"AVALANCHE Vs. Sailor Moon"
By Dyne
Conclusion
Yuffie: Now?
Girls: (Sounding bored) Yes...
Yuffie: It was I who took over-
Girls: (Still sounding bored) Wrong line...
Serena: Start with your next one.
Yuffie: Sor-ry! *Ahem* Yes! Soon the world will be mine! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-
Girls/Cid: (Just stand there and yawn)
Yuffie: -hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
Cid: What makes you so damn sure!?
Yuffie: Once the threat of your friends and my former allies has been eliminated I will easily be able to discover the correct fanfic to rule the world! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-
Serena: (Whispers to Cid) Looking for those bad fanfics made her mind snap a little.
Cid: (Whispers back) No s**t.
Yuffie: -hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Now, take him to the dungeon and subject him to the most horribly painful sort of torture known to man!
Cid: F**k! Don't tell me you're going to have 'em strip!
Yuffie: Much worse. Take his cigarettes!
Cid: F******************************************************K!!
(At the hideout. Steel, Spanky, Goku, and Fei are still playing Smash Bros.)
Spanky: (Playing as Luigi) I don't see why we couldn't have made it a team battle!
Steel: (As Kirby) This is Goku and Fei's first time, we had to make it a free-for-all.
Goku: (As Fox) And I suck! Getting blown off my own ship! (Gets shot off by an arwing) S**t! Falco, I'm gonna blow your @$$ to another dimension!
Fei: (As Ness) I love this! I'm really kicking some serious @$$! (Picks up a hammer and hits everyone off) Yee ha!
(Upstairs)
Tifa: Now you know why you shouldn't bring your own drinks in here, Bart.
Bart: (Shocked) He stole my "Bartweiser"...
Cait's Friend: (Chugging the last can) Tequila man!
Cait Sith: He's going to have a major hangover tomorrow.
Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock! He's drunk every bottle that had anything to do with alcohol!
Cait's Friend: (Chugging a bottle of Dayquil) Tequila man!
Bart: He stole my "Bartweiser"...
Vegeta: (Finally pulls his tongue out of Aeris' throat) Damn, all the way through the intermission, that's a record.
Barret: Your line, foo'!
Vegeta: Oh, sorry. I think Cloud should be done by now.
Aeris: We'll wait for him.
Vegeta: Okay! (Shoves his tongue back in)
Cloud: (Walks in) That bastard Dav is a traitor!
Vincent: A traitor?
Tifa: What'd he do?!
Cloud: I was interrogating the Sailor b***h and he suddenly attacked me from behind! Then ran out!
Barret: Dat foo'! But we shoulda seen him.
Cloud: He cut a hole in the back wall and ran off with her through there!
Tifa: Well, the Atma Weapon does have that power.
Cloud: And right before she was about to spill their guts on who their f**king leader is!
Cait Sith: Did you at least learn where their base is?
Cloud: On a chain of islands south of Hyrule.
All: Hyrule?!
Bart: He stole my "Bartweiser"...
Red XIII: Maybe Link'll be available now.
Vincent: I don't know, he may still be caught up in that marriage nonsense he put himself in.
Tifa: The least we could do is get him away from that fish b***h. He did help us last time.
Cait/Barret/Red/Vince/Cloud: Not by much, though.
Tifa: Well anyway, let's go to Hyrule and get him!
Cloud: Come on you two!
Vegeta: (Takes his tongue out, AGAIN!) Oh nuts...
Bart: (Finally out of shock) Better get the four downstairs. (Heads down)
Aeris: What about Cait's Friend and Steve?
Steve: Babes!
Vegeta: I don't know.
Cait's Friend: Fajita man!
Vegeta: I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT YOU F**KIN' LOSER!! EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!! HA!! (Blows Cait's Friend into another dimension.)
Cait's Friend: Teeeeeeeeequuuuuiiiiiillllaaaa maaaaaan!! (Disappears)
Red XIII: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That takes care of him!
Barret: We gonna hafta take dat foo' Steve with us!
Steve: Babes!
Vincent: But we'd better wait until tomorrow, it's getting dark.
(Downstairs)
Steel: Die, you Saiyan pussy!
Goku: Oh come on! I'm sick of that line! (Hits Kirby off with a lightsaber) Ha! Not even the defeat of a Saiyan warrior will make the Saiyan stronger!
Fei: (Grabs Fox and throws him off) Looo-hoo-hoo-ho-ser!!
Goku: Poopy!
Spanky: Fei wins again!
Steel: Now where is Dav? He could beat Fei.
Bart: (Comes down) Dav betrayed us all!
All: HUH?!
Bart: He attacked Cloud and ran away with the prisoner.
Spanky: Well that utterly SUCKS!!
Bart: But we know where their base is, so tomorrow we're going to attack it. But before that, we're stopping at Hyrule to get Link.
Goku: Not the fairy boy!
Bart: Too bad!
(On Round Island the sun is slowly setting)
Dav: (Leaning against a tree, facing away from Sailor Mercury, watching the sunset.) You know, I don't even know your name.
Sailor Mercury: (Sitting in the grass next to a small fire) Well as Sailor Mercury I'm simply called Sailor Mercury.
Dav: (Laughs) Yeah, I figured that.
Sailor Mercury: I'm not Sailor Mercury the whole time. (Reverts) As a normal person my name is Amy Anderson.
Dav: (Turns around to see her in her reverted form) Amy? Nice name, for a nice girl.
Amy: I'll bet you say that to all the girls.
Dav: Actually, no. I vowed to never love again after my friend was killed in the explosion...
Amy: Explosion?!
Dav: (Sighs) I guess I should tell you everything. (Looks at her) But before I'd better wash you a little more. (Walks over to a nearby stream and dips a piece of cloth in the water)
Amy: (Watches him as he moves closer) That cloth, for some reason it seems very important to you. Its age gives it all away.
Dav: (Kneels down and washes her bleeding spots) This was my great-great-great-grandfather's bandana. His name was Locke, one of the heroes who destroyed Kefka two hundred years ago. I'm his only living descendant.
Amy: That sword you use, was that also your grandfather's?
Dav: Yeah, it's called Atma Weapon. It changes its holder's power into a sword. But for some reason only I can use it. (Finishes washing her) There, you look much better. (Stands up)
Amy: I also thought I'd never be attracted to someone... but after the first time I met you...
Dav: I know what you mean, the same thing happened to me. Well anyway the story. I have no idea where I was born, I've never met my real mother. I grew up in Gongaga village under the false name, Dave Linshire. I was taken to Gongaga when I was about a year old and the first thing I ever remember hearing was my mother saying to the Linshire family, "His name is Dav." But I never believed that until much later.
Amy: So you did know your real name early on?
Dav: I denied it. I thought I'd be Dave Linshire forever. But only a couple of years ago I learned that I was right. At that time I also learned my false name was used to protect my heritage.
Amy: It must have been painful.
Dav: (Sighs again) It was. I grew up with my friends Zack Garek and Jessika Leifa. She was the one killed.
Amy: So you named your chocobo after your friend?
Dav: Yeah, Jessika was my teacher's daughter. He was the only one other than my parents who knew my heritage and was the one who told me the truth. Rand gave me Atma Weapon and the bandana.
Amy: What caused the explosion?
Dav: There was a mako reactor in the village. I was off in the Shinra elite group SOLDIER at the time. Zack entered the army three years before me and he disappeared on a mission five years ago, no one's heard from him since. Cloud knows what happened but won't talk about it. Anyway the explosion's true cause is still unknown. My family was blamed and killed. I would've been killed also but my loyalty to the service only prompted Shinra to kick me out of SOLDIER, I was lucky.
Amy: What did you do then?
Dav: I went east to Fort Condor where I lived for two months. I needed to return home but the only port to its continent was the city where the army's headquarters was located and they would've killed me. I snuck up into the city anyway, sabotaged their airship, killed my former commanding officer, and fled on a cargo ferry. Little did I know that Cloud and his group would be there only a week later. Also that sabotage of the airship influenced many of the events in Cloud's journey, but I was too wrapped up with my problems to care.
Amy: Am I hurting you by having you tell this story?
Dav: Actually no. I usually hate to even think about it, it usually leaves me cold and cruel for hours, but to you I don't have that problem. Anyway, after I got home and saw the damage I nearly committed suicide. But Rand stopped me and told me the truth. After receiving Atma Weapon I headed north and encountered an iron golem attacking a chocobo. That was the first battle where I used the Atma Weapon. Its power is incredible!
Amy: You don't have to stand up, you know. Sit.
Dav: Okay. (Sits next to her) I utterly annihilated the golem and the chocobo wouldn't leave me alone so I decided to keep her. I was extremely scared the first time we went over water also. Anyway it turned out that she was the last wild gold chocobo on the planet. I named her after Jessika, and we worked as monster hunters.
Amy: (Moves closer to him and puts her head on his shoulder)
Dav (Surprised): After about six months I met the AVLANCHE team after by accidentally reviving one of their friends and helping them to defeat a giant monster they invited me to live with 'em. And I've been living on and off with 'em ever since.
Amy: What do you do when you're not living with 'em?
Dav: Either Dyne doesn't write me into his fics (God forbid) or I'm on vacation.
Dyne: I'm feeling that this is getting too serious here!
Dav/Amy: Too bad!
Dav: Well you'd better get some sleep, you've had a really hard day.
Amy: What about you?
Dav: I'll be all right.
Amy: See that you are. Good night, Dav. (Kisses his cheek and lies down on the other side of the fire)
Dav: (Has this really surprised look on his face) Uh... good night.
Amy: (Falls asleep instantly)
Dav: (Throws some sticks onto the fire then gets up) Jessika, stay here with her. I'll be back in the morning.
Jessika: Wark?
Dav: It's to check the northwest section's condition. I'll be fine, stay with her. If anything happens to me take her and run to Wyndia. Ryu and Nina'll recognize you.
Author's note: This is from when he hosted the RPG Deathmatches.
Jessika: Wark... (Lays down next to Amy)
Dav: Don't worry about me. (Looks at Amy and walks toward the woods. He continues looking at Amy and walks into a tree.)
Jessika: Wark!
Dav: That's not funny, Jessika! (Walks into the woods).
(The next morning, at the hideout)
Cloud: All right everyone, move out!
All: Damn! Again! Stop saying it like such a rip-off macho man! Can't you say "let's mosey" or something?!
Cloud: MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!
(Everyone piles into the Highwind and head for Hyrule)
Bart: So what to you guys usually do while waiting to arrive somewhere?
Red XIII: When we first got here everyone just stood in the same place.
Cait Sith: Then after Vegeta and Aeris got married and Cloud and Tifa got together we usually stood outside their bedrooms while they've been uh... doing their thang.
Fei: That's perverted! I like it.
Vincent: But it would suck if we got caught.
Barret: Last week dat foo' Dav installed some bugs so they can't hear us on da' outside.
Vincent: So we've been listening in every time we get bored.
Goku: Cool! Let's try it out!
Steve: Babes!
Cait Sith: All right. (Runs over to the system) Now how did he do this?
Steve: Babes! (Starts pushing buttons and flipping switches)
Red XIII: You're going to overload the system!
System: (Starts shorting out and explodes)
Barret: Sh't!
Pilot: Guys! We've got a problem here!
Vincent: What?
Crewman: We're crashing!
All: F**K!!
Cait Sith: (Pounds on Cloud/Tifa's and Aeris/Vegeta's doors) Get out here, you guys! We're crashin'!
Cloud: (Runs out) Good thing we didn't start yet.
Tifa: Yeah, it sucks!
Aeris: (Runs out) Well if I 'm going to die, I'm going to die happy!
Vegeta: I hear ya! (Shoves his tongue in, again...)
Fei: Would you stop that?! Get some parachutes!
(Everyone parachutes out of there as the Highwind crashes into the mountains and explodes)
Pilot: You get to explain this to the Captain!
Crewman: Oh no! It was your crappy piloting!
Pilot: Oh yeah?!
Crewman: Yeah!
Pilot: Oh yeah?!
Crewman: Yeah!
Pilot: OH YEAH?!
Crewman: YEAH!
Barret: Listen foo's, we've gotta figger out where the hell we are first.
Cloud: Barret's right, we've never been here before.
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock.
A voice: Hey! You over there!
AVALANCHE: (Turns around to see two guys and a girl)
Goku: Whadya want!?
Vegeta: Shut up, Kakarott! No one asked you to talk!
Goku: Why are you being so mean to me lately?
Vegeta: Because I can!
Girl: We saw the crash. Are you all right?
Red XIII: (Dripping with sarcasm) No! We've all got gas from that horrible, HORRIBLE experience! (Farts) Ah...
Aeris: Quiet, you! We're all fine. Now who are you guys?
Girl: My name is Cecilia Lynne Adlehyde, Princess of Adlehyde.
First guy: Jack Van Burace here, this is my wind mouse companion, Hanpan.
Hanpan: Hello.
Red XIII: Hanpan? (Starts laughing his head off)
Hanpan: Eeerrghh!
Tifa: Are you a pet or something?
Hanpan: I am not a damn pet! Jack and I are partners!
Second guy: Rudy Roughnight, at your service.
Cloud: I'm Cloud Strife, this is my friend Tifa.
Tifa: Hello.
Barret: Barret Wallace speakin', I'm da leader of AVALANCHE!
Rudy/Jack/CC: The leader of WHAT?!
Cloud: It's an underground rebellion in our game.
Rudy/Jack/CC: Oh...
Red XIII: I'm Nanaki.
Hanpan: (Whispers to Jack) He sure looks like one.
Red XIII: But everyone calls me Red XIII.
Cait Sith: Cait Sith's the name, fortune telling's my game. I'm also a matchmaker, preacher, on-line psychic... (Rambles on and on)
Vincent: Vincent Valentine...
Fei: Fei Fong Wong and my friend Bartholomew Fatima.
Bart: Call me Bart.
Goku: I am Goku of the Saiyan Warriors!
Vegeta: I am the almighty Vegeta!
Rudy/Jack/CC: Fajita?!
Vegeta: No! VE-GE-TA! V-E-G-E-T-A!!
Cloud: He's very sensitive about that.
Rudy: No kidding.
Vegeta: And this is my lovely wife, Aeris.
Aeris: Hi.
Steel: The name's Steel, John Steel Clayton. I am a sexual lebasidas demicriada.
Spanky: My friends call me Spanky.
Steve: Babes!
Steel: Don't mind Steve. (Whispers to Cecilia) Just keep your guard up, or he'll get you.
Cloud: (Surveys the group) Now did we forget anyone?!
Ramza: (Runs in) Don't forget about me!
Barret: You never learn, do you, foo'!?
Ramza: Hey! You guys haven't even seen me in a fight!
Cait Sith: All right. If you can hold your own in a fight you can stay.
Vincent: If not, then I kill you.
Ramza: Oh goodie! (Ramza joins the party)
Cecilia: Just pull your pants up! You're making me nauseous! Erk... (Pukes all over Red XIII)
Red XIII: Nnnnnnooooo!! Just when I thought I was free of that!
Dyne: Too bad!
Rudy: Who was that?!
Goku: Just the author, don't mind him.
Cloud: Anyway, we'd have two more of us here but one was captured in battle and the other turned traitor.
Cecilia: Captured?! By whom?
Barret: By those f**kin' Sailor Scouts, they's trying to take over da world!
Jack: Sailor Scouts, huh?
Vincent: You've heard of 'em?
Jack: Are they the school girl b***hes in mini-skirts who fly around delivering corny lines?
Spanky: Damn right.
Jack: I hate those b***hes! A few hours ago one of 'em attacked me and asked where Sailor Mercury was, but I whipped her @$$ with my Fast Draw, Meteor Dive!
Tifa: Hey! I have a Limit Break called Meteor Dive!
Jack: No kidding?!
Rudy: I'm a master of the ARMs.
Cait Sith: Arms? Cool!
Rudy: Yeah, Ancient Relic Machines. Here I'll show you. (Pulls out the Hand Cannon)
Cait Sith: Rats! I was hoping you'd summon a bunch of disembodied arms out of the ground and they'd slap the enemy to death.
Ramza: Things aren't always as they seem.
Steel: Hey! No one asked you to speak!
Ramza: I'm sorry...
Cloud: Anyhow, do you guys have any method of air transport out of here? We're on our way to attack the Sailor b***hes' base.
Cecilia: Yeah, our flying machine called the Gull Wing.
Steel: Will we all fit in it?
Rudy: We should, when the three of us are in there it seems really big.
Spanky: Let's go!
(Everyone piles into the Gull Wing)
Ramza: I've always wanted to ride in one of these things!
All: Shut up, you!
Ramza: Sorry...
(Back on Round Island)
Amy: (Slowly wakes up) Oh! (Remembers what happened) That's right, Dav brought me here. (Looks around) Where is he?
Jessika: (Wakes up) Wark!
Amy: Good morning to you too. Where'd Dav go?
Jessika: Wark! (Points in the direction Dav went in and mimics what happened)
Amy: So he walked off last night? And he was looking in a different direction and walked into a tree?
Jessika: Wark! (As if to say "yes")
Amy: Well, I'm going to go look for him. (Gets up but stops suddenly due to a sharp stab of pain) Ow! I guess I'm still a little sore. (Slowly gets up) Come on, let's find him.
Jessika: (Forgetting what Dav asked her to do) Wark! (Follows Amy into the woods)
(Five minutes later)
Dav: (Walks into the campsite) I brought breakfast and... (Notices the two gone) Oh crap! Jessika knows not to go into these woods! (Runs in the direction of the tracks left by Jessika and Amy)
Amy: Are you sure he went this way?
Jessika: Wark! (Nods)
A giant squirrel: (Leaps out of a tree and lands behind the girls)
Jessika: (Turns around) WARK!!
Amy: (Turns around) Oh my god! A giant squirrel!
Squirrel: (Jumps at 'em)
Amy: SPLIT! (The two leap in different directions) MERCURY STAR POWER!! (Transforms into Sailor Mercury)
Squirrel: (Hears Amy's shout and jumps in front of her)
Jessika: Wark! (Runs behind the squirrel and grabs its tail)
Squirrel: (Throws Jessika against a tree and turns back to Sailor Mercury)
Sailor Mercury: MERCURY ICE ST- (Feels another stab of pain) Ow! (Collapses)
Dav: (Standing in a tree) I've got an idea! (Grabs a vine, lets out a Tarzan yell, and swings down)
Sailor Mercury: Huh? Dav?!
Dav: (Grabs Sailor Mercury) I've always wanted to do that.
Sailor Mercury: (Looks at him and smiles)
Dav: (Lands in another tree) Love to stay and talk, but my chocobo needs help. (Jumps down onto the squirrel)
Sailor Mercury: (Thinks) Now where did that vine come from? This is a forest, not a jungle. (Speaks) Ride 'em squirrel, boy!
Squirrel: (Tries to throw Dav off)
Dav: Yee ha! (Draws Atma Weapon and cuts the squirrel's head off)
Squirrel: (Dies instantly)
Dav: Whew... that was close.
Sailor Mercury: That was cool! (Jumps down)
Dav: (Catches her) I bet you say that to every guy who's done that.
Sailor Mercury: Well technically, yes, since you're the first one. I guess I should thank you. (They kiss)
Dav: (Pulls back and sets her down) Damn. That's something I haven't felt in three years!
Sailor Mercury: But why did that squirrel attack us?
Dav: (Walks over to Jessika) They normally don't come out this far. I guess it was because I stole some of its nuts for our breakfast.
Sailor Mercury: You didn't sleep at all last night?
Dav: Nope. I had to see what has happening here. There's been a lot of mako radiation on the northwest section of the island. The squirrels are a by-product. (Turns to Jessika) You all right, girl?
Jessika: (Gets up) Wark!
Dav: I'll take that as a "yes".
Sailor Mercury: What's on this island?
Dav: This is where Cloud found the "Knights-of-the-Round" materia. But none of us have seen is since Yuffie stole it.
Sailor Mercury: Yuffie?
Dav: You know her?!
Sailor Mercury: She's our leader!
Dav: (Jaw drops to the ground) Oh my god! It isn't possible! She's dead! I killed her myself and wished that she'd never be brought back to life! It's not possible! She's dead! (Does the Cloud Strife Freakout)
Sailor Mercury: (Puts her hand on his shoulder) Hey Dav, it's all right.
Dav: (Still freaking) It's not true! She has to be dead! She HAS to be! That Eternal Dragon prohibited it! She can't have been revived!!
Sailor Mercury: Dav I-
Dav: How did she get revived?! How?! Tell me, please!
Sailor Mercury: Well, one day, about a week-and-a-half ago we had just come back from a failed mission...
(Flashback)
Sailor Venus: This one was all Sailor Moon's fault! If she hadn't done nothing but stare at Darien the whole time we could've won that battle!
Sailor Mars: I'm sick of her as a leader! She's a major ditz!
Sailor Mercury: Sailor Mars is right. Sailor Moon's been getting more egotistical and clumsy than ever!
Sailor Jupiter: But where are we going to find a new leader?
Sailor Mars: (Sees something on the ground) What's this. (Picks it up) "Instant Plot Device. Directions: Just Add Water!"
Sailor Venus: Cool! Let's use it to get a new leader!
Sailor Mercury: I don't know about this. None of us knows what's going to happen.
Sailor Jupiter: Who cares!? Anyone'd be a better leader than Sailor Moon!
(Sailor Mercury: We were wrong about that!)
Sailor Mars: Jupiter's right. Pour some water on this baby!
Sailor Mercury: Okay. (Pours water on)
Yuffie: (Appears out of nowhere) I'm back!
Sailor Venus: Congratulations! You're our new leader!
Yuffie: Cool!
(End of flashback)
Sailor Mercury: And so she took over, but for some unknown reason made Sailor Moon second-in-command.
Dav: So you've been even more miserable ever since?
Sailor Mercury: Yeah. And we have to follow orders or she'll destroy our favorite things. My books, and for the others, their pictures of boys.
Dav: Ouch! But I can help you overthrow Yuffie.
Sailor Mercury: Are you sure? She's pretty powerful.
Dav: POWERFUL?! HA!! I deflected her strongest attack very easily!
Sailor Mercury: You'd help me? After I attacked you?
Dav: I figure, what the hell. I feel I have to do something more for you since I didn't stop Cloud right away.
Sailor Mercury: Thank you. (They embrace and kiss again)
Jessika: WARK!
Dav: (Pulls back) What the bloody hell is this?! (Draws Atma Weapon)
Sailor Mercury: It's the squirrels!
Dav: Crap! You're right!
(Ten squirrels leap out of the bushes)
Dav: S**t! We're surrounded!
Sailor Mercury: Teamwork is all we need!
Dav: Gotcha! Freeze 'em!
Sailor Mercury: MERCURY ICE STORM BLAST!! (Freezes the squirrels) Oh! (Feels another stab of pain and collapses again.)
Dav: (Hasn't noticed yet) SWORDS OF HEAVEN!! (Draws Ragnarok with his right hand and uses both swords for his Limit and kills the squirrels) Holy crap! I finally used my other Limit Break! (Sees Sailor Mercury) Oh my god! Are you all right?!
Sailor Mercury: Yeah, I'm still a little sore.
Dav: That's no ordinary soreness. Come on, let's get you to a doctor. Some friends of mine are ruling a kingdom not far from here, let's go there.
Sailor Mercury: Hang on a second. (Reverts)
Amy: Okay, let's go.
(With Dav's help they climb onto Jessika and head for Wyndia)
(At the Scouts' base)
Yuffie: (Looks at a clock) Hmm... they should be back by now.
Sailor Moon: Maybe I should've gone with the search party.
Yuffie: YOU?! (Laughs her head off) On a serious note, Serena you haven't been acting very smart lately.
Sailor Moon: We're just looking for Sailor Mercury! It's not like we're all going to fight a battle in which the fate of the universe hangs in the balance!
Yuffie: That's it! I've had enough of your insubordination! (Gets up and walks into Serena's room)
Sailor Moon: NO! Not my copy of Titanic!
Yuffie: Yes! THAT! (About to crush the tape when the rest of the Scouts arrive)
Sailor Mars: We're back, Mistress!
Yuffie: Poopy! I wanted to crush the tape!
Dyne: Allow me! (A lightning bolt destroys the tape) I hate that f**king movie and that son of a b***h Reotardo DiCrapio!
Sailor Moon: My tape...? WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Yuffie: Crybaby! (Turns to the rest) Did you find Sailor Mercury?
Sailor Venus: No. When we arrived at their hideout everyone was gone so we split up and searched the different worlds.
Sailor Jupiter: Yeah, it sucked! Some guy with long hair and a rat jumped at me with his sword!
Sailor Neptune: Well, some kid in a red cap whacked me with a baseball bat!
Sailor Saturn: Some space person wearing cool armor shot me and I turned frozen!
Sailor Pluto: This one kid with spiky red hair zapped me with lightning!
Sailor Venus: Some guy wearing a tuxedo with a cool British accent shot at me!
Sailor Mars: This cream puff type thing sucked me in and copied my power! Then it fried me!
Sailor Uranus: A really good-looking guy hit me with his whip!
Author's Note: Can you guess which video game characters they're talking about? (Answers will be given at the end of the fic)
Yuffie: Didn't you fight back?!
Sailor Mars: Uh... no. We were all delivering our lines when they attacked.
Yuffie: Idiots!
Sailor Moon: (Still crying her head off)
(On the Satellite of Love)
Mike: Hey Servo! Have you finished working on the communications rerouter?
Tom Servo: Yeah Mike, all set!
Mike: Good, now we can listen in on Yuffie's plans and send 'em directly to the team. Turn it on.
Gypsy: Roger!
Mike: My name is Mike!
Crow: That was an acknowledgement, Mike!
Gypsy: (Turns it on and the crew listens to the conversation you (the reader) just read)
Mike: Now to contact the team. (Pushes the button)
(Red alarm sounds)
Tom Servo: Oh s**t! Fanfic sign!
(They stumble into the theatre)
(On the Gull Wing)
Jack: We're approaching Hyrule!
Cloud: Sweet!
Cecilia: Hyrule? I thought we were going to attack the base first.
Jack: Didn't they tell you we're stopping here first?
Rudy: We're getting one more ally for the assault.
Cecilia: But no one else'll fit in here!
Spanky: I know how to remedy that! Heh heh heh...
Aeris: Does anyone see Link down there?
Vincent: (Notices two figures running across Hyrule Field) Yeah that's him there. Still trying to be "convinced" to marry that fish woman.
Barret: (To Jack) Cruise along da ground, foo'.
Cait Sith: (Shouts through his megaphone) Attention, fairy boy! Your reprieve is here!
Link: It's about time! (Throws a Deku Nut at Ruto) Let me in! Please!
Ramza: You won't fit!
Steel: That's not a problem. NOW!
Spanky/Steel: (Throw Ramza out)
Ramza: (Lands on his face) Hey!
Link: Thanks guys! (Climbs into the Gull Wing)
Gull Wing: (Gains altitude)
Ramza: No fair!
Ruto: (Unstunned) Hey! Where's Link?!
Ramza: He just left.
Ruto: You're not too bad yourself, I guess you'll have to marry me instead.
Ramza: Oh f**k! (Runs like hell)
Vegeta: No, that's a fate worse than death!
Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
(In Wyndia Castle throne room. Dav and Amy are walking in)
Dav: Ryu! Nina!
Ryu: Dav! Long time no see! (Shakes his hand)
Nina: What brings you to Wyndia?
Dav: Her. This is my friend Amy.
Amy: Glad to meet you.
Dav: She's hurt internally. Do you guys have any doctors here?
Ryu: Actually it's Wednesday, all the doctors are playing golf today.
Dav: Oh... poopy.
Nina: But Ryu here does have healing magic.
Dav: Oh yeah... I forgot since he's also the dragon.
Ryu: It kind of sucks in the game, doesn't it?
Dav: Yeah, Dyne finally beat it last week.
Dyne: Disappointing ending!!
Ryu: Okay, hold still, Amy. Niektocknilitek! (Casts Vitalize on Amy)
Amy: Whoa! So that's what magic feels like.
Dav: Any pain?
Amy: (Moves around) No. Thanks, Ryu.
Ryu: Don't mention it.
Nina: Can you guys stay a while?
Dav: Sorry, can't. We're on our way to attack a base.
Amy: That reminds me. MERCURY STAR POWER!! (Transforms into Sailor Mercury)
Sailor Mercury: Ready?
Dav: For anything. (They walk out)
Ryu/Nina: Good luck!
Author's Note: Please forgive me for all of the serious parts in this comedic fic. I promise it'll be funny with Dav and Amy from now on. And please forgive the last scene where three out of four characters only had three letters in their names.
(On the Gull Wing)
Jack: We're approaching the island!
Barret: Awright! We gonna rock!
Tifa: May I remind you that we're here to rescue Cid?
Aeris: And may I remind you that using the same lines over and over gets old?!
Link: Hey! I just noticed, where's that mean person who calls me gay?
Goku: He betrayed us.
Link: No way!
Fei: Yes way, fairy boy!
Link: You can't call me "fairy boy" anymore, my fairy was killed two weeks ago!
Bart: So? You're still a fairy boy!
Cait Sith: I remember that...
(Flashback)
Dav: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Link's gay!!
Link: I am not!!
Navi: Don't call Link gay, you meanie!! (dive-bombs Dav)
Dav: (holds his Atma Weapon straight up in the air and Navi gets cut in half)
Link: NAVI!!
Dav: That takes care of him!!
Barret: That was coo', foo'!!
Link: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! He's gone!! My only friend in the world is gone!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Goku: Ah, c'mon, kid. You don't really need a fairy to protect you.
Link: (crying) Why not?
Barret: 'Cause day're stupid, gay and they piss on ya' head!!
Link: Navi never did!! He was potty trained!!
Goku: Face it, kid, you can't potty train a fairy.
Dav: Then that means Link isn't potty trained!!
Link: Shut up! It's because of you, Navi is dead!!
Dav: Hey, s**t happens, kid!!
Zelda: Dav's right, s**t DOES happen.
(End of flashback)
Hanpan: Land over there, Jack.
Jack: Gotcha. (Lands the Gull Wing behind a jungle surrounding the base)
Cloud: We'll split up into two groups. One'll take the side entrance while the others go head on.
Red XIII: You like that group stuff, don't you?
Cloud: Shove it!
Tifa: All right everyone, let's separate.
Cloud: Damn! Again?! Stop saying it like such a wimp! Can't you say "split up" or something?! Ha! I did one! I did one!
All: (Dripping with sarcasm) Don't you feel special?
(The team splits up with Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Cait Sith, Steel, Steve, Jack, Link, and Fei in one group and Vegeta, Red XIII, Vincent, Aeris, Spanky, Rudy, Cecilia, Bart, and Goku in the other.)
Cloud: If one of the groups finds Cid or encounters the Sailor b***hes, call.
Vegeta Right! (They split up)
(On the Satellite of Love)
Mike: Okay, that's the first false alarm we've ever had! No fanfic!
Crow: Well, we all know what a dimtwit Yuffie is.
Tom Servo: Shouldn't we warn the team about the traps in the base?
Mike: You're right, Servo! Let's just open a channel. (Pushes the button)
(Red alarm goes off)
Crow: AH! Fanfic sign!
Mike: Wait a minute. (Pushes the button again)
(Red alarm goes off)
Mike: Servo, I thought you rerouted the communications array so we could send what we tapped into on to the team!
Tom Servo: Well excuuuuse me! I've got springs for arms and so I may have messed up a few wires!
Mike: Crow, open the panel that Tom was using.
Crow: (Opens the panel) Holy s**t! Mike, we've got a problem here!
Mike: Oh crap! Half the system's completely rerouted and Cambot's been turned into the cheese dispenser!
Cambot: (Sprays everyone with melted cheese)
(Back outside the Scouts' base)
Sailor Mercury: This is it!
Dav: Wow! What a pad!
Sailor Mercury: We've had this place since we discovered it a month ago.
Dav: What did you use as a central base before?
Sailor Mercury: Serena's house.
Dav: (Turns to Jessika) Go back to the chocobo farm, Jessika. Once we're done here we'll fly back.
Jessika: Wark! (Runs off)
Dav: Ready?
Sailor Mercury: Never felt more. Let's take the back entrance, this place is full of traps against intruders.
(They head into the rear entrance)
(In the central control room)
Computer: Intruder alert! Intruder alert! I said "INTRUDER ALERT!!"
Yuffie: When are you guys going to get that thing fixed?!
Sailor Moon: It's not a malfunction this time! There are three parties entering from every entrance!
Yuffie: Damn! How big are they?!
Sailor Moon: Two groups of nine, one of two! Waittaminute! The alarms aren't going off in the rear sector, maybe Sailor Mercury's back!
Yuffie: Go check!
Sailor Moon: (Runs out)
Yuffie: As for the rest of you, split up and attack!
Sailor Mars: Yes, Mistress!
(Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, and Pluto head for Cloud's team while Venus, Saturn, and Neptune head for Vegeta's team)
Yuffie: I'd better call for backup. (Uses an Instant Plot Device)
Captain Ginyu: (Appears) We are here! We are...
Recoom/Jeice: (Appear) THE GINYU FORCE!! (Do their gay dance)
Yuffie: S**t! I was hoping for PeeWee! Anyway, Ginyu, I need two of you to go to the side entrance while the third heads for the front entrance to help my girls.
Captain Ginyu: What's in it for us?!
Recoom: I like soap operas.
Jeice: Yeah, Yuffie! I've got a bigger dildo and I want to use it!
Yuffie: All right! All right! Defeat the intruders and I'll let you have one of my girls, each.
Jeice: Hot damn! (Runs towards the front entrance)
Recoom: Can I watch soap operas?
Captain Ginyu: I'll destroy the f**kin' TV if you don't come with me!
Recoom: That'd be bad, 'cause I like soap operas. (He and Ginyu head for the side entrance)
Yuffie: I should help them... but I won't! (Relaxes) That's what being the leader is all about.
(At the front entrance)
Cloud: Be careful you guys, there could be traps anywhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! (Steps onto a trap-door)
Cait Sith: Maybe you should stop saying those types of lines altogether.
Cloud (Hanging onto the edge): No s**t, Sherlock! (Pulls up)
(The Scouts run up)
Sailor Mars: In the name of Mars!
Sailor Jupiter: And for Jupiter, also!
Sailor Pluto: By the power of Pluto!
Sailor Uranus: By the greatness of Uranus-
Link: I'm gonna have fun tonight!
Steve: Babes!
Sailor Scouts: Through our powers combined-
Captain Planet: (Appears) I am Captain Planet! The Power is yours!
Jack: Cool! I've finally learned what the absolute "Power" is!
Hanpan: What?
Jack: Gay @$$ pansies with bad lines!
Fei: Let's call a truce long enough to kill this son of a b***h!
Sailor Mars: Agreed.
(Everyone focuses their attack on Captain Planet)
Captain Planet: Oh... poopy! (Dies)
Sailor Jupiter: Okay, let's begin where we left off!
Sailor Scouts: We will punish you!
Barret: Spread out an' attack!
Jeice: (Runs in swinging his dildo) Your leader sent me to help!
Tifa: Oh f**k! Not him again!
Link: He's the one who blew me through the wall in Ganon's Tower!
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!
Jeice: By the power of my dildo, I will destroy you!
Steve: Babes! (Pulls out a bigger dildo)
Jeice: Ah! A challenge! (Pulls out an even bigger dildo)
Steve: BABES!! (Pulls out an EVEN BIGGER dildo)
Jack: I'll handle this one before those dildos smother us. TRUMP CARD!! (Cuts Jeice and his dildo into several pieces)
Steel: Get the b***hes!
(They start fighting)
(At the side entrance)
Aeris: Vegeta, I'm scared. Hold me!
Vegeta: (Grabs her between he legs) It'll be all right.
Bart: There could be Sailor b***hes anywhere, keep you guard up!
Goku: I sense that they are near... They are coming...
Spanky: (Imitating Goku) And they are bringing hot dogs...
Vincent: No, Goku's right. (Draws his gun)
Cecilia: This really isn't time for art, Vincent.
Vincent: Sorry... (Puts the drawing away and pulls out his gun)
(The Scouts run up)
Sailor Venus: Through the love of Venus!
Sailor Saturn: On behalf of Saturn!
Sailor Neptune: By the beauty of Neptune!
Sailor Scouts: We will destroy you!
Red XIII: I thought it went "We will punish you!"
Sailor Venus: We're trying to be more original.
Rudy: That's a new one.
(Captain Ginyu and Recoom enter the area)
Captain Ginyu: We are here to help you!
Recoom: We are...
Ginyu/Recoom: THE GINYU FORCE!! (Do their gay dance)
Vegeta: Oh s**t! You guys again?! Is Frieza going back to his cheap labor plan again!?
Captain Ginyu: (Speaking with a deep voice) No, Vegeta! We were revived by the Scouts' leader with...
Recoom: Soap operas!
Captain Ginyu: Shut up, you! Right in the middle of my big moment! *Ahem* With... an INSTANT PLOT DEVICE!!
Recoom: Just add water!
Red XIII: Forsooth! Now we may blame Cloud and Cait for influencing evils inflicted upon this world!
Aeris: Red, you're overacting!
Red XIII: (Ignores her) Their products hath brought doom, destruction, insanity, and pussies with gay dances upon us! Yeah, verily it is the Instant Plot Device (just add water) that will destroy us all!
All: (Applaud)
Recoom: I like soap operas.
Rudy: Enough of this soap opera s**t! (Pulls out the Arch Smash and blows Recoom away)
Vincent: Now you will all perish!
(Their fight begins)
(At the rear entrance)
Sailor Mercury: Come on. I think your friend is over here!
Dav: Easier said than done. (Jumps away from a laser trap) You're lucky since these things don't activate for you!
Sailor Mercury: After we help your friend we may be able to reach the central control room and I can turn the traps off.
Dav: Great, let's go! (Turns a corner and sees Sailor Moon coming) Oh s**t! (Jumps back) Meatball head's coming!
Sailor Mercury: You know that her boyfriend also calls her that, don't you?
Dav: He does? Oh man! Now I have to come up with another name!
Sailor Mercury: I'll distract her, you slip by. (Turns the corner)
Sailor Moon: Sailor Mercury! You escaped!
Sailor Mercury: Uh... yeah... so I did.
Dav: (Slips by)
Sailor Moon: Wait, the Mistress detected two people in this sector! (Turns around) Hey! You!
Dav: (Stops) F**k!
Sailor Moon: You're not going anywhere! I am Sailor Moon! The Champion of Justice! I will right wrongs and triumph over evil like you! On behalf of the moon, I will punish you!
Dav: (Has Atma Weapon drawn) So? What's your point?
Sailor Moon: C'mon Mercury, we can handle him!
Sailor Mercury: Okay! Mercury Ice Bubbles! FREEZE!!
Sailor Moon: MOON SCEPTER EL- (Gets frozen) HUH?! Mercury, you missed!
Sailor Mercury: Actually, no. (Walks up to Dav)
Dav: I owe you one. (Kisses her) Had me scared for a minute there.
Sailor Mercury: C'mon, the dungeon's this way. (They run out)
Sailor Moon: Traitor! B***h! Sexual lebasidas demicriada!
(Back to Cloud's group)
Tifa: (Fighting Sailor Mars, of course) I'll kill you if it's the last thing I do!
Sailor Mars: Yeah right, b***h!
Tifa: This time I've got a secret weapon! Get her, Steve!
Steve: Babes! (Runs up and starts to rape Sailor Mars)
Steel: Look out guys! This is going to get ugly!
Sailor Mars: Help! Rape! RAPE!!
Steve: Babes!
Cloud: Well, he's pulling a Link.
Link: Damn right!
Jack: (Fighting Sailor Uranus) Weak sword moves there, b***h!
Sailor Uranus: (With the Space Sword drawn) At least I don't have a gay rat as a partner!
Jack: Hanpan is not gay! And he'll prove it! Get her!
Hanpan: Okay! (Runs up Sailor Uranus' skirt)
Sailor Uranus: HEY!!
Jack: (Whacks her with his hair and knocks her across the corridor)
Hanpan: (Runs back) Jack, if you ever make me do that again!
Sailor Pluto: Time to end this, I'll rip you out of time! DEAD SCREAM!!
(Crono, Frog, and Lucca appear)
Sailor Pluto: Hey! He's the one who zapped me earlier!
Crono: Huh?! What the hell happened?! We were in the middle of traveling through a Gate when we suddenly stopped!
Frog: Perhaps thou hast an answer, Lucca.
Lucca: I have no idea. But here's another Gate. (She opens it and they jump in)
Link: Well, that was weird!
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!
Fei: Eat this, b***h! (Performs his Yamikei combo on Sailor Pluto)
Sailor Pluto: (Gets knocked out)
Sailor Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!! (Summons the dragon)
Barret: I'll handle dis foo'! (Raises his gun-arm)
Dragon: (Bites the gun-arm and shocks Barret)
Barret: S****************T!!
Steel: (Grabs a fire extinguisher and destroys the dragon)
Link: I'll get the b***h! (Hookshots Sailor Jupiter over and raises his sword)
Sailor Jupiter: AH! (Covers her eyes)
Links: Not "AH", HA! (Lays a bomb at her feet and runs)
Sailor Jupiter: Huh? (Looks down and gets blown away)
Cloud: Come on! The sooner we find Cid the sooner we'll get outta here!
(Everybody, including Steve, runs out)
(At the dungeon)
Dav: (Runs in) Cid! You all right?!
Cid: They took my f**kin' cigarettes, and put 'em right over there, I can't f**kin' breathe!! And why the hell are you with that goddamn f**kin' Sailor b***h?!
Dav: It's okay, she's with us now. Amy, open the cell, I'll get his cigarettes. (They do so)
Cid: Hell yeah! (Takes a ciggie but notices that he's out of matches) !#%^(%)&)$%^()%(^@)*(&)$^(&)*(%)&*(@$^)&()%&*$)#&(#$)&(@$)(%^!! I finally get my f**kin' cigs back and I'm f**kin' outta f**kin' matches!!
Dav: You may want to short out some wires.
Sailor Mercury: Is that a good idea?
Dav: It may knock out the power, but those traps won't activate. (Cuts a hole in the wall)
(At Vegeta's team)
Captain Ginyu: Time to unleash a new attack! (Starts a new gay dance)
Spanky: Oh s**t! It's draining my life force away!
Aeris: Vegeta! Do something!
Vegeta: Ready, Kakarott?
Goku: Let's do it! Kao Cannon times... 1000! (Fires it)
Vegeta: (Fires a Solar Flare into the some spot as the Kao Cannon and its power intensifies)
Goku/Vegeta: KAO FLARE!! (The blast shoots toward Captain Ginyu)
Captain Ginyu: Oh... no! (Gets blown across the galaxy)
Spanky: I take back that comment about the strongest power I made back in Midgar.
Rudy: Damn, that was cool!
Cecilia: Isn't that Jack's line?
Rudy: Well, he's not here to say it!
Aeris: Thanks Vegeta, I'll pay you back tonight.
Vegeta: HELL YA'!!
Sailor Venus: Hello? Can we continue fighting?!
Vincent: Okay. (Turns into the Galian Beast) Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!
Sailor Venus: S**t! Not again! (Runs like hell)
Vincent: This time I'm actually going to hit! (Slams Sailor Venus into the wall)
Sailor Neptune: We're going to need some teamwork.
Sailor Saturn: Gotcha! SILENCE WALL!! (Forms a barrier around Sailor Neptune)
Bart: Way to leave yourself open, b***h! (Cracks his whip, wraps it around Sailor Saturn, and pulls)
Sailor Saturn: (Spins around over and over) Whoooooaaaaaa!! (Gets incredibly dizzy and pukes all over Red XIII)
Red XIII: EEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!! (Mauls Sailor Saturn and knocks her out)
Sailor Neptune: Uh oh, time for a new strategy!
Spanky: No s**t, Sherlock!
Sailor Neptune: (Opens a panel in the wall and pulls out a gun) Ha! This is hooked directly to the main power core!
Rudy: Oh, great!
Sailor Neptune: Yeah, great for me! (About to pull the trigger when the power goes out and the auxiliary turns on) Oh s**t!
Cecilia: Stupid whore! (Whacks Sailor Neptune on the head and knocks her out)
Red XIII: (Finishes licking the vomit off of himself) Okay, let's go!
(They all move on)
(Back in the dungeon)
Dav: Well we did short out the power. Feel better, Cid?
Cid: (Smoking ten cigs at once) Hell yeah!
Sailor Mercury: Okay, time to get Yuffie!
Dav: I'm with you!
Cid: Same here, I'll get that b***h for what she did to me!
Sailor Mercury: All right, time for mutiny!
Dav/Cid: Hell yeah!
(In the central control room)
Yuffie: (Looking at the surveillance screens) They're all headed for this room. (Turns her chair to face away from the doors)
(Cloud's team runs in)
Barret: So you're da top b***h! Who da f**k are you?!
Tifa: And what did you do with Cid?!
Cloud: Why the hell are you doing this?!
Steve: Babes!
(Vegeta's team runs in)
Aeris: We're all here!
Vincent: And whoever you are, you will be annihilated. (Pulls out his chainsaw and revs it up)
Spanky: It's because of you that our games of Smash Bros. were cut short!
Steel: Damn right!
Vegeta: We'd still be playing if you hadn't screwed up our weekend!
Yuffie: Mwahahahahahahaha!! None of you know who I am? The one who will soon rule over all is me-
Sailor Moon: (Runs in) Yuffie! Sailor Mercury's a traitor!
AVALANCHE: YUFFIE?!
Yuffie: (Turns around) Godammit Serena! You ruined my best line ever! I'll deal with you after I kill them! (Turns to the team) Remember this?! (Pulls out the Knights-of-the-Round materia)
Cloud: Oh crap!
Barret: Sh't!
Link: This doesn't appear to be a good thing.
Yuffie: Ironic, isn't it? The most powerful materia in the world is going to destroy its owner! Mwahahahahahahahaha!! ULTIMATE E- (A rock knocks the materia out of her hand) Huh?! What the hell?!
Cait Sith: (Catches the materia) Who did that?!
(Dav, Cid, and Sailor Mercury walk in)
Dav: And just think, I didn't even have to aim.
Tifa: Dav! You're back! And you helped Cid!
All: No s**t, Sherlock!
Steel: But why is the Sailor b***h with you?!
Dav: Don't you ever call her that! If you do you'll feel the wrong end of my sword! Amy and I are uh... well... uh... you know.
Sailor Mercury: We're in love.
Dav: Right, that. (They kiss)
AVALANCHE/Sailor Moon: Wohoo!!
Yuffie: No! My dreams are shattered! My plans are ruined! WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
Sailor Moon: Crybaby!
Dav: (Pulls back) That reminds me. Time to do what I do in every fic! JUSTICE SLASH!!! (Hits Yuffie)
Yuffie: I regret nothing! (Dies)
Cloud: So Dav, is that why you ran?
Dav: (Puts Atma Weapon away) Sorry I did that, Cloud. My emotions got the best of me.
Sailor Moon: But what will we do now?
(The rest of the Scouts run in)
Sailor Venus: There they are!
Steve: Babes!
Sailor Mars: (Shudders)
Sailor Mercury: STOP!! Yuffie is dead-
AVALANCHE: Again.
Sailor Mercury: And we were about to discuss what we're going to do next!
Dav: The way I see it is this. If you girls all go back to the way you used to be before Yuffie took over, then everything'll be as normal as it ever was. OR...
Sailor Scouts: OR?!
Dav: If you continue to keep doing what you're doing now and trying to take over the world, then we'll lock you all, except for Mercury of course, in a room with HIM! (Points at Steve)
Steve: BABES!!
Sailor Scouts: (Scream) NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Link: Oh man, that IS a fate worse than death. I don't feel sorry for Ramza anymore.
Sailor Moon: We'll go back to our old ways!
Sailor Mars: Just keep me away from him!
Steve: Babes!
Cloud: Done.
Barret: But what we gonna do now?
Jack: We all go home.
Cid: Yeah, I've got about ten packs to catch up on.
Goku: Only ten?
Cid: Oops, that's ten thousand packs.
Dav: I have an idea as well. (Turns to Sailor Mercury) Amy, will you marry me?
All: HUH?!
Sailor Mercury: Of course!
Bart: Aren't you guys rushing it?!
Dav: Hey, Vegeta proposed to Aeris after ten minutes!
Everyone: (Looks at Vegeta)
Vegeta: He's right.
Tifa: Well yeah, but you're both only seventeen! You're too young!
Dav: Reality check here, Tifa. You're only twenty and you own a bar... YOU'RE NOT EVEN AT THE LEGAL AGE TO DRINK!!
Everyone: (Looks at Tifa)
Tifa: (Is speechless) Uh...
Sailor Mercury: It's settled then!
Cait Sith: Dav, I'll be your matchmaker, preacher-
AVALANCHE: We all know the line, Cait!
Cait Sith: Sorry...
Cloud: All right everyone, let's mosey!
All: Damn! Again?! Stop saying it like such a wimp! Can't you say "move out" or something!?
Cloud: There's just no pleasing you people!
(Outside the base)
Rudy: Well we'd better get the fairy boy back to Hyrule and the rest of you back to Midgar.
Link: No! Don't take me back there! I beg you!
sJack: All right, you can stay with us. But you have to do all of our chores!
Link: I will! I will!
Cid: (Sees the Gull Wing) Where the hell's the Highwind?!
Cloud: Well... um... tell 'im, Barret.
Barret: Oh no! You tell 'im, Vince!
Vincent: Red XIII's the best storyteller.
Red XIII: No thank you, that job goes to Cait Sith.
Cait Sith: Well maybe Spanky wants to tell him.
Spanky: No, Steel does.
Steel: Perhaps-
Cid: Will you just f**king tell me?!
Dav: We'd better get outta here.
Sailor Mercury: Good idea. (Picks Dav up and flies away in time to hear Cid spew out a record-breaking amount of cussing)
(Sing to the music of "Fly Away")
Sailor Mercury: I wanna fly! Like a dragonfly! While being with my guy!
Dav: It's just something that'll get you high!
Sailor Mercury: And we start to fly! All over the beautiful sky! And we go, just him and I!
Dav: Good God, but you're sly!
Mercury/Dav: I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah yeah yeah! I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah yeah yeah!
(At the Gull Wing)
Cid: I want my ship fast! If not then for you pansies I kick all of your @$$!
Cait Sith: That won't last!
Cid: It will be fast! When I kick your @$$!
Cait Sith: I'd rather smell Red's gas!!
Cid/Cait: I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah yeah yeah! I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah yeah yeah!
Cait Sith: I'd better fly away!
Cid: Damn right!
(Song's done)
Sailor Mars: Hey! I didn't get to sing!
Dav: You know, I think we forgot something.
Sailor Mercury: I'm sure it's nothing.
(On the Satellite of Love)
Mike: Hey! Hello?! What about us?! We're still stuck up here!
Tom Servo: This is a maximum suckage!
Crow: Don't worry guys, the good thing is that both Dr. Forrester AND Yuffie are gone!
Mike: Yeah you're right. We can just live up here and never have to worry about bad movies or cheesy fanfics ever again.
Gypsy: Hey guys! Someone's calling!
Tom Servo: Good, hopefully it's someone who'll help us get down anyway.
Cambot: (Puts the caller on-screen)
Frieza: So you guys are the ones up here!
Mike: Are you going to help us?!
Frieza: Hell no! I'm here to take over!
Mike/Crow/Servo: Oh... poop!
Frieza: I guess I'll have to use bad TV shows. Hmm... let's start with every episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, then work into Care Bears.
Mike/Crow/Servo: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Frieza: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
(Back on the planet, the day of the wedding arrives)
Cait Sith: Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to... Do we really want to go through with all of this.
All: No!
Cait Sith: Skip it then. Dav Cole, to you take Amy Anderson to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Dav: You bet!
Cait Sith: Amy Anderson, do you take Dav Cole to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Amy: I do.
Cait Sith: And by the power vested in me. And by the power behind Cid's threat to kill me if I don't help him repair the Highwind...
Cid: Damn right!
Cait Sith: I pronounce you man and wife! You may now kiss the bride.
Dav/Amy: (What else?)
Everyone: (Applauds)
Barret: Sh't man, I'm jes no good at weddins.
Fei: Second shortest wedding I've ever seen.
Bart: What was the shortest?
Fei: The one on Spaceballs.
Bart: Oh yeah.
Cait Sith: Wasn't there another wedding scheduled as well?
Ruto: Yeah, right here!
Ramza: (Wearing a leash) WWAAAAHHHH!! I want Delita!
Link/Dav: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Ramza's gay!
Link: See, I knew we'd eventually agree on something.
Dav: Damn right.
Serena: So, Amy? How does it feel to be the first one of us married?
Amy: Different. Hey, time to toss the bouquet!
Raye: Go ahead!
Amy: (Tosses the bouquet)
Bouquet: (Lands on Steve)
Steve: Babes!
All the (single) girls: Oh f**k! (Run from Steve)
Cecilia: I'll handle this one. Banish!
Steve: (Gets sealed in another dimension where he is currently keeping Cait's Friend company.)
Author's Note: You can just imagine what all their conversations are like.
Cloud: Well, I think you two had better cut the cake.
Lita: Yeah, before Serena gets to it.
Serena: (Being restrained by Steel and Spanky) It looks so good! I've gotta have it!
(The reception moves on into the night)
Ryu: A toast! To Dav and Amy, may they have even more insane adventures than the one that brought them together.
Nina: Here here!
Vincent: I'm sure Dyne and Dave can handle that.
Dyne: Damn right!
Spanky: So how about one more game of Smash Bros. before this all ends?
Vegeta: Good idea.
Cloud: Yeah, pretty soon Dav's going to be too "busy" to play.
Dav: Very funny. Come on, I'll show you guys how it's done. (They head downstairs)
Red XIII: I'll scorekeep. Cait's circuits are a little messed up after drinking his friend's tequila. (Heads downstairs)
Cait Sith: Tequila man!
Aeris: Well Amy, all I have to say is "Welcome to our group".
Amy: Thanks, Aeris.
Aeris: Now you and I can team up against Double D.
Tifa: Oh no! She's on my side!
Tifa/Aeris: (Start one of their endless arguments)
Lita: They don't sound too much different than Serena and Raye.
Mina: No s**t, Sherlock.
Serena: (Drunk off her @$$) I am Shailor Moon, da' grandmudder o' justish!
Raye: Whatta weirdo.
Amy: I guess things won't be too different here after all.
(Downstairs)
Dav: Let's see, I'll go with Donkey Kong this round.
Cloud: Samus for me.
Vegeta: Time to see if Fox is any good.
Spanky: Hmm... I guess I'll be Pikachu.
Red XIII: Uh oh guys, you heard 'im!
Dav/Cloud/Vegeta: (Look at each other and nod)
Spanky: Uh guys... why are you putting it on Team Battle all against me? Guys...?
The End, at least until the next fic.
Jack from Wild ARMs attacked Sailor Jupiter.
Ness from Earthbound attacked Sailor Neptune.
Samus from Metroid attacked Sailor Saturn.
Crono from Chrono Trigger attacked Sailor Pluto.
James Bond from Goldeneye attacked Sailor Venus.
Kirby from the many Kirby games attacked Sailor Mars.
Reindhart from Castlevania 64 attacked Sailor Uranus.