Monday Night Rush
January
31, in Barrie, Ontario
(Clips from last Rush. We see Christian Light aiding Carnage in a victory over Rob Bastard. Then, Masters, Wilson, Dane, and BFKL all attack Tanis, and throw him in the parking lot. Where, Venom drops a match in a puddle of gasoline! Tanis' pants are set ablaze!)
(The IWA opening hits. Then, fade to the BCC in Barrie, Ontario. The music plays, as the cameras pan the sold out arena, showing the various signs. Then, a shot of the pyro erupting, and finally, as the music dies down, cut to Rick Miller and Eddie Reagan.)
Rick: Welcome to Monday Night Rush! Ladies and gentlemen, last week was quite a show. And, this week will be the same. As you just saw, Tanis was burned last week by Venom.
Eddie: Luckily, only his pants caught, and he was put out before suffering any serious injuries.
Rick: Alright, but we've got some huge matches tonight. The main event, is a non-title lumberjack match, pinning Eric Dane against Byron Tanis.
Eddie: Former World champ vs. Current World champ!
Rick: Yeah, but Dane has a seriously messed up knee, and he shouldn't even be thinking of wrestling for months. But, for the match, each participant chooses three lumberjacks.
Eddie: I don't think Tanis can do that.
Rick: Me either.
Eddie: Bastard vs. Light vs. Boog!
Rick: Yeah. Current IWA champ meets his challenger at Winter Meltdown, and the current Northern champ. Should be somethin' spectacular.
Eddie: Rob Bastard's gonna kick some serious ass.
Rick: Package vs. Carnage for the International title, Crazies vs. Ballistics for the Tag belts, and much more.
Eddie: Crazies! WOOHOO!
Rick: But, we've got take a quick break before we get this spectacular show started. Stay with us.
(Cut backstage. We join "The Only Star" Eric Dane, in his locker room. With his, is Justin Taylor, Ray Masters, "Brooklyn's Finest" Kai Lewis, Drew Jacobs, and Jim Dalton.)
Eric: Oh, this is gonna be great.
BFKL: We'll show that sucker!
Jacobs: Just as long as I get my shots in.
Eric: Oh you will. You all will...
(Cut to a Rogaine commercial with Buzz Tyler.)
_________________Commercials_________________
Rick: Well, we're back from the commercials...say, what match is next, Eddie?
Eddie: Chris Fury against Darren Wilson. Hardcore versus eeewwwww...technical wrestling!
Rick: Have you no respect for good athletes? I would rather see someone apply a submission maneuver then bash someone's brains in with a chair any day!
Eddie: *snore*....
Rick: Can we just get to the ring please...
Chris Fury vs. Darren Wilson
(We go to the ring. Chris Fury's theme begins to playas he comes down to the ring. He runs down and slides under the bottom rope.)
Eddie: Hardcore!! Hardcore!!
Rick: Calm down...
Eddie: Jeez, calm down yourself, I'm just showing a little enthusiasm...
(Darren Wilson's music hits as he and Ray Masters walkdown to the ring. Ray walks next to the ring as Darnell climbs the ring steps. He climbs in and stands in the corner, opposite Chris.)
Rick: This should be a good match.
(The bell sounds. Fury charges at Darren with a shoulder block, but hits the ring post when Darren moves out of the way. Darren has Fury back on hisfeet. Big short-arm clothesline sends Fury down to the mat hard. Darren picks up Fury's leg and applies a half-crab. The ref checks Fury. Fury grabs the rope sand Darren breaks the hold.)
Eddie: Booooring!
Rick: Don't you give anything a chance?
(Darren picks Fury up and whips him into the ropes. Darren goes for a clothesline, but Fury ducks. Fury bounces off the middle-rope, does a moonsault, and connects onto Wilson with a reverse-DDT.)
Rick: What do you think of that?
Eddie: This match is picking up. All thanks of Chris Fury!
(Fury stands up and kicks Wilson in the face.Elbowdrop by Fury. Wilson is thrown out to ringside by Fury. The fans cheer as Fury mounts the top rope.Wilson looks up and catches Fury flying off the top rope with a clothesline! Darren moves out of the way and Fury connects with the guard rail!)
Eddie: Is Fury alive after that one?
(Wilson picks up Fury and drives his face into the metal guard rail. A closed-fist to the face by Wilson. Fury is whipped into the ring post. Boot to the faceof Fury by Wilson.)
Rick: Darren is the one going hardcore now! He's destroying Fury!
(Fury is brought over to Ray Masters by Darren. Masters pops Fury in the face while the ref's back wasturned. Darren picks Fury up and drops him across the guard rail, chin-first. Darren rolls Fury back into the ring.)
Eddie: I don't believe this! Wilson is going hardcore...and winning!
(Darren applies a camel clutch on Fury. He's in the middle of the ring, Fury has nowhere to go! Fury gets his leg up, right between the legs of Darren, making him break the hold!)
Rick: Low blow by Fury and the ref didn't see it!
(Fury stands up and regains himself. Darren stands up, but wobbles. Fury bounces off the ropes and connects with a dropkick to the sternum of Wilson. Fury slides to the outside. He reaches under the ring and to the crowd's appeal, pulls out a table.)
Eddie: Here we go! Fury's gonna put Wilson through a table!
(Chris sets the table up in front of the announcer's booth. He slides back into the ring. Fury picks Wilson up and hits him with a hurracanranna! Chris rolls Wilson out onto the table. The fans are going nuts. Fury bounces off the ropes, then jumps onto the top rope and stays there for a few seconds, measuring upWilson on the table. With a high jump, Fury goes foran Arabian Facebuster onto Wilson, but misses when Wilson rolls off! Fury goes through the table hard!)
Rick: A word of advice to anyone out there who think they can wrestle: hardcore wrestling is only for those who are strong and daring.
Eddie: And has a few loose...
Rick: It can turn around and slap you in the face if you aren't careful. Just ask Chris Fury.
(Darren stands up and rolls Fury back into the ring. He whips Chris into the corner. Darren puts Fury onto the top rope. Superplex by Wilson! It's all over...1...2...kickout!)
Eddie: I thought Wilson had him there! Ray is going nuts on the outside!
(Eddie speaks the truth. Ray is going ballistic at ringside. Inside the ring, Darren has picked Chris up and taken him back down with a fisherman buster. Darren makes a cover...1...2..kick out again! Once again, Ray is going crazy!)
Rick: Chris Fury will just not give up! That's one tough athlete there.
(Darren, now frustrated, picks Chris up again and whips him into the corner. A couple of kicks to the gut of Fury by Darren. Knife-edge chop by Wilson. Darren with a nice snap suplex on Chris.)
Eddie: You can tell how mad Darren Wilson is. Those kicks and that chop were vicious! Just how I like it.
Rick: Very nice...
(Darren applies a dragon sleeper on Fury! The ref checks Fury for a tap. Fury begins to rise. He makes a bridge, only to be brought back down by a reverse-implant-DDT by Wilson!)
Rick: Fury gets up, and Wilson knocks him back down!
(The fans begin to come alive as someone walks down to the ring. It's Jason Jousma, and he's pushing a janitor's cart! Ray doesn't see him. Jason creeps behind Ray and plows into him!)
Eddie: Jason Jousma's come out! And he just took Ray off his feet!
(Inside the ring, Wilson whips Fury into the ropes, then notices Jason Jousma attacking Masters. What he doesn't see, though, is Fury soaring at him with a spinning-dropkick. Wilson is knocked off his feet by Fury!)
Rick: We've got action on the inside of the ring and on the outside!
(Jason and Ray are engaging in a fist fight on the outside. Jason rams Ray into the guard rail. Ray kicks Jason in the gut, then backbody-drops him into the crowd.)
Eddie: Ray has brought Jason into the crowd!
Rick: But look on the inside of the ring! Fury's got Wilson reeling!
(Fury dropkicks the knee of Wilson. Wilson is on one knee. Fury with another dropkick, this time connecting to the face of Wilson. Fury with acover....1...2...kick out!)
Eddie: Brutal dropkick to the knee, and face of DarrenWilson! It wasn't enough though.
(Fury with an arm bar. On the outside of the ring, Ray and Jason continue fighting. Jason slams Ray into the guard rail. Back in the ring, Darren has powered outo f the arm bar. He stands up and kicks Fury in the gut. Darren with a hanging-brainbuster!)
Rick: Hanging-brainbuster by Darren on Fury! Will he get the pin?!
(Wilson covers...1...2...KICK OUT!! Darren can't believe it! He stands up and splashes Fury. He then looks at the crowd, and sees Jason and Ray going at it.)
Eddie: What's Darren going to do?
(Wilson walks to the other side of the ring. Fury is out cold and in a corner. Wilson runs at the otherside, jumps onto the middle, the the top, and does a FRONT-FLIP INTO THE CROWD and on Jason Jousma and Ray Masters!)
Eddie: ECW! ECW... where did that come from?
(The ref looks at the three-men fighting inthe crowd and begins his ten count: 1........2.........3.........4.......5...... Fury has rolled out of the ring. He joins them! It's a huge brawl!)
Rick: This isn't gonna be a...
(6.........7.........8.......)
Eddie: It is!
(9........10!!! The ref tells the bellkeeper to ring the bell.)
The Match is ruled a Double-Countout at 11:34
Rick: Wow. What a great match. I wasn't expected it to be that good, Eddie.
Eddie: That front-flip... whoa!
Rick: We've got to take a break.
(The locker room of the Boog-man...he sits on a bench, his usual pair of headphones on his head, music blaring away. He looks up and his bright blue eyes see the camera, and he removes the phones from his ears.)
Boog: Tonight isn't exactly the most normal of nights...me and Light against Rob B. for nothing, really...VERY interesting scenario.
Well...not necessarily NOTHING. This could be an interesting psychological boost. The losers really lose no coonfidence, but the WINNER...now there's a different story. A different story indeed.
But all I got left to say is this...and I ain't gonna say no more...LIGHT, ROB...I'm gonna hurt yo bodies SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!
(Fade to black on a smiling Boog...)
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(Cut backstage. We see Tanis approaching The Ultimate Package.)
Tanis: Hey, Package!
Package: What is it?
Tanis: Wanna make a quick buck?
Package: ....
Tanis: You're gonna be a lumberjack tonight.
Package: Sorry, no can do. Gotta match to prepare for. Later, T-man!
(Package walks off. Tanis isn't pleased. Cut back to ringside.)
Rick: Well. It looks like Tanis needs some lumberjacks on his side.
Eddie: He really doesn't, though. What's next?
Rick: This is an odd combination. Benson and Maloy. Both are tag champs, but Benson with Lennox, and Maloy with Fierce. Either way, It's The Members taking on Outer Heaven.
Eddie: You still owe me 10 bucks from our bet!
The Members vs. Dan Benson and Shooter Maloy
(The music hits. The fans start cheering, as the Members, Cyric Oscelot and Mathew Jude hit the ring. Then, "Big Dumb Rocket" blares. Benson appears first, sporting his NCW tag belt. He heads down the aisle, and is followed by Shooter Maloy, with his SWF tag and IWA Extreme belts. Both enter and the bell sounds.)
Rick: Looks like it'll be Benson and Oscelot starting it off.
(They lock up. Benson with a hammerlock. Oscelot quickly reveres it, and drops Dan with a belly-to-back suplex. Benson gets back up, and ducks a lariat. He turns, and kicks "The Jaguar" in the stomach. Benson with an atomic drop, and tags in Shooter. Maloy hops over the ropes, and dropkicks Oscelot's knees. Then, he takes him with a Samoan drop. Cover, 1..........2....... kick out. Oscelot fights to his feet. Maloy with a spinning heel kick, ducked! "The Jaguar" takes "STB" and spinebuster! He tags in Jude.)
Rick: "The Phenom" is in.
Eddie: And Shooter is out.
(Maloy tags in Benson, and rolls out. Benson enters. He and Jude lock up. Benson rakes the face, and takes Jude down with a nice belly-to-belly. Jude back up and is thrown into the ropes. He comes back, and catches Benson going for a back body. He stuffs Benson's head between his legs... piledriver!! A cover, 1............2......... Benson gets the shoulder up. Jude brings him back up, and slams him back down. Hooks the legs, 1.........2........ Shooter breaks it up. Oscelot is in, and clotheslines Shooter out! Jude and Oscelot throw Benson into the ropes, and nail him with a double-clothesline.)
Eddie: 10 bucks. Remember?
Rick: Damn, Eddie. We're in the middle of a match.
Eddie: No we're not. They are! I want my money!
Rick: But I didn't bet.
Eddie: Yes you did!!!
("The Jaguar" exits the ring, only to be tagged right back in. Oscelot brings Benson up, and an Irish whip into the corner. He charges, Benson moves! Dan kicks Jude in the stomach. He goes for the Shocker!)
Rick: It's gonna be it!
(No. He's shoved away. Dan turns around, and plants Jude with a clothesline. Benson now runs, and dropkicks Oscelot into the railing! He tags in Shooter. Benson takes Mathew Jude in a full-nelson. Maloy gets a free shot. He kicks... no! Jude ducks! Benson is nailed!)
Eddie: Oh no.
Rick: Benson is hit by Maloy! He ain't gonna be happy.
(Shooter gets kicked in the stomach. Jude goes for a DDT, but Maloy counters with a sidewalk slam. Benson is back up. He's holding his jaw. Shooter turns to him, apologizing and... SHOCKER! Benson lays out Shooter with the Shocker!)
Rick: Whoa!
Eddie: That really must have hurt.
(Benson exits the ring, and heads up the aisle. In the ring, Jude covers Maloy. 1...........2..........3.)
Your Winner, in 7:00, The Members!
Rick: The Members pick up another win... but
Eddie: Trouble in Heaven. What's that all about?
Rick: I dunno. We've got to take a break.
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Rick: Welcome back, to Monday Night..
Eddie: RUSH!
Rick: Thank you.
Eddie: Anytime.
Rick: We've got a battle of the Blitz' coming up next. So, let's go to the ring.
Midget Blitz vs. Gremlin Blitz
(Midget Blitz is out first. He heads to the ring, looking intense, and angry. Then, as the lights are dimbed, and spotlights find the entrance ramp, Gremlin Blitz steps out to some boos. Gremlin has a mic.)
Gremlin: Midget, this is how it's gonna be. You, don't deserve to be called a Blitz brother. You don't deserve to be affiliated with me!
Eddie: That's it. Straight to the point.
Gremlin: So, I'm declaring this match "The End of a Blitz", in where, the loser can never be called Blitz again! Good luck, little brother.
(Gremlin charges the ring, and slides in. He's immediately ambushed with boots to the head, but still fights up to his feet. Gremlin overpowers Midget, and lauches him into the corner. He charges, but receives a boot to the face! Midget hops up to the top rope, and leaps off, planting a missile dropkick! He covers, 1.........2........ kick out. Gremlin is back up to his feet and is thrown out of the ring quickly. Midget runs into the ropes, and flies over the top rope with a cross-body! Gremlin goes down hard.)
Rick: What a cross-body that was.
Eddie: "The End of a Blitz"! I like it.
(Midget kicks Gremlin, before bringing him back up to his feet. He throws Gremlin, but it's reversed! Midget barely ducks a lariat, and puts a knee to Gremlin's back, then shoves him face first into the ringpost! Midget shoves the ring announcer off his seat, and folds up his chair.)
Eddie: Ha! That'll teach him.
Rick: Teach him what?
Eddie: ... I dunno.
(Midget swings the chair! No! The ref pulls the chair away. But Midget just shoves the ref, and takes the chair back. He swings. BAM! Nails Gremlin in the head. He goes down hard. Midget throws Gremlin in the ring. He sets the chair up in the center of the ring, and throws Gremlin into the ropes. Gremlin comes back and is taken down with a drop-toe-hold, face first into the chair! The ref has just now gotten back in the ring. He grabs the chair and throws in out.)
Eddie: Awe.
(Midget brings his brother up, and takes him right back down with a spinning heel kick. Now, Midget climbs the ropes. He's on the top rope and waits for Gremlin. Gremlin gets to his feet, and Midget leaps off! Gremlin catches him with a HUGE powerslam! He covers, 1......................2........................3!!)
Your Winner, in 6:40, Gremlin Blitz!
Rick: We have a winner! Gremlin Blitz defeats his little brother.
Eddie: Midget Blitz was kickin' his ass, though.
Rick: I guess we can't call him Midget Blitz anymore.
Eddie: What do we call him?
Rick: Little dude, maybe? I dunno. Alright folks it is time for an....
Eddie: Oh, oh wait let me do it.
Rick: Go ahead Eddie.
Eddie: YES! Ladies and Gentlemen now time for an interview from the greatest tag team ever and members of the Misfits...The Crazy Ones.
(The screens in the arena come on. We see Journey whispering into The Link's ear. We can hear the guys in the crowd going wild. Dark Journey is wearing a tight and I do mean tight red dress. She has the tag team titles over her shoulder. The Maniac walks into the scene, the crowd cheers. He is wearing a "Misfits: WE'RE BACK!" t-shirt. The Maniac smiles.)
Maniac: IWA, hee hee, the time has come for us to take care of a couple of punks. A couple of guys who think they are, hee hee, worthy of getting in the ring with us. Ballistics, hee hee, you think that you are ready to take on members of the Misfits, hee hee, especially the greatest tag team ever. Boys, hee hee, what have you been smoking huh. I mean challenging us to a hardcore match, hee hee, where we pick the match, hee hee. You have a death wish huh boys. You know you thought you would have learned, hee hee, at the PPV that we are not a team to mess with. You see we don't mind the pain, hee hee, of barbwired, hee hee, or chair shots, hee hee, HELL WE LIKE IT! Ballistics, hee hee, tonight we have a match for you, hee hee, let's have Journey tell you.
(The Maniac backs out of the scene. The camera focuses on Journey and The Link. The Link is just looking up at the ceiling. Journey smiles as she looks at the camera. We hear the crowd again.)
Journey: Ballistics I though long and hard about this. I thought should we put them away quickly or should we torture them. After a long night of thinking, I came up with long painful torture. So Ballistics we are going to start off lite. Tonight will just be the beginning of your suffering because tonight you will take on the Crazy Ones in a No DQ, Anything Goes, Falls Count Anywhere in the building match.
(We hear the crowd cheer.)
Journey: Ballistics tonight you get off a little easy but after tonight the fun and torture really begin.
(The Maniac comes up behind Journey smiling.)
Maniac: Ballistics, hee hee, tonight you just start to FEEL THE.......
(The Maniac taps The Link on the shoulder. The Link looks at the camera and yells....)
Link: PPPPPPPAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNN!
(The Link looks up at the ceiling again. The Maniac and Journey smile.)
Maniac: Ballistics, hee hee, let the fun begin. Boys, hee hee, this is only the beginning, hee hee, when we are through with you, hee hee, you will never want to face us again. BE AFRAID, HEE HEE, BE VERY VERY AFRAID!
(Journey and the Maniac start laughing. The Link looks around confused as the scene fades to black.)
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(Cut backstage again. Tanis is still patroling the halls, looking for men. He meets up with Eddie Shaw.)
Tanis: Eddie.. listen.
Eddie: Sorry, I gotta go.
Tanis: Wait. You're gonna be a lumberjack tonight!
Eddie: I have a match now! I gotta go.'
(Shaw runs off.)
Tanis: Damn it!
(Cut back to ringside.)
Rick: Things aren't looking too good for Tanis.
Eddie: What? Things always look good for Tanis.
Eddie Shaw vs. Blaze
(Eddie Shaw's theme hits. Cheers from the fans, as he comes out, down the aisle, and to the ring. Then, the Dynasty's music plays. HCWF TV champ, Blaze, comes down the aisle. He slides in, and the bell sounds.)
Eddie: Are they hardcore?
Rick: No, Eddie. Just watch the match.
(Traditional collar and elbow tieup to start the match. Show with an armdrag, then he applies an armbar.)
Eddie: BORING! Where are the chairshots, the kicks in the balls? I need BLOOD!
Rick: You need help, that's what you need.
(Shaw keeps pressure on the armbar, and Blaze struggles to his feet. Blaze is able to make his way to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break. Shaw steps back, and Blaze shakes his arm a little. They lock up again, and Blaze with a side headlock. Shaw shoves him off, and is met with a shoulderblock. Blaze goes off the ropes, and Shaw drops down. Blaze hits the ropes again and a leapfrog by Shaw. Blaze hits the brakes, and catches Shaw with a kick to the midsection as he turns around. Blaze with a snap suplex, and he floats over into a cover. 1...........Kickout by Shaw.)
Rick: That isn't going to be enough to keep Shaw down.
(Shaw gets to his feet, and locks up with Blaze again. Hiptoss by Shaw, who lays several kicks into Blaze as he lies on the mat. Shaw pulls Blaze back to his feet, and fires him into the ropes, then catches him with a BIG back bodydrop. Shaw pulls him up and drops him with a shortarm clothesline. Cover by Shaw. 1........2...... Kickout by Blaze. Shaw with a bodyslam on Blaze. He stomps on Blaze several more times.)
Eddie: Is that blood?? Did Shaw break his nose?
Rick: No, he didn't break his nose. That was just a bad camera angle or something...
Eddie: Darn. I was hoping that Shaw had done something good, for once.
(Blaze rolls to his feet, and checks his nose. He looks at Shaw, and suddenly spears him. Blaze pulls Shaw up, and fires him into the ropes. Double clothesline takes down both men. Shaw rolls to the ropes, and pulls himself back up to his feet, as Blaze gets up. Blaze steps in and flattens Shaw with a forearm uppercut. Shaw goes for another, but Blaze blocks, and quickly takes Shaw down with a T-bone suplex!)
Rick: Great match up so far, Blaze is in control now, though.
(Blaze whips Shaw and ducks his head down early. Shaw nails a desperation swinging neckbreaker sending both men to the mat.)
Eddie: Both men out.
(Ref beginning the count.1... 2... 3... 4...)
(Just as both men begin to stir the cry of a flock of birds is heard. Circling above the ring is a bunch of ravens, who swoosh down on Shaw, pecking at him while Blaze stands there bewildered!)
Rick: What the...? Shaw's being attacked by ravens, and it looks like Blaze doesn'tknow WHAT to do!
Eddie: Whoever trained those birds did a good job.
(Shaw is trying to swat them away, but it is a futile attempt. Suddenly ther avens fly away, a large gash on Eddie's shoulder!)
Rick: The ravens retreating, but I don't think it's Shaw's doing.
(Suddenly Harbenneth "The Black Rook" Rookens vaults over the top rope, standing behind Shaw. He takes him in a full nelson and suplexes him over, but nails him on the head.)
Eddie: That's Rook's setup! The Rook-Buster!
Rick: That can't feel good.
(The Rook then attacks Blaze, nailing him in the gut and Piledriving him to the mat! The ref calls for the bell)
The Match is ruled a No-Contest
(The Rook leaves the two victems in the ring as "Freak On A Leash" by KoR nbegins to play. A red Pentagram flashes up on the 'tron as the Rook takes a mic at the top of the ramp.)
The Rook: You see, little Eddie. It's only a matter of time. First it will be you. Then your precious Julie. And then the little one. Be proud, little Eddie. For your child is becoming my heir to the throne of fear. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
(Rook drops the mic, a small smile coming to his face as he exits.)
Eddie: That was the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Rick: Ravens pecking someone's flesh out???
Eddie: Yeah.
Rick: You're sick. We've got to take a break.
_________________Commercials_________________
Rick: We're back?
Eddie: (eating a donut) You know.. I could really use milk right now.
Rick: Next up, Package vs. Carnage!
Eddie: Say Rick, you got any milk?
Rick: Lets go to the ring.
IWA
International Title
Ultimate Package(c) vs. Carnage
(The arena goes black. The crowd quiets to a hush.Nothing happens.Still Nothing happens. Voices quietly begin to come from the speakers.)
Voice: You know I was wondering. If you could keep on, cause you know the force has got a lot of power makes me feel like. You make me feel like..
(White Fireworks spark from the entrance. The blast from the pyrotechnics is so loud you can't hear your own heartbeat. The speakers blare the rest of "Don't stop till you get enough". The crowd goes absolutely berserk. The dimming whiteness from the fireworks leaves enough light for you to make out "The Ultimate Package" Aaron C. Spiering.You see a shine of light from the International belt placed around his waist.He walks to the end of the entrance walk. He stops and slowly reaches out his arms pointing at the sides of the walkway. As soon as his arms become parallel with the walkway, flares shoot up from the sides of the walkway. The crowd lets out another scream.)
(Package, now seeing the lit-up walkway, begins to strut down the isle. He struts down the walkway calmly continues up the stairs, over the ropes and into the middle of the ring. He positions himself in the exact middle of the ring, his front facing the jumbo-tron. He drops both arms to his side.)
(By now, the road flares have died off and the arena is once again, black. The music fades from the speakers. The arena is now silent. Blue fireworks blast out of the turnbuckles. You see The Package now holding out both hands. He is pointing at the jumbo tron. The camera turns to the Jumbo-tron where the screen reads in Giant White Flashing Letters, "International Champion". As the fireworks die off, the words alone light up the entire arena. The light in the arena goes on and off with the words. The crowd already cheering their loudest kicks it up a notch. The camera cuts to Rick and Eddie but you can't make them out with the crowd noise being as loud as it is. The lights go back on and the Package waves his hands and immediately gets a mic. The crowd hushes and holds on to Package's every word.)
Package: I want to thank the people who helped make this International Title possible. First off, I want to thank my parents for giving me life. For without that I couldn't have gone into wrestling. Next I want to thank Mike Vincent and let him know that he can always stay at my house when Sinsation goes on another rampage. And finally I want to thank God. (crowd gives a cheer) But most of all I don't want to thank Jackson T... or Q, X, Y and Z Hunter, or whatever the hell it is. Here, I'll make a deal with you about you name. I will call you whatever I want, whenever I want, and, god damn it, you'll like it. Now with that deal in mind I want to talk about the "Real" International Champion. I believe this belt around my waist (The Package points to the belt and the crowd gives out yet another cheer) tells the whole story, but You seen to think differently. While this man has no backing to his story, and I think my poll cleared up the people's opinion, I am willing to give him a shot. He can try to defeat "The People's Choice" Aaron C. Spiering. (The crowd cheers get louder.) But I do want you to know, history can and will repeat itself. I will beat you once again, and once again be the Undisputed International Champion of the IWA! Now (pauses and looks out at the crowd) it's time for the Ultimate!
Crowd and Package: Catch Phrase
(The crowd goes nuts as The Package throws out the mic and gets ready for the match. The ref demands The Package give him the belt.)
Eddie: You can't wrestle with your belt on.
Rick: What is he doing, you can't wrestle with a belt on.
Eddie: Yeah, you can't wrestle with a belt on.
Rick: He better take that thing off, you can't wrestle with a belt on.
(The Package refuses to take of the belt and give it to the ref, instead he waves for the mic.)
Package: (To the referee) You want this thing? (The referee nods his head "yes") While too bad. Your grubby little hands don't deserve to touch The Ultimate Belt. I know that you can't wrestle with a belt.
Eddie: I knew you couldn't!
Package: So I needed someone as worthy as the Package to hold on to his belt. So, will the only other person in this arena who deserves to touch The Ultimate Belt please come out.
(The speakers blare the theme to Magnum PI. After the music hits out walk John Hillerman, who played Albert Stanley Higgins on TV's Magnum PI. He walks down in his basic black butler's suit. He walks up to the Package who gently hands him the belt. Hillerman walks \par off to the side of the ring and has a seat to watch the match. The Package gives back the mic, and the ref signals for the bell.)
Rick: That's John Hillerman, from Magnun PI!
Eddie: So?
(The bell rings. Carnage charges at Package, he gets out of the way sticks out his foot and trips Carnage. Carnage falls face first into the ground. Package laughs as Carnage gets up. Carnage becomes enraged and locks up Package. Carnage throws him into the ropes. Carnage hits Package with a big boot. Package springs back up and hits Carnage with several punches to the midsection. After a couple of punches Package ties up the reeling carnage. He picks him, and hits a somoan drop. Package picks up Carnage and tries to throw him into the ropes. Carnage reveres it and throws Package in to the ropes. Carnage picks up the running package and hits a somoan drop. Carnage kicks Package a few times before returning him to his feet. Carnage ties up Package and throws him into the turnbuckle. Carnage sets up for the clothesline, but Package gets out of the way. Carnage hits the turnbuckle. Package pulls the dazed out of the turnbuckle. Package gets up on the second turnbuckle. He picks up Carnage and hits a PowerBomb. The Package of Smackage! He goes for the cover.)
1…2…3!!!
Eddie: Hey! That was like a Hogan count.
Eddie: Wow. He really opened that Package!
Rick: Can you feel that Package of Smackage! (whispered) Greg did not write this match.
(Package gets the belt from John Hillerman and places it around his waist. The crowd goes crazy when he points to the belt. “Don’t Stop till you get enough” plays in the speakers and Package starts to bust-a-groove up the isle. From out of the crowd comes Jackson Hunter, Esq. He sneaks up behind the now dancing Package. He hits him with a double axe-handle. Package falls from the impact. Jackson Hunter, Esq. continues to kick the now down Package. John Hillerman tries to help the Package, but Hunter knocks him to the ground as well. Hunter continues the beating on Package until refs come from out back and chase him off. The Package slowly gets up. As he gets himself to his feet he gives the Crowd a thumbs up with one hand as he points the International Belt. The crowd gives him a huge standing ovation. He helps up John Hillerman, and leaves the arena.)
_________________Commercials_________________
(Cut backstage. The Nighthawk is still in the halls, looking. He comes upon Christian Light at a coffee table.)
Tanis: Yo.
(Light turns to him.)
Light: No.
Tanis: No what? You don't know what I'm gonna say.
Light: I won't be a lumberjack.
Tanis: Why the (bleep) not?
Light: I've got problems of my own.
Tanis: All you do is stand there and beat Dane up when he's out of the ring!
Light: Sorry...
(He walks off, drinking his coffee. Tanis is furious.)
Tanis: Goddamn!
(Suddenly, something dawns on him.)
Tanis: Wait a sec. I'm the LORD of the ring! I don't need any lumberjacks!
(Tanis is smiling. He walks down the halls, cocky as ever. Cut to ringside.)
Eddie: Gotta love Tanis.
Rick: No, you don't. And no one else does! But, you're gonna like what's next, for sure.
Eddie: Crazies?
Rick: Crazies!
Eddie: Yeah!
IWA
Tag Team Title
The Crazy Ones(c) vs. The Ballistics
(Some punkish music plays through the speakers as The Ballistics come out. They get a small reaction from the crowd. The camera cuts to a sign in the crowd that reads "Ballistics = Rob Bastard X 2". The Ballistics stop halfway down the isle, look at each other and play some air guitar. They high five and continue into the ring. They go to there corner and huddle. "Breathe" blares through the speakers and there are loud cheers from the crowd.)
Eddie: Yes!
(Maniac Mike and The Missing Link come through the enterance. They are both carrying bats covered in barbed wire.)
Eddie: Oh. They got bats!
Rick: What bats? Where? I don't like bats. Especially the bats who turn into Vampires, scary stuff.
Eddie: No. Barbed Wire bats.
(They slowly walk down the isle and into the ring. They taunt the Ballistics by waving the bats at them. They go into the corner and the ref signals for the bell. The bell rings. Mike McCloud steps out of the ring. Maniac Mike and The Missing Link call a group huddle. After some discussion, the Missing Link takes Maniac's bat and steps out of the ring. Maniac rushes at Powell. The two men start exchanging blows. Maniac grabs Powell and sends him into the rope. Powell comes back and gets hit with a hard drop kick from Maniac. Maniac goes over to his corner and grabs his bat. He gets a huge grin on his face as he makes his way back to Powell.)
Eddie: He's no Tom Glavine, but he can swing that bat!
Rick: Isn't Tom Glavine a coach?
Eddie: No, he's the first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals, he just hit 70 homers.
Rick: Oh, that Tom Glavine.
Eddie: You should watch more baseball.
Rick: I more of a squash player.
(Maniac gets next to Powell and gets ready to hit him with the bat. Powell, who is now back on his feet, kicks Mainiac during his back swing , causing Maniac to drop his back. Powell takes the now dazed Maniac picks him up and hits a huge Samoan drop. Powell takes off for the ropes. Missing Link seeing the Powell is about to hit a huge elbow drop goes over to the ropes as well. As soon as Powell hits the rope, he also gets hit with the Barbed wire bat in Link's hands. Powell falls to the ground.)
Eddie: Oh my God!
Rick: That has to hurt.
(Maniac gets up laughing. He kicks his bat, which is still in the ring, causing it to fall out of the ring and onto the apron. He walks over to Powell kicks him over and covers for the pin. 1............2......... McCloud comes out of his corner and kicks off Maniac. McCloud picks up Maniac and hits another huge Samoan drop. Link drops the bat and comes out of his corner. Powell, seeing McCloud's disadvantage, forces himself up. As he gets up you can see the blood stains he left on the mat. His back is still red from the blow with the bat. All four men are now exchanging blows in the ring. Link, knowing that Powell is weak, takes him and whips him into the ropes. He uses so much force that Powell falls over the ropes as soon as he makes impact. Link goes back and helps Maniac Mike, who is still exchanging blows with McCould. Link walks up to McCloud. Grabs him and throws him to the ropes as well. Maciac and Link combine and follow him in to the ropes. They hit him with a double clothesline as soon as he hits the ropes. McCloud gets knocked over the ropes, and hits Powell as he is getting up. Both men slowly get up from the apron as The Crazy Ones slide out of the ring.)
Eddie: Get 'em!
(The Ballistics regroup and await the Crazy ones attack. The two groups meet again. This time Powell and Link lock up and McCloud and Maniac exchange punches. Powell knees Link to get out of the Lock-up. Powell picks up Link and hits a powerful Samoan drop onto the mat.)
Eddie: Ouch. Right onto the mat.
Rick: What a match!
(Powell gives Link a few kicks in the head. On the other half of the ring, we see Maniac and McCloud continue to exchange blows until Maniac reaches up and grabs McCloud by his Mohawk.)
Eddie: Hehe!
Rick: That's what the moron gets for having a Mohawk.
Eddie: (Running his hand through his hair) maybe I should get a Mohawk.
Rick: Go for it. He he.
(Maniac drags McCloud along the mat. After a couple of seconds of hair pulling, Maniac takes McCloud and throws him into the metal stair. You hear a shriek of pain from McCloud as he hits the stairs. The stairs knock out of place as McCloud falls to the ground. Maniac picks McCloud and drags him by his Mohawk over in front of the Spanish announcer's table!)
Eddie: This guy is crazy!
Rick: They are the Crazy One's.
(Maniac picks up McCloud and hits a Somoan Drop straight through the Spanish announce table.)
Eddie: Wow!
Rick: That was amazing!
Eddie: Wow!The table cracks under McCloud's severe fall. Maniac drags him out from the rubbage under the tabe and goes for the cover.1...................2................3!)
Your Winners, 11:51, and still IWA Tag Team Champion's, The Crazy One's!
Eddie: They better get somebody over here to clean up that mess. I don't want to get a splinter.
Rick: Yeah. We'll take another break.
_________________Commercials_________________
Eddie: #On top of old Smokey... all covered with cheese!# And here's where it gets good.
Rick: Uh, we're on.
Eddie: Oh..... crap!
Rick: Up next we have Christian Light vs. Boog-man vs. Rob Bastard. No titles, just the pride that comes with winning.
Eddie: What a jip!
Christian Light vs. Boog-man vs. Rob Bastard
("Blue Light Special" plays over the speakers, and the lights shut off throughout the whole arena. A soft green light shows the silhouette of the World's Original at the entrance ramp. Suddenly, green pyro erupts from around the ramp, and the crowd erupts in either loud boos or cheers. Boog walks down to the ring, the Northern Title around his waist...no valet...no sidekick...no goofy assistant...just himself.)
(Boog high fives a few hands, and runs and dives into the ring underneath the bottom rope, and walks up to aturnbuckle and raises his hands. He then drops downand removes the belt and hands it to a ring attendant, and leans against the trunbuckle.)
Eddie: Now, for the champion.
(Crazy Punk music plays. Instead loud cheers begin. The spotlights finds the ramp, where Rob Bastard steps out. He has the IWA title around his waist. Bastard heads down the aisle, fans reaching out to his spider-webbed head. Bastard slides in, and raises the title to a loud pop! Then, he hands the belt away.)
Eddie: One to go.
Rick: That is the number one contender, Christian Light.
(“Why I’m Here” by Oleander plays over the PA system, and the big screen goes all white. As the second guitar kicks in, the phrase “RTD 2000” plays over the PA system. The fans, who were booing quietly before, start to boo louder as Christian Light emerges from behind the curtain. Light stands atop the ramp in his traditional blue and white “RTD” tights and his new Christian Light shirt, which has the "Christian Light logo" on it with a black background. Light looks into the ring, then looks to his left, then his right, observing the fan reactions to his presence. Almost like taunting them, he lifts his hands high into the air, clenched in fists, and facing the ring. Light lingers on the stage, staring into the ring, for about a minute, until the chorus of his song is about to hit. As the first note of the chorus hits, Light throws his hands down violently as white colored fireworks go off in the background on the stage. Light walks down to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He stands quickly, not taking his eyes off of his opponents as he removes his shirt and throws it into Rob Bastard’s face.)
Eddie: Oh, this is gonna be sweet!
Rick: You're tellin' me.
(Boog and Light both glance at each other. And, in unison, charge Bastard, but Rob ducks the closthesline. He pops back up and boots Light in the stomach. Boog charges, but gets thrown down with an armdrag. Rob takes CL down with a gutwrench. Bastard quickly hops on the second rope, and raises his arms!)
Rick: What a start for Bastard.
Eddie: The finish might not be so good.
(Both are up. Boog-man whips Light into the corner, and he splashes hard on Bastard! Now, Boog charges, and Light moves. Another splash! Boog turns around. BAM! Light clotheslines him down.)
Rick: Well, it's every man for themselves, in this one.
(Light stuffs Bastard's head under his arm. Lifts him up, Brainbuster! He covers, 1.........2......... Boog-man with the save. Boog and Light now locking up. Boog with the atomic drop, and he throws Light, no CL reverses it and Boog goes into the ropes. Boog-man flies back and into a back-body drop. Light drops the elbow. He meets Bastard back up, and hits a series of knee-lifts to the stomach. Light goes for a DDT, no! Bastard back-body's him out of the ring! Light hits the ground hard!)
Eddie: That's gonna leave a mark.
(Bastard runs into the ropes for momentum, but Boog trips him up. Boog-man quickly applies an ankle-lock in the ring! Rob fights it, and worms to the ropes! He has a hold. The ref breaks it up. Light slides back in the ring now. He takes Bastard, and throws him in the corner. Light charges! Bastard with the boot in the face. Boog-man slowly climbs the ropes. Bastard now drags Light's face against the ropes. But, CL comes right back with a rake to the face. He scoop slams Bastard down. Christian turns to Boog, who leaps off the top rope with a cross-body! 1................2............. Bastard with the save!)
Eddie: So close!
Rick: That's the thing with three-way dances. You gotta get both guys out of it, so they can't kick out or make the save.
Eddie: A scoop slam ain't gonna do it.
(Boog dives onto Bastard and starts unleashing with right hands! Rob tries to block, but most connect. Light is up. He pulls Boog off of Bastard and into a big German suplex! Light pulls Bastard up, but Rob with a low blow! He lifts Light up and nails a Samoan drop. Bastard covers, 1..........2.......... Light with the shoulder up. Bastard now whips him in the ropes. He drops down and CL hops over him, right into a HUGE clothesline from Boog-man! Boog hooks the legs, 1............2..... Bastard shoves him off. Rob covers, 1................2........... Boog shoves him off. Boog and Bastard get in each others face. They start exchanging fierce rights! Light runs into the ropes, and dropkicks both men out!)
Eddie: Ha!
Rick: Always gotta pay attention to both men.
(Light waits for them to rise back to their feet on the outside, then dives out with a cross-body! They caught him! Both of them! Boog and Rob with a fallaway slam into the crowd!)
Eddie: Whoa!
(And Bastard plows over Boog with a clothesline. He picks Boog up, and DDT's him on the floor! Bastard throws him in the ring, and climbs the ropes.)
Rick: GSS! Gilman Street Splash coming up!
(Bastard measures. He leaps off! Nails it!!! 1...............................2.......................... NO! Christian Light pulls Bastard off! He throws him out of the ring!)
Eddie: He had it! He was so close!
(Light starts yelling at Bastard on the outside. Out of nowhere, Boog rolls him up with a craddle! 1...........................2.......................
Eddie: THREE!
Rick: Kick out! Now look!
(Light flips over into a bridge with his own cover! 1...........................2..................... ......3!)
Eddie: He got him?
Rick: YES!
Your Winner, in 10:48, Christian Light!
Eddie: Christian Light won! Argh!
(Rob Bastard is walking backwards up the ramp with a mic.)
Rob: Christian, Boog... Get ready, because the Deathstars are coming!
(He throws the mic down.)
Rick: Deathstars?
_________________Commercials_________________
Rick: We're back. It's time for the lumberjack match. Remember, each man was to select 3 lumberjacks. But, it doesn't look like Tanis had much luck.
Eddie: Luck? Tanis doesn't need luck!
Lumberjack
Match
Byron Tanis vs. Eric Dane
[The arena lights drop, and a series of twirling blue lazers lights cascade over the crowd. They come together over the center of the ring to form a giant blue rotating star. "Welcome to the Jungle" begins blaring through the Public Address system, and the crowd erupts in cheers for the former champion. Out from the back, Eric hobbles, accompanied by the "King of Deathmatches" Justin Taylor, "Blue Collar" Ray Masters, and "Brooklyn's Finest" Kai A. Lewis. Eric is dressed in Tanis's leather jacket with his shades down over his eyes, a pair of "Only Star" tights, and has a heavy knee brace over his right knee. The four of them make their way ringward, Eric slides under the ropes, and the rest of them climb through and stand in the center of the ring. Eric reaches into the inside pocket of the jacket and retrieves a mic Tanis style.]
Eric: You know Byron, I heard you were having a little trouble finding some friends to watch your back in this Lumberjack match!
[The crowd pops]
Eric: Well, since you're a punk with no friends, I took the liberty of picking a few for you! First, let me introduce you to the Cruiserweight Champion of the World, "The Savior" Drew Jacobs!
["P.E. 2000" plays over the P.A., and out walks Jacobs his his belt snugly wrapped around his waist.]
Eric: Next, let me introduce you to another of your former best friends, Jim "The Dragon" Dalton!
["Jesus Christ Superstar" plays, and Dalton makes his entrance.]
Eric: And Byron, the final lumberjack tonight, is none other than the man who turned you into a pork chop last week, VENOM!
[The Halloween theme plays, and Venom slowly makes his way to the ring. The seven men in the ring pose one of the more threatening allinces ever formed.]
Eric: Now Byron, I know you're sitting in the back pissing yourself right now, and you're probably getting it all over MY World Title! But I really don't give a [bleep]!
[Huge crowd pop.]
Eric: Oh, and Byron...You'd better be on the lookout, because...
[He holds the mic up.]
Crowd: The Hawk is Watching!
Rick: Look at all these damn lumberjacks! All of them hate Tanis!
Eddie: This is cheating!
("Symphony of Destruction" the Tanis remix plays. BOOS from the fans.)
Eddie: Tanis! Tanis! Tanis!
(The Nighthawk steps on the ramp. He's accompanied by even louder boos. Tanis heads down the ramp slowly, watching all the lumberjacks. Finally, when they all clear the way, he slides in.)
Eddie: Tanis can't do anything! He can't leave the ring!
Rick: He can fight Dane.
(The bell sounds. Dane quickly rolls out of the ring.)
Eddie: Not when he does that.
(Tanis calls Dane back in. Dane calls Tanis out. Then, BFKL hops on the apron on the other side. Tanis attacks him, giving Dane time to get back in. He nails Tanis from behind, and sends him flying over the top rope! BFKL, Taylor, Ray, and Dalton all start stomping away on the World champ! The crowd loves it!)
Eddie: This isn't fair at all! Leave him alone!
Rick: I doubt they'll listen.
(Venom just watches Tanis behind destroyed. Finally, he's thrown back in. Dane covers, 1..............2............ kick out! Tanis rises back to his feet. Dane with a European uppercut. But, Tanis comes right back, and plows Dane down with a clothesline! Eric quickly rolls back out of the ring.)
Eddie: What the... Damn!
Rick: He's gotta protect his knee.
Eddie: Then he shouldn't be wrestling!!!
(Tanis stomps on the mat in frustration! Dane calls him out, but The Nighthawk doesn't move. Dane, Taylor, BFKL, and Masters start talking. Venom watching. Tanis runs into the ropes, and jumps over to the outside! He drops everyone with a huge cross-body!)
Eddie: WOOHOO!
Rick: Oh man. That's one way to beat 5 guys.
Eddie: One problem. There's 6!
(Tanis stands, and Venom grabs him by the throat! He chokeslams him down! The crowd.... is cheering!)
Rick: Listen... Venom is getting cheered! I can't believe it.
Eddie: Neither can Venom.
(He picks up Tanis, and rolls him back in. Dane gets back, and rolls in. He smiles, as he covers a lifeless Tanis.)
Rick: Tanis is out. This is over.
(The ref counts. 1................................2............................... )
(KICK OUT!)
Eddie: Thank god!
(Dane is in shock. But, he gets up, and waits for Tanis. Byron gets up to his feet slowly, and ducks a Dane lariat. But, Eric bounces off the ropes with a dropkick, on the money! He picks Tanis up, and sits him on the top rope.)
Eddie: Uh oh.
Rick: This is dangerous on both parts. Dane's knee...
(Dane is going for a superplex... no! Tanis shoves him off! He hops down. Tanis brings him up! He looks at the booing crowd, and chops Dane's knee!)
Rick: He's going for the knee! Tanis is trying to end Dane's career!
(Tanis pulls him up, and takes him down by the knee again. He's pulling back on the leg! Dane is screaming in pain!)
Eddie: Ha! Get him!
(The others can't take it. BFKL enters the ring. Tanis gets up, and charges! Lewis ducks, and the ref goes down!)
Rick: The ref is out! The ref is out!
(Tanis kicks BFKL, and plants him with a brainbuster! Masters is in, and goes down with a sidewalk slam! Justin Taylor hops in, and is dropped with a DVD! Now, Dalton leaps off the top rope... Tanis dropkicks him in the chest on the way down!)
Eddie: Look at this! Tanis is taking everyone out!
(Venom is on the apron, and calls Tanis. Byron quickly hits him with a right to the head. Venom falls off the apron! The crowd is booing LOUD! Tanis smiles. Then, the crowd's boos turn to cheers!)
Rick: Adam Fierce! Adam Fierce is here!
Eddie: Tanis' opponent at the next ESPN show!
(Fierce sprints down the aisle. He quickly climbs the top rope. Tanis turns around, and is nailed with a Missile dropkick! Tanis flies right into Dane, who plants him with the Falling Star Spike! The crowd is going berzerk! Fierce picks up the ref, and throws him in the center of the ring, where Dane has Tanis covered! 1......................)
Rick: YES!
(...................2...................)
Eddie: NO!
(...................................3!!!)
Rick: Yes! Dane wins!
Your Winner, in 8:57, Eric Dane!
Eddie: I can't believe it. It's all Adam Fierce's fault! Damn him!
Rick: Listen to that crowd? I can't hardly hear myself! Fans, we're outta time, so long!
(Dane is up, favoring his right knee. BFKL plants Tanis with the Big Apple. Then, Jacobs leaps off, and nails the Fall From Greatness! The fans are still going nuts. The copyright laws appear. Dane is limping out of the ring, refusing anyone's help, as the scene fades to the IWA logo.)
