Episode 1: Hunk Gets an Anal Probe
We see the Voltron Force at the space port, singing until...
Lance: Ah Dammit! My little sister is trying to follow me to school again!
Aurora babbles some nonsense...
Lance: Aurora, you can't go to school with me.
Sven: Yea, go home you little dildo!
Lance: Sven, Don't call my sister a dildo!
Keith: What's a dildo?
Lance: I don't know, but I bet Sven doesn't know what a dildo is!
Sven: Yea I do!
Lance: Then what is it?
Sven: I'm not telling you.
Hunk: Sven doesn't know. Pidge what's a dildo?
Pidge: It's kind of like soybeans. A meat substitute.
The Voltron Force starts laughing...
Hunk: that's pretty funny Pidge.
Sven: That's what Lance's little sister is, a dildo!
We see Lance get upset, pick up Aurora by the feet and let Sven have it by using Aurora as a hammer....
WHAM!
Sven: Ow!
Keith: That was cool, Lance!
Lance: Ya think that's cool, check this out! Ready Aurora? kick the baby!
Aurora: Don't kick the baby.
Lance: Kick the baby!
Lance gets in a 3-point stance and kicks Aurora for about 40 yards straight into the mailboxes...
Pidge: Nice shot!
Hunk Yawns...
Keith: Damn, Hunk you look tired.
Hunk: Oh yeah, I had this Bogus nightmare last night.
Lance: About what Hunk?
Hunk: Well, I had this dream that I was sleeping in my room, and there was this strange blue light I saw
through the window. Next, the door in my room opens and theses strange people appear. The next thing I know I was dragged out of my room, put in this strange room that looked like an operating room, where they put me on this table and operated on me.
Keith: Dude, that wasn't a dream, that was real! You were visited!
Hunk: no I wasn't!
Before the Voltron Force start getting real violent, King Alfor's ghost pulls up on his Harley...
King Alfor's ghost: Hello there children.
Voltron Force: Hey King Alfor.
King Alfor's ghost: Did you see that strange light outside the castle last night?
Lance: No but Hunk saw them!
Hunk: Shut up! It was only a dream!
King Alfor's ghost: Really? Did they put an Anal Probe up your butt Hunk?
Hunk: NO.... I mean, why would they do that?
Keith: What's an anal probe?
King Alfor's ghost: An anal probe, is where they put this big metal whoop-a-doo up your butt.
Lance: Hah, They guinea pigged you, They stuffed things up your ass!
Hunk: No they didn't! It was only a dream!
King Alfor's ghost: Now be careful Hunk might be under alien control.
When King Alfor's ghost turns around to head to his Harley, we see the picture of an alien on his cape, Then Hunk gets Very nervous...
Keith: What's the matter?
Hunk: Nothing.... I think.
Lance: We're sorry about your ass, Hunk.
Hunk: SHUT UP! I didn't get an anal probe!
Aurora babbles Anal probe...
Hunk: Shut up Dildo!
The bus finally pulls up....
Transport driver: C'mon we're running late!
The Voltron Force proceeds to get on the bus but first...
Lance: No Aurora, you can't go with me, That's it, This is for the game... Ready Aurora? Kick the baby!
Lance does it again, and Aurora goes through the bus VIA through windows...
Keith: Why are you walking funny, Hunk?
Hunk: Shut up Keith!
Lance: Oh Shit! I left Aurora by herself!
Keith and Lance look out the window and see the Vorlons taking Aurora
Lance: Aurora! Hey Hunk, Are those the Vorlons?
Hunk: Yeah right, you're just trying to scare me!
Keith: they're taking her away!
Pidge: Holy Shit, They're coming to get us!
Lance: Stop the bus!
We see Lance running up to Transport driver and frantically trying to tell her to stop the bus
Lance: Ya gotta stop the bus!
Transport driver: Do you want an office referral?
Lance: No,but...
Transport driver: Then sit down!
Lance: but,...
Transport driver: SIT DOWN!!!
A screaming match ensues between the Transport driver and Lance, But Lance loses and runs away...
Lance: My mom's gonna disown me!
Keith: I wish we could go back and get her but that Big bitch won't let us!
Transport driver: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Sven: He said he's got an itch!
Transport driver: OH, ok.
Lance: I'm in the dark shits right now, how am I gonna get Aurora back!
Keith: We'll find a way Lance, as soon as that Bitch lets us!
Transport driver: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Keith: I said "RABBITS EAT LETTUCE!"
Transport driver: Oh, well of course they do.
Lance: Dammit, If I don't get Aurora back, My parents will disown me!
Pidge farts
Sven: Heh heh,,, you farted Pidge.
Hunk: *sniff,sniff* Somebody is making brownies.
Meanwhile at the psi corps base...
Psi Cop Bester: There's been a lot crazy things lately, all of my telepaths are acting really nuts and a couple of them got turned inside out!
Mr. Garibaldi: There's nothing going on here, you're just crazy.
Psi Cop Bester: Well then how come your forces are all around the place?
Mr. Garibaldi: What forces?
We see a whole bunch of Earth Force soldiers running around and even though They both see them Mr. Garibaldi still denies it...
We also see the Vorlons call the entire psi corps officers and gets them to follow them...
Bester: Wait my telepaths, Where are you going?
Mr. Garibaldi: I'll get them back for you...... then I'll kill you.
Bester: What did you say?
Mr. Garibaldi: I said I'll refill you
Mr. Garibaldi gets his Hover Car and follows them...
As we enter the classroom at the Academy, we see Koran teaching the class about WW II.
Koran: OK Students, now that we are here, Our topic is World war 2. This Earth war was fought from
both sides of the Planet called Earth. Before the planet unified, the little lands and island called Countries,
and the main Countries that played very important, blah, blah blah...
While Koran speaks, We see Lance Bitching about his sister, and Keith, trying to calm him down...
Lance: Damn Keith, if I don't get Aurora back, My Parents will Disown me! I know what's gonna happen They will both say, "Where's your little sister Lance?", Why weren't you looking out For your little sister, Lance"
Keith: Relax, Lance, We'll find a way to get out of here.
Lance: "Make sure you take care of your little sister, Lance." "brush and floss, Lance.", "WHERE'S THAT
FINGER BEEN, Lance?"!...
Keith: Dude!
Koran: Is there anything wrong, Lance?
We see Lance get up and goto Koran and proceed to talk to him...
Lance: Yea, Can I Leave?
Koran: let me guess, Farla has a tumor again?
Lance: NO! My sister got abducted by the Vorlons!
Sven: Yea, They also put a "anal probe" up Hunk's butt!
Hunk: Shut up Sven, before I kick your ass!
Koran: I think you better Talk to Nanny.
Lance: I DON'T WANNA TALK TO NANNY, I WANNA TALK TO YOU DAMMIT!!!
Koran: Just talk to Nanny please.
Lance: *Sigh* Nanny can I go save my little sister?
Nanny: Well, NO! GOTO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE YOU SILLY EARTHER!
Lance: DAMMIT!!!
We see Lance go back to his desk...
Sven: Hah, Hah, you got yelled at by Nanny!
Hunk: *Bbbrraappp* OW, MY ASS! *Bbrraapp* ARGH!
We see Hunk farting fire...
Keith: Holy crap! Hunk's farting fire!
Pidge: Damn, Hunk, What did you eat?
Sven: It's that damn "anal probe" that's causing it!
Hunk: shut up Sven! I didn't get an anal probe! *Bbbrrraaappp* AAAHHHH!
Koran: Hunk, Would you like to go out in the hall until you get your flaming farts under control?
Hunk: I'm ok Koran *Bbrraapp* OW, MY ASS!
As Hunk farts fire, He lights a bioroid on fire that's sitting next to him...
Bioroid: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Pidge: Wow! That dude is on fire! Way to go Hunk!
We are at the train station. when we see the chain of Telepaths we stop at a train with a Space Port Operator in front of them...
Space Port Operator: All right Guys. This is a Mundane train. Only Mundanes are allowed on it. You are Telepaths. You cannot go on a mundane train.
The Telepaths looked puzzled...
Space Port Operator: Oh-no, Don't you try your Telepath mind control on me!
Mr. Garibaldi pulls up and spots the Telepaths almost immediately...
Mr. Garibaldi: Hold it right there Telepaths! it's time to go home to Bester!
The Telepaths scramble Quickly...
Mr. Garibaldi: Don't... Dammit!
Mr. Garibaldi chases after them...
Back at the academy, We are at the cafeteria...
Hunk: *Bbbrraapp* OW, MY ASS!
Sven: Dammit Hunk, will you stop Farting?
Hunk: I would,if I could!!! *Bbrraapp* AARRGHH!
Lance: Keith, I gotta get out of here to find Aurora!
Keith: only problem, Nanny won't let us!
Hunk: I'm hungry.
Pidge: how can you think of food when you are farting fire, Hunk?
Hunk: I don't know. I'm just Hungry.
Sven: Wait, Keith, There's Allura!
As we see Allura, We also see Keith get a big smile, until...
Hunk: Keith want's to kiss, Allura the Harpist....
Keith: Shut up Fatass! I don't like her anyway.
Hunk: Yes you do.
Keith: No I don't.
Hunk: Then how come you throw up when She talks to you?
Keith: No I don't!
Allura: Hi guys.
The gang: Hi , Allura.
Allura: Hi, Keith, This is for you.
Keith throws up (insert your own puke track)
Allura: Ew!
Allura leaves and Keith checks out the note she gave him...
Keith: HOLY CRAP! This note Says to meet her at the lake!
Lance: Maybe you can kiss her!
Sven: Or slip her the tongue!
Pidge (With his mouth full): Mmph mmmph Mmph Mmmph !
Keith: How do you know that She has a cat, Pidge?
Pidge starts laughing, and after a little bit the gang starts laughing too...
As the lunch line moves up the crew is at the lunch display.
We see King Alfor's ghost enter...
King Alfor's ghost: Hello Voltron Force!
All of them: Hey King Alfor.
King Alfor's ghost: What's wrong Lance? C'mon, cheer up it's "Salisbury Steak Day"!
Lance: My sister got taken away by the Vorlons.
King Alfor's ghost: WHAT!? Voltron Force, What the hell are you doing here still in the Academy?
Keith: Nanny wouldn't let us.
Hunk: Forget about your little sister Lance, I WANT MY SALISBURY STEAK! *bBRRAAPP* OW!
As Hunk farts fire, all we see is this metal hoopadoo come out of Hunks ass and look at him, then slip back in...
Keith: Wow Hunk!
Pidge: Do it again!
Hunk Do what?
King Alfor's ghost: Incredible! It looks like the Vorlons want to communicate with us!
Hunk: Ooohhh, I get it, you are in on the joke too, huh?
King Alfor's ghost: Hunk, Watch yourself before I beat you black and blue, besides why are you still here? Wait, I already know, Hold on for a sec...
King Alfor's ghost pulls the fire alarm and proceeds to announce some routine
King Alfor's ghost: Fire drill! Fire drill! (looks at the Voltron Force) O.K. Voltron Force, Now's your chance!
Lance: Thanks, King Alfor!
Keith: Kick ass!
The Voltron Force are outside and are singing "we were let out of school"
Hunk: *Bbrraapp* AAAAHHHHH! MY ASS! SERIOUSLY!
Lance: Wait A minute Hunk...
Lance goes to Hunk and screams in his ear...
Lance: Hey Vorlons, If you can hear me, Bring me back my little sister!
Hunk: Ow, that hurt you buttlicker!
Keith: Hey Lance, There they are!
A Vorlon transport appears...
Lance: I want my little sister back *picks up a stone*
Lance throws the stone at the ship. In turn, the ship fires at Lance but ends up hitting Sven instead...
Sven: Aaaaahhhhh....
Keith: Oh my god. They killed Sven!
Lance: You bastards! Come back!
The ship flies off as quickly as possible, then we see Sven get up...
Keith: Hey Sven is all right!
Then Sven gets stampeded by the Telepath's battle tanks, he gets up again...
Sven: I'm ok...
Then Sven get hit by Mr. Garibaldi's Hover Car...
The crew goes to Svens Battered Corpse...
Lance: See, I told you there were Vorlons, Hunk.
Hunk: No they're not!
Keith: Hunk, they killed Sven!
Pidge picks up a stick and beats Sven with it...
Pidge: See, He's dead.
Hunk: NO HE ISN'T!
Lance takes off Svens head and show it to Hunk...
Lance: See Hunk?
Hunk: He's not dead Lance! he's alive!
Pidge: Sven is dead and that's final!
Hunk: Sven is not Dead! I know it was just a dream, I know I didn't have an anal probe, and I know I am not under alien control!...
Hunk gets Zapped and preforms Minmei's "I wanna be a star" bit then returns to normal, There is an eerie silence then Pidge speaks...
Pidge: What the hell was that?
Keith: See he is under alien control, that thing in his butt has leaked out something, from the Vorlons!
Hunk: Arh, Son of a bitch.
Pidge: Do it again.
Hunk: SCREW YOU GUYS! I'm going home!
Hunk leaves...
Lance: Well guys I guess you can help me.
Keith: Sorry Lance, I gotta go meet Allura...
Pidge: I'll help ya, Lance.
Lance: Thanks Pidge, We're gonna need Farla for this.
We are at Lance's house. Hunk is already there and Farla prime steps in to the house (Don't ask why)
Farla: Hi Mrs. Alexander! *waves* Is Lance home?
Mirya: No Farla. She went for a walk after school with his little sister.
Farla: Ok.
Mirya: And Farla?
Farla: yes?
Mirya: Call me mom. You know how I don't like being called by my last name. It makes me feel old.
Farla: so does Being called Mom.
Mirya: don't go there Farla. By the way Hunk's been having problems at school.
Farla looks at Hunk and proceeds talking to him...
Farla: What's the matter?
Hunk: they think I have an anal probe!
Farla: Well Do you?
Hunk: NO!
Farla Oh..... Ok. sorry I asked.
Hunk: Mom is making some Chicken pot pie if you want any.
Farla: want some cheesy Poofs?
Hunk: Yeah I want some Cheesy Poofs!
As we see Farla and Hunk sit on the couch, the Tv show the news
Reporter: There's been a lot of strange happening for the past few weeks.
Recently crop circles have been showing up in our fields here, and
when viewed from above, they look like weird circles.
Farla: Hey, that looks like... Pidge!
Hunk: No it doesn't, it looks more like Tom sellick!
Kitty meows...
Hunk: No kitty, this is my chicken pot pie.
Kitty: Meow
Hunk: No kitty, Bad kitty!
Kitty: Meow
Hunk: NO KITTY, THIS MY CHICKEN POT PIE...
Kitty hisses at Hunk
Hunk: Farla, Kitty is being a dido!
Farla: Well you know who kitty is sleeping with tonight!
Hunk: What?
Scene... (I lost Count)
We are at the lake with Keith, Allura, Lance, and Pidge. Lance appears upset explaining his story...
Lance: Now I gotta get my little sister back!
Allura: I got an idea.
Lance: Yea? What is it?
Allura: If Hunk got anal probe up his ass, we can use him as bait for the Vorlons!
Pidge: Yea Lance, and maybe he'll believe that there are Vorlons too!
Allura: C,mon Lance, let's go get Hunk!
Pidge: Great idea Allura! C'mon Keith!
Allura: C'mon Keith
Keith pukes again.
Allura: Ew!
Keith: Wait a minute! when are gonna make sweet love by the fire?
Lance: no time Keith, lets go!
Meanwhile back at the house...
Kitty: Meow
Hunk: No Kitty, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!'
Kitty: Meow
Hunk: NO KITTY, THIS IS MY POT PIE! BAD KITTY!-....
As Hunk finishes that line he farts fire and lights Kitty on fire. Kitty is running around the room on fire...
Hunk: Excuse me kitty.
Lance, Allura, Keith and Pidge enter the house looking for Hunk...
Lance: Hey Hunk, C'mon we gotta go!
Pidge: Hi Farla! Wanna go with us?
Farla: Sure! Pidge you're not gonna believe this, but I saw you on tv as a crop circle!
Pidge: Cool! You can explain it on the way!
Hunk: But I don't wanna go!
Lance: DON'T BE DIFFICULT Hunk! LETS GO!
Now we are at the field and we see a tree with Hunk tied up to it...
Pidge: All we need to do now is get the Vorlons here!
Lance: yea and get my little sister back!
Hunk: hey guys, Why am I tied up to the tree?
Pidge: Don't bother about that! Just try to establish contact with the Vorlons!
Hunk: *Whispering to himself* man this sucks.
Lance: Do something Hunk!
Hunk *Bbrraap* OW!
Allura: Hey! He's like Rudolph!
Lance: Yea! Hey Hunk, all ya have to do is fart some more, and the Vorlons are sure to come!
Hunk: Really? I don't think I want to fart any more!
Pidge: C'mon Fart Dammit!
Hunk: BUT I DON'T WANNA!
Lance: He can't hold it forever. FART DAMMIT, NOW!
Hunk: That's it! THAT DOES IT! WHY, HAS EVERYTHING INVOLVED WITH GOING IN , OR COMING OUT OF MY ASS TODAY?
As soon as Hunk finishes that sentence, He farts and an 80 foot antenna
dish comes out of his ass...
Lance: holy Shit! Hunk, you have an 80-Foot antenna dish sticking out of your ass!
Hunk: Oh sure you guys, I'm not falling for that one!
Pidge: but ya really do Hunk!
Hunk: Sure, Pidge!
Keith: there they are Lance!
A Vorlon fleet arrives, and The Vorlons appear...
Lance: Hello, I think you have something that is very important to me. she's short with blue hair and has a lot of freckles. That's my sister. Granted I haven't been very good to her, but I miss her and wish I could
have her back.
Keith: That was beautiful dude.
Lance: Did it work?
Pidge: Nope, their leaving.
Lance: HEY YOU SCRAWNY ASS SHITS!......
Lance goes off on the Vorlons like you never seen her before until you see the ship door opens and Aurora pops out.
Lance: Aurora! Jump! I'll never let Hunk kick you again!
Aurora: Don't kick the baby.
Pidge: Jump, Aurora!
Hunk: you guys!
We see the Vorlons talk to the Telepaths in some ridiculous language. while all of that is happening...
Lance: Aurora! do your impersonation of Minmei's singing career!
Aurora: It's my turn!
We see Aurora jump off the ship into 3 feet of snow, but she is unhurt.
Lance: I'm glad that you're not hurt.
The Vorlons give the Telepaths some sort of device that's a gift of some sort...
Then the 80-foot dish slips back into Hunks ass...
Hunk: Help me!
The Vorlon ship fires a tractor beam and takes Hunk away because Hunk farts on the line and it breaks while he's being transported onto the ship.
Keith: Man I'm sure that's over.
Allura: Hey you didn't Puke! Maybe we can kiss!
They attempt to kiss but Keith throws up again...
Allura: Ew! Hey, is that a cheesy poof?
The two talk into the night while we hear Isaac Hayes sing...
It's now morning. Only Lance,Pidge, Keith and Farla are at bus stop...
Lance: We're running out of friends. Thanks for being with us, Farla.
Farla: you're welcome Lance.
Hunk drops from the sky with pink eye.
Pidge: Hey Hunk! Glad to see you!
Hunk: Man I had this Bogus Nightmare last night! I dreamt that I was on this ship with these Vorlons, and Lynn Kyle from Robotech gave me Pink Eye!
Pidge: but you do have Pink Eye Hunk!
Hunk: No I don't!
Farla: then how come you are constantly rubbing your eye?
Hunk: Son of a bitch!
Pidge: I wonder what the Vorlons gave the telepaths?
We see the Telepaths sitting in a field when Mr. Garibaldi pulls up...
Mr. Garibaldi: HA! Got you now Telepaths!
The Telepaths step on this object the Vorlons gave them, And the same thing happens to Mr. Garibaldi that happened to Hunk!
The end of Episode 1