Escaflowne: Beyond The Light

"Allen?!" Hitomi stared wide-eyed at the ‘slightly’ changed Allen Schezar in front of her(‘Slighty’, yeah… right…). He was wearing a dress and had the new additions of … uh… well, some disturbing lumps on his chest, but it was definetly Allen Schezar. That hair… no one had hair that nice. That three-inch lift, the way it shined even in the red light. Damn is he sexy… Hitomi sighed, then caught herself. Why am I mooning over Allen again?! I’m in love with Van! She mentally bashed herself in the head with a fifty-ton mallet. The sexy blonde blushed as he/she/it tried to re-adjust the poorly put on bra.

"Who are you?" The blonde girl, Aleena, asked in a high-pitched sexy girl version of Allen’s voice, which was what Allen probably would have sounded like if ever he was kicked in the Schezar jewels during the course of the tv series storyline. "Stop looking at me that way, you perverted girl!" He covered his chest with his arms. "Who’s Allen?"

Van faded in and out of consciousness. What was going on? That… that… lady-typething was Allen?! Softly he heard a knock at the door. Oh man, not more people.

"Who is it? It’s everyone’s favorite Bandit, Kouji-chan! Oh Kouji it’s been so long, come right on in. Thank you!"

Hitomi looked from Allen and Van, confused, as a young man with the strangest blue hair walked in wearing clothing like an ancient Chinese bandit's. He walked in and looked around a little, non-plussed.

"Is this Tasuki’s room? Ooops. I made a mistake. That’s alright, you can come back later if you like ‘with’ Tasuki. Oh thank you, you are too kind. No problem. Goodbye." The bandit ‘Kouji’ left.

In the meantime, the track star phantom moon girl, the knight-turned-woman-of-ill-repute person and the not-quite-conscious Fanelian King stared at the door wondering about one thing: What the heck was that?

Meanwhile, back at the shrine formerly known as Escaflowne's Retirement Place, Merle slept in her snazzy updated sixteen-valve Teiring unit (complete with new spoilers, rims, optional racing mufflers for Turbo mode and racing stripes all coordinated with Merle's fur patterns). In the extremely far corner of her mind she could still hear the chants of "Eeeeeescaaaaaaaaflooooowneeeeeeee" going on in the background. In her mind she was having a dream… a beautiful dream…

"Merle!" Van was running towards her… topless, his sexy body glistening in the moonlight. They were in the middle of a barren beach....

The sounds of "Eeeeeescaaaaaaaaflooooowneeeeeeee" being chanted became louder and louder. Merle started geyser-nosebleeding (only in her dreams, of course) because she noticed that Van wasn't exactly topless, he was wearing a special suit. Van was wearing his birthday suit. As Merle passed out due to loss of (dream)blood, a group of monks (the culprits behind all the chanting) walked by, repeatedly knocking themselves on the head with wooden boards.

"Van, I'm sorry that I snapped at you earlier. I was under too much stress when I was sent back to Gaea and I didn't think that you'd take me so seriously when I said those things." Hitomi sighed as she sat and slouched on the matress of the bed in her room. Van was standing across the room.

"Its' okay, I shouldn't have gone out and done what I did even if it was a misinterpretation." Van blushed thinking about what had nearly happened between him and Allen. "I should have stayed here to take care of you." I really really should have stayed here instead, his mind screamed at him as he shuddered.

"I still can't quite figure out what happened to Allen. That body, those colors, that hair.... To be honest, he was such an attractive woman I can't really blame you for wanting him. I must be incredibly plain to you. I have such flat hair and dull features, and my nails keep chipping." She looked over the back of her hand, examining the truth. "You must think I'm incredibly boring..." At that comment, Van walked towards Hitomi, placed his hands on the bed and leaned over her.

"I don't think you're boring Hitomi," Van whispered as he brought his hand up to touch the side of her face and gently turned it so that they would look at each other eye to eye. "I also don't think you're plain." He leaned forward, his breath caressing Hitomi's lips. "You're beautiful."

"Van..." Hitomi closed her eyes as Van closed the distance between them. Their lips touched for the very first time. My first kiss with Van... She fell down on her back onto the bed and Van followed, his body pressing up against hers as the kiss deepened. Slowly, Van wrapped his arms around her. After another long moment, they pulled apart, their breathing staggered as they looked at each other with love in their eyes. "Van..." Hitomi blushed and looked away slightly. She felt refreshed in a way that she'd never felt before, as though she had finally been able to express what she felt for Van for the first time since she realized that she was in love with him (and not Allen when she had first come to Gaia). In a way, she sort of felt not unlike a breath mint. She then felt Van lifting his weight off of her. She leaned forward towards him in confusion. "Van?"

"I should go." Van turned his head, trying to hide the blush that matched Hitomi's in intensity as he rose off the bed entirely and turned to walk away. "Before I..." Hitomi grabbed his arm, startling him. "Do something that..." He continued, still not facing Hitomi.

"Stay with me," Hitomi pleaded as she tried to pull him back to her. "I don't want to be alone right now, Van," she whispered as she leaned into his back and wrapped her arms around him to embrace him from behind.

"Hitomi?" Van questioned himself as he heard the plea in her voice. He wanted to stay with her, especially since now they had rectified the mistake of what occured earlier in that brothel. However, he wasn't sure of what would happen if he were to stay. He wanted to be with her so badly, but what she wanted had to be more important. And their first kiss... "Of course I'll stay Hitomi, but... what will we do?" He asked, wanting her to take the lead in this new part of their relationship. She smiled at him as she embraced him tighter.

"I'm sure we can think of something fun to do," She said, smiling, as the Earth and its moon in the night sky shimmered.

"Dilandau-sama! We have finished what you have asked of us," The Zaibach scientist kneeled in front of his sadistic master humbly, a small cage resting beside him. "I present to you... your minions."

He opened the cage and a small version of Dilandau popped out, no bigger than a UFO catcher doll (otherwise known as a "plushie"). It opened its eyes and spread its arms in glee as it ran towards Dilandau. "This is Chibi-Dilandau Unit 1, my liege" the scientist proclaimed. The Chibi jumped up onto Dilandau's shoulders as the 'man' looked upon the miniaturized version of himself with distain.

"Dilly-chan. Dilly-chan!" The Chibi squealed in delight with its high-pitched childlike voice. It took out a miniature comb and began to groom Dilandau's hair. "Pretty-Pretty. Soft-Soft." It continued to groom as the grim look of Dilandau widened. "Burn-Burn!!!" Abruptly the Chibi pulled a blowtorch out of hyper space and started burning strands of hair that had fallen out while it was grooming its master. Dilandau smiled as it whacked the miniaturized clone across the room, to which it responded by setting things on fire and killing half the people in the room, making Dilandau giggle like a school girl(as it were). The scientist cleared his throat somewhat loudly then, after he had realized that Dilandau and Unit 1 had managed to bond with no major violence.

"Dilandau-sama, we have also completed the Project and the two top clone candidates are awaiting orders from you." He motioned to a small stage that rose out of the ground, on which two cloaked figures stood on opposing sides. Lights flashed and a rose appeared in one of the cloaked one's hands.

"To drown Gaea in devastation no da..." The first cloaked figure spoke.

"To destroy all the countries within our nation..." The 'other' voice that spoke, although from a different part of the stage, sounded the same as the other.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love no da."

"To extend our reach to the stars above." The cloaks came off and flew into the air as the two clones were revealed.

"Chichiri, na no da." The blue-haired one holding the rose threw it into the air and gave the audience a victory sign as he turned SD.

"Kamui." A young man flipped his hair looking surprisingly like Van Fanel but without the Pinnochio nose and a bit shorter hair. The last two lines were delivered flawlessly in unison, and as the stage fog cleared, the two young men with the same voice appeared in full view, clad in black suits with the letter "D" on them in red.

"Team Dilandau... Blast off at the speed of Dragon Flight(no da)!!! Surrender now... Or prepare to fight(no da)!" They posed.

"Meowff! That's right!"

"What the hell is that?" Dilandau pointed at the strange cat-like thing with what appeared to be a golden shoe print protruding from its head that had said the last line of the speech. The Zaibach Scientist immediately began to fret as one of the other scientists ran out of the lab.

"There it is! One of the cloning rejects! It's one of the 150 Pocket Monsters!!" cried the genetic engineer (who just so happened to wear a t-shirt under his lab coat that had a Nerv logo and the words "I pressed the puRei button for Ritsuko").

"Gotta catch them all-Gotta catch them all!" cried the Chibi Dilandau as it split itself into multiple pieces and reformed into multiple clones of itself, each one wielding a flaming chainsaw. "Dinner-Dinner!" They cried as they roasted Meowff.

"They read my mind." Dilandau smirked as he watched the Chibi-Dilly-chans prepare that evenings dinner in a gentle but thorough roast (Meowff tastes like chicken ~C). Dilly almost felt like joining them but then realized that he needed to reveal his Evil Plan(tm) to the audience before they got bored and stopped reading this fic. "Chichiri, Kamui, step forward." The two young men stepped forward and knelt down on one knee. "I have... a plan..."

Dilandau rubbed his chin as the Chibis danced around the room shouting "A plan-A plan!"

"Yes, a plan... A plan to get rid of that annoying girl from the Phantom Moon." Dilandau's shoulders shook as he chuckled wickedly then frowned. "What was that plan again?" Kamui bowed and recited the plan.

"Dilandau-sama, the plan was to go to the newly reconstructed Fanelia in the midst of the night. There we will find the girl Hitomi and lure her out of her bedroom by throwing our voices and pretending to be King Van Fanel. Once she is out of the safety of the castle we will ambush her and set her on fire. Afterwards we will all have a feast of crispy chicken wings courtesy of the Phantom Moon." He finished and Dilandau nodded.

"That is correct. Thereby this top secret mission will be thus called: Project Seki Tomokazu. With it we will destroy the girl from the Phantom Moon and revive Dornkirk!"

Chichiri raised his hand. "Ano... Dilandau-sama, why is it going to be called: Project Seki Tomokazu, no da?"

The psychotic dictator shrugged. "I don't know." Dilandau replied. "It was a request from one of the authors. Most likely to suit some stupid ironic joke."

"Really? Which one, no da?"

"Ooo... I wonder if it was the one with the short brown hair that dyes it all the time, she's kinda cute." Kamui got a dreamish look in his eyes. Chichiri poked him.

"You're only saying that because she's making you no da. Authors are evil, I should know no da."

"And the vibrant personality, and her body, and her smile...." Kamui went on, an idiotic, sappy grin on his face.

"Ano, Kamui-kun no da..." Chichiri sweatdropped then regained his composure a bit as something struck him. "Dilandau-sama, what does this Van Fanel sound like? How can we lure this Hitomi from the Phantom Moon with our voices? If we don't sound like him, our plan will failno da." A young woman answered in the place of Dilandau.

"You do not need to worry about that Chichiri. It will work when the time comes. Let's go." A girl walked in from the shadows of the room wearing Zaibach uniform. She had chin-length straight hair that was a dark cherry-like color with bangs that drifted into her brown eyes, offsetting her pale skin. When Kamui stood up it was also noticeable that the two of them were also about the same height.

"Who're you? You look familiar..." Kamui whispered as the girl shrugged and nodded to Dilandau.

"I'm here to ensure the success of Project Seki Tomokazu. My name is-" Dilandau rolled his eyes in the back of his head and took out his flame thrower, aiming it at his minions.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Shut up, and bring me some buffalo wings." The three bowed and made their way out of the room.

"Yes, Dilandau-sama."

After they had gone Dilandau sat back in his chair and let one of the Chibis crawl onto his lap where he started to pet its head like a kitten.

"Dilly-chan!" ::Pop!:: The Chibi-Dilandau's head came off as Aleena came into the room, shrieking in what had to be complete terror. There were tears in her eyes as she fell to her knees.

"Something horrible has happened, Dilly-chan. Something that could affect the outcome of our battle immensely!" The Zaibach scientists still alive in the room began to sweat, hoping that Aleena didn't know about the intervention of- "I lost my three inch lift!!!!!!!! It's now only two!! We're doomed!!!" Dilandau knelt down beside the ditz and began to stroke her hair, every so often pulling out a slim portion and setting it on fire with a lighter.

"There-there Aleena-chan... You'll get it back." He took out a pair of scissors and clipped some more hair, the happy fireplace in his eyes burning in glee. "We'll just order that special gel from Asturia again."

"Special Gel?" Aleena asked.

::A tall, buff, blonde young man steps out and begins to model with the gel, making Aleena blush::

"Don't I know that person?" Aleena asked.

::Tall young Fabio-ish man waves at Aleena::

"I swear, I know that person... she..."

"Aleena! Bring me the doctors now or someone's getting toasted," Dilandau said as he rushed forward to catch his darling sister. In the meantime, as the Zaibachfellows rushed about, the question as to what in the world Aleena meant by saying "she" remained unanswered.

Meanwhile, in Hitomi's bedroom....

The entire bed frame (which was quite a massive structure in itself) was shaking violently, as if inhuman actions were being performed on it. Merle was in a nearby staircase, fuming, stomping up on a step almost rhythmically in tune with each time a bedpost hit the wall. As Merle dashed onto the hallway towards the door, the bed finally stopped moving.

"Van..." Hitomi sighed as the sweat on her body finally began to cool down. She turned to her side to see the young man next to her in the same condition she was. "I've never done that before, I'll have you know," She said as she jabbed at him jokingly. Van's lips curled into a slight smile as he met her gaze.

"I'd be lying to you if I said I'd never done this, but with you it's special." He grabbed her hand and held it up to his lips and kissed the tips of her fingers. "Because, I love you Hitomi."

"Van..." Hitomi leaned towards him ready for another kiss when the door slammed wide open to her room and Merle stood huffing at the doorway in a fit of anger.

"Van-sama~! How could you! I was left in the shrine all this time and then I heard you were back with Hitomi and then-" Merle gasped as she took in the scene in the room. Sheets and blankets were lying everywhere except the bed and the floors were covered with Van's feathers as though he had exerted himself. Clearly she could see the sweat that was over their bodies from... "Van-sama~!! How could you!!??

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... err I mean, back at Dilandau's lair, everyone's favorite androgynous pyromaniac (who used to pilot a red guymelef called "Alseides" and was taken care of by an Afghan houndish man named Jajuka) was bored. Horribly, frighteningly bored. He was so bored that he could scream. In fact, he already screamed. It felt good to scream. Unfortunately, ten seconds later, he was bored again. Therefore, he screamed again. Ten seconds later he was bored again but his throat started to hurt so he decided to not scream again. Of course, the thought of reaching out and burning someone crossed his mind, but no one else was around, they were tending to Aleena. The Chibi-Dilandaus either had their heads popped off by now or ran off after those Pokeurmom thingamabobbers.

Yes, Dilandau was bored. Since he had nothing else to do (considering it would be wise not to scream again and he had nothing to burn), another option entered his mind: anal probes.

Immediately, the image of another ship manifested itself through a window. It was an Asturian ship and it had the words "Fassa Cannabis Healing Centers" on one of its flags.

With another one of his ever-so-wicked grins, Dilandau grabbed hold of the commlink and sent off a brief message to the bridge: "We're boarding the Fassa ship, be prepared. I'm bored and it's been a while since I've given someone an anal probe...."

If you have anything to say about this fic (like it, hate it, wanna see part 4, wanna see more stripping Aleena, whatever), tell it straight to the authors! C'mon, you know you want to e-mail either Chaos-chan or Kourin.

In case you don't get it, Kouji, Chichiri (from Fushigi Yuugi) and Kamui (from X 1999) are all voiced by Tomokazu Seki.

Soo.... what did Aleena mean by saying "she" as he/she/it fainted? What were Hitomi and Van doing that left them sweaty, made the bed rock, and shocked Merle? Will someone with the last name "Fassa" really be given an anal probe? Will Project Tomokazu Seki succeed? All this and more, in the next part of Beyond The Light.