aeris: (jumps after him)

Cait-Sith: (Aeris lands on him and dies) Huh? (Sees some glass stuck in his moogle suit, and Aeris on the other end)

Omega: You did it again!

Cait-Sith: It’s not my fault! I swear!

Omega: Sure sure…

Cait-Sith: But…I mean…awwwww nuts………I mean……awwwwww nuts……..

Omega: So go up to your booth…and you’re new co-host is there…

Cait-Sith: (Walks back to booth)

Zelda: Hey there, pink boy!

Cait-Sith: Finally….aw screw it…

Zelda: Screw what?

Cait-Sith: No! I was NOT talking to you!

Zelda: oh, ok

Cait-Sith: (blank stare)

Zelda: What?

Cait-Sith: You……didn’t………try………to……kill…….me……

Zelda: Why would I?

Cait-Sith: (runs up to Zelda and hugs her) I love you girl!

Zelda: Don’t push your luck boy…

Cait-Sith: Of course not, lets get down to business…

Zelda: Okdok…

Cait-Sith: Alright A-Ko, bring us our next match…

(Camera zooms on A-Ko, but before it gets to close, A-Ko puts he fist through the lens)

Cameraman: ooooooo…. (faints)

A-Ko: And now, for another three way match…in the blue corner…hailing from almost every Street Fighter, Ryu.

Ryu: (does a fighting stance)

A-Ko: and, in the Red corner, from Chrono Trigger; Crono!

Crono: (Throws a lighting bolt into the air)

Claire: (gets hit) Eagh! (dies)

Cait-Sith: I really with people would stop doing that…

A-Ko: and in the green corner (yes green now), from Dragon Ball Z, Goku!

Goku: HAAAAAA!!! (otherwise known as a karate sounds…)

A-Ko: And in the last corner…

Cait-Sith: This is only a 3-corner battle…

A-Ko: Oh……………………FIGHT!!!

(Immediately Ryu and Goku go into battle, while Crono goes over to the corner)

Goku: Come one Ryu! I heard you’re a pretty good fighter!

Ryu: I’ve heard the same!

Cait-Sith: What the hell is Crono doing?

Crono: (sets up a small table in the corner, and a coffee mixer, and starts to make a cup of coffee)

Cait-Sith: huh?

(Goku and Ryu exchange blows)

Crono: (sits on a chair, staring at the coffee mixer)

Ryu: Hodu-ken! (shoots a fireball from his hand at Goku)

Goku: HA! Pathetic fireball! Kamaehamaehaaaaaa!! (Fires a huge stream of energy at Ryu)

Ryu: (Gets hit by the blast and dies)

Goku: HA! Now where’s that Crono!

Crono: (Still sitting at the table, coffee mixer finishes, and Crono makes himself a cup)

Goku: (Walks over to Crono), What the hell are you doing?

Crono: (Sips his coffee, ignoring Goku)

Goku: (taps Crono on the shoulder) Hey, bud!

Crono: (turns around, and spills his coffee all over Goku)

Goku: AH SH!T!!! That F**KING HURT! YOU LITTLE B@STARD!!!

(Crowd, again shocked, by Goku’s cursing)

Crono: *evil grin.*

Goku: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU LITTLE B***H! YOU ARE A STUPID @$$HOLE!

Crowd: Boooo!! (left side of the audience starts to throw trash at Goku)

Goku: What the f**k! Quit that!

(Crowd continues)

Goku: I said; QUIT IT! (Fires a Spirit Bomb at the audience, totally obliterating one quarter of the coliseum)

Cait-Sith: (Now with only half a booth)…..holy…shshsh………it…..

Crono: (stabs Goku with his Rainbow blade)

Goku: Damn…..(dies)

Cait-Sith: Well that was…(trying not to screw it up) a good, no, a great, no, interesting, no, ummm (trembling tremendously)…

Zelda: It was a good match…

Cait-Sith: Ya, that, was…..it….

Zelda: What was that?

Cait-Sith: (panicking greatly, and jumping all over the place) I DIDN’T SAY, I DIDN’T MEAN, I, I, I, MEAN, NO, DIDN’T, COULDN’T, I, NO, (having a nervous breakdown)

Zelda: Uh…I just didn’t hear you…

Cait-Sith: (breathing greatly) Oh….I….*huff huff*….ya…it was good…*huff huff huff*….

Zelda: So, next is our second last match, right?

Cait-Sith: Yes, it is…a one on one battle…

Zelda: It should prove to be very interesting…

Cait-Sith: (all his confidence back) WELL LETS GET DOWN TO THE ACTION!

(cameraman is still knocked out so lets just forget this part)

(I know I said to forget it, but I did it anyways)

(Oh one last thing, the cameraman will be back)

(One more thing, did you even care about the cameraman?)

(Are you getting sick of these yet?)

(Good, cause if you weren’t, I’d have to kill you)

(And if you just said you weren’t sick of these yet, well then, I won’t kill you)

(Just pity you)

(Ok this is the last one)

(Well I lied, this one is)

A-Ko: And our next match is a one on one competition, with two of the most powerful women in Video Game history! In the blue corner, from FFVII, Jenova!

Jenova: hiss…

A-Ko: And, from the proceeding game (and for all those of you, with no vocabulary, that means, next one), FFVIII, Edea!

Edea: (waves to crowd)

A-Ko: Ok girls’…..FIGHT!!!

Edea: (Instantly fires a fireblast at Jenova)

Jenova: RWAAAAAR! (gets hit by the blast, is only slightly injured)

Cait-Sith: To tell you the truth, this is better then I though it would be…

Jenova: (slaps Edea)

Cait-Sith: uh…

Edea: (slaps her back)

Cait-Sith: umm…

(Jenova and Edea get into a catfight)

Cait-Sith: nevermind…

Edea: (tears at Jenova’s eyes)

Cait-Sith: WAIT A SECOND, STOP THE STORY!!!

<<<<Cut in Story>>>>

Omega: WHAT?!

Cait-Sith: Isn’t Jenova, a big monster type freak?

Omega: Ya, so, your point?

Cait-Sith: How exactly, do her and Edea get in a catfight?

Omega: I say so…

Cait-Sith: Ya, but how does…

Omega: Well if I can’t do that, tell me how exactly you and Jill were together at the beginning, since when did all these video games start getting together!

Cait-Sith: Good point…alright carry on…

<<<<Story Continues>>>>

Cait-Sith: WAIT…AGAIN!

<<<<Another Cut in The Story>>>>

Omega: WHAT!!!!!

Cait-Sith: I was just wondering…how may licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Omega: ????

Cait-Sith: Nevermind…

<<<<Story Continues>>>>

Jenova: (slaps Edea)

Edea: That’s it B***H! (Fires her special move, a giant piece of ice)…..

Omega: (ya, a giant piece of ice, you heard me right. Square sorta screwed up on that one…)

Jenova: (gets hit in the shoulder with the big piece of ice) RWAAAAR!!! (falls over)

Edea: So like, am I supposed…to kill her?

Cait-Sith: All she needed in that sentence was the blowing of a bubble gum…

A-Ko: Come on, just finish it!

Edea: Oh, Shut UP!

A-Ko: Oh, you wanna bring it ON!!! (Charges at Edea)

Edea: (Fires a lighting bolt at A-Ko)

A-Ko: (Dodges, and punches Edea in the stomach) I’ll show you little wussies how to fight!

Edea: That HURT!

A-Ko: Shut up! (Hits Edea across the face)

Edea: (knocked out)

A-Ko: HA!

Jenova: (fires a huge blast)

A-Ko and Edea: (die)

Jenova: RWAAAAR!!!

Cait-Sith: What a vocabulary that Jenvoa has…

Zelda: I guess that is the end of the match then, and Jenova wins it!

Cait-Sith: It sure was a match, with an unfortunate ending…

Zelda: Did you just say I am unfortunate??!!!!!!

Cait-Sith: Shut UP! (blasts Zelda away with a shotgun)

Omega:……………heh…………..

Cait-Sith: So I got sick of it…

(poof!)

Fei: Hey Cait!

Cait-Sith: Fei, a guy? This is a first…

Omega: Enough is Enough, it is time for a change…!

Cait-Sith: Ummm…want ketchup with that?

Omega: I am not a nugget (Note: you have to watch wrestling, that little bit was dedicated to Owen Hart…)

Omega: (Yes, there was no joke following that)

Cait-Sith: So Fei, where’s Weltall? Or Weltall 2? Or Xenogear?

Fei: Ummm…there sorta scrapped…

Cait-Sith: Why?

Fei: Well I sorta ran up a deficit during my adventures in Xenogears…

Cait-Sith: Oh…

Fei: Ya, well, they were not that great anyways…

Cait-Sith: What do you mea….(realizing his luck with past co-hosts, he stops)

Fei: So, what is the next match?

Cait-Sith: Well, actually, our next match, is our final bout!

Fei: Really?

Cait-Sith: Ya, really!

A man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: I am sick of this! Tell me where Bulma is!

Cait-Sith: I told you, NO! I don’t know, and don’t wanna know where she is!

Again a man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Why not?

Cait-Sith: Cause…(starting to get blush)

One more time, a man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: I will find out where she is! No matter how long it takes! Even if it’s at the end of this fic!

Cait-Sith: If you find out, I’ll have to kill you!

A man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: whatever…(leaves)

Fei: Uh-huh….so…who’s in this final match…

Cait-Sith: Well it’s a survivor series match (a four on four match).

Fei: WHO…I said, WHO, is in it?

Cait-Sith: reor…….It is Seifer, Rufus, Gilgamesh and Atma, and they are against, Barret, Zell, Faris and Sabin.

Fei: WOW! Those are two big power teams aren’t they?

Cait-Sith: And all from the FF Series too!

Fei: (mumbling) damn FF series…Square favors them so much…I’m just as good, but noooo….

Cait-Sith: WHAT?

Fei: Oh….nothing…

Cait-Sith: Well, we got a substitute announcer, so lets get down to the action!

(camera zooms in on…….Bob! That’s right, its HIM again!)

Bob: *evil grin* And for the final match of the evening…a four on four, survivor series match! In the blue corner, on the evil team, the team leader, from FFVIII, Seifer…

Seifer: (swings around gunblade)

Bob: and from FFVII, Rufus…

Rufus: (just stands there)

Bob: and from FFV, Gilgamesh!

Gilgamesh: (swings around his four swords)

Omega: Yes, he has four arms, so quit scratching your head…

Bob: and the last member, from FFIII, Atma!

Atma: ROAR!!!

Bob: And, on the other end, for the power of good, freedom, justice, and a good donut in the morning, their team leader, from FFVII, Barret!

Barret: (raises his gun and…)

Cait-Sith: DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barret: (remembers previous shooting, and decides against it)

Cait-Sith: some people…

Bob: And from FFVIII, Zell…

Zell: (does a punch and kicking combo)

Bob: And from FFV, the beautiful tomboy, Faris…

Faris: I am a pirate, a damn pirate!

Bob: and last, but definitely not least, from FFIII, Sabin!

Sabin: (just stands there)

Bob: now……FIGHT!

Omega: Well we won’t need him anymore…

(Suddenly, a giant laser beam comes from the sky and eradicates Bob)

(The fighters split off into groups of two, Seifer vs. Zell, Rufus vs. Barret, Gilgamesh vs. Faris and Atma vs. Sabin)

Sabin: You will die Atma! (fires a blitz beam)

Atma: (dies)

Sabin: Was it supposed to me that easy?

Omega: No, I just don’t like Atma…

Sabin: Oh…

(Over to Faris vs. Gilgamesh)

Gilgamesh: You little b***h, you’re gonna die!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh: I think so!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh: I think so!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh: I think so!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh; I think so!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh; I think so!

Cait-Sith: Omega, aren’t you gonna do something about this?

Omega: Nah, I sorta like the way both comments line up perfectly like that…

Cait-Sith: Uhh…

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh; I think so!

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh; I think so!

Cait-Sith: DO SOMETHING!!

Omega: Fine…

Faris: I don’t think so!

Gilgamesh; I think so!

(Omega smacks Fanfic!)

Faris: I don’t think so! (she charges him with her sword)

Gilgamesh: HA!, I’ve got four swords, so there!

Faris: I don’t care, so there back!

Cait-Sith: Is it just me, or do these two a very serious problem?

Omega: Ya, your right…

Gilgamesh: (stabs Faris four times)

Faris: (dies)

Gilgamesh: Muhahaha! (dies) huh?

Omega: Didn’t like him either…

(On to Rufus vs. Barret)

Rufus: I will kill you Barret!

Barret: I don’t think so there you little piece of monkey crap!

Rufus: Oh I think so, you roody-poo!

Barret: Don’t make me lay the smacketh downeth on your candy @$$!

Cait-Sith: Some people have been watching too much wrestling lately…

Barret: (Fires gatling gun)

Rufus: ratta…oww!…tatta…egah…tatta…oh… That hurt!

Barret: Huh? Why aren’t you dead?!

Omega: Cause I want him to face Sabin.

Barret: Then why did you have me shoot him…

Omega: (Shrugs shoulders)

Rufus: (Shoots Barret in the head)

Barret: this is soooo cheap…(dies)

(Now, it is Seifer vs. Zell)

Seifer: Zell, all you have is your fists, I have a gunblade, what hope do you have of winning?

Zell: (smacks Seifer in the head) A lot…

Seifer: ERRR!!! (he swings his gunblade at Zell)

Zell: (dodges, and kicks Seifer in the stomach) *manically* HAHAHA!

Seifer: Ooof! (gets up and charges Zell)

Zell: (moves and trips Seifer)

Seifer: (falls to the ground, and spins to get up)

Zell: (Kicks Seifer in the head again)

Seifer: (Gets up, swings at Zell)

Zell: (gets his head cut off….dies)

Omega: Hey, you didn’t think Zell was that good did you?

(Now it is Seifer and Rufus vs. Sabin)

Seifer: Come on…

Sabin: Come on….baby, do the loco-motion!

Rufus: Huh?

Sabin: Ooops…damn 70’s music…

Rufus: (Charges Sabin)

Sabin: (grabs Rufus’ arm and drives him to the ground)

Rufus: AW CRAP!

Sabin: (breaks Rufus’ back)

Rufus: Dammit, now I can’t move…

Seifer: (charges Sabin)

Sabin: (He puts his hand out) Stop!

Seifer: (stops) What?

Sabin: (Fires his Blitz attack)

Seifer: Dammit I can’t believe I fell for that…(dies)

Omega: Well we can’t let it end like that…

Rufus: I can walk again!

Sabin: (Turns around, and uses his Blitz attack again)

Rufus: Eeep……(dies)

Cait-Sith: And Sabin is the WINNER!!

(Crowd cheers!)

The END

Cait-Sith: But WAIT! THAT CAN’T BE THE END!

Omega: Why not?

Cait-Sith: We have to have the final match of all the winner’s, and a party for everyone, and an end punchline!

Omega: I guess so…

Erased the “The END” Comment

Cait-Sith: That’s better! Now for the final match of all matches! It’s the “One where all the winners get together and duke it out for the Ultimate Championship” match! *huff huff huff*

(Gaiden, Samus, Ruby Weapon, Sephiroth, Crono, Jenova and Ebisumaru come out)

Cait-Sith: FIGHT!

(First Ebisumaru and Gaiden start to fight)

Sephiroth: DIE!!!

(Well they did, but then Sephiroth killed them both)

(Then Crono and Samus go at it)

(And Sephiroth does not interfere with this one)

Crono: (takes out his Rainbow Blade)

Samus: (fires a blast from her blaster)

Crono: reflects the blast back at Samus)

Samus: (dodges the blast) You’ll have to be faster then that!

Crono: (casts a lighting bolt)

Samus: (gets shocked and dies)

Crono: Ok…

Sephiroth: DIE!!

Crono: (dies)

Omega: Hey! I didn’t say he’d come after they were done…

(Now Jenova and the Ruby Weapon are going at it)

Ruby Weapon: (whips one of his tentacles at Jenova)

Jenova: (bites off Ruby Weapons’ tentacle)

Ruby Weapon: ARRRRRG!!!!

Jenova: (jumps on the Ruby Weapon, and eats him)

Ruby Weapon: (dies)

Cait-Sith: That was pretty brutal…

(Jenova and Sephiroth are together)

Sephiroth: So, mother, what should we do?

Jenova: roar, roar, roar, roar…

Sephiroth: Really?

Jenova: roar, roar, and roar…

Sephiroth: Tea? That sounds good…

(Sephiroth and Jenova walk out of the coliseum)

Cait-Sith: I didn’t know Sephiroth drank tea……ahwell……OFF TO THE PARTY!!!

(In the giant ballroom, a grand party is held for the crowd…)

Omega: It was supposed to be for the winners, but there is none left….ohwell…

(IN the ballroom)

Rei: Good show Cait!

Leon: Ya, awesome, and no zombies either! That is awesome!

(Just then Tyrant comes in and kills Leon, takes a piece of cake, and leaves)

Cait-Sith: Ummm….ya…

Bob: Hey Cait!

Cait-Sith: YOU? AGAIN!!!!

Bob: Yup, I will never leave! So there!

Cait-Sith: ARG!!!

(Over in the corner, Chewbacca and Han are talking)

Han: So Chewy, that sure was better then flying at lightspeed huh?

Chewbacca: Brrraaaawwww…..

Han: Exactly my point…

Chewbacca: Brrraaawww…brrrawwww…

Han: I don’t think so, but I can check…

(Han walks over to Luke)

Han: Hey Luke, have you seen Leia?

Luke: She’s dead, remember?

Han: Ohya…

(Walks back over to Chewbacca)

Han: Nope, dead.

Chewbacca: braaaawww…

Stage Director: HEY! YOU STUPID STAR WARS PEOPLE, GET HE HELL OUTTA HERE! THIS IS THE “ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD GAME” AREA!

Han: oops…

(Over in another corner, Toad is talking to Bowser)

Toad: So I guess you can take over all of Toadstool kingdom now, right?

Bowser: Nah, no competition now…

Toad: So, that’s all you wanted, was to fight with the Mario Bros.?

Browser: Yup, I like getting my head jumped on…call it a fetish…

Toad: Mines shoes…don’t ask why…

Stage Director: HEY! YOU IDIOTS! THIS IS THE “GAMES THAT STILL HAVE MAIN CHARACTERS” SECTION!!!

Toad: Oh, sorry!

(Back over with Cait-Sith)

Cait-Sith: So, was this fic too long?

Fei: Did you just say I was long?

Cait-Sith: NO! I…(starts with the nervous breakdown again) DIDN’T, I MEAN, I, I, I, NO, DON’T, DIDN’T, FAR, NOT, NO…..I….

Fei: You did say I was long…*evil grin*

Cait-Sith: *blank stare*

Fei: Come here…baby…

Cait-Sith: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

(Cait-Sith turns around and runs, with Fei close behind)

Bob: Well, since Cait isn’t here, I’ll do the closing…hope you liked the fic, seeya!

The END!

A man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: HEY! It can’t end yet! I found where Bulma went to!

Omega: Where?

Again a man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: She is in the closet!

(Out of the closet comes Bulma)

Bulma: Dammit, you weren’t supposed to find out!

Again, a man who we have no idea who his is but Omega is just using him for the hell of it: Ha! But I did! (turns around) BANG! (dies)

Cait-Sith: (holding a gun) HEY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FIND HER! THAT WAS MY JOB!

Bulma: YA! We were play HIDE AND GO SEEK, and you RUINED IT!

Fei: OHHH CAITTY!!

Cait-Sith: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………..

(Cait-Sith runs off into the distance)

Omega: Well, that is the end of the first ever WVGW Deathmatch. Hope you enjoyed it!

The END!

Bob: WAIT!

(BANG!)

Chu-Chu: (with a gun) CHU!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE END!!!!!!!!!!!