Thursday June 10, 1999


June 10, 1999...I just woke up and I had a really bad night. I have this really weird feeling in my stomach. The first thing I heard when I woke up this morning and I turned on the radio was *I Want It That Way* by BSB and I just collapsed on the floor and started bawling. Something is seriously wrong and I am not sure what it is yet. Are things between Jen, Brian, Nick and I way beyond fixable? I hope not. Please don't let that be what this feeling is.
It is so hard to be left behind and not being able to know what they are thinking. I just wish I could talk to them once...just see how they feel about everything that's happened. Find out if they have turned their backs on Jen and I...I need to know at least that much.
I usually am so positive about the situation, saying that we all just needed time to cool off, but now with this feeling, I'm not so sure. I feel so pathetic worrying about this as much as I do but it means the world to me. I don't want to turn my back on the guys if there is a glimmer of hope left. I don't know what is going on in my stomach but it sure as hell better chill out! Maybe I am just hungry...LoL. No, seriously, I hope things start to get better or else I am going back to bed!


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