Episode 01: The Big Escape
Scene opens in Hyperspace as the Explorer Class Vessel "Rustalot" is cruising by...
Lance: Entering Arussian Space Captain, ready to jump to normal space.
Keith: Well do it!
Lance: Aye Aye Cap'n Keith
A jump point opens amongst Zarkon's attack fleet and the 4 mile long vessel creeps out of Hyperspace.
Sven: Whooooaaa.
Hunk: What the hell is that?
Keith: Dammit Lance! I thought you said the Space Traffic in this area was clear.
Lance: Huh? Oh damn! I thought you meant Pidge's acne.
Pidge: Hey! Shut up Lance!
Sven: Take the Explorer Class vessel you said, 5 men will be enough you said, we won't need a ship with any guns for this trip you said....
Keith: Dammit! Shut up Sven! I better call Galaxy Garrison.
Pidge: No kidding.
Keith: G.A.S. Rustalot calling Galaxy Garrison, this is Captain Keith. We are approaching planet Arus, and someone is opening up a major can of whoop ass on it.
Hunk: Arus is under attack!
scene shifts outside to see an Armada of warships raining death on Arus.
Pidge: Took ya long enough to figure that out Hunk.
Hunk: Shut up Pidge or I'll sit on you..... Wow, look at all those weird attack ships. You know who that is.
Keith: Sure do Hunk, thats gotta be King Zarkon's totally psychidelic bunch. Looks like the wicked cool ole Space Pirate has decided to host an intergalactic kegger on planet Arus...... Let's go down there and see if we can get ourselves some.
Hunk: Yea! Kick ass!
Keith: Calling Galaxy Garrison, calling Galaxy Garrison, this is Captain Keith aboard the Rustalot, we're going in through Zarkons fleet to see if we can help out friends on planet Arus and pick up a few brewskis from his Kegger party along the way.
Sven: You Idiot, that was not an Intergalactic Kegger, that was a planetary bombardment!
Keith looks through the monitor....
Keith: Oh yeah. Heh Heh Whoops, my bad. 2 months in space with you 4 will screw up anyones mind.
The 4 mile long Vessel begins it's decent...
Laser fire begins hitting the Rustalot.......
Pidge: Ack! Their firing on us now Captain!
Keith: Dump the waste tanks!
Sven: Oh man, now thats inhumane Keith, you know what Hunks been eating over the past few weeks.
Hunk grins as he dumps the waste tanks aboard the Rustalot sending a massive amount of waste into Zarkon's fleet clogging up their engines.
Hunk: Sweeeeet
Sven: It looks pretty bad through the Telescanners.
Keith:The streets are empty, it looks like all the people of Arus made it to their underground shelters.
Lance:Even without using the Telescanners, it looks like that planet is in big trouble from here.
Sven: Let's get down there as fast as we can!
Lance: That might take us awhile Sven, this ship is slower than Hunk in the bathroom!
Hunk: Dammit! Shut up you butt pirate! That was only a one time thing.
About a half an hour, and 30 direct hits later.....
Keith:We're too late. Zarkon's robot forces have completely destroyed the cities. All we can do now is try to help the people or Arus rebuild their planet.
*Sound of engines*
Keith: Look out ahead!
Sven: It's one of Zarkon's Attack ships that stayed behind too mop up!
A whole mess of weapons fire rips into the Rustalot blowing off the engines.
Lance: We've got to Eject!
Sven: And when we do Zarkon's got us.
Keith:It's better than crash landing, lets go.
The 5 brave space Explorers eject..... but end up hitting the underside of Zarkon's destroyer and are captured about 10 minutes later.
Sven: Eject you said... Ugh if we live through this, remind me to take command.
Keith: Dammit Sven, stop your bitching!
Lance: Well at least if we'd crashed we wouldn't be stuck here in this hellish prison cell.
A doom soldier approaches.
Solider: Foolish Space Explorers! No-one stands up to the might of King Zarkon!
Hunk: We weren't trying to ya stupid robot, we were coming in for a kegger! Our ship was defenseless against your butt pirate fleet! You guys are hella lame!
Solider: Stupid Human, you dare speak to me like that? We will take you to King Zarkon himself!
Hunk: Who's "We" ya got a turd in your pocket?
The Space Explorers have a good laugh...
Solider: Arg! You will be thrown in the Pit of Skull's for this!
Pidge: Yeah whatever, go run along and get the chrome on your ass polished!
The Voltron Force has another good laugh at the doom solider's expense, as the doom trooper storms away in frustration.
Soon the Slave ship arrives on Planet Doom... and the Space Explorers are thrown into a cell.
Lance: This sucks dudes...
Sven: Ya, totally.
Hunk: I'm Hungry....
Keith: Your always hungry Chunk, you should lay off the fatty foods...
Hunk: Dammit Keith! I'm not fat! I'm big boned!
Pidge: Yeah right, And I'm Sky Marshall Graham!
Just then Yurak comes in with doom soldiers...
Yurak: Ahh ha! Sky Marshall Graham! King Zarkon will be pleased to know I have captured you!
Pidge: WHAT! Ahhhhh crap!
Hunk laughs at Pidge.
Pidge: Shut up Fat boy! This is not funny!
Yurak: Come with us!
The doom troopers lead the Space Explorers through the prison all the way to Castle Doom to face King Zarkon.
Zarkon: So these are the space explorers eh?
Yurak: yes Sire, and this one is Sky Marshall Graham! [Yurak says pointing at Pidge]
Zarkon: You bumbling Idiot! Sky Marshall Graham is old and fat with gray hair! That is a 12 year old human that couldn't command his way out of a bathroom.
Pidge: Hey!
Hunk: Ha Ha! You're hella stupid! [Hunk says laughing at Yurak]
Zarkon: Pipe down chubby, I sentence you all to fight the 8 time DDC Division Champion Doom Devastators in my arena of Doom!
Sven: Ya whatever....
Zarkon: Take them back to their cell Yurak! Then flush your head down the Robeast's toilet you bumbling idiot!
Yurak: Yes Sire!
Yurak takes them back to their cell then does as he's told. [Now ya know why Yurak's is always blue]
Later...
Hunk: Eh man, this is hella lame, I'm not fighting in some stupid arena of doom, let's escape.
Lance: How fat boy?
Hunk: Dammit Lance I'm not fat! And if you call me that again I will sit on your head while eating Keith famous 5 Alarm chili! Anywayz, we'll tie the bed sheets together, and Pidge will jump up there and tie the rope to the bars, then I'll clime up and bend the bars, and we'll escape down the side of the prison
Pidge: Works for me.
They space explorers begin tying the bed sheets together and when they complete it, Pidge flies up and ties the sheets to the bars.
Lance: Nice one ya Lil Chibi.
Pidge: Shut up Lance! I'm not Chubby! Hunk is chubby.
Sven: Tell us something we don't know, now Hunk, get your ass up the bed sheets!
Hunk begins his climb but is going nowhere fast.
Lance: Come on fat boy!
Hunk: Dammit Lance I'm not fat, and I'm going as fast as I can!
Pidge: Hold on big guy, I got an idea.
Pidge pulls out a 64oz. can of Beans.
Pidge: Ta Da!
Hunk: You've been holding out on me!
Pidge climbs down the bed sheets and begins stuffing Hunk full of beans.
Pidge: Someone get a torch and hold it under Hunk's ass, this crap will work like rocket fuel!
Sven grabs a torch and holds it directly under Hunks ass.
Hunk: Hey! Who's cooking bacon?
The Space explorers crack up laughing...
Hunk: Uh oh, I feel a strange rumbling coming from my....
**BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!** Hunk's ass ignites like the jet engine on a F-14 Tomcat set on Afterburners and rockets up the side of the wall up to the window. The back wash is so hot it sets Sven ablaze.
Sven: Ahhhhhhhhhh........
Keith: Oh my god! Hunk's ass killed Svenny!
Lance: You bastard!
Hunk: Sorry.... *Hunk bends the bars* Okay we can go now...
The 4 space explorers ascend the bed sheets and climb out the window. to be met with a 500 foot drop.
Lance: Holy crap dude! Now what do we do?
Some giant Vultures fly by and Pidge dives on to one and takes off. Soon Lance and Keith do the same. But when Hunk does it he grabs the bird by the feet and the bird drops like a rock.
Hunk: Ahhhhhh sonuva bitch!
Hunk crashes into a pile of bones that a Robeast has been feeding on. Pidge flys down and pulls his heavy ass out.
Pidge: Whoa! You alright dude?
Hunk: Ugh... my ass..... seriously....
Keith: Come on you two, let's get the hell out of here.
Lance: How do we do that boss?
Keith: Ummmm. *Keith looks at the space dock* We'll steal one of their slave ships and escape.
Pidge: How do you intend to do that Commander?
Keith: Well, we'll wait till night fall when the guard is decreased and stealthily slip in and steal one.
Hunk: Sweeeeet!
Later that night.....
Guard 1: I'm bored, I want to go watch the Doom Devastators take on the Zentradi Stompers on TV...
Guard 2: Well no one is going to steal anything tonight, lets go back to the officer's mess and watch the second half of the game.
[The guardsmen leave for their little guard shack giving the space explorers a clear path all the way to the space port]
Keith: Okay let's go team...
Space Explorers: Right!
Keith and the crew sneak into the space port and are making their way up the ramp of one of the Slave ships when suddenly.....
Guard 3: Hold it right there you analog brains!
Pidge: Crap!
The guard sounds the Alarm and heavy laser fire breaks out, but the space explorers manage to make it to the ship and blast off leaving the space port in ruins.
Hunk: Sweeeeet! We totally trashed that place.
Keith: We're not out of this yet....
Scene switches to see Doom Fighters and cruisers launching from the Planet Doom Air base...
Lance: Ahhh dammit!
Keith: All power to engines! Get us the hell out of here fast!
Lance: This is as fast as this piece of crap can go....
The slave ship has escaped the atmosphere and is making it's way to the jump gate when it takes a big hit in the engines as it enters Hyperspace....
Lance: Crap we're hit! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Keith: We're not going to die! Stop whining. Pidge lock us on to the nearest Nav beacon and stand by to Jump to normal space.
Pidge: Yes Sir, nearest nav beacon is Arus Beacon: 1 0 Alpha Bravo 2 7 Foxtrot Tango Tango... entering Arussian space.... ready to jump...
Keith: JUMP!
The jump gate archs with energy as a jump point opens and the Slave ship exists Hyperspace.
Keith: Fire the engines!
When lance fires the engines a giant fireball erupts from the aft section taking out the Jumpgate and sending the ship into a downward spiral towards Planet Arus.
Hunk: Sonuva bitch!
As the ship enters the atmosphere a strange beam comes out of a statue infront of the ruins of a castle and slows the rate of decent of the ship... within minutes it crashes into the desert.
Narrator: Did the Space Explorers survive the crash? Did the Zentradi Stompers defeat the Doom Devastators in intergalactic football? Will Hunk be forced to eat the other Space Explorers to survive?
[The 3 space explorers look at Hunk, as hunk pulls out a Knife and Spork]
Hunk: I wonder how roast Pidge would taste?
Narrator: Find out on the next exciting episode of Voltron Park!