"AVALANCHE Vs. Sailor Moon"
By Dyne

Intermission

(On the Satellite of Love)

MIKE: Oh! We're on!

CROW: Not yet Mike, the theme song!

MIKE: Sorry.

In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space.
Mike Nelson and his robot friends
Are caught in an endless chase.
Pursued by a woman who's name is Yuffie,
An evil gal who wants to rule the world.
She threw a few things in her purse
And in a rocket ship she hunts them all across the universe
"I'll send them cheesy fanfics,
The worst I can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all
And I'll monitor his mind (la la la)"
Now keep in mind Mike can't control When the fanfics begin or end (la la la).
He'll try and keep his sanity By the help of his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call!
Cambot.
Gypsy.
Tom Servo.
Crow!
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself, "Its just a show, I should really just relax."
For Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000!

MIKE: Yep we're still stuck up here.

TOM SERVO: Hey, Mike, did you ever notice that our new uh... what's the word I'm looking for?

MIKE/CROW: D---weed manipulator?

TOM SERVO: Right, did you ever notice that she's even crazier than Dr. Forrester?

CROW: Well, it was never in any script that she takes over after she disappears.

GYPSY: Hey guys, Yuffie's calling.

ALL: Damn!

YUFFIE: Good morning, my moronic knuckleheads.

TOM SERVO: Then again, she doesn't sound too much different than Forrester.

YUFFIE: Quiet, you! Today I've found an extra interesting fanfic for you all, this one will help me extract my revenge on AVALANCHE and that idiot thief who killed me last time!

DAV'S VOICE: That's TREASURE Hunter, you bloody whore!!

YUFFIE: EEeerrrrrgggghhhh!!! Send them the latest fanfic!

SERENA: (Flips the switch)

YUFFIE: This one is called My Electronics Class and Cait Sith, enjoy!

(Red alarm sounds.)

MIKE: Ooohh, we got fanfic sign, let's go.

They stumble into the theatre.

"My Electronics Class and Cait Sith"

TOM SERVO: Why can't it be Our Electronics Class and Cait Sith, I'm sure they'd love to study any sophisticated robot like us, right Crow?

CROW: Never know.

By Jim

MIKE: That's a real original name.

TOM SERVO: It could be Jimbo.

MIKE: You mean from Simpsons?

TOM SERVO: No! Jimbo Bond!

~Science Teacher: OK today class we have a new student

MIKE: Please say it's not Kate Winslet!

CROW: No! It's Madonna!

ALL: AAAAHHHH!!

~(points at Cait Sith).

TOM SERVO: Whoop-dee s**t!

~Cait Sith: Yah, yah, yah. C'mon Lets cut this Garbage.

CROW: (Singing) Who can take your diapers?

TOM SERVO: (Singing) Clean 'em up for you!

MIKE: (Singing) The Garbage man!

ALL: (Singing) Oh the Garbage man can!

CROW: With profuse apologies to Matt Groening.

~Teacher: OK. (pulls out

TOM SERVO: Another copy of this fanfic!

CROW: Tetris Plus!

MIKE: A copy of this episode!

CROW/SERVO: HEY!

~a Golden pp7

MIKE: (James Bond) I protest, that's only on my game!

~and pulls trigger

CROW: Hello? End of sequence?

.

MIKE: It's the wily, elusive period!

CROW: Catch it! Catch it!

TOM SERVO: It's much more exciting than this.

~Cait Sith: (flies backwards in a shower of sparks)

TOM SERVO: Hey! That's cruelty to animals! I'll tell the SPCA on you!

CROW: About time some action came, I was falling asleep already.

MIKE: It's also about time that Cait took a shower.

~Class: COOL!

TOM SERVO: Tooooooo much to drink.

~Teacher: Just as I suspected

MIKE: (Holmes) I say Watson, we've got a bit of a tizzy on our hands.

~another one of those cheap

TOM SERVO: Cheap? You got that right!

~Japanese imitation robotic cats made in Uti.

TOM SERVO: (Cheesy announcer) Come to Uti for all your cheap imitation robotic cat needs!

CROW: (Cheesy announcer) Have your credit card ready and dial 1-800-UTI, that's 1-800-UTI!

~(puts back PP7 and takes out a screwdriver and a scalpel.)

MIKE: (Student) Hey Professor, what else do you have in that coat?

~Student1

TOM SERVO: Whoever heard of a name like Student 1!?

CROW: The author, apparently.

~(with the voice of Ralph off the Simpsons):

TOM SERVO: Ah! Another reason to sue, no disclaimer for the Simpsons!

CROW: (DISCLAIMER) The Simpsons is copyrighted Groening Enterprises or whatever the company is called.

~He Ha! I wish my daddy were here.

MIKE: (Student1) Yeah, I wet my pants again!

TOM SERVO: (Student1's dad) I thought I told you to wear the rubber pants.

MIKE: (Student1) But Daddy, those rubber pants are hot and Sidney keeps teasing me!

CROW: (Student 1) But I already took care of that!

MIKE: (Dad) How so?

CROW: (Student1) I hit him with my purse!

MIKE: Ha! Good one Crow.

~Teacher: (puts Cait Sith on lab table)

TOM SERVO: (Teacher) Please be quiet during the surgery, I don't want to accidentally kill the patient.

MIKE/CROW: He already did!

TOM SERVO: Poopy!

~Now we will insert the scalpel on the chest of this robot

MIKE: (The teacher singing) The little thing's connected to the... big thing. The big thing's connected to the... red thing! Oops, there goes my watch!

~and peel back the synthetic fur that had even the AVALANCHE team fooled.

~Student2 (kicks moogle) What a wimpy stuffed animal

CROW: (Moogle) Just remember, you little bastard, I can uppercut you through the roof!

~Student4: Hey it reminds me of Barny whose just gone through the bleach machine!

TOM SERVO: (Singing to the Barney song) I hate you! You hate me, we're a typical American family!

MIKE: (Sings to a change of lyrics) With a big-ass sword I stabbed him in the head! Now we know that Barney's dead!

~Teacher: Now that we have pulled back the synthetic cat fur we can now see the dermal

~heat generators and the endoskeletal structure.

TOM SERVO: What'd he say?

CROW: He thinks Cait's a endoheating gerbil.

~Student1: (picks up a screwdriver and rams it into a wire trailing out of Cait Sith )

~YAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOO! ( He yells while getting electrocuted)

MIKE: (Teacher) Hey, can I try that?

~Student4:

CROW: Where's Student3?

~(Pulls out water gun

MIKE: (Student4) D-uh, I wonder what happens if I pull the trigger while aiming at him?

~and starts spraying Cait Sith's wire as well as student1)

CROW: (Student4) Lookit all the pretty fireworks!

~Teacher: Stop it, you two! Obviously you are having lots of fun but these cheap robots

~have been know to have a serious electrical output when in contact with water.

TOM SERVO: (Teacher looking at an elementary electronics book) Uh, at least I think that's what happens.

~(as if on cue Cait Sith begins convulsing and electrocuting student1, 2 , and 3.)

CROW: There's 3, but what about 4!

~Teacher: (calls peramedics) Yeah we have had a slight problem here. Three of my

~students just got zapped.

MIKE: (Paramedic) Listen, sir, if this happens one more time I 'm going to have your license revoked!

~Ok see ya soon. Bye.

TOM SERVO: (Teacher) Let's see, that's five times today, I guess that'll meet my quota for the week.

~<bell rings>

MIKE: I've never seen a programming code for "bell rings", have you guys?

CROW/SERVO: Nope!

THE DISPOSAL

CROW: Oooo, scary...

MIKE/SERVO: Bum bum bum!

~It has turned out that this particular teacher has a knack for seeking out androids and

~destroying them.

MIKE: (Teacher) Let's see, now I've taken care of Data, R2~D2, and Cait Sith. I guess 3P0 is next, then maybe Tom Servo and Crow.

SERVO/CROW: HEY!!

~After having a ball dissecting tehm

CROW: Tehms! The right way to relieve stomach pain!

~he has to find a way of disposing of them. The way he does it is to fist cut tehm

TOM SERVO: I guess this guy really likes tehms!

~ up with a chainsaw

MIKE: (Vincent) Ah ha ha ha!

~and then to run them through a mulcher.

TOM SERVO: Isn't that a guy who doesn't pay back loans?

MIKE/CROW: That's 'moocher'!

~This is the most efficiant

MIKE: Efficant, the new computer game that really really sucks!

~way of reducing them to small pieces other than incinerating them.

TOM SERVO: He then uses the pieces as the secret ingredient he puts in his kids' chocolate milk. Oh and Crow?

CROW: What?

TOM SERVO: I take back what I said about the title.

CROW: Thank you.

~As for the Moodel Mugel or whatever,

CROW: Moodel Mugle, isn't that some sort of Chinese food?

~he gave it to his son and his son put it on his bed where it has satyed ever since.

TOM SERVO: (Moogle) Hey! I'm still alive!

...

MIKE: I guess that's it...

CROW: Good, let's get outta here!

They leave.

MIKE: Well, that one was a lot shorter and a lot easier.

GYPSY: Yuffie wants you guys again!

CAMBOT: (Puts Yuffie on-screen again)

YUFFIE: So how was this one?

TOM SERVO: Actually, I thought this one was quite interesting, due to the fact that it is one of your former allies who is being slaughtered.

YUFFIE: I know, isn't it great?!

ALL: Uh... yeah.

MIKE: Anyway, I think you'd better hope that Cait doesn't see this episode.

YUFFIE: And why is that?

SERENA: Uh Mistress, we're receiving a transmission.

YUFFIE: Fine, on screen.

MIKE: Hey Yuffie, you've been reading too many bad Star Trek fanfics before you send 'em to us!

CROW: (Captain Kirk) Spock! Get that drivel out of your pants!

TOM SERVO: (Captain Picard) Captain's log... Parts of the ship are falling off and... nobody likes me.

YUFFIE: All right knock it off! Open the channel!

CAIT SITH: I saw this episode, b***h! In part two of the fic, you're dead!

YUFFIE: Oooo... I'm soooooo scared.

MIKE: Speaking of part two, this intermission is over.

SERVO/CROW: Oh... poopie.

DYNE: Isn't it spelled p-o-o-p-y?

MIKE: Well that's the way WE spell it, okay?!

DYNE: Sorry...