"Until the problem becomes fully blown, at which point," Sulu
lunged forward, stabbing at the air, "you say to yourself..."
"How could I not have seen it coming," Picard nodded his head.
--Convo between Picard and holographic Sulu, Q-Squared (copywrite blah blah blah)
That's my discussion of the day. Premonition, ESP, psychics, etc, etc, etc.
Now, I'm not a full-blown believe in anything. There is almost nothing in the world that you can change my mind about. Talk to me about religion, philosophy, physics and you'll find my opinions and that they're hard to sway. But give a convincing arguement and I'll conceded that its possible. Thats how I feel about everything supernatural. I've no reason to believe or disbelieve anything. So, I believe with a grain of salt.
In a way, I feel I should believe fully in everything. Its been proven to me a number of times that some things exist, at least within myself. Some people attribute my knowing what people are feeling to perception, or just good "people sense." I like to think I have a little bit of empathy, a tad of telepathy. Not enough to get thoughts - that would bug me to no end. But enough to know what someone's feeling and help them. This does, of course, have its down sides. Given that I know people, I also know what to say or do that will hurt them the worst. And when I get angry or hurt, I tend to use that to my advantage. I'm very sorry that Tony had to find that out the hard way. Its something I really have to learn to control, especially if we'll be living together, since I have a tendancy to say the first thing that comes to mind - and when I'm upset, the first thing to come to mind is a stinging remark.
But there are other things, too. Whenever I get close to someone, there forms a kind of bond. And no, not just knowing them well enough to know what they're thinking (though I got Tony with that last night - I probably shouldn't have said anything. My bad.) but in the way things happen. Like with Debbie and Josh (ex best friend and ex boyfriend). We had bad days together, hurt ourselves at about the same time....but we also had reasonably good days together.
Of course, I have to bring up Tony - again. Because in this topic, its impossible not to. We shared (I'm not sure we still really do) the strongest bond I've had with anyone. Looking back, I can't find a good example, but it had to do with the same kinds of things. We'd both start zoning out at the same time, get headaches at the same time. Back in high school, his normal time for connecting was 11 my time. One night I looked at the clock at 10:32 and thought, "Gee, Tony should be online." Before it turned to 10:33, he was. The same EXACT thing happened the next night. A night a week later, I thought the same thing around 10:30, but he didn't show up and I ignored it. Around 11:30, I had the same thought again and he showed up less than a minute later - and told me had had WANTED to get online around 10:30, but someone else was on the comp.
Freaky, huh? It gets better.
When I first started college here, I was talking to a few people about this while Tony was out. I said that it was possible, sometimes, for me to know what he was feeling and just then I got a really weird feeling that he was annoyed with his friends for some reason and wanted to come back to talk to me about something. He didn't show up for a few hours, but when I did talk to him, he said he had felt like that, at about the same time I got the feeling. After his last visit, I started getting things like 'psychic touches'. Like I could feel someone brush my hand or rub my back out of the blue. Usually occured, when we compared, when he was thinking about me.
Many months ago - MANY months...probably about eight or nine - , we started joking about having a psychic link. I'm starting to think its not really a joke anymore. I used it to my advantage once. I was sleeping at my grandmother's house, and I HATE doing that. Because the room I sleep in has these really creepy windows that look like eyes. I can't explain why, but it just bothers me. Even with the lights on, those windows creep me out, but with the lights off and me trying to sleep, forget it. Given the creepiness, I had a weird nightmare that night. I woke up and I was basically hiding under the covers, wide awake, to avoid seeing those windows (so I'm a baby - sue me) and I realized that with how late it was, Tony was probably sleeping. So I focused on that. His calm, sleeping mind. I tried to tune into his mind. And it really calmed me down, and I was able to get back to sleep.
The most freakiest occurance occured yesterday, though. I had what was probably the worst dream of my entire life. To avoid a conspiracy getting out, I had to die. I dont remember dying, but I remember being awake, and then watching from my own eyes as they ripped my body apart. I could hear my bones crunch. They removed my palette like a retainer. It was the first time in my life I'd woken up out of a dream sitting bolt upright in bed and hyperventaliting. And, as I was sitting there wide-eyed, I could have SWORN I heard Tony ask me if I was alright. And not just a vague voice in my head - it seemed to come from around me, like from where I wasn't looking, and sounding concerned.
The thing that got me is that it didn't strike me as odd. I just mumbled something about being alright and laid back down. Then it kinda clicked. "Wait a minute..." It did kind of spook me thought. I was wide awake, so it wasn't a dream. And I'm positive it didn't come from my mind. Voices in my mind, if my mind had made it up, they sound different than real life. The fact that I recognized the voice as his is proof enough (for me) that it didn't come from inside my head. Oh, well. I'll learn all when I'm dead.
Anyway, my hands hurt and I have some stuff I gotta do today, so I'm
ending this for now. See yas later :)
--Sare