Episode 3: Dodge ball
At the Voltron Academy, King Alfor teaches the Voltron Force about Dodge ball...
King Alfor: OK Voltron Force, We are going to play Dodge ball. Are you ready?
We hear a lot of groaning and moaning along with some complaints...
Keith: Dodge ball bites big moose dick! Let's play some Basketball.
King Alfor: Oh C'mon Keith. You'll like dodge ball. My wife liked it.
Sven: Yeah but we aren't zombies, like you.
King Alfor: I know Sven, but I think if you train enough, you can survive a total war. Ok, Begin!
The ball starts flying and hits a few.
Allura: What's dodge ball, Pidge?
Pidge: It's a stupid Earth game where we have two teams and we try to kill each other with the ball.
Allura: That sounds like fun.
Pidge: NO, it isn't, it hurts and it sucks.
Out of nowhere, the ball flies to Allura, but she ends up catching it.
Keith: nice catch, Allura!
Allura: What should I do with it?
Pidge: Hit Hunk with it.
Allura: But that will hurt him.
Pidge: that's the whole idea, you pain in the butt.
Allura: What?
Pidge: You heard me. Throw the ball at him. What's the matter, you need Nanny and the Space Mice to help you hit him with it?
Allura: No I don't. And don't call me a pain in the butt. I don't like Nanny anyway. I'm a Princess!
Pidge: Yeah sure you Royal Twerp! I bet you couldn't throw the ball because you're a hippie like the Sterlings up the street from ya and.....
Then, without warning Allura gets very angry and throws the ball at Pidge's face with such force....
Pidge: OW!
King Alfor: Excellent throw Allura, but you were supposed to throw the ball at one of the opponents.
Allura: I'm sorry, Pidge.
Pidge gets up and checks his nose...
King Alfor: I think you better see the school nurse, Pidge. you're bleeding like a stuck pig.
Pidge: No, I'm ok. I'm fine (Pidge is shaking like a leaf because he heard about the school nurse.)
King Alfor: You must go. Please?
Pidge: I'm ok! I'll be fine.
King Alfor: C'mon, he's not that scary.
Pidge: But....But....
King Alfor: C'mon.
Pidge is trying to run away but, King Alfor drags him to the school nurse...
We hear Lance in the background...
Lance: good luck, Pidge! You're gonna need it!
At the Nurse's office....Pidge is a little nervous, his nose bleeding slightly....
Voice: Hidey Ho, I'll be right there.
Pidge: o....k.... sir.
We hear the voice but we don't see his face.
Voice: Now, let me check your nose there. Hmm.
Pidge: What?
Voice: Well, You only need a piece of gauze to plug up the bleeding, you'll be ok.
Pidge: Gee, you're not so bad after all. All though you do look a little funny.
Voice: let me guess, You heard scary stories about me, like I carry a Laser Sword or I'm a Drule master.
Pidge: Yeah I did. They were wrong.
Now we see his face. IT"S Lotor!!!!!! He turns around and gets his battle helmet from his desk. Pidge
starts screaming...
Pidge: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Lotor: What?
Pidge: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Lotor: Oh, I see what's wrong, you saw the results of Black Lions Colin. I'm harmless, trust me.
Pidge: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Lotor: It's ok! It's just me!
Before Lotor goes near him, Pidge starts running out of the Office screaming like a banshee, running like he was being chased....
Lotor: Wait, you forgot your gauze! *Sigh*
Al looks at head and starts talking to Head...
Lotor: Kids are Kids. I know, I know, That's the way they are. Now look, I'm not gonna argue, We'll talk about this later over lunch ok?
Later.... At Commander Ivanova house...
Pidge: He was made of poop!
Lance: Whoa! A turd? was it real? Ya sure it wasn't someone using Telekinetic powers playing with Rubber dog doo?
Pidge: No, It wasn't fake, he looked like he came straight from the waste reclamation system!
Keith: Errr.
Pidge: Yea Er, and he was talking to me!
Hunk: Wow that's nuts!
Pidge: that's not all, It had a little blue shirt with those little red things that hang down, just like Lotor, and he had Lotor's battle helmet sitting on his desk.
Keith: Do you think he's a fiecalfealiac?
Pidge: Think? HE IS! He is a giant walking lump of crap!
Marcus steps in and sees them talking, she interrupts their conversation by scolding them...
Marcus: Pidge! That is not very kind of you to say! Just because someone is different doesn't mean that you can pick on them!
Pidge: But Sir I....
Marcus: I don't wanna hear it! Let me tell you something, Fiecalfealia is not a laughing matter! Let me get my medical dictionary and tell you what Fiecalfealia is about.
While Marcus walks of to get his book, Sven looks at Pidge and laughs at him....
Sven: *Snicker* Heh..he...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Pidge: What are you laughing about? I'll smack you like a bitch!
Marcus returns to the room, and opens his book...
Marcus: Now, Fiecalfealia is a mental disorder. It's where your obsessed with Mookie Stinks pidge.
Keith: Like a moose turd?
Marcus: Yes, any type of mookie stinks Keith. It's no laughing matter. You possibly love to mush your hands in mookie stinks too.
All of a sudden, all of them run out of the room scared as ever....
Marcus: Did I scare them?
Later....much later...
Marcus receives a phone call...
He picks up the phone and answers...
Marcus: Hello?
On the other end is President Sheridan...
President Sheridan: Hi Marcus? It's President Sheridan. Do you know why Keith is trying to drive an icepick through his hands and head?
We see Keith in the background With an icepick trying to kill himself thinking that he may be obsessed with poop too. Along with that, We see Delenn trying her damnest to get Keith under control and attempting to get ice pick away.
Keith: NO! I must get this out of my head! YYYYAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Marcus: No I don't, but I did tell him and his friends about Fiecalfealia.
A dead silence follows until Sheridan speaks again...
President Sheridan: Well Marcus, I'll tell you what, The next time you want to scare the hell out of these Guys why don't you just throw yourself in front of a dump truck ok?
President Sheridan hangs up after what he said and Marcus hangs up Aggressively.
Marcus: That does it. I'm tired of the Imperfect people getting thrown away like that. It's time to take action.
The next day at the gym....
King Alfor: Hello Voltron Force! We have been chosen to go to the state finals!
Keith: Shit. King Alfor, why can't we go play basketball or wrestle like the others?
King Alfor: Children, Don't you realize that we could have a chance to prove ourselves? If we win, we could be state champions!
Sven: Yeah and get hurt in the process like Pidge did by Allura.
King Alfor: Now Voltron Force, You shouldn't talk like that. This could be our chance. Here are some jerseys for you to wear.
King Alfor gives out the jerseys to each player and continues talking...
King Alfor: Now, We can show some pride. Practice starts now! Allura I hope you still got that Mean arm you showed.
Meanwhile at the principle's office... we see Marcus and Commander Ivanova Hunter Talking to King Zarkon about Lotor....
King Zarkon: So, You are saying that my son's condition should be recognized?
Haggar: I didn't know that he had a mental Imperfection.
Marcus: I didn't either until I overheard some of the students talking about it.
Commander Ivanova: what is his Imperfection,...I mean Illness?
Marcus: Sweetie, he has Fiecalfealia.
Commander Ivanova: Oh I see.
King Zarkon: (Smoking his pipe) Ah. So Marcus, What are you gonna do?
Marcus: I was going to invite him and you too over for dinner to discuss it.
Haggar: That sounds like a good idea. I'll talk to him later at lunch.
Marcus: Thank you Haggar.
As they all leave, Marcus starts Talking to Commander Ivanova....
Marcus: What am I going to prepare for dinner?
Commander Ivanova: I don't know. why don't you ask the toilet?
Marcus smacks Commander Ivanova silly for that little comment.
Back at the gym....The group continues training for the finals....
King Alfor: Voltron Force, I have learned who we are facing in the finals.
Keith: Yip-fukin-Pee. more targets.
King Alfor: That's showing some spirit. Our opponents will be the 15th ATAC from the Southern cross academy up north!
Lance: Those guys? They Won the states 5 years in a row! No way in hell we can beat them!
King Alfor: Now Lance, that is no way to talk. There is always room for an upset. You beat the fleet of doom in space didn't you?
Keith: Yes but, These guys are tough! If you look up Champs in the dictionary, you'll see their team photo in it!
King Alfor: Just because the15th beat the Masters doesn't mean they can beat us.
Hunk: They got Goldberg. He's THE Man! No one has hit him with the ball and No one will. He can kill any of us with the ball easily!
King Alfor: So? You were once freedom fighters. you can do it again. What happened to your courage?
Lance: We lost it at McDolza's when Goldberg showed up there. He ate 7 Happy Dolza's in one sitting, against Hunk's 2 Happy Dolza's. Mind you that was in 15 minutes!
King Alfor: You can still beat them. You got Allura.
Pidge: Yeah if we can get Their captain, Dana to mouth off to Allura.
Keith: Good Idea! C'mon We still got it, Let's show what we are made of! Are we men or are we mice?!?
Lance replies with a witty remark...
Lance: I like some cheese.
Keith backhands Lance...
Keith: You know something, we have been hippies for too long. Lets show what we are made of!
Kieth does his best Announcer's voice...
Keith: LLLLLLLET'S GET READY RO RRRRRUUUUUMMMMBBBLLLE!!!!!!
Training continues Viciously....
Later at Commander Ivanova and Marcus' home....
Lotor pops up from the toilet for dinner....While he waits for Commander Ivanova or Marcus to lift the lid and answer.
Lotor: Hellllooooooo....... Marcus........ oh Marcus........
Marcus goes into the bathroom and lifts the lid.
Marcus: Well hello there Prince Lotor. I'm Marcus. Come in, Come in.
Lotor: Sure. Oh, I brought over some of my Famous Chili over for you and your Russian friend to eat, Mr. Cole.
Marcus: Why, thank you. Follow me.
As they both proceed to the dining room, We see Commander Ivanova, King Zarkon, and Haggar at the table getting ready to eat....
Lotor: Hello ladies and Gentlemen.
The men Exchange greetings and proceed to eat....
Commander Ivanova: Could I get some fudge?
Marcus kicks Commander Ivanova in the shin under the table...
Commander Ivanova: OW!
Marcus: (Grumbling quietly) Don't insult him like that!
Commander Ivanova: Sorry.
King Zarkon: So Lotor my boy, What do you again at the academy?
Lotor: Well, I'm A school nurse, and I've been there for almost a year now.
King Zarkon: I see, and why are you made of fudge son?
Lotor: Huh?
King Zarkon: Your brown, you stink, you look like something from the waste reclamation system back home? couldn't the Alliance doctors put you back together using something other than crap?
Lotor: OH, you mean my appearance, sorry father, that little loser on the Voltron Force Kieth, made his Black Lion eat me, I spent three days in the belly of the beast until the thing crapped me out.
King Zarkon: Damn boy, we're trying to eat!
Marcus: I really am sorry for the way the kids treat you.
Lotor: Nah, that's the way kids are.
Meanwhile on the bus to Southern Cross academy....
The kids are getting rowdy....
King Alfor: This isn't the way to SC Academy.
Transport Driver: Sit Down!
King Alfor: But I know a shorter way there.
Transport Driver: Do you want an office referral?!?
King Alfor: Transport Driver, for the last time, I'm not a student, I'm the King of Planet Arus!
Transport Driver: I SAID, SIT DOWN!
A dead silence ensue until.....
King Alfor: Yes Ma'am.
King Alfor sits down Nervously....
Meanwhile at dinner.....
Haggar: Lotor, did you ever think of getting help for your condition?
Lotor: Yes, I have but they said if I did, I might turn into a Rocker or a Lame masked wrestler.
Ivanova: Could you Pass me the brownies?
Ivanova gets kicked by Marcus again....
Ivanova: OW!
Marcus: Enough Susan! (Grumbling Quietly) Gentlemen would you like some more food?
Lotor: Marcus, it's all right. Everybody needs a some brownies!
Marcus: (Embarrassed) Uh.....Yes,.....ok.
Lotor: (to Commander Ivanova) I think we embarrassed him.
Commander Ivanova: Nah, He has always been a sourpuss.
At the SC Academy....
General Emerson: Hello there..... Al... Alf...
King Alfor: That's King Alfor.
General Emerson: AH, King Alfor, Yea thanks. Welcome to SC Academy. I'm the coach here.
King Alfor: You? I th-
General Emerson: Yes, Leonard was but that was 5 years ago. I led the team to 5 State titles, 4 World titles and one Galactic title.
King Alfor: I just started.
General Emerson: Oh well, Every year we always face some weak plastic Knife and fork school team. I'm always looking for a challenge. I hope you're good enough.
King Alfor: Earther, Don't get too cocky.
At the press box....
Jim Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Dodge ball state finals. I'm Jim Ross, to my side is the HBK, Shawn Michaels.
HBK: Well Jim It looks like the VF academy has their hands full, because they face SC academy Tonight. SC has only one weapon that makes them a team to beat: GOLDBERG.
Jim Ross: Maybe, But the VF have Allura, A Princess that can throw a mean ball when needed.
Shawn: Will see what happens, Let's get it on!
King Alfor: Ok now, remember, Don't let Dana get ball, Don't let Goldberg hit you, and Make sure you Scramble. Got it?
Keith: Got it. Team, LET'S THROW SOME HEAT!
The game begins....
Jim Ross: Our guest referee is no other than "Stone cold Steve Austin", the man that has ruined Vince McMahon's life and has A reputation for being a mean ref.
Shawn: Dana Sterling gets ready to throw the ball.... Aims and.....
Dana Launches the ball at Sven. Sven gets hit in the groin with the ball. He falls down in pain...
Dana: HOLE IN ONE! Your turn Goldberg!
Goldberg Aims the ball at Lance and lets out his famous line...
Goldberg: YOU'RE NEXT!!!!!
Goldberg Fires the ball with such velocity that it creates a shockwave in the gym Shaking up some stuff....And hits Lance so hard, Lance ends up in the Upper Bleachers.
Keith: Holy Shit! We're losing men and women, Huddle, Team!
In the Press Box...
Jim Ross: Now that's a fireball! Goldberg is ready!
Shawn: Ya know, I Think they are getting too confident, Now they are letting Angelo "Angie" Dante throw the ball. That may cost them.
At the floor,....
Angie Throws the ball at Hunk but Hunk ends up catching the ball unintentionally while stretching..
Hunk: Hey, I caught it!
Angie: No Fair! He was stretching!
Austin: You're out. Get off the floor, before I Throw your sorry ass off, Dante!
Jim Ross: And Hunk "The Chunk" makes a lucky save with that catch!
Shawn: Now it's VF's turn to throw the ball, Looks like Keith is passing the ball to.... YES, it Allura! She gets ready to throw the ball.
Keith: (to Allura) Aim for Bowie!
Allura: I think I might hurt him, How about I throw it at Dana?
Pidge: What's the matter? are you a worthless pussy that couldn't rule a rats nest? OK then, be a "HIPPIE!"
Allura get angry again but she throws in the right direction at bowie..... But she hits Bowie and Sean Phillips in one shot!
King Alfor: All right, you killed 2 birds with one stone! Good shot Allura!
Jim Ross: Two Hits! This girl is on fire!
Shawn: Not just on fire, She is fire!
Back at the House....
King Zarkon: Did you hear that our dodge ball team is in the state finals?
Marcus: Yes I did! How are they doing?
Haggar: They are being televised. We should see it on the TV.
Lotor: You know, I should be here taking care of them , in case they get injured.
Marcus: Nonsense, They'll be ok. Lotor, you have made it very far, in life. How do you do it?
Lotor: Easy. Just one day at a time.
Commander Ivanova: Let's check out the game, shall we?
At the game....
Jim Ross: There is only two people left in this wild game, Keith has the 2nd highest takeouts on his team and Goldberg has the most in the game.
Shawn: This is it! Austin gets he coin out!
Austin: Home Team calls it in the air.
Austin flips the coin and then stuns King Alfor and General Emerson while the coin is still in the air.....
Goldberg: HEADS!
Austin runs back to see wich side faces up....
Austin: Tails! Alluring Defense or offense?
Allura: Offense, and it's Allura!
Austin: Excuse me, SC your sorry ass is on defense! Stop light, Throw!
Allura gets back to position to throw, cursing under her breath....
Allura: Screw you 3:16, Keith is hurt because of your bad decisions, and that Goldberg is just a big meanie!
Allura aims the ball and screams...
Allura: THIS ONE IS FOR YOU KEITH!
Allura Throws the ball with such force that it Engulfs the gym with a giant shock wave!
Goldberg: oh......shit.
The ball Makes it's mark on Goldberg Knocking him off his feet and breaking all of the ribs in his body.....We can hear Goldberg crying in pain(You'll only see it here!)
Jim Ross: HOLY CODFISH, ALLURA HAS KNOCKED THE MAN DOWN!
Shawn: In the words of Stone Cold
Zoom to Austin......
Austin: OH HELL YEA! VOLTRON ACADEMY WINS!
Allura runs to Goldberg and see if he is ok....
Allura: I'm sorry. But you better learn sooner than later, Don't hurt my man!
Goldberg: (Crying in pain) Oh god, make the pain stop! I hurt!
We see the medics pick up the ball, but not Goldberg and carry it away, then we see the SC Nurse check up on Goldberg....
King Alfor get very rowdy and runs circles around General Emerson....
King Alfor: We kicked your Earther ass! Now go home and cry about it!
As the team Packs up and leave, Keith goes to Allura and congratulates her....
Keith: Incredible throw, Allura! I thought you never had it in you!
Allura: Thank you, Keith. Could we go to McDolza's Later?
King Alfor: McDolza's on me!
Pidge: Kick Ass, Allura! I never saw Goldberg cry like that ever!
Allura: Thank you, Pidge, But he asked for it. He hurt my Keith!
Sven: How come you never do that for me, Pidge?
Pidge: Because you're a bitch! Now shut up, Bitch!
Hunk: Did you hear? We're going to the world finals!
Pidge: KICK ASS!
Lance: (Limping) Man, I can't wait to go to the world finals!
King Alfor: My fellow humans, You have done an excellent job! But we must prepare for the world finals against The Sailor Scouts! We got one week!
Sven: Oh man, More pain and misery coming up.
At the Home of Marcus and Commander Ivanova....
Marcus: Lotor how would you like to be recognized?
Lotor: Hey, that's ok, I-
Marcus: All right then we are gonna get a petition for people like you have a handicap awareness week!
Lotor: Now I-
Marcus: You don't have to thank us, we thank you for making us more aware of conditions like yours.
King Zarkon: I'll go call the mayor.
On the bus to Tokyo......
King Alfor: Voltron Force, We are off to the world finals!
We hear a lot of groaning and complaining.
King Alfor: Where's your spirit? You had it at the state finals.
Keith: We left it at SC academy When Allura nearly killed Goldberg.
King Alfor: I know what will lift your spirits,...
King Alfor Starts chanting....
King Alfor: Here we go Bulls, Here we go UH, UH, Here we go Bulls, Here we go, UH,UH!
Lance: Yea, yea heard it before. They didn't cheer for us, they wanted us to lose!
King Alfor: Oh really? We'll see about that!
Back at Voltron Park....
Mayor: That's a great idea! We'll have a handicap awareness week, for people who have handicaps like that nurse!
Back at the House....The next day...
Max and Mirya are talking with Marcus and Commander Ivanova...
Max: That pisses me off! My kid's team lost!
Commander Ivanova: So, They made an attempt!
Max: Yeah, but when they gave the ball to Dante, They started losing!
Commander Ivanova: I guess SC Felt the bang.
Max: I got to get off that subject. So, who is this Lotor?
Commander Ivanova: He's the school nurse at Galaxy Alliance/Voltron Force Academy.
Max: Oh. What's With the turds?
Commander Ivanova: Ask him and find out.
On the bus....
The Crew is eating lunch....
Keith: Ok, Lance what did you get?
Lance: I got a Hot Pocket. What about you, Keith?
Keith: I got a pack of twinkies.
Hunk: I got a Boston Creme Pie.
Keith: Kick Ass, Hunk! Allura, could we use one of your sports bras?
Allura: Here, This one's made of Spandex.
The crew sets up a makeshift slingshot...Sven holds one end, Lance on the other, Hunk gets ready to fire....
Keith: Ready.....Aim.....PULL!
The Boston Creme Pie Flies in the air and hits it's target, The evil Transport Driver right in the back of the head....
Keith: Bull's-eye!
The bus goes out of control, and crashes into Rei's grandfather's temple....
Hunk: Sweeeeeet.
Back at Voltron Park....
There is a Major convention going on at The Town square section.....
Mayor: In honor of people like Lotor and others who have Conditions similar to him, we at Voltron Park, have made a week dedicated to The handicapped!
Applause follows....
Mayor: And to start it off, we shall have a parade dedicated to people like them.
More applause...
Mayor: Here they come!
A parade walks in the street. the People in this parade consist of Lotor , George the Animal Steele, Barbara Gordon (Formerly Batgirl), Monica Lewinski, and some others....
At the Stadium in Tokyo.......
The crew gets ready for the finals until they hear this....
Austin Talks to King Alfor....
Austin: Yes, Their sorry asses forfeited. Just take it you Jack ass.
Lance: No way! They got Sailor Venus, an ex-volleyball master who can fire a ball at over 100 MPH! I heard one time she blew off the head of a Negaverse Demon with a volley ball. They could have easily laid the smack down on our asses.
Sven: Ya, you would have liked that, wouldn't you Lance.
Lance: Shut up your European buttlicker! I don't even like Sailor Venus
Pidge: So what was with all those trips to London, and Tokyo?
Lance: AHHHHHH! DIE YOU SONUVA BITCH!
Lance commences to beating the hell out of Pidge.
King Alfor: (to the crew) Voltron Force, The Sailor Scouts Forfeited the Match.
Keith: Wimps.
King Alfor: I guess they heard about our reputation.
Pidge: Or about Hunk's Eating habits.
Lance: I'm gonna find out why they forfeited, Keith.
Keith: Go ahead, Lover Boy
Lance flips off Kieth, and runs to the opposing team and confronts Sailor Moon about it.
Lance: Why did you forfeit?
Sailor Moon: Didn't you hear? The Black Knights are the finalists.
Lance: Who are they?
Sailor Moon: The Black Knights are the best team in the Universe. They already Demoralized the Invids, Demolished Team DragonBall Z, and they humiliated The Dark Kingdom.
Lance: They can't be that bad.
Sailor Venus: Oh yes they are Lance dear, The Black Knights train day in and day out. All they do is train, and train. Their Coach fought in the great war between the Silver Millennium and the Dark Kingdom and rammed a 2000 meter long Advanced Destroyer into the Negaforce Death cloud. He goes about flying the Skull and Crossbones off his battleship, and claiming to be the right hand of vengeance.
Lance: Now that's tough.
Sailor Mercury: That's not all, Their Day consist of advanced weapons training and lots of studying. You see, Last year, The team you beat made it to the finals against them. 10 went there, only 2 came back.
Lance: Goldberg and Dana, Right?
Sailor Mars: Surprisingly. You see, This team isn't just a bunch of homicidal ex-palace guards from the moon kingdom , They are death incarnate. They are killers.
Lance: Do you know what they look like?
Sailor Jupiter: Yes, they dress in death black uniforms, and carry weapons that could destroy small galaxies, They will scare you. And look out for James. He's been known to make wall art with his opponents.
Lance: Oh....Shit.
Sailor Moon: Well, we got our lives and futures to think about, good luck against them,.......... if you live to tell about it.
Lance: Thanks.
Lance runs back to the team and tells them about it.
Keith: What?
Sven: You got to be kidding!
Lance: I'm not. These guys are monsters! Beasts maybe.
Keith: This is not good.
Lance: He also said to avoid this James guy. He can turn any of us into a piece of art.
Sven: We're gonna die!
Keith: No we're not! We beat the 15th and we can beat the Black Knights! Can we, Lance?
Lance: We'll have to find out. And I don't think King Alfor wants us to forfeit.
Keith: Talk about "up shit's creek without a paddle!"
Back at Home...
Mayor: People of Voltron Park! We dedicate this film, in honor of Lotor, a man who ever gives up!
Applause follows....
Mayor: Please roll the film!
The film is dedicated to Lotor. We see what he has done and what he has accomplished along
with a cheesy soundtrack....
More applause follows....
Mayor: And in honor of our mighty Voltron Academy Bulls, who will in the universal finals, we show our appreciation with this!
The crowd pulls out Styrofoam heads.....
On to Part 2 of Episode 3....