July 20th, 1999

July 20th...Just got home from a looooonngg day at work and my feet hurt really really bad. *rubs feet* Too bad I don't have anyone to rub em for me ~sighs~ but that's another story. I got a raise a week or so ago...that's good, it was a pretty big raise and earlier than I expected. I am really happy at this place, for once. Doesn't it figure? I finally find a great place to work, where I make good money, love the work and like all of the people I work with and I am moving to Florida?
I think Florida will have to wait for a while. I am starting to get back on my feet now and I am getting straightened out. I just want to get away from here so bad. My parents are just crowding me and we just don't get along much anymore. I want to get away from Danny and all of the memories...all of the people who won't let our relationship go. Today is a year since I broke up with Danny for the first time and we were apart for 3 months...then stupid me, started talking to him again. But I sure did learn my lesson. Anyways, back to the Florida thing, I want to start over and be responsible. I want to be on my own and make my own decisions. I want to be able to go out and not have to answer to my parents questions lol. I also want to get back to school, now I am hoping that I can start back by next fall. I hope so.
Lately, my parents and everyone I know has been trying to set me up with all these different guys lol. They are driving me insane. No joke. There are these two nice guys around for the summer and I have hung out with them a few times but they just don't have the kind of personality that I want. Don't get me wrong, they are great to be around and fun and all that stuff....and yeah, they are well nice to look at but I don't want to settle. My heart is set on Brian right now, lol, I can't help it. I don't know if I will ever see him but I can always hope. Jen and Nick are doing great...they are so much in love. I am happy for them but I have to admit that I am jealous. But that is ok because Jen is my best friend and she deserves to be happy. :O)
I just need answers. Answers about so many things...especially Brian. I feel so akward around him now and I can't figure out why. I just feel like I annoy him when I talk to him. Ahhhhhh. Why can't anything be easy? *shrugs* I am so confused about what to do. Should I hold on and hang around hoping for the best? Or, do I just give up on it? That would hurt so bad lol but....nononononononononoooooo, I am not going there. I will not think like that anymore. I want Brian and one day he will love me. He has said it before and he will say it again. Just let me work some of my magic on him lol hahahaha *eG* tehe Things are all going to be okay...


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