E-Mail Files: Heat Wave

The E-Mail Files: Heat Wave

By Lindsay Livermore

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
From: "Manda Fischer" <MFshr@opi.gov>
Subject: Hot Enough For You?

I pity you guys· ninety degrees outside and the office air-conditioning unit is broken, isn't it? Meanwhile, here I sit in my nice, air-conditioned room· <gd&r>

Manda

To: "Manda Fischer" <MFshr@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Hot Enough For You?

Oh, be quiet, you...

-Kennedy

To: "OPI Mailing List" <majordomo@opi.gov>
From: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
Subject: Thermometer Pool

Hey guys... I'm starting a little betting pool for this danged heat wave. It's five dollars a square, closest to that day's high temperature takes the pool at the end of the day. Any takers?

~Jose

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

I'm in... put me down for 97 degrees today and 98 tomorrow.

-LT

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Ben Gates" <BGates@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

Put me in... 96 today and 99 tomorrow.

Gates

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Josef Ricolski" <JosefR@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

Pool... do you mean we get to go swimming in it? As in I'm fragging HOT and I'd really like to... :-) No, I know, put me in for 98 today and 102 tomorrow.

Josef

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

95 today, 100 tomorrow.

Nina

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

Jose... you KNOW office betting pools are against regulations, don't you?

-Kennedy

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
From: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

But Kennedeee... aw, you're no fun...

~Jose

To: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Thermometer Pool

All right... just this once. :P
Oh, and BTW? Put me in for 94 today, 101 tomorrow - never let it be said that I missed out on an office pool...

-Kennedy

To: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: Breakout

Listen... this is insane, and none of us have anything left to do. I'm getting the heck out of here and hitting the deli, at least it's air-conditioned there. Any takers?

-LT

To: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
CC: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
From: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Breakout

I'm there... one minute while I get my purse.

-Andi

To: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Breakout

Ooh, getting dangerous... Where do we meet?

Nina

To: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Breakout

Ten minutes, in the parking garage. Be there.

-LT

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
From: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
Subject: AWOL Agents

By any chance did you notice that three people just went missing? Any ideas?

Vic

To: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: AWOL Agents

Oh really? Who?

-Kennedy

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
From: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: AWOL Agents

Intern Cleary and Agents Tyler and Rizal. Got anything special in mind? <vbeg>

Vic

To: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: AWOL Agents

Okay, they have ten minutes to get back here and then "Operation Blizzard" goes into effect... ;-)

-Kennedy

To: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: AWOL Agents

Ten minutes is up and they've had their fun. Meet me at the parking garage in two minutes.

-Kennedy

"Psst. Vic, over here."
"What are we doing?"
"We're going to cool their jets, that's what. Here, take this and wait in that corner."
"What am I waiting for?"
"For them to get back."

A moment later, Lauren's beige Contour pulled into view and parked about fifty feet away.

"That's them!"
"Hold on, Ken, wait till they're in range."

The three agents exited the car, giggling amongst themselves about their stunt.

"Ready?"
"Ready."
"On three." Kennedy held three fingers aloft. Then two... then one... then none, and both agents whipped around the corner and soaked the miscreants with well-aimed Super Soaker shots and water balloons.

"ARRRGGGHH!!! Run!!" screamed Nina as all three ran for the service elevator...

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
CC: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: ::drip::

::grumble:: That was no fair, guys... we were only trying to occupy ourselves... and besides, anything that helps increase morale helps increase productivity, right? :-)

BTW, Kennedy, you owe me for the dry-cleaning bill on this suit. Which I had to get to replace the one that died on your little Good Samaritan excursion with the airplane...

-LT

To: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
CC: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: ::drip::

And let that be a lesson to the three of you. Don't sneak off like that again, unless you plan to bring back goodies for the whole department. Do I make myself clear?

-Kennedy

To: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: Oops, My Bad

Sorry about that, guys... I didn't know that was going to happen. I didn't think anyone would notice. Honest.

-LT

"Here she comes."
"Ready, Nina?"
"Yup."
"On three." Andi held three fingers aloft... then two... then one... then one, and both agents whipped around the corner and soaked Lauren, who had gone to the kitchen for a coffee refill.

"ARRRGGGHHH!!!"

To: "Nina Rizal" <NinaR@opi.gov>
CC: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: Hey!

Oh, that was NO fair, guys... I apologized already, didn't I?

-LT

To: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
From: "Andi Cleary" <AndiC@opi.gov>
Subject: Re: Hey!

Sorry Lauren, but all's fair in love and war...

Andi

To: "OPI Mailing List" <majordomo@opi.gov>
From: "Jose Hernandez" <JoseH@opi.gov>
Subject: Thermometer Pool Winner for 6/25/97

And the lucky recipient of twenty-five dollars is... Kennedy Ryan, with a temperature of 94 degrees!

~Jose

To: "Kennedy Ryan" <KRyan@opi.gov>
From: "Lauren Tyler" <LTyler@opi.gov>
Subject: You Still Owe Me...

Don't forget, you still get to pick up the tab on my next dry-cleaning bill, so don't gloat about your prize yet...

-LT

To: "OPI Mailing List" <majordomo@opi.gov>
From: "Vic Maxiss" <VicMaxiss@opi.gov>
Subject: A/C Is Back!

That's right, boys and girls, the air conditioning is working again... and I hope this means the end some of the shenanigans that've been going on here in the past few days. You KNOW who you are... and so do I... <vbeg>

To: "OPI Mailing List <majordomo@opi.gov>
From: "Mail Delivery Subsystem" <mailer-daemon@opi.gov>
Subject: Error: SMTP Host Unavailable

The SMTP server experienced an unexpected failure at 17:42 Wednesday 25 June.

All messages sent as of 0600 Thursday 26 June will be queued for delivery when service is restored.

Expected time of system unavailability is unknown.

Thank you for your patience.

As agents throughout the office checked their mail one last time before leaving, a cry could be heard echoing through the building.

"NOOOOO!!"