(To My Dumb Valentine’s Day Story)

Later on in the day, Cloud and Tifa decided to have an evening Valentine’s Day Party.  The AVALANCHE gang had all gathered (minus Red XIII–he was still running from the skunk) along with their dates.  The music was loud and pumping.

Cloud:(to Tifa) Can you actually believe that I almost kissed that bastard Sephiroth?
Eww, man oh man, that was one of the worst experience since the Don Corneo thing.

Tifa: (shocked) What in the hell made you wanna kiss Sephiroth?

Cloud: (shrugs) I have no freakin’ idea!  One minute, I’m fighting the bastard, then the next
minute.....whew.....it was loving mayhem.

Tifa: I think maybe cause it’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air.  Maybe it was a cupid or something.....

Cloud: HA!  I think were all a little too old to believe in mythical creatures, Tifa.  A cupid?
I think NOT!!

Meanwhile, Yuffie pulled a chair next to Reeve.

Yuffie: Hi there Reeve!  Heard about what happened to your Cait Sith. Sorry....

Reeve: (smiles at Yuffie): It’s okay, I’ll build a new one before you know it!  But....to another subject...(looks evily at Yuffie). I heard about your “thing” for Vincent Valentine.

Yuffie: HELL NO!!  I have no idea what happened, one minute I was teasing the old vamp, and then, next minute, I’m all over him!  Talk about sick!

Reeve:(chuckling) It must be love! It’s in the air......or maybe it was a cupid.

Yuffie: Naw....Anyway, I thought that you were declaring Lara Croft as your Valentine this year.

Reeve: (scowls) Nope.  She’d never go for me.  Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy don’t mix.....
Besides, she killed my Cait Sith.  But I heard she’s dead.

Yuffie: Oh.....

Reeve: So, who is your Valentine this year?

Yuffie: (sigh) No one.  Everyone hates ditzy ol Yuffie Kisaragi.  I mean, did you honestly think that anyone would ask me to be theirs?
 
Reeve: Yeah! I would!

Yuffie: Your kidding.....

Reeve: Your not a ditz to me....would you be my Valentine, Yuffie?

Yuffie: (beaming) YES YES YES!

Yuffie gives Reeve a kiss on the cheek and the two go up to the dance floor to dance La Bouche’s Be MY Lover.

Meanwhile, Cid and Shera walk toward their seats.  Apparently, they had danced nonstop since they arrived at the party.

Cid: So how ya feeling, woman? Tired from all that “action” this morning?

Shera: I’m just a little thirsty.

Cid: (gets up) Ok, stay here while I get you some punch, okay?

As Cid leaves to the punch table, Barett passes by and takes note on the young brunette with a green dress.

Barett: Yo, how’s it goin there, baby!  Wanna dance?

Shera: --------?

Barett: Your awfully cute.  C’mon baby, let Big Barett be your Valentine! You know if I get you to be my Valentine, Cid will be the only one without a date so that means I could make fun of the foo’.

Shera:  --------?

Barett: Aww, don’t be shy.  Just let Big Barett Boy do the lovin’ ‘kay, cutie? (Grabs Shera’s hand).

At that time, Cid had returned from the big trash can punch Cloud had set up with two cups of punch.  When he saw Barett, he immediately dumped all the punch over his head.

Cid: And what the hell do we think we’re doing here, Barett?

Barett: Hey, man, I saw her first!

Cid: (lights a cigarette) Hands off @#$#$, that’s my girlfriend, Shera.
 
Barett: Shera?...........She’s not cute anyway!

Sourgrapes Barett walks away from them and sees Vincent alone near the trash can punch.  He decides to pick on him. Barett pulls a chair next to him.

Barett: so, vampy, where’s the countess......

Vincent: .............

Barett: Your date, where is she, you @#$%!

Vincent: I don’t have one......

Barett: Huh?  Oh...so that means were both in the same boat...

Vincent slowly turned his head towards Barett.

Vincent: No, Barett, I will not be your Valentine.

Barett: @#$R% you man!  Want me to get you some blood, er , punch?

Vince: ..........@#$% you..........

Barett: OOOOOh, vampy speaks here......

At that time, “Open Arms” by Journey began to play.  The people who had dates began to dance.

Cloud: Love you Tifa.
Tifa: (lays head on his shoulder) I love you too.....

Reeve: I like you a lot, Yuffie......
Yuffie: I like you too! (Hugs him)

Cid: I love you woman..
Shera: (deeply kisses him)

At the time, the maid came out with a giant plate of Oreos and donuts.

Barett: Alwight, food!

Vincent:........cool.  I love Oreos.

The two were about to pig in when Cloud all of a sudden began to shake.

 Tifa: You okay, Cloud?

Cid: Hey say something, spiky head!

Cloud’s eyes were wide as if in a trance as he walked toward the food.  He passed Barett and picked up the tray of food.  Then, he began to head out the door.

Barett: Hey! Come back here!  Those shits are not all for you!

Tifa: Cloud, where the hell are you going?

She follows him outside and sees that he is no longer holding the tray of snacks and that he was back to normal.

Cloud: Huh?  Where am I?

The rest of the gang had now come outside.

Barett: @#$$%! Where are all the snacks? Huh?

Cloud: I...I don’t know, it’s as if someone were controlling me....

Yuffie: Maybe it was a cupid....

Everyone shot Yuffie an ugly glare.

Reeve: Only one person could be capable of this.....

Everyone: Uh oh.....

Meanwhile, somewhere in the crater, Sephiroth was lying down and enjoying his “stolen” snacks.

Sephiroth: Heh heh, good job, Cloud my boy!

He stuffs down the last of the Oreos.

Sephiroth: Damn, now I’m thirsty. (Snaps his fingers) Cloud...bring me the punch....the punch, Cloud now!

When Sephiroth recieves the punch, he drinks it up and chuckles.

Sephiroth: Ah.....it sure is hard work making other people work.  Hmm....(he thinks for a  moment).  I’m still hungry though......(snaps fingers) Cloud...more donuts.....bring me the donuts!
 
END

Authors Notes: This was my first attempt at writing something funny. Yes, I know it sucked but
please forgive me and bear with my poor spelling.  If you have any comments or suggestions,
please e-mail me at crono_67@hotmail.com
And if you own a webpage or write fanfics, someone PLEASE write one about Shera Highwind
(she’s my favorite character in the game).  I don’t write one because as you can see, I’m not
very good at this.  Oh well.