Episode 16 - The Drule Three Toed Serpent of Death of Planet Doom
[Huntin' & Killin']
TV Announcer: And now back to hunting and killing with Voltron Park's favorite hunters, Sheridan and Ivanova.
Sheridan: I'm John Sheridan and this is here is Susan Ivanova. Say hi Ivanova.
Ivanova: Hi Ivanova.
Sheridan laughs
Sheridan: Now isn't that great? We have a terrific show for you today. We're gonna kill some elk and we're gonna kill mountain goats. Now the new law passed by a Galaxy Garrison legislature which Ivanova and I call pussy law #4 states that we can no longer kill animals in defense. In otherwords our old line of "It's coming right for us"
Ivanova: It's coming right for us.
Screen says in white letters "Pussy Law #4: No animal shall be harmed, even in self defense, unlesss specific license and season is in order. Self defense can only be justified by extreme, provable peril and or documented visible bodily harm."
Sheridan: No longer works. So now we only kill animals to quote "Thin out their numbers". If we don't hunt, these animals will grow to big in their number and they won't have enough food. So you see, we have to kill animals, or else they'll die.
Sheridan: Ah, so roll the tape.
A clip of Ivanova and Sheridan outside is shown
Sheridan: Here we are up at Shafer's crossing looking for some animals. Lookee Ivanova there's some deers. Quick Ivanova, thin out their numbers!
Ivanova: Thin out their numbers.
Ivanova fires a huge flame turning all the deer into skeletons.
Sheridan: Good work Ivanova, now they won't starve.
Clip ends
Sheridan: That sure was a great hunting trip, we saved those deer from extiction.
Ivanova: Bwhaaa ha ha ha we're environmentalists.
Sheridan: Coming up next, we're gonna drop some nepalm on an unsuspecting family of bevers. And also try the numbers of some endangered species.
[Koran's Classroom]
Koran writes "the Shadow War" on the board
Pidge: Koran? What's the Shadow War?
Koran: What's the Shadow War. A question a child might ask, but not a childish question.
He starts laughing
Koran: Children for the next few days we'll be learning all about the Shadow War. Chances are that somebody in your own lives was affected by this incredible war.
Nanny: That's right Koran, the Shadow War war was sticky and icky.
Lance: Koran? Were you in the the Shadow War?
Koran starts seeing real Shadow War soldier being dragged by other ones. There's a shot of the helecopters. Sheridan is heard.
Sheridan: [In Koran's memory]Come on Ivanova, let's go. Jump into the Whitestar.
Someone says "Who's next to take a shower." and other people are heard saying "Me, I am." Some man with a pipe says "Where could I hide this big pipe?"
Koran's memory fades.
Koran: No I wasn't in the Shadow War. But sometimes I like to pretend I was. Anyway children, I gonna assign you all a paper.
Class: AWWW!!
Hunk: Son of a bitch.
Koran: I you all to find somebody in your own life who was in the Shadow War, and interview them about it.
Clyde: What if we don't know anybody who was in the Shadow War.
Koran: Then you get an F, fail the 3rd year of the Acadmey and have to get a job cleaning septic tanks to support your drug habit.
Clyde: Oh.
Keith: Dude, my uncle Sheridan was in the Shadow War.
Lance: Hey yeah, he and Ivanova do that stupid TV show.
[Huntin' & Killin']
A shot of the TV that says "Sheridan's Mysteries of the Unexplained"
Sheridan: [From TV]And now time for Sheridan's Mysteries of the Unexplained.
Sheridan: One of our loyal viewers from Voltron Park, sent us some 8 millimeter film of what he claims to be the Drule three toed Serpent of Death of Planet Doom. Now as you all know the Drule three toed Serpent of Death of Planet Doom can supposedly kill you with one hoard daze.
A Serpent of Death is seen in the monitor with a censor bar over its eyes.
Sheridan: If the person even so much as looks into the serpent of death's eyes, they can be paralyzed or even die. And this film proves that that serpent of death may very well exist. Now watch carefully, you're gonna see the Drule Serpent of Death.
A clip is played
A green smear can be seen very momentarily.
Sheridan: There! There, did you see it? Roll that back again. Now freeze it.
The clip is rolled back, and it pauses to reveal a green blur.
Sheridan: Well I'd like to know what all you skeptiks out there say now. What do you think Ivanova?
Ivanova: Ummm. Gee. Captain, I'm scared.
Sheridan: Well be sure to join us next time, until then[starts singing] we're so glad you spend your time with us, while we slaughtered our way through nature's guts. Come again and stay a while, we'll kill a lotmore living things and make them bleed.
Ivanova: good night.
Director: And we're cut. Great show guys.
The scamps approach
Sheridan: Oh look who's here, my little nephew Keith. So you interested in your uncle Sheridan's big TV show, huh?
Keith: No we have to do a stupid report on the Shadow War. You and Ivanova are the only guys we know who were there.
Sheridan: [Sheridan laughs] Oh yeah we sure were.
Hunk: Was it fun?
Pidge: Hunk! What kind of stupid ass question is that. Of course it was fun!
Sheridan: Well sure the Shadow War was fun, but not like going to the circus fun, or fly fishin' in Montana fun. No, the Shadow War was more like shoving shards of broken glass up your ass, and then sittin' in a tub with tobasco sauce fun.
Keith: Whoa!
Sheridan: Yeppers, that's where me and Ivanova waged large scale warfare against the Shadows AND the Vorlons with our Whitestar fleet.
[the Shadow War]
People are having fun on a log ride, and a carousel.
Sheridan: I remember I just gotten off the Babylon Park Ferris Wheel. [In memory]Oh boy what a gorgious day.
A bird flies up and sits on Sheridan's shoulder and starts whistling.
Sheridan whistles back to it.
Delenn: John get over here! The new commanders are here. I'm assigning one of them to you as a tranee. Commander Susan Ivanova.
Ivanova comes up looking all young and pretty.
Ivanova: Hey Captain, Delenn, nice dress.
Delenn: Thanks Susan. Now the shadows have been spotted about 10 sectors North of here on Z'Ha'Dum.
She points to a location on a map
Delenn: I know that you and John are best suited to take em out. Are you up for it?
Sheridan and Ivanova: Yes Entil'Zha Delenn.
Shot of a real Whitestar.
Sheridan: Standing without one, just me and Ivanova to win the war for Army of Light. [On the Whitestar] Pass me some cocoa will you Ivanova?
Ivanova: Certainly, and would you like another muffin as well?
Sheridan: Why the hell not? We're at war.
Ivanova starts smoking and drinking Vodka like the Russian she is.
Sheridan: Hey you know those things are bad for your throat.
Ivanova: Naw, that's all lies. I'll be fine. Shadows at 2 o'clock!
Sheridan: I see em! Drop the Atomic bomb!
Ivanova: The bomb's not releasing!
Sheridan: Oh no!
Ivanova: It won't budge.
Sheridan: We only have one option!
Ivanova: What are you doing man?
Sheridan: We'll have to take em out Ivanova, at all costs. Die you Black commie bastards!
He steers the Whitestar and crashes it into the ground. Then he and Ivanova jump out and start shooting the Shadows with PPG rifles.
Ivanova gets a grenade, and stuffs it up a Shadow's ass.
Sheridan continues shooting
Sheridan: AHHHHH! Oh no! Out of ammo!
He takes out a sword, and out of nowhere comes out a white galloping steed. Sheridan gets on it and starts riding around chopping Shadow heads off.
Ivanova meanwhile is kicking ass with karate.
A shot of the whole Shadow army dead.
Sheridan: We did it Ivanova! We killed the entire Shadow army!
Ivanova: Whoopie.
Sheridan: Let's get back to Babylon 5. We can ride the log ride before it closes.
Ivanova hops onto the horse and both of them ride away.
[Memory ends]
[Huntin' & Killin' Set]
Sheridan: [To Keith]And that's the way it happened boys.
Keith: Wow!
Hunk: Whoa the Shadow War was sweet.
Producer: Great news guys. Your TV show ratings have doubled!
Sheridan: Wow!
Producer: They've gone from 6 people, to 12!
Sheridan: Holy smokes! We could get an emmy!
[Valen and Friends]
Valen is having his bone polished by a woman
Producer: You've got to do it V, your ratings are being killed by the Sheridan and Ivanova hunting show.
Valen : But I don't really care about that.
Producer: Well you better care Mr.Smartypants. No ratings means no show. If you want to keep reaching out to people, you have to keep up with the times.
Valen : Oh alright.
Director: [Wearing a "Titanic" hat]Alright we're 10 seconds to air guys.
Producer: Remember, big, big , big!
Director: And 5, 4, 3...
Announcer: It's your hour of power, on midday mountain cable access.
Lights are shining all over Valen , and crowd is cheering.
Announcer: Put your hands together and welcome the only man in town who always has a full in stock wine cellar, the original Ennntttiiillll'''Zzzzhhhhaaa Valen!
Valen : Uh...hi.
Producer in the background waves her hands up.
Valen : Ah, ye, yeah. Ok. Beggining today we're taking the show in a new direction.
A man is seen holding up cue cards in background
Valen : We've got some interesting people coming on the show this week for you, our viewers. Today's guest is TV's Gilligan, Mr.Bob Denver!
Announcer: Here is Bob Denver!
Bob comes up and sits in the chair next to Valen
Valen : Hi Bob Denver.
Bob: Hi Valen great to be here.
[Silence]
Bob makes a weird smile
Valen : So Bob, so you just get in town?
Bob: Yep, just got in.
[Silence]
Valen : So..um...so what have you been up to?
Bob: N..nothing. Nothing really at all.
[Silence]
Producer gives the band called the Disciples a signal and they starts singing and playing music
Disciples: [Singing] Nothing from nothing means nothing. You gotta have something...
Valen : [To himself] Oh boy.
[Koran's Classroom]
Keith, Lance, Svenny, Pidge and Hunk are presenting their Shadow War paper.
Keith: And after killing the entire Shadow army, they returned to base camp. Once there they rode the Devil's Drop Rollercoaster, and ate cotton candy. And ultimately, Ivanova got the purple heart for her courageous defense of the log ride on Babylon 5. So was the horror of The Shadow war. The end.
Svenny, Lance, Pidge, Hunk: The end.
Lance: Are there any questions?
Koran raises his hand.
Lance: Yes Koran?
Koran: Yes, uh where the fuck did you hear this ridiculous load of bullshit?
Keith: From Shadow War veterans.
Koran: Well boys, it's obvious to me that you didn't do your work and that you stayed up all night making up some ridiculous lie.
Keith: No, no we didn't!
Koran:You all receive an F...minus!
Pidge: F minus? Can he do that?
Keith:But, but we're not making it up! It....
Koran: Keith the the Shadow War war was war. There weren't galloping steeds or singing birds or logrides.
Lance: How do you know? You weren't even there!
Koran: Well that's it! All of you have detention for the rest of the week!
Kids groan
[Detention Hall]
Maribella: Welcome to detention, Darlings. Koran told me about your little joke. So it's important for you all to know why you're in detention for you to obtain the full benfits from it.
Hunk: I know it.
Keith: Know what dude?
Svenny: That your uncle sucks dick
Maribella: [Continues] You're here because you were inferior Darling. You're here because you're akward, Darling.
Hunk: Well thanks a lot for having such a cool uncle that got us all detention for a week.
Lance: Yeah dude, your uncle Sheridan sucks ass!
Maribella: SHHH! Darling.
Keith: Why would he just invent a story instead of telling us the truth?
Hunk: Well let's see maybe because he's an old drunk hillbilly dick!
Maribella: Shh! Darling?
Lance: We've gotta get him back dude!
Pidge: Totally!
Keith: How?
Lance: Well he screwed us by making something up, I say we do the same thing!
Keith: Who...what do you mean?
Lance: Did you guys ever see that one Brady Bunch where the guys....
He starts whispering to the others
Hunk: Oh, yeah sweet.
Lance continues whispering
Hunk: Oh yeah sweet!
Lance keeps whispering some more
Hunk:Ssweett!!
Lance finishes whispering
Hunk: Yyes!
[Huntin' & Killin']
Announcer: And now back to huntin' and killing with Voltron Park's favorite hunters, Sheridan and Ivanova!
Sheridan: Welcome hunters. Boy have we got a show for you today. We've just received a tape from another viewer who filmed the Drule three toed Serpent of Death of Planet Doom right here in Voltron Park.
Ivanova: Ahh!
Sheridan: Yes now we're about to roll the film but remember, if you look the Drule Serpent of Death in the eyes, you can go catatonick. We don't know if this applies to pictures of the serpent of death or not, but who wants to take chances? So when we roll this film, be sure to look away. Ok roll the film Tom.
Tom rolls film and looks away, Sheridanand Ivanova look away as well.
The film is of a serpent of death sitting on a doorstep of a house
Film is over and the screen says "fin"
Sheridan: Is it over? Ok, it's over. Well there you have it. Undeniable proof that the Drule three toed Serpent of Death of Planet Doom exists. And you saw it here on the Sheridan and Ivanova show.
[Hunk's quarters]
The kids are sitting on a couch watching Sheridan's show
Lance: Dude I can't believe they fell for it.
Keith:Yeah what a couple of dumbasses!
Svenny: Ja, they're a couple of bitch ass motherfuckers!
Kids laugh
Keith: Yeah.
Lance:Come one we gotta go make another one!
Hunk: Lying kicks ass!
[Valen and Friends]
Producer: Valen !
Valen :Yeah?
Producer:We're in trouble. The Sheridanand Ivanova show, they got some ridiculous seprent of death story, and jumped another 2 points in the ratings.
Valen : Uh-oh. So what are we supposed to do?
Producer: I don't know. We'll have to continue with the changes we've made and then...go even further.
Director's voice is heard
Director: And we're back in 5, 4, 3
Producer:Remember, big big big!
Valen and Friends starts out with an Oprah type beginning with him holding a jacket, sitting with a monkey, etc.
Valen is standing with a mic in the audience.
Valen : If you're just joining us, we've been listening to Michelle's incredible story of survival. Go on Michelle.
Michelle is sitting with her husband and she's crying. Her husband's all gaunt with some bandages on his head.
Michelle: Well as I was sayin', I tried and tried but my overturned car just wouldn't budge. My husband was trapped for 12 hours.
Valen : And yet somehow he managed to survive.
Michelle: That's right. He's a very brave man and I love him very much.
Husband: [All crappy lookin'] I love you too.
Valen : Well, let's see if the audience has any questions.
Fat lady raises her hand
Valen : Yes, you over there.
Fat Lady: I think she needs to kick him to the curb baby.
Audiece claps and cheers
Valen :Kick who to the curb?
Fat Lady:Her no good husband. She's gotta loose that zero and get herself a hero.
Michelle and husband look shocked
Audience claps
Valen : But...
Another woman starts speaking into the mic
Woman: He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's gotta dump that trash girlfriend. It's all about respect, you gotta have respect for yourself.
Michelle and husband look more shocked
Audience claps
Valen : I think we've somewhat missed the point here. Let's go to somebody else. Yes your comments.
Some black guy with a fro raises his hand
Black Man: Montel, I think we're forgetting something very important in all of this. Ok, sure he touched some children. But the man is a great singer, and has entertained us for so many years.
Valen : What, what are you talking about?
Black Man: Michael Jackson. All this bad mouthing, putting the man down, maybe he did touch some children now and then. But come on it's Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson!!
Audience claps and cheers
Valen : Uh, we'll be back right after these messages.
[Outside Voltron Park]
Keith: Ready you guys?
Others:Ready!
Keith: Ok, action.
Hunk hides behind a rock, with a rod and a string with a plastic serpent of death attached to it. He starts making all these noises
Hunk: I am the deadly Drule Serpent of Death of Planet Doom. I am very scary, and dangerous.
Keith: Cut! Hunk!
Hunk:What?
Keith:It's supposed to be a serpent of death!
Hunk: I know that.
Keith: Since when do frogs talk Hunk?
Hunk: It's a Planet Doom Serpent of Death!
Lance: Durr Hunk!
Hunk: Durr yourself hippie!
Pidge's holding a camera
Pidge: Just do it again Hunk and don't make it talk!
Keith: Ok here we go. Ready?
Lance:Are you ready Hunk?
Hunk:I'm ready Steven Spielberg!
Keith: Action.
Hunk hides behind the rock and starts shaking the plastic serpent of death, and continues to make noises
Hunk: Wehehe,Wehehe, Wehehe, screw you guys.
[Voltron Park street]
Hunk is dressed up like an old lady
Hunk: But why do I have to dress up like an old lady?
Lance: Cause old ladies are fat and you are too.
Hunk:Eee, god damn it!
Pidge: Come on Hunk. The way we're shooting this, nobody will even know it's you.
Hunk: They better not.
Keith: When I yell action, you start to walk this way. And Svenny's gonna pull the plastic serpent of death in front of you and you have to be scared.
Hunk: Scared? Of a plastic snake?
Keith: It's acting Hunk. You have to pretend you're really scared then the Drule Serpent of Death will look you in the eyes then you fall down like you're dead ok, ready?
Hunk: This is stupid.
Keith: Good and action!
Svenny starts moving towards Hunk with the plastic serpent of death
Hunk: Eeeee!
He falls on the ground
[Huntin' & Killin']
Sheridan: Well it appears as thought a lot of you skeptics thought that the film we showed of the Drule Serpent of Death of Southern Planet Doom was a fake. They say it didn't harm anybody. Well it just so happens that we just received another film from another anonymous viewer. Roll it.
Film shows the serpent of death on the pole that Hunk was shaking, then it shows Hunk sqeeling 'eeee!' and then Svenny shows a full moon.
Sheridan: There you go. Proof that not only is this serpent of death real, but it is doing harm to the people of Voltron Park as we speak.
Ivanova: Damn that Serpent of Death, the little bitch!
Sheridan: Well that does it. All this week Ivanova and I will be risking lives from him as we go on location to hunt the Drule Serpent of Death of Southern Planet Doom. Join us won't ya.
[Valen and Friends]
Producer was watching Sheridan and Ned's show
Producer: Oh no no no, this is the biggest publicity stunt I've ever seen. Damn those hunters are clever.
Valen : Uh, clever?
Producer:It's genious, it really is. Hell I want to watch them hunt the Drule Serpent of Death. Unless.
Valen : Unless what?
Producer:Unless we can prove to the world that the whole things is a sham. If we prove that the Drule Serpent of Death from Southern Planet Doom is just something made up by Sheridan and Ivanova we can have them taken off the air perhaps even killed!
Valen : Look, why don't we just stick to our own show. People will watch again.
Producer: Oh V, you are so omnipotent and yet so naive. We'll launch a full investigation and then in the meantime we can cash in on the video tapes.
Valen : What video tapes?
Video Tape Commercial Starts
Valen :Yay my children, I am the way and the light.
Announcer: You've seen Valen and Friends, now you've got to get the video. Valen and Friends too hot for TV.
Shot of a man spraying some whip scream on a woman's bare chest.
Announcer: Things get a little out of control.
Shot of a man ready to curse with a black "censored" bar over his mouth
Announcer: You won't believe your eyes!
Shot of Valen sitting between 2 KKK members
Announcer: Order now, only $19.95!
Screen comes up that has "Valen is great" blinking, and it says "Order now only $19.95, 100S Ave De Los Mexicanos, Voltron Park, CO 34783, Sorry no CODS"
Announcer: Remember this is stuff you can't see on TV
Shot of 2 women in bikinis take off their tops, and on their chest it's bloked out with a black censor bar that says "Too hot!"
[In truck]
Camera Man: Yeah it was left on our answering machine. All they said was that they saw the Drule Serpent of Death just South of Stark's Pond this morning.
Sheridan: Hey Ivanova, remember that time we got that anonymous tip back in the great war?
Camera Man: You were in the Shadow? Where were you stationed?
Ivanova: Babylon 5.
Camera Man: With the log ride?
Sheridan:Yep.
Camera Man: Man I was on Centauri Prime. We had a bad ass rollercoaster, but all we ever wanted was a log ride. We waited and we waited, but they never built us one. I think Danforth wanted the log ride more than anybody, but he, he had to settle with that lame dinosaur water adventure ride.
Sheridan: That war was hell on everybody.
Camera Man starts crying
Producer: Ok, ok, ok bye. Great news everybody, this week's ratings are through the roof! We're up to 20 people!
Sheridan: Wow! Do we get more money?
Producer: No, but I do. We're now the highest rated show on mountain cable access. God bless the Drule Serpent of Death.
[Voltron Park Woods]
The kids put the plastic serpent of death on a rock
Lance: Dude they're gonna look so stupid.
Hunk: Heh, totally.
Pidge: They diserve for lying to us, dude.
Hunk: Revenge is so very very sweet.
Keith: They're here, hurry and hide.
Scamps all jump into a bush near by
Sheridan's HumVee arrives
Sheridan: Let's hunt.
Producer: We'll start with a 2-shot of you and Ivanova getting your equipment together and..
Ivanova: John look!
Sheridan sees the plastic serpent of death
Sheridan: Hit the deck!
Everyone hides behind a hill
Producer: What is it?
Sheridan: It's him. The Drule Serpent of Death of Southern Planet Doom. He's right over there on that rock.
Producer:He is?
Sheridan: Dumbass! You've gotta keep your eyes away from him! Stay down. Ivanova you take flanking position, I'll try and keep it turned away from you.
Ivanova: Roger that.
Sheridan is being filmed on camera. The plastic serpent of death is seen in the background
Sheridan: Hello fellow hunters, have we got a show for you today. The Drule Serpent of Death is sunning itself on a rock directly behind us. We've gotta take the serpent of death by surprise. I'm gonna create a diversion using this incendiary device.
He takes out a flash-bang grenade
Ivanova is seen sneaking behind trees
Sheridan: While Ivanova will ambush him from the rear.
He throws the bomb at the serpent of death
Sheridan: Now Ivanova, he's not looking! Quick Ivanova, hit him with the shot gun! Now Ivanova! Ivanova? Ivanova?
Sheridan finds Ivanova turned into a vegetable with his hair all sticking out
Sheridan: Oh no. Come on Ivanova buddy, snap out of it!
Susan's gun falls out of her hands
Sheridan: Come back to me buddy.
Producer:[To camera man] You getting all this?
Camera Man nods
Sheridan: Hold on to your butts.
He shoots at the serpent of death
Sheridan: Take that you demon serpent of death! Ivanova, Ivanova, can you hear me? Quick, somebody call and ambulance, this woman is catatonick!
Producer: Get the flight for life ship.
scamps peep out from the bush
Keith: Holy crap dude.
[Hell's Pass Hospital]
Ivanova is lying like a vegetable on the bed
Sheridan's reading a book
Sheridan: My poor buddy was beat up pretty bad. He kept saying "Stay Gold." Aww Ivanova, if you can hear me, you gotta snap out of it. Cause if you don't I'll never forgive myself.
scamps come into the hospital
Sheridan: Oh Keith he's gone! My only friend in the world is gone!
Keith: Dude, he's ok. That serpent wasn't even real.
Lance: Look.
He takes out the serpent of death
Sheridan: Ahh! What the hell are you doing! I almost looked right at it!
Keith: Dude, it's just a plastic serpent of death, it's not real, check it out.
He gives Sheridan the serpent of death
Sheridan: What?
Keith: We shot all those videos and sent them in.
Lance: Yeah, we made the whole thing up. It was all just a really, really, funny joke!
Sheridan: You sent in those videos?!?!?
Producer: [Hiding behind a potted planet with a tape recorder] Oh this is not good.
Sheridan: My best friend is a vegetable, and I'm gonna be the laughing stock of Voltron Park!
Lance: Oh come on, Ivanova's faking it! That serpent of death was just a piece of plastic.
Keith: Yeah, come on Ivanova, quit faking.
Ivanova looks as still as ever
Sheridan: You boys don't understand. Ivanova was so freaked out by the idea of the Drule Serpent of Death that she must've set herself into a deep coma.
Svenny: That, or that flash bang grenade fried her fuckin brain.
Shot of Valen's producer listening outside with headphones and an antenna
Valen's Producer: It's a psychosomatic response!
She comes into Susan's room
Valen's Producer: I couldn't help over hearing your conversation just now.
Pidge: Who are you?
Valen's Producer: I produce a little TV show called Valen and Friends, you might've heard of it. Your story's amazing. Full of jealoucy, deplicity, backstabbing and bitterness.
Sheridan:Ahhhh....thanks?
Valen's Producer: How would you like to share your remarkable story with us on tomorrow's show?
[Valen and Friends]
Screen says "Tots in Trouble". Scamps and Sheridan and Ivanova are all sitting in chairs
Valen : We're back with Sheridan and his nephew Keith. These kids can't stop lying can they?
Sheridan: That's right Valen , no respect for their elders. As some of you may know I host a local show on hunting.
One person in the audience claps
Sheridan: Thanks. We've been hunting the Drule Serpent of Death for a week, based on some video footage we received from a viewer. Well, it turns out that these kids faked the footage.
Valen : Is that true Keith?
Keith: It was just a joke. We didn't think it would hurt anybody.
Producer gives Valen a signal to cut
Valen : Uh, we'll find out more about this debauchery when we return.
Director: And we're out.
Producer comes up to Sheridan, Ivanova, and the kids.
Producer: You're corpses up here. We need a lot more action from everybody.
Sheridan: Like what?
Producer: Like go ahead and tell how your nephew Keith takes drugs and worships King Zarkon.
Sheridan: King Zarkon got it.
Keith: Whoa! I don't take drugs and worship King Zarkon! That's lying!
Sheridan: Give your attention on medicine you little fibber!
Producer: You kids, I didn't bring you on this show to be boring! Somebody get pissed off and throw a chair and Ivanova here!
Hunk: Dibs!
Producer: Remember, you all start a fight after the chair is thrown, that's your cue.
Sheridan: Right.
The show is back from the break
Valen : Welcome back to Valen and Friends. Mr. Sheridan why do you think little Keith lies?
Sheridan: I'll tell you why. Because he's on drugs, and he worships the king of darkness!
Proceed to Part 2