Jokes and Top 10s


Q: How long does Luke Skywalker have to sleep?
A: One Jedi Knight

Q. Which Star Wars character uses lunch meat for a weapon instead of a saber?
A: Obi Wan Baloney

TOP TEN FAILED STAR WARS SPINOFFS
10) Dack: The Wonder Years
9) Yak Face: The Comic Book
8) Jedi Schoolhouse Rocks
7) The Skywalkers meet the Jetsons
6) Late, Late, Late Night with Crix Madine
5) Han Can Cook
4) Zuckuss and 4-LOM's Excellent Adventures
3) Ozzel and Harriet
2) The Lando Calrissian Variety Hour, sponsored by Colt 45 and the Psychic Reader's Network
1) 2-1B, M.D.

Top 8 Rejeceted changes in the special edition
8. Luke discovers the Made in Taiwan sticker on the Death Star
7. Instead of throwing the Emperor down a shaft Darth gives him a major wedgie
6. Animal rights picketers on Hoth when Han cuts open the tauntaun
5. When Luke pulls Vader's mask off he asks why he looks like Humpty Dumpty
4. Uncle owen and Aunt Beru yell "Mark! Mark! Mark!" in all the Tatooine scenes
3. The Death Star shoots at Yavin 4 and misses(Greedo was manning the controls)
2. Darth Vader turns to the screen and says, "Will you stop asking your mom if I'm the bad guy" to the little kid behind you.
1. Boba Fett and Mon Mothma kissing.

Top Ten Items in a Tatooine Convenience Store

10. Yoda Pop
9. Rebel Alliance Ice-cream bars
8. Chewie Tobacca
7. Hoth Slushies
6. Life-Sabers
5. Gummy Ewoks
4. Jolly Bantha Ranchers
3. Bobalicious Bubblegum
2. Death Starbursts
1. Jawabreakers

What I Learned from the Star Wars Trilogy

1. Do not trust men in black helmets.
2. It is not neccesary to be fluent in over six million forms of communication.
3. Don't start a relationship with someone and less you know you're not related to them.
4. Be kind to old senior citizens with dark robes on them. They could zap you with lightning bolts.
5. Cute, cuddly teddy bears will eat you unless they think you're a god.
6. A droid is more handy then a swiss army knife.
7. If you're an emperor, it is a must that you have a chair that turns without you doing anything.
8. Do not use targeting computers to blow up a Death Star. Trust the voices in your head.
9. If you have a droid with wheels, make sure it can go down steps, and through a thick forest like R2-D2.
10. Watch out for trees while on a speeder bike.
11. If you get your hand cut off buy a lightsaber, make sure your arm is hollow and doesn't bleed.
12. Ancient weapons and hoakey religions are a good match compared to a blaster at your side.
13. Always trust a two foot tall green man with pointy ears.
14. If you get an unwanted call then shoot the phone.
15. People frozen in carbonite make good wall decorations.
16. Thermal Detonators are good to have when trying to make a bargain with someone.
17. If you don't agree with someone, strangle them through the force.
18. Always let a Wookiee win.
19. Never allow yourself to become as clumsy as you are stupid.
20. Walk in single file to hide your numbers.
21. Never trust a strange computer.
22. Do or do not. There is no try.
23. Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view.
24. Once you start down the dark side, forever will it dominate your destiny.
25. If you're driving a 150 foot tall Imperial Walker (AT-AT) that can blow up a Rebel base, watch out for tow cables. They could trip you.

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