Greetings all
I was going to leave my website to gather dust. I haven't written anything on it since the age of 19, I believe. I'm 21 as I write this. When I wrote much of this page, I was younger, and certainly naive. I hadn't met many gay people, so it didn't occur to me that they were the ones who needed an etiquette lesson, tongue in cheek or not.
These days my opinion has changed. There are many gay people I dont like, and virtually all of my friends are straight. I prefer it that way.
Therefore, here now is a list of etiquette for gay people, to try and preserve that ole life span of yours. :)
Some is tongue in cheek, some is humorous. Life being what it is, it may be hard to tell the two apart.
1) Don't annoy someone called Andy. Ir might be me, and Im creative in my vengeance.
2) Are most of your friends gay? Have you slept with most of them? Congratulations! you've ensured your life will be forever complicated, and will likely not find a true love that you dont get bored with after two days. the lesson here: sluts may have more fun, but that wont always fill the void inside.
3) For goodness sake, if a guy has a boyfriend or girlfriend, consider him off limits! Nothing pisses me off more than a home wrecker.
4) It might not be a good idea to gossip about the people you sleep with. For one thing, they might find out.
5) Four inches is not 'large'. this doesn't mean that having a small dick makes you worth less than anyone. It just means that perhaps you shouldn't advertise your size.
6) A hint dedicated to James Piper: If you tell your friends about guys you've shagged, and they stop being disgusted, and start laughing a lot, at mysterious moments, perhaps you should be suspicious.
7) If you haven't got the hint, James Piper of Reading, you shouldn't make gestures indicating a guys cock length, and call it large. We now all know what you consider a large size, and have been joking about it for nearly a year.
8) To James again: by the way, have you heard the song we sing? The lyrics are most amusing. To us anyway.
9) Do not assume that your straight mates want to hear about your love life, if it changes on a daily basis. *I* dont want to know, and I *am* gay.
10) If you suggest sex to someone, and they say they're in a relationship, do not say 'so?' If they're committed to their other half, they won't change their mind. And they'll get pissed off. Straight people will usually take this more light heartedly, since they're not interested in their own gender anyway. Other people, however, might suddenly start imagining ways to kill you in amusing ways.
11) buying a drink for others is always appreciated. We just dont generally plan on sleeping with you.
12) If you're a 'chicken hawk', remember that while some young guys do like the older type, not all do. Try not to be so blatantly lechy, it creeps us out. Loads. But buying us drinks is cool.
13) If a guy says he's with someone, but they're not making body contact, he's probably getting a friend to help him out so he can fend off your advances. If they start laughing when you walk away, this becomes more likely.
14) If you see a mob of people laughing loudly, avoid. They're definately up for fun, but you probably wont like it.
15) If you see someone looking like me in the group, *really* run.
16) For fuck's sake, use protection. HIV is still on the increase, so clearly there are still people out there for whom the phrase 'terminal illness' is just too complicated.
17) You might think it's a shame that someone has a girl/boyfriend, but they probably don't see it in the same light.
18) Don't assume other gay people share your tastes in music, politics, or men. Yes I wear black. Yes Im gay. Yes I like death metal and stuff. If you have problems dealing with that, then it's just as well you purposefully cage yourself away from the sane world.
19) Don't send pics over the net unless you arent easily embarassed, or you dont care who gets it. We have a poster of a guy who compared badly in size with a nokia phone. Should he ever annoy us sufficiently, we have some good ammunition.
20) If a guy asks you back to his place, it's for sex, let's be honest. Unless that's what you want, go home alone.
21) You won't find love by jumping into bed with a guy the first night you meet him. Actually, I did, but it holds otherwise.
22) Get a fucking sense of humour. If you cant laugh at yourself, everyone else will take up the job for you.
23) lastly: don't try to force straights to stop coming to gay pubs. They wouldn't stop you going to a straight pub. So show them the same respect they show you.
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