I learned something about myself that I've known for over a year but never paid attention to: I CANNOT STUDY AROUND MY COMPUTER. My god, its sickening how little willpower I have. Granted, the moment I turn on my computer, I'm connected, but I cant leave all my programs off. If I'm connected, I feel I have to have SimpleMU (Roleplaying client) and ICQ and IRC and other things open. And I can't shut off my computer. Don't ask me why - it just feels wrong :P

So anyway, after finding myself totally bombarded with work to do this weekend (lets just say about 6-800 pages worth of reading and leave it at that) I realized I couldn't finish it all if I sat in front of hte computer. Libraries, for me, are too totally confining, so I grabbed my books, two bagels, a 20oz bottle of Diet Sprite, and headed downtown. Once there, I found this bunch of picnic tables overlooking the Saranac River. It was quiet, but there was enough rushing-river noises to be interesting.  NO ONE was around. I managed to read over 45 pages in a half an hour. The only problem was....it was outside. Now, in and of itself, thats not a problem. But you have to remember I live in Plattsburgh, the sunny spot that's running an average of sub-freezing temps lately. I stood up after half an hour, started walking, and my legs nearly gave out on me after five minutes.

But I learned something - I CAN be seperated from my computer and live. And I discovered that studying in the downstairs lounge (with the TV off) is alright. And I figure that once I go home, I can use the same theory and study in Eisenhower Park. I'm happy :)

Next topic!!

Okay, anyone who knows me knows that I have this incredibly major obsession with Phantom of the Opera. For years, thoughts of it dominated my life. The music of the play entranced me completely, and the storyline could almost make me cry. Its magnificent....I've often thought that I would be, in the world of vampyres (if you took the White Wolf version) a Toreador. Toreadors are obsessed with beauty, in all its forms. I love this play because the story is beautiful and the music exquisite.

As a Toreador, I found myself all but in love with (if not totally in love with) the character of Erik. Well, a year or two ago, at least. Tenth and eleventh grade. For those of you who don't know the play, Erik is a man with a horribly disfigured face, but the voice of an angel and musical talents beyond anything that should be right. An architecual genius.....an all-around genius. The Toreador inside me fell in love with the inner beauty. The part of HIM that was a Toreador - the part that had been shunned by society until all he had left was his music and he still managed to love Christine, if only for her voice.

(A quick aside, I noticed something weird. About the same time I loved Erik - the person shunned by society until all he had was his music - was the same time *I* was shunned by society and all I had was my writing. Coincidence? I think not.)

Anyway, to get to the point, I'm on a POTO (Phantom of the Opera) mailing list and someone wrote this:
"Silly, isn't? I think it might stem from the fact a lot of Phans in my
age group are girls who are shy, and consider themselves homely, and have
never had much male attention. We get so entranced by the fact one man was so
in love with one woman, he would do anything for her. It's so
magical."

At the time I absolutely adored Phantom, I was quite shy. "homely" was an understatement for how I considered myself. Male attention, over the net, was something I've never lacked, but in real life (at least at that time) it was amazingly dull. Also, I am, no matter how much I hate to admit it, a total romantic. I noticed about a year ago that most of my stories centered on love that lasted forever (add in my obsession with immortality). And this love that Erik felt so strongly for Christine just really touched me.

Well, thats it for today. Two totally meaningless (or at least, not profound or soul-searching) topics that I felt like writing about in my half-alive, mostly asleep mind. Have a drink, on me.
 

--Sare