I have class in 15 mins, so this will be quick unless I continue it later. My mind has a tendency to wander, I know that. I was reading a required book for history which describes Indian weddings, arranged marriages, elopements, sex, everything. Suddenly I wondered what mine would be like. I've never wanted something very fancy, or big, but I'm pretty much resigned that I'll have to have something like that. My family is ENORMOUS. I'd say that, just family, I'd have to invite at least 50 people. And thats just my dads side. I'm not sure I like that. In some ways, I'm a very private person, and in matters of the heart I'm more private than anything else. Granted, it'd be my day, I'd want people to know, but to walk down in aisle with a hundred people or so around? I'd trip. Hell, I trip on a flat sidewalk in jeans a good boots. Imagine a floor-length dress and high heels. Of course, that got me thinking on my wedding dress. When I was a kid, I wanted my grandmother's dress. It is GORGEOUS. But, unfortunately, Nana's about eight inches shorter than I am, not to mention other body parts that are out of proportion. I look around at dresses on the net sometimes, just for the hell of it, and they all seem so.....gaudy. If there's one thing in the world I'm truly against, its gaudiness. I like things subtle. My clothes, my rings - hell, even my claddagh, which symbolizes the most important thing in my life, is very small and delicate. I see the claddagh's with stones for hearts, and if the stones are dark, against silver, thats nice. Simple. But then I see ones with little gem starbursts, and diamonds, and blah. It ruins the effect. It turns the symbol of love into a symbol of how much money was spent on it. The same with wedding dresses. They cost thousands of dollars. THOUSANDS! For a dress I'd wear once. Well.....hopefully once. Everyone intends on getting married once, but I think I could get away with it. And some of these dresses are ugly. I've only found ONE dress like this that I like much - and its on an anime character. Here:

I like things simple. What I've wanted since I've been old enough to really think about it is a spring wedding, outside, at night. Under the stars. Surrounded by a few friends, some close family, things like that. Why should I spend oodles of money on a hall, which serves thousands of people a year? They don't care about me or my wedding, they just want the money. Of course, in these dreams, I already had my own house in the country, so an outside wedding could be in my own backyard. I still want that.....thats still my true ideal. Soft lights - the kind with those fuzzy white filters over them. Pretty flowers - dark blue and white. Not hiding the green stems. Perhaps even dying the flowers themselves dark green. A white and dark green boquet. And if it was outside - no high heeled shoes! Haha! The heels would sink into the ground, I'd have to wear flats.

The goal of a lot of young women a long time ago, was simply to get married. The goal of women today is to have a career, then get married. Frankly, I don't see what the big deal about either is. I used to be against marriage. Why fool around with a great relationship by bringing law into it? Technically, thats all marriage is. A liscence to satisfy the government, and a ceremony to satisfy your relations. I'm slowly starting to see it as more. Its a symbol. A declaration that says in more than words or looks or touches or anything that you're willing to at lesat try to stay with someone forever. You're willing to committ to that relationship. But whenever it comes....it comes, for me. Its not gonna come for years yet. My goal in life isn't to get married - but I don't give a dan about having a career first. Whats the point of that? You want to make sure you're wrapped up in work before you get married? Work before love? That makes no sense whatsoever.

I guess the main reason I'm so hyped on this today is that I seem to be surrounded by it lately. Tony and I, young as we are, discussed it this weekend. Someone I talked to for all of 20 mins on the phone called me Tony's wife. Maybe he heard something in my voice. Tony's little bro asked me if we got married, would it be in NY or NE. The 'if' sounded like it turned to 'when' cause he told me it doesn't matter where, he just wants to be there. I got asked recently if I'd marry him if he asked. The books I have to read for history are currenlty dealing with marriage. In anthropology, I have to write a paper about the pros and cons of both arranged and free-choice marriages. If I'm gonna be surrounded by it, I might as well think about it.

Why do people stop being interesting in a couple once they get married? TV shows get cancelled after main chars get married, books end at the honeymoon...I guess the real-life problems are marriage are boring. Monthly bills, finding a place to live, weird tax laws that change with marriage....who wants to think about those? Little annoying habits partners have like stealing covers (even a king-sized comforter) and/or taking up the whole bed.....even if he looks really cute doing it (nudge, nudge). Its funny....in love, even things like that don't seem annoying. Being half-asleep myself helps.

Marriage is seen by the pessimistic as an ending. This is the last and only person you'll ever screw for your life- unless you have low morals or an open marriage, the latter being rare. Everything about you ends - you're no longer just "John" but now "John and Mary." Why do people fear that? I guess some people don't want to be classified by who they're with.

Speaking of that, what about names? Girls change theirs because, a long time ago, they were their husbands property. Today its just a rock-solid tradition. The odd thing is, for women, that married names seem so much more....lyrical, melodic, than maiden names. Debra Hermans -> Debra Weiss. Sounds simpler, it rolls off the tongue easier. Joyce Bloomer -> Joyce Lajaneuse. Hard to spell, but it sounds really nice. Mine? Weiss to Spencer? Perhaps in some years. Actually, that'd sound pretty. Amanda Spencer? Both names are centuries old British. Been used since the Renessiance.

And rings. When did the symbolic giving of an engagement ring, the circle indicating the infinity of love, become a contest of who could get the biggest and best, most pretentious diamond? We're back to my hate of the gaudy. My ideal....well, it used to be pure silver, an emerald heart in the center. My new ideal? This GORGEOUS antique Edwardian ring....

I think I've exhausted myself on this topic. I'm going away for now - I'll be back tomorrow. Promise.