A New Dawn

Chapter Five: Heartbreak

Natalie stared blankly at the table in front of her. The bowls of rice were empty and only scattered crumbs and a derelict pair of chopsticks remained on each of the two plates. The contents of the serving dishes were the ruins of a once magnificent feast of Japanese delicacies. Her half-filled cup of tea was cold. She closed her eyes tightly to hold back the tears, but she could not stop the memories of that evening from raining down upon her.

It was supposed to be perfect. Tonight had been their one year anniversary. She knew that not many teenage relationships last more than a few weeks, and she felt that they shared a special bond because they had been together for so long. They had been through so much together. She had met him a couple months after her parents died in that awful crash, and he had helped her to deal with her grief. He was her shoulder to cry on, the person that she would call in the middle of the night when she was scared of being alone in her apartment. His voice would comfort her, and she would fall back asleep cuddling the phone to her ear. She wouldn't hang up, but just listen to the silence at the end of the line and know he was there. She loved him so much that she only felt complete when he was with her, he had always made her feel so beautiful. His handsome smile, the way he smelled when she buried her face in his chest, how he held her in his strong arms were what got her through the day. He loved her, so she knew that she was someone special.

Tonight she had fixed him all of his favorite dishes; he loved her cooking. She had cleaned her apartment to the point that shone with her love for him. She had put on a CD of "The Best Love Songs" and lit candles to make the atmosphere more romantic. Earlier that day she bought a lovely new green velvet dress; it was long and very flattering. She even tied a matching bow at the end of her customary French braid instead of the usual little plastic balls. Natalie had tried to restrain the errant strands of hair on either side of her face that always seemed to escape her braid, but to no avail. So she just curled them, and besides, they looked kind of sexy. She had wanted everything to perfect.

She remembered how her heart had leapt when the doorbell rang and she ran to answer it. He had looked more handsome than ever in his tux. He had smiled and handed her a bouquet of a dozen red roses. She had almost fainted, and the dinner was blurred in her mind as one long feeling of ecstasy. She had not wanted it to end.

I should have noticed the strained way that he smiled, she thought. I should have picked up on how nervous he was when he was eating. That son of a bitch! He had the nerve to eat the dinner I cooked for him, to bring me flowers when he knew that...

She screamed and stood up from her chair, knocking the table over with one blow. She had to get out of there, his presence was everywhere. She had to get away. She slammed the door of her apartment, and flew down the stairs. She pressed the red lever of the emergency exit, the closest door to the outside. The alarm blared, but Natalie didn't care. She flung off her heels as she barreled through pedestrians on the sidewalk. It was raining, and the drops beat against her face as she ran. She breathed in deeply, the cool air filling her heaving lungs. He ate her cooking, and after dinner he- oh, how could he have the nerve to do that? He had said it so calmly, too, as if he was commenting on how well seasoned the miso soup was.

"Natalie, there's someone else," that's what he said! He hadn't even looked at her while he was admitting that he had been two-timing her for over a month! That piece of shit, she thought. He couldn't even break up with me like a man! After a whole year!

Her tears mixed with the raindrops. Somehow, the turmoil of the storm seemed to calm her nerves a little. She slowed to a walk and looked down at the sidewalk to avoid the eyes of the people staring at the young woman in an evening gown that had been running through the streets barefoot. She caught her reflection in a store window.

"Look at yourself," she said to the image in the glass. "You're a mess. Your make up is ruined, you're all wet, and you look like something out of the 'Bride of Frankenstein.' Of course he couldn't love you!"

She fell to her knees right there on the sidewalk and sobbed torrentially. How can I get through this, she thought. I'm nothing without him. I don't even have a reason to live!

She got to her feet and slowly walked back to her apartment building. When she got into the elevator she attempted to act natural despite the shocked looks of the old lady standing beside her who holding tight to her Yorkshire terrier for protection from this bizarre girl. When Natalie stepped out of the elevator her fortitude failed her. The tears came back with a vengence and she could barely fit her key into the lock because her eyes were so blurry. She fell through the door as it opened but somehow managed to keep her footing. She didn't know what to do. He had broken her heart. No, it was worse. He had killed her; she was now dead inside. Might as well finish the job, she thought.

She ran into her bathroom and began flailing her arms, knocking over everything on her counter, looking for her razor. Finally she found it and sank to the floor, holding it in her hand. She extended her left wrist and held the blade to it, ready to cut.

"Come on Natalie," she said through her tears. "What do you have to live for? He's gone, he doesn't love you anymore, and he probably never did. He's gone... he's gone... he's gone..."

Her voice became softer as she chanted the words over and over to herself. Slowly she slid down onto the cold tile floor and laid down. She let the unused razor fall carelessly from her hand and closed her eyes as she began to drift off to sleep.

"He's gone..."

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Pretty messed up, huh? Suicide is a very serious and depressing topic. Sorry if you were expecting something more light hearted. As always, e-mail me your feedback!!

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