A Comedy of Errors
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
4 May 1998 - by HK Miller
All characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi and licensees:
Shogakukan in Japan and Viz Communications in the USA.
A bit of dialog borrowed from another source.
Lemon-scent warning, though this is only a little more
suggestive than the manga.
This is set after Vol 38 and is a sequel to "Much Ado" and
"As You Like It."
Previously, in "Much Ado": Akane and Ranma admit they love each other.
As a result of prodding by Nodoka, Ukyou implicitly recognizes
Akane's better claim to marry Ranma, and Akane impulsively
offers the future position of Ranma's mistress, implicitly
mandated by Nodoka, to Ukyou. Nodoka discovers that Genma
and Soun have never discussed which family name Ranma and
Akane will use after their marriage, and can't agree now.
Then, in "As You Like It": Happosai teaches Ranma the ultimate
technique of the Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu: his ki-recharge
technique, involving intimate contact with the opposite sex
or their undergarments. Ranma subsequently teaches Akane,
Ukyou, and Konatsu the technique. Konatsu can barely do it;
Ukyou and Akane can recharge from any one male; Ranma is
exceptional in being able to recharge simultaneously from
Ukyou and Akane, an ability which comes in handy when Rouge
and Pansuto attack Happosai, and each other, at Furikan High
School. To research the theory behind the technique, Cologne
lends Ranma a number of books in non-Japanese languages, and a
magical 'rensu' with which to read them. Soun and Nabiki
conspire to adopt Ranma as a Tendo, against Genma's opposition,
resulting in a *very* embarrassing defeat for Genma.
Time: Several weeks after "As You Like It". Mid-Spring, close to
the end of Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou's junior year.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Act I.
The Nekohanten, early afternoon. Shampoo walks in the door,
discouraged and bedraggled.
Cologne: What's wrong, great-granddaughter? Did son-in-law not eat
the lunch you took to the school?
Shampoo: Airen not even see lunch. Stupid spatula girl and violent girl
team up on Shampoo before Ranma even see Shampoo arrive.
Somehow they get better, and work together better than before.
They kick lunch in one direction and Shampoo in another.
Cologne: Hmm... Some of this improvement is inevitable if son-in-law
has trained them in his ki-recharge technique, and if they've
been using the technique frequently. Among other things,
their reflexes will improve. But why are those two girls
working together?
Shampoo: Shampoo not know. But have seen spatula girl spending more time
at Tendo Dojo lately. Sometimes spend night there.
Cologne: Has son-in-law offered to teach you the ki-recharge technique?
Shampoo: No. (Shampoo looks even more discouraged, if possible)
Cologne: You must learn it. First, just try asking your husband to teach you.
Remind him that we helped him master the theory behind it. If he
refuses, ask Happy to teach you. He does not like teaching women,
but he will if you offer inducement.
Shampoo: Even with technique, Shampoo still need contact with Ranma
to get charge.
Cologne: There are several alternatives. You can charge up while beating up
Mousse. You can get a charge from Happy. Or, if you get good
enough, you can charge up from our male customers here while
serving them.
Shampoo: Okay. What else we can do?
Cologne: Inform the middle Tendo daughter that we will pay for information
about any upcoming suitable occasion at which Ranma will be
unavoidably present for several hours, and at which we can also
arrange to be present. We may have to use the ancient technique
of "Emperor Wu-Ti's New Robes."
Shampoo: What that one do?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tendo-ke, reception room. A guest, an adult male about
Soun's age, is being served tea. Present and sitting are Soun,
Genma, Akane, Ukyou, and onna-Ranma. Nodoka is serving.
Guest: Tendo-san, I've come to you, both because of your profession,
and because I know you from our work together on the town council.
I've been put in charge of security for the upcoming reception
for the Princess, who is speaking at the commencement for Furikan
High School. This isn't general public knowledge yet, you understand.
Upstairs, Nabiki, sitting in her room wearing earphones, raises an eyebrow.
Nabiki: o O (At *my* graduation? Hmmm... record & sell it?)
In the dining room, Akane, Ukyou, and Ranma all gasp.
Guest: In addition to all of the usual measures, the security consultant
from the Imperial Household Agency has advised that we hire some
good female martial artists and disguise them as a part of the
catering staff. He actually mentioned your Dojo, but I would have
come to you anyway. Are these three lovely young ladies the students
you mentioned?
Soun: Yes, I have complete confidence in the skills of these three ...young
people. I have no other female students at the moment of anywhere near
the same level of skill.
Ranma and Akane roll their eyes slightly.
Ranma & Akane: o O (Oh, right, like you've *any* female students at all right now...)
Guest: Oh, good. (looks them over carefully) You three will do just fine.
The town council will pay you, of course. Can you meet with the
caterer's representative the day after tomorrow? And may I please
have your names?
Akane: Tendo Akane.
Ranma: Sa-, I mean, Tendo Ranma.
Ukyou: Kuonji Ukyou.
Nodoka looks approvingly at Ranma, then calculatingly at Ukyou
as their names come out.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nabiki's room. She is sitting at her desk typing into her computer,
wearing shorts and a halter top. Her cellphone rings.
Nabiki: Moshi-moshi.
Pause.
Nabiki: You'll pay me how much money? Just to ask three
people a single question, and mail you their
answers? What's the question?
Pause.
Nabiki: I see. I like the question. (pause) I push it?
You want lots of answer? You want them to start
getting angry? Hmmm... can do, but it'll cost you.
Pause.
Nabiki: Done. I'll start when I have half the money
in my account. You've done it? Let me check.
Nabiki types into her computer keyboard, then looks at the screen.
Nabiki: Okay, it's there. I'll start immediately, and
I should be mailing you the results in a few days.
I'll need your name and address.
Pause.
Nabiki: No name, huh? And the address a PO Box in Osaka...
o O (Oh well, I don't need to know who's hiring me;
after all, they've already paid half the fee.)
Okay. A few days.
Nabiki hangs up, leaves her room, goes over to Akane's room, and
knocks. She tapes up a fallen "and Ranma" sign below the duck sign
on Akane's door, then walks in in response to Akane's summons.
Akane is sitting at her desk, her homework open in front of her,
but she is looking out the window to where Ranma is working out
in the yard.
Nabiki: Akane? May I ask you a question?
Akane: (grunts disinterestedly)
Nabiki: What do you want?
Akane: What do I want? Why do you want to know?
Nabiki: Just think of it as... research. (sucking a lollipop and looking
up and off to the side)
Akane: Well, hmmm... I suppose I want to finish school with the best grades
I can get. I'm not sure yet about college. Hmmm...
I know! I want Ranma to admit that I'm a good fighter! Hmmm...
...and I want that baka to like my cooking...
Nabiki: (under her breath) ...that'll be the day...
Akane: Is that enough?
Nabiki: You've mentioned Ranma twice, without saying what you want your
relationship with him to be like. What do you *want*, Akane?
Akane: (starts to blush and sweat) I... want... I think... to be Ranma's
wife someday. Maybe that baka will respect me if we're married.
I guess I want children. I want to live here in this house with
my family, and I want us all to be happy.
I want to stay friends with Ukyou, and I want her to be happy.
Nabiki: o O (That last statement was odd, in that context.)
...any particular desires for Shampoo or Kodachi? Kuno or Ryouga?
Yuka or Sayura?
Akane: Huh? Oh, umm... Well, I guess I want Ryouga and Akari to work out
and be happy. And I hope Shampoo marries Mousse and goes back to
China. I don't really care about Kodachi or Kuno. I want Yuka and
Sayura to find nice boyfriends and get married.
Nabiki: Do you want Ukyou to marry Konatsu?
Akane: (looks surprised)
Ummm, if she wants... if she'd be happy... I'm not sure she would
be, though. Ukyou's one of the strongest-willed girls I know. I
can't imagine her falling in love with Konatsu, who is definitely
the weakest-willed man I've ever met.
Nabiki: o O (...anything else? Oh, yes...) And *why* do you want to marry
Ranma? Would you be happy if Ukyou marries him, and you're his
mistress?
Akane: (clenches fist) NO!!! *I* have to marry Ranma. (deflates)
I want the... recognition, the respect of being the legal wife of the
best martial artist of our generation. I want people to know that
Ranma is *mine*.
Nabiki: o O (Well, got her angry. Don't need to push things any more, thank
you very much. Might be bad for my health.)
Arigatou, Akane.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day. The caterer's office. Onna-Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou
are being shown around by an older man and a sharp-eyed, younger
man wearing a dark suit and sunglasses.
Older man: You all seem to know the basics about food service.
Especially you, miss. (gesturing at Ukyou)
I understand you won't be doing much more than
walking around with food trays, though.
Younger man: That's right. We want them out on the floor,
circulating, with their hands as unencumbered as
possible.
Older man: I think you're ready to try on your outfits. The
dressing room for female staff is through that door.
(points)
Ranma looks as if she wants to say something, but doesn't. Akane
and Ukyou glance at Ranma and smirk.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A bit later, inside the dressing room. Onna-Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou
are trying on scanty black outfits with fishnet stockings, much
like Playboy bunny suits without the ears and tail. Ranma is peeking
at Akane and Ukyou as they change clothes. Akane and Ukyou pretend
to be unaware of this, but Ranma nevertheless catches quite an eyeful.
Ranma: (grumbling) How'm I supposed to walk around, let alone fight,
in these stupid high heels?
Akane: Maybe the security people didn't think about these costumes much?
Ukyou: Or maybe they're designed to make us look harmless?
Hmmm... there's no place to hide my spatulas.
Finally they're all three dressed. Akane and Ukyou look over each other's
outfits and Ranma's. Ranma is still too busy grumbling under her
breath to really look at Akane or Ukyou, or check her own outfit
over. Akane comes over and gives Ranma's outfit a couple of adjustments.
Akane: (mischievous smile) Yes, Ranma, I think you look just
lovely also.
Ranma looks up at them when she hears this.
Ranma: Oh, err, sorry... Geez, you guys do look good. Yummy.
Ukyou: (laughs) That's okay, Ran-chan. We expect this from you.
The three leave the dressing room. A bare area just outside the
door has been covered by a mat, and the young man is standing
there wearing his sunglasses and a dark gi. The older man is absent.
Young man: One last test. I'd like to briefly spar with each
of you. Just a sanity check, you all three come
well-recommended. And I'd like to see how you fight
in those outfits. By the way, my name is Sumizu.
Akane and Ukyou look at each other. Onna-Ranma steps forward.
Ranma: Sure thing, Sumizu-san. Your move. (adopts typical
bent-knee, Bambi-eyed, hand-behind-neck,
Onna-Ranma-con-job pose)
Sumizu blinks, then takes three quick steps forward,
three fingers outthrust. Ranma has, of course, vanished.
Sumizu whirls, but Ranma is nowhere on the mat. At a sound,
he looks up; Ranma is attached to the ceiling. Sumizu blinks.
Ranma is now on the far side of the mat.
Sumizu: o O (... She didn't really move that fast?)
Ranma: (Ostentatious yawn) Another try?
Man: Grrr... Not bad, lady. How about this?
The man advances on Ranma, using a combination of whirling
kicks and fists which looks very intimidating. Ranma doesn't
blink, but waits until the man comes close, then ducks and
swerves just enough to avoid each fist and kick. She gives
another yawn. She is, however, watching the man closely
throughout. After a couple of minutes, Ranma snakes one
finger through the windmill and taps the man on the forehead.
He quits, blinking. Ranma jumps over to the side of the
mat where Akane and Ukyou are.
Ranma: Well, you're not too bad. Akane'll beat you too,
but she'll hurt you. OWWW!
(as Akane's elbow connects with the top of Ranma's head)
Ucchan, you're unarmed... and I haven't seen you
fight unarmed much. Why don't you try this guy?
Ukyou advances onto the mat. She's in a careful defensive
posture, and a bit too tense. She and Sumizu carefully eye
each other. Two inconclusive exchanges of blows pass. On
the third, Ukyou is flat on her back.
Sumizu: Huh! That's about how good I expected all three of
you to be. I haven't seen martial artists of your
caliber in quite a while.
Ranma: Ucchan, maybe you'd better spar a bit with Akane 'n
me at the Dojo over the next few days...
o O (I thought she'd be better than that. Pop's
right about habitual weapon use; Ucchan can't fight
without her spatulas.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cut to: a government building in downtown Tokyo. Nodoka is
meeting with a man in a formal judge's kimono, who is kneeling
on a low dais. His hair is cut in a topknot, mostly shaven,
but with a narrow strip coming forward.
Nodoka: So you can see why I've raised this petition. My
husband is incapable of leading our clan properly,
and my chances to rectify matters depend on him
NOT being clan head.
Judge: I see. It is unusual to take such a step, but I
see the point, in your case. The television news
incident is shocking enough...
Both Nodoka and Judge flashback to Nabiki's video on the television
news, of a cross-dressing, human Genma, communicating by signs
and declaring that he's a harmless panda who won't eat anyone.
Judge: ...but signing the adoption papers to another clan
for his only son... (shakes head)
Nodoka: And my best candidate for adoption as a replacement
son has been wronged by my husband in the past. I
fear 'he' will do anything other than accept adoption
by our clan unless Genma is no longer clan head.
Judge: I see. Well, you've convinced me. Here.
(signs paper, using inkstone and brush, and hands
it to Nodoka)
End Act I
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Act II.
The next day. The Tendo Dojo. Otoko-Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, and
Nodoka are present. Akane and Ukyou are sparring on one side, Ukyou
weaponless. Ranma and Nodoka are standing and watching.
Ranma: Ucchan's already much better than yesterday. Less tense,
for one thing.
Nodoka: o O (Ukyou is a worthy martial artist. I knew she was
capable of violence, but now I'm seeing due respect for
the forms. She paid the Dojo and Akane, her opponent,
due honor prior to combat. She likes fighting, too,
almost as much as Ranma.)
Ranma: Okay, you two. Break for a moment.
Akane and Ukyou stop. Ranma goes up and adjusts the position of
Ukyou's arm just a bit, then shows both girls a punch, demonstrating
it several times.
Nodoka: (getting misty-eyed) o O (...and my manly son, such a
capable martial artist and teacher... I'll have so many
grandchildren...)
Finishing, Ranma attempts to give quick pecks on the cheek to both
Akane and Ukyou before returning to his mother's side. Both girls,
however, intercept the kiss and deepen it considerably.
The girls resume sparring with Ranma back at his mother's side.
None of the four see Shampoo sneak in. She glomps Ranma from behind.
Shampoo: Nihao! Airen pleased to see Shampoo?
Shampoo turns Ranma's head and gives him a big, sucking, open-mouthed
kiss. Ranma frees himself after a moment. While Ranma briefly has his
eyes off her, Shampoo spits into a small vial which she promptly conceals.
Shampoo: o O (Now have Airen saliva mixed with Shampoo's: key
ingredient of spell.)
Ranma: Shampoo? Wha- what are you doing here?
Shampoo: Airen teach Shampoo new secret technique?
Ranma: You mean the ki-recharge technique? Why should I?
Shampoo: (pouts) Shampoo and great-grandmother help Ranma master;
why Ranma no show gratitude?
Ranma: (drops mouth a moment) Oh yeah...
(puts hand on back of head) Yeah, sorry, Shampoo, I
guess I should teach you... The old ghoul want to know
it too?
Shampoo: Great-grandmother say she not need, but Shampoo need learn.
Ranma: Well, it'll take you an hour or two. I can teach you
right now if you've got the time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later, still in the Dojo. Everyone except Nodoka is still present.
Ranma: Okay, Shampoo, if you've practiced the phrase and gesture,
you should be able to work the technique now.
Shampoo: Shampoo touch airen now?
Ranma: Go ahead. You can put your hand on my arm.
Shampoo gestures, concentrates, and touches Ranma. She seems to glow
just a bit.
Shampoo: Ooooooo. Can feel technique working. Shampoo like. Thank you, Ranma.
Ranma: Okay, you've mastered the technique, Shampoo. That's all there is to it.
You just need to practice it more, and eventually you'll find you
don't need the gesture, and the phrase becomes more and more automatic
when you're touching someone of the opposite sex.
Ranma turns to watch the sparring. Reluctantly, Shampoo turns also, but
is standing very close to Ranma. Ranma doesn't notice, though, as he
studies Akane and Ukyou closely.
Ranma: o O (Hmmm... Akane is quicker. Ucchan is getting better too. Her
hand-to-hand skills are improving rapidly, and she seems be be getting
quicker also. Akane is still better at hand-to-hand, but they're
getting closer together.)
Shampoo: (blinks several times) o O (Violent girl and Spatula girl that good?
Shampoo not realize. Is it ki technique? If so, good thing Shampoo
learn now, or soon those two not need each other to beat Shampoo.
Akane may be good enough now.)
Ranma: Okay, why don't you guys stop for a moment? I want to spar with Ucchan
a bit, with weapons.
Akane and Ukyou stop. Akane walks over to stand by Shampoo, toweling herself off.
Ukyou goes over to pick up her bandolier and big spatula. Ranma grabs a second
big spatula. They start.
Akane: Ranma's been trying Ukyou's style lately. That show-off thinks he can
learn anything easily.
Shampoo: Airen good. o O (This scary. With weapons, spatula girl now better
than Shampoo.)
Ranma and Ukyou spar for ten minutes or so before Ukyou knocks Ranma's spatula out
of his hands. Weaponless, Ranma backpedals, then is suddenly behind Ukyou, tapping
her on the shoulder.
Shampoo: o O (Never see airen move that fast! Only hibachan move that fast!)
Grinning, Ukyou puts down her weapons, and she and Ranma join Akane and Shampoo.
Ranma: I want to try one last thing with you guys. A three-way recharge.
Akane: Ranma, you've tried that at school with our classmates! You can't do
*three* girls!
Ranma: (smiling) You never know for sure...
Ranma puts one arm around Akane, touching Ukyou on the shoulder with the same hand.
He puts the other hand on Shampoo's shoulder. Ranma starts to glow. Ukyou, then
Akane, and finally Shampoo are all glowing as well. The four keep it up for a
minute or so, then Ranma drops contact with Shampoo, then Ukyou. He keeps his
arm around Akane.
Ranma: (triumphantly) Yatta! No trace of that focus trouble I had before.
Just a clear, triple flow.
Shampoo looks happy. She's holding her hands, bouncing up and down. Akane looks
angry, Ukyou troubled.
Ukyou: o O (Akane won't like this. Hell, *I* don't like it, except that Ran-chan
looks so happy about it.)
Akane: (gritting teeth) Ranma, we need to talk...
Ranma: (looks at Akane's face) Oh, err... right. You girls excuse us a minute?
Ukyou and Shampoo step outside, Ukyou looking back, worriedly.
Akane: (Hissed whisper) RANMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! TRYING FOR ANOTHER
MISTRESS?
Ranma: Akane, what are you talking about? All I did was run one simple test.
And I had to teach Shampoo the technique, after the help Cologne gave
us... (backing away now, uneasily) And I pried her off as quick as I
could when she hugged me...
Akane: I'm not talking about those, Baka! The ki-recharge with all three of
us! I'm upset that you can do it with three at all, let alone with
Shampoo, after you couldn't with Yuka and Sayura.
Ranma: Akane, I'm sorry. I didn't think about what you or Ucchan would think.
It's just... another technique; I have to explore it, find its limits...
I love you, Akane. Shampoo, I tolerate.
Akane: Ranma, if I really believed that was all, I wouldn't be as mad at you.
You DON'T just tolerate Shampoo; you admire her and you think she's
cute. Just remember what you said about living the rest of your life
in Joketsuzoku. (simmers for a moment, then flames up again)
AND ANOTHER THING! I've agreed to *one* mistress, Ranma! *ONE!*
Not two, three, or five!
(slumps down, anger spent, crying) Ranma, you have to understand
something here... Every so often I get this urge to scream at
Ukyou and attack her. This is *Ukyou*, one of my best friends!
I haven't done it yet; I'm *trying* to keep my word. This is
only working, so far, *because* Ukyou and I get along so well.
Do you understand? IT WILL *NEVER* WORK WITH SHAMPOO, SO STOP
THINKING WITH YOUR MANHOOD!
Ranma: o O (Oh, boy, I never thought she'd react this way.)
Akane, I'm sorry. Please believe me. I'd never have done that
if I'd known... Akane, I don't need anyone other than you.
I-If you want me to stop with Ukyou...
Akane: (still sniffling, but calming down) .... o O (He offered...)
N-No, Ranma, that's... not necessary. I gave my word, and...
I think you're happier, she's happier, your mother's happier,
most of the time even I'm happier...
Ranma: ....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Just outside the Dojo. Shampoo has left. Nabiki appears from the house
door, sipping a can of Pocari Sweat.
Nabiki: Ukyou? Mind if I ask you a question?
Ukyou: Nabiki? Oh, sure... go ahead.
Nabiki: What do you want?
Ukyou: Oh, Akane told me you're doing this. Some kind of research, right?
Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you, since you probably
know anyway. I want to spend my life with Ranma, supporting him,
being there for him when he needs me. I want him to be happy.
Nabiki: (takes another sip) Anything else?
Ukyou: Well, I want to stay friends with Akane... I want to be the best
Okonomiyaki chef and martial artist in the world... Hmmm...
Do you need more?
Nabiki: I notice you aren't saying you want to marry Ranma. Did you give
up?
Ukyou: (flushes slightly, speaks with a touch of anger) I didn't preclude it,
either. I think I covered the essence of marriage. I just don't think
one ceremony makes a lot of difference.
Nabiki: What do you want for Konatsu?
Ukyou: Konatsu? Well, I want Konatsu to have a happy life... I'd like
Konatsu to show a bit more backbone at times, but he doesn't really
need it working for me. Other than that... (looks away) I'm not
sure. Maybe... I'm keeping Konatsu around just in case...
(looks down) If so, I'm not proud of it...
Nabiki: You said you want to stay friends with Akane. How do you want that
to happen?
Ukyou: Ideally? I'd marry Ran-chan and she'd just accept it happily.
In the real world, I... don't think that's going to happen. Akane
has won that battle. Lately I've spent more time with both of
them, and I can see what they have together. Sometimes... it's so
beautiful it takes my breath away, and I want to just slink away.
I feel so... tawdry, so slimy, at times like that, though Akane
doesn't seem to mind any more. Other times, though, they seem to
need me, almost, to point out to Ranma when he *is* being a jerk,
and to calm Akane down. I like... being needed. I like...
making Ran-chan happy... I wish I always knew the best way
to do that...
Ukyou and Nabiki stand there for a bit. Around the corner of the Dojo,
Nodoka has been listening to the conversation.
End Act II
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Act III
The next day. The kitchen of the Nekohanten. Shampoo
cuts up a dried root and places a bit in the vial we saw earlier.
She is dressed in an unusual fashion: much like the caterer's
female outfits on top, but below the waist, a long slit skirt
and no stockings, and an embroidered dragon around the waist.
Shampoo: o O (Now put contents of vial into small cauldron
and heat over charcoal fire for five minutes. Then
put own saliva on forehead. Tomorrow, activate
with magic word.)
Shampoo: o O (Using Emperor Wu-ti's New Robes technique
Hibachan's idea, but what if not enough? Should prepare
backup plan. Hmmm...)
Shampoo pages through her cookbook for a bit, then rummages through
the spices on the rack above her. She picks one up labeled "Passion
Spice."
Shampoo: o O (Ranma will be girl, so need add ingredients to be sure
attracted to girl. And better make sure is very strong.)
Shampoo is pouring another ingredient in when Mousse comes running in.
Shampoo clobbers him absently, looking up only briefly, but making sure
to get a ki charge from him while her fist connects.
Shampoo: o O (Hmmm, was this jar so low before?)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day. A large ballroom. Around a hundred people are
present, all very formally dressed in a mix of formal kimonos and
western tuxedos or ballgowns. Onna-Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou,
dressed in their catering outfits, are standing near one of the
serving tables, looking the crowd over.
Ranma: Either of you see the Princess? You're both taller'n me.
Akane: She and her escorts haven't arrived yet, Ranma. These
are just the guests. You still have the piece of paper
they gave us, right?
Ranma: What, that? I tossed that an hour ago. I never heard of
any of those words before.
Akane: RANMA! You need that in case the Princess speaks to you!
That paper has the vocabulary you have to use when you respond!
Ranma: Huh? Why?
Akane: Ranma, like it or not, you have to be respectful and polite
around the royal family. There are still a lot of people in Japan
who believe that they are descendants of Amaterasu.
Ukyou: You mean they're not?
Ranma and Akane both turn to Ukyou and stare at her in surprise.
Ukyou: (holding up hands) Just kidding!
Ranma, rolling her eyes, turns to Akane, and is facing a door to
the kitchen. The door opens. He gasps and his eyes bug out.
Ranma: SHAMPOO?!?!?
Akane and Ukyou turn quickly. Their eyes also bug out. Akane and
Ukyou blush furiously. Shampoo walks into our view, carrying a
catering tray with one hand above her head, apparently completely
nude. However, nobody other than Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou notice
anything unusual.
Akane: (hissed whisper) WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. HERE.
*LIKE* *THAT* !? (glows blue; furious expression)
Ukyou: Shampoo, are you insane? Coming to a reception for...
*the Princess*... in your birthday suit? Just to
impress Ranma?
Shampoo: (looks startled) How you two see Shampoo not wearing
clothes? Only Ranma supposed to see!
Ranma: (still staring) Huh? How can you be nude to me, and
wearing clothes to everybody else?
Ukyou: (looking around at crowd) She's right... Nobody else
acts like they've noticed a thing.
Akane is still steamingly furious, unable to speak.
Ukyou grabs the next caterer out of the kitchen door by the arm.
Ukyou: Excuse me, but I'd like your opinion. Is this girl's
outfit satisfactory for this formal occasion?
Caterer: Huh? It's just like yours, except for the Chinese accents.
She's from the subcontracting caterer for the nikuman
appetizers, so those are appropriate.
Ukyou lets the caterer go and turns to Shampoo, still astonished.
Shampoo: (smirking and posing) Is ancient Chinese Amazon technique,
over 2000 years old: "Emperor Wu-Ti's New Robes." Everyone
except target see normal clothes, target see only bare skin.
Airen like view?
Shampoo walks over to onna-Ranma in a hip-swaying, chest-jiggling fashion
and brushes past him. Ranma gives herself a shake, and turns to Ukyou
and Akane.
Ranma: Oh, brother... And I thought this evening might be boring...
Akane: (still furious) Ranma! I thought you said you weren't so
tempted by the sight of skin when you're a woman!
Ukyou: Akane, go easy on Ran-chan; I'm sure her reactions aren't so cut
and dried. Anyway, look at the funny side: Shampoo's going to
spend this whole reception parading around in the altogether,
and only we can see it!
Akane looks shocked a moment, staring at Ukyou, then breaks out into a
giggle.
As the reception goes on, we see onna-Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo
walking around with appetizer trays. Shampoo shakes her torso at
Ranma, or brushes past her, every chance she gets. Ranma, however,
now intently into her assignment, is watching the crowd with
narrowed eyes and paying little attention to Shampoo. Ukyou varies
between intent observation of the crowd and amusement as she watches
Shampoo prance around naked through the crowd. Akane gets furious
each time she sees Shampoo make an overt move on Ranma, then gradually
calms to a state of almost-amusement until Shampoo's next move on Ranma.
Akane is hardly watching the crowd at all.
Shampoo, seeing Ranma ignore her, sweats a bit, then gives a sudden
crafty smile. She hurries to a point just ahead of where Ranma is
walking and stops.
Shampoo: Oh no, Shampoo drop food.
Shampoo, facing exactly away from Ranma, bends over with her legs straight
and spread slightly, mooning Ranma. Still bent over, she curves her head
around to see if Ranma has noticed. Ranma has not, but someone else has.
A guest in a plaid tuxedo, with a slight scar showing on his face, a bit
of a tattoo on his neck, and a missing tip on his shortest finger,
approaches Shampoo with a lecherous grin and the thumb and forefinger
of his right hand outstretched. He pinches.
Yakuza: Hey, girlie....
Shampoo: AIYAAA! (leaps up, dropping her tray, and spins on landing)
Nobody but Airen touch Shampoo rear!!
Shampoo lashes out with a frontal kick and the guest goes flying. Before
he lands, Ranma is upon him. The guest's clothes flap briefly and, as he
lands, Ranma is standing, posed slightly sideways, with one hand behind
her head and the other outstretched, holding two knives and a pair of
brass knuckles.
onna-Ranma: (cute smile) Oh, sumimasen. Are these yours?
The guest looks up from the floor at onna-Ranma and the dark-suited, sunglassed
men rapidly approaching and peacefully surrenders.
Ranma, smiling, retrieves her tray and starts to mix with the crowd again.
Voice: (icy tone) Well, look who's here... as part of the help, too.
Ranma looks up to see Kodachi, in a formal kimono, right in front of her,
with a frown on her face.
Kodachi: I looked over the list of caterer personnel and saw my darling
Ranma's new name, as well as the names of those other three tramps,
but I didn't see *yours*...
o O (Wait... what *is* her name? Or is she using Ranma's name again?)
(frowns deeper) Where have you hidden my darling Ranma?
Ranma looks around. Neither Akane nor Ukyou are in sight.
Faint cry from far side of room:
Ah! Two of my three loves!! Come!
We must find the pig-tailed girl and have a triple date!
(discreet sound of clobbering)
Ranma: (turns back to Kodachi) And what are *you* doing here?
Kodachi: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Why, whose family connections do you think
arranged for the Princess to speak at my brother's high school
commencement? Naturally I was invited, as were my brother
and father.
Ranma: o O (Kouchou? Ohmigod...)
Voice from third side of the room:
KOWABUNGA!!! HEY, DERE'S NO GOOD WAVES IN DESE PUNCH BOWLS FOR
SURFING! OH, CHECK OUT DIS LITTLE CHINESE WAHINI...
(louder sound of body being kicked through two tables and
a door into the kitchen)
Kodachi: Now, tell me what you've done with my darling Ranma...
(Kodachi's voice drops off. She looks at Ranma uncertainly.)
o O (How can she be here if her name wasn't on the list?
They wouldn't let her in...)
A-are you using my Ranma's name again? Isn't...
Isn't he here somewhere?
Ranma: (impassive expression) My name is Tendo Ranma.
Make of that what you will.
Kodachi just looks at Ranma, her expression growing more and more uncertain,
with a touch of horror growing in it. Finally she turns away and hurriedly
leaves. Ranma looks after her a bit, then resumes patrolling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cut to: A large family home somewhere in Kansai. An elder patriarch
is sitting cross-legged on a cushion on a dais. Facing him is a row
of kneeling younger men.
Patriarch: Next item.
A young man, kneeling to the Patriarch's right, hands him a letter.
Patriarch: (reading) A query about adopting a younger son of our house,
one Ukyou. Kuonji Ukyou? Do I remember that name?
(blinks)
Heads turn in the row of facing men, towards a man at one end, obviously
a position of low esteem. We can now see that this is Ukyou's father, eleven
years older. The young male secretary whispers in the Patriarch's ear.
Patriarch: (face flushing) Oh yes, I remember now. *That* fiasco.
(turns to glare at Ukyou's father) How this family could have
*ever* found ourselves in that position...
...and someone actually wants to *adopt* Ukyou? Really?
(brightens visibly; then inspects wording closely)
...and the careful wording indicates that the writer is aware
of the truth of the matter... No cause for dishonor, then, if
the adopting clan were unaware...
...Saotome? Isn't that the clan?...
Yes! I agree! (glares at sons and sons-in-law)
I will *not* miss this chance to rid ourselves of that source
of shame! (glares directly at Ukyou's father)
*Especially* not for any personal considerations...
(turns to secretary) Draft a letter, agreeing to the proposal,
for my signature!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Back at the ballroom, two hours later. Onna-Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou
are all back over by the refreshment tables, looking at the crowd.
Akane: I think we can relax a bit now, guys. The Princess and her
entourage just left.
Shampoo approaches, holding a glass of water which seems to glitter just a bit.
She pretends to sip from the glass, then holds it out to Ranma.
Shampoo: Airen thirsty?
Ranma: Huh? I guess I am, a bit...
Akane glares, furious, and grabs the glass before Ranma can drink from it.
Akane and Shampoo face each other, both steaming.
Shampoo: What violent girl do? No trust Shampoo?
Akane: Darn right I don't trust you!
Akane puts the glass down on the table behind her without looking, away
from Shampoo. Akane can't see that she's placed it right next to Ukyou's
water glass. Akane continues to glare at Shampoo.
Shampoo: What violent girl want? Water okay for Ranma!
Akane: Will you drink from it first? And don't try to pretend!
Shampoo turns slightly purple. Meanwhile, Ukyou has reached behind her for
her own glass. Her hand encounters Shampoo's ensorceled glass. She brings
it to her face and sips.
Shampoo: Aiyaa! Spatula girl drink!
Akane spins around and grabs the glass from Ukyou's hand. However, she
shatters it, splashing it all over her own face and Shampoo's. Both
girls get some in their mouth.
Shampoo: Aiyaa! Now violent girl drink! And Shampoo!
(backs away, looking frightened)
Ranma: Huh? What's wrong with you?
Akane: SHAMPOO!! WHAT WAS IN THAT WATER?!?!?
Shampoo: (visibly nervous) No, no, Shampoo not put new passion mix in
water... I mean, not put anything in water.
Akane and Ukyou: "NEW PASSION MIX"? (Both sweat)
Ranma: Quick, Shampoo, better just tell us what it does.
Shampoo whispers to Ranma. Ranma blushes, then glances down.
Ranma: o O (Oh, boy...)
Meanwhile Akane and Ukyou slowly change their expressions. They're still
looking at Shampoo, but, where they were both looking furious, their expressions
are now turning lecherous, and they're looking at Shampoo's body rather than
her face. Both take a step forward.
Shampoo: Aiyaa! Starting to take effect!
Shampoo turns and flees into the kitchen.
Ranma steps over and puts one hand each on Akane and Ukyou's shoulders.
Ranma: Guys, you've been fed a new passion spice mix which causes you both to
experience extreme feelings of lust when confronted by a naked female
body. This works specifically on women, as Shampoo meant to slip it
to me here. Apparently, clothes block the feelings, but you're
both going to be incredibly horny every time you see Shampoo for the
rest of the reception.
Akane & Ukyou: (shaking themselves) What?
Akane: THAT SHAMPOO!! WHY WON'T SHE JUST GIVE IT UP?
Ukyou: Same reason neither you nor I did, I imagine... Her tactics sure are
inconvenient for us, though.
Ranma: Well, look, you guys... Soon as we're out of here, let's go off
somewhere and *I'll* get undressed...
Akane and Ukyou just glare at Ranma and turn their backs.
Voice: Shampoo-chan!! You love me, don't you?! And I *LOVE* your attire!
At that voice, Onna-Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou snap around. Happosai has appeared
from somewhere and is standing in front of Shampoo, who has come back out of
the kitchen. Happosai has his arms spread wide.
Ranma: Oh boy... (starts forward, but Akane stops him)
Akane: Wait, Ranma. She made this bed, now let her sleep in it.
Happosai glomps Shampoo. Furious, she starts to smash her tray down on his
head, but he's behind her, glomped to her rear, patting it. The contents
of her tray have spilled and splashed all over the floor.
Akane: (licking lips) On second thought, Ranma, why don't you...
Ukyou: (also licking lips) ...take Happosai out of the way, and *we'll*
handle Shampoo...
Akane and Shampoo charge off towards Shampoo. Ranma, alarmed, bounds over
their head towards Happosai and Shampoo.
Ranma: o O (Can't let them embarrass themselves in public with Shampoo!)
Ranma, just landing, plucks Happosai off of Shampoo by the collar...
Happosai: Oh, Ranma-chan! My *favorite* student! (attempts glomp)
Ranma, gritting her teeth, flings Happosai back towards Akane and Ukyou.
Ranma: Shampoo, why don't you just go stay in the kitchen for a while?
Shampoo: Contract say Shampoo has to serve food out here.
Ranma: If you don't leave, I'll remove Akane's clothes...
Shampoo reddens, then purples, then nods. She hastens back into the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Happosai is glomping back and forth between Akane and Ukyou. Akane
and Ukyou are each missing a stocking. Ranma bounds over.
Happosai: o O (It seems harder than usual to stay out of their clutches.)
Onna-Ranma grabs Happosai's collar and plops him down on her upraised toe, holding
him in place with one finger. Akane swings her foot. Happosai disappears
through the roof.
Ukyou: (looking around) Huh? Weren't there a lot of guests left a moment
ago?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Afterwards, back at the caterer's dressing room. Besides Onna-Ranma,
Ukyou, and Akane, a dozen other women caterers are changing clothes.
Akane: (Whispers to Ukyou) Hold me tight if I try to do something
embarrassing. I'll try to change with my eyes closed.
Ukyou: (Whispering back) "Hold you tight?" Akane, I don't think that's
the way I want to stop you today. Let's just keep our eyes shut.
Ranma: (pouting) You *could* look at me, you know...
Mallet and spatula appear and menace Ranma. She shuts up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day. A dark office somewhere. Two younger men,
wearing dark suits and sunglasses, stand facing an older,
identically clad man sitting behind a desk. There are several
pieces of paper lying loose on the desk, with photos and text.
One of the younger men is Sumizu.
Sumizu: Yes, sir. Those three did an excellent job. Particularly
(points at photo of onna-Ranma)
this one; when she went into action I barely saw a blur.
She didn't hurt her target, just disarmed him. I sparred
with her as well, and she's quite unbelievably good.
Young man 2: We might also consider retaining one of the
caterer's subcontractor personnel, sir. This one
(points out name on list). She's got a hell of a
kick to her, and seems to know these three. Maybe
we can train all four to work together.
Older man: (squints) This caterer girl is a foreign national.
We'll have difficulty using her for some assignments.
Young man 2: But for others, she'll be perfect. The July
summit meeting...
Older man: (musingly) They *are* young for this job, but that also
makes them look even more harmless... And you
say they're better fighters than the older female agents
on our staff... Right! Hire those three for the full
summer schedule. And the Chinese girl for the summit.
...and, good work, Sumizu-san, Jounsu-san.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tofu-Sensei's clinic. Tofu has just finished examining Akane.
Ranma and Ukyou are also present.
Tofu: Hmmm... well, it's certainly *mostly* gone from your
systems, both of you... but...
Akane: (alarmed) What, sensei?
Tofu: There are traces of an exceptionally strong hallucinogenic
drug bound in with the passion spice, still in your bloodstream.
If it's what I think it is, there may be... permanent
effects.
Akane and Ukyou: PERMANENT?!?!?!
Tofu: But infrequent, not unlike how users of some of these
drugs can go on 'trips' months, or years, after ceasing to
use the drugs. I would expect the frequency to be no more
than once a week now, and decline over time, but it will
re-occur. Every so often, you'll both just... get these spells,
which shouldn't last for more than a couple of hours.
Akane and Ukyou both just stare at Tofu, shocked. Ranma smirks.
Ranma: o O (I think life just got a little more interesting...)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Nekohanten. Nabiki enters and looks around to find Shampoo.
Nabiki sits at a net-yet-cleaned table in Shampoo's area and
waits for her to come over.
Shampoo: What Sneaky Girl want?
Nabiki: That's MY line. Anyway, just tea.
Shampoo brings tea. Nabiki is nibbling on a leftover chimai.
Nabiki: Okay, Shampoo, I have a question for you.
What do *you* want?
Shampoo: (blinks) What Shampoo want? Shampoo want Ranma.
Sneaky girl know that.
Nabiki: Yes, but *why* do you want Ranma? And what else do you want?
Shampoo: Anoo... Shampoo love airen. Shampoo happy when around airen.
Want take Ranma back to Joketsuzoku, impress sisters with
husband. Have strong children. Become tribe leader when
older, with support of husband. Keep tribe traditions.
Nabiki: (thinks it over) ...What if Ranma said he'd marry
you if you both stayed in Japan?
Shampoo: (blinks again) Stay? Never think about... (pauses
to think) Shampoo not like Japan. Not stay.
Shampoo refuse condition and take Ranma back anyway.
Nabiki: (musingly) ...Do you want to be a better fighter?
As good as Ranma?
Shampoo: (stares) No-one as good as Ranma! Not even Shampoo.
Shampoo not interested in exotic technique taking weeks
to learn, too busy chasing Ranma and working.
Cologne bounds out, glances at Nabiki, then double-takes,
and looks harder. She bounds over to Nabiki.
Cologne: (sepulchral voice) Leave this place. They are not for you.
Go. Leave. Now.
Nabiki: Excuse me?
Cologne: Those chimai left on the table. You did not pay for them.
They are not for you.
End Act III
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Act IV
A few days later. The Tendo-Ke, the formal reception room. Ukyou is kneeling,
facing Nodoka, also kneeling. Akane and Ranma are also present, to the side.
Nodoka: Kuonji-san, I had several reasons for asking you to meet with me.
First, I would like to apologize for my behavior a month ago
in the hospital. Though I truly meant what I said, I fear
I was needlessly cruel.
Ukyou: (glancing at Akane and Ranma) ...No, Saotome-san...
I think it needed to be said. You were right.
Nodoka: Nevertheless, it is something I feel I should apologize for,
as well as my family's original treatment of you and your family
eleven years ago. Regarding other matters, I would like you
to look at this document first. (hands sheet of paper to Ukyou)
Ukyou: (eyes wide) This... this is...
Nodoka: Yes. My husband is no longer the head of the Saotome clan. He has
been legally declared incompetent after that performance on the train.
(Upstairs, Nabiki, headphones on, goes "Oops.")
I am the legal head of the clan. Ranma would be, if he were not now
a Tendo.
Ranma is clearly astonished. Akane is surprised as well.
Nodoka: (continuing) This step was necessary, you see, for you to even
consider what I am about to propose.
(showing a bit of nervousness)
Kuonji Ukyou, I have had your family register in Kansai checked. You
are listed on that register as a boy, and have been since the age of six.
Furthermore, you are not the only male bearer of your family name.
Ukyou: Yes, both are true... (clearly confused)
Nodoka: I would like to adopt you as a Saotome son, to carry on the Saotome School
of Martial Arts in Ranma's place. As clan head, it is my duty to
ensure this.
Ranma: Huh? What happened to me?
Nodoka: Ranma, you are now a Tendo, preparatory to marrying Akane, as you know
very well. You are to carry on the Tendo Dojo.
Nodoka: (continuing, to Ukyou) I have been in touch with your family, Kuonji-san,
and they are willing, even eager; but I thought it only right to let you
consider the proposition as well, because I have a... condition...
to attach to the adoption.
Ukyou: (still shocked) What.. condition?
Nodoka: Gomen, I don't know you well enough... You may welcome this proposal or
revile it...
(deep breath)
I intend to have Saotome grandchildren, and I do mean *Saotome*
grandchildren. You will not marry my son Ranma, but you will bear children
by him. You will then legitimize your children as members of the Saotome
clan by acknowledging, in writing, that you are their father while you
are still pregnant. If you testify that you are the father, we need not
even identify the mother.
Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou simply stare at Nodoka for minutes. Then Ukyou begins
to get a silly grin on her face and looks over at Ranma, blushing. Ranma is
looking back and forth between Ukyou and Akane, confused and blushing slightly.
Akane is gritting her teeth.
Akane: o O (Come on, come on... I already said Ukyou could be Ranma's mistress.
I *proposed* it. Did I think Ukyou was never going to have children?
... Well, I really didn't think it through at all... If Ukyou is pregnant
and ugly, though, Ranma will spend more time with me... That will even
out the times when I'm pregnant, and he's with her...)
Gradually Akane loses the compulsion to yell "Obasama no baka!" and relaxes.
After a few minutes she even smiles at Ukyou.
Ukyou: ...What about marriage? Would you compel me to marry another woman?
(looks uncertain)
Nodoka: No, I will leave your marriage to you, subject to the usual family
background considerations. You will not, of course, be able to marry
someone who is legally a man. If you can find a man who is legally a
woman, I will not object, as long as Ranma is the father of your legal
heir. You may remain unmarried if you prefer, so long as an heir is produced.
o O (...but, should you marry a woman, it will mean that many more
grandchildren for me!)
(pauses) As a Saotome son, you would be welcome to move in with us...
Ranma: o O (Mom is *obliging* me to be unfaithful to Akane; to have Ukyou as
a mistress. Now what? Akane herself proposed this, but hasn't been so
happy with the idea. Now I'll have to, regardless of how Akane feels.
I could refuse... no, I can't... to Mom, that would be 'unmanly'.)
Ukyou: About the School... As you know, my style is not "Anything-Goes." I am
by training a weapons user. How can I carry on the school?
Nodoka: The Saotome name has only been associated with the "Anything-Goes" style
for a few decades, though there has been a Saotome School of Martial
Arts for centuries. The style can change again, if you prefer. Or
perhaps Ranma can teach you his style. Your responsibility, if you accept,
is simply to carry on a Saotome School; you and Ranma can decide how
to carry it out. You need not consider any suggestions my husband may offer.
Ranma winces at this last comment and starts to look at his mother with a sad
expression on his face.
Ukyou looks over at Akane and Ranma, inquisitively. Ranma, feeling the regard,
looks back at Ukyou, grins, and winks. Then he turns to look at Akane. Akane
is looking at the two of them with a slightly haunted expression. Nodoka
glances sideways at Akane.
Nodoka: (carefully) Ranma's income as head of the Tendo Dojo will be used
for the upbringing of his children by Akane. I cannot, in honor, allow
otherwise. You will, Kuonji-san... Ukyou... of course have all my
help to raise my grandchildren by you and Ranma, as well as any
income my husband may chance to produce. But you will bear most
of the burden of supporting your children yourself.
Akane's face clears a bit.
Akane: o O (Okay, Obasama is not trying to give Ranma a second wife... She
just wants Saotome grandchildren... I can understand that...
sort of...)
(timidly) Obasama? What if... well, Ukyou and I are friends now,
and I hope forever, but... people change... this sort of arrangement...
Ukyou smiles sadly at this, looking at Akane sympathetically.
Nodoka: What you three feel for each other is not mine to control, Akane.
I hope you will all be happy with this, but I cannot make you be so.
All I can do is point out to each of you your duty. Ranma must support
you and provide Tendo heirs, and support them, and properly honor you
in public. In private, Ranma has the duty to provide Saotome heirs,
but not to support them. He need not love, or even like, Ukyou, to fulfill
this duty. Ukyou, should 'he' accept, must properly acknowledge you
as 'his' sister-in-law, and you should honor Ukyou as you would any
brother-in-law... More than this.. is up you.
Akane nods, her face now impassive. She sits, pensive a moment, then looks up
at Ukyou and smiles. Ranma and Ukyou smile in relief.
Akane: o O (I can't blame Ranma or Ukyou now, when they're together...
They'll be fulfilling family duty. There'll only be Obasama
to blame. Somehow... I feel like a weight has been removed from my
shoulders.)
Nodoka: Kuonji-san, you need not give me your reply now..
Ukyou: Saotome-san... I mean, Mother... (bows to floor) No delay is
necessary. I accept your gracious offer... (glances up and smiles at
Ranma) with the most profound thanks!
Nodoka smiles, nods, then rises to leave the room.
Nodoka: Then I will go to finalize the arrangements...
As soon as the door slides shut behind her, Ukyou is hugging Ranma, with one arm
out for Akane. Akane approaches slowly, but enters the embrace. The three hug
each other for a long time.
Akane: (whispers) Ukyou, congratulations. We both won after all.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later, upstairs. Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou are approaching Akane's room. All
three stop short when they reach the door, however, and stare. Now the duck
sign has a brand-new "and Ukyou" pasted just below the previous "and Ranma".
Akane: Honestly! That Nabiki! How can I have any friends from school
over to my room with that on my door?
Ukyou: Akane, you know they make up all kinds of stories about us anyway...
Ranma: ...and the questions *I* receive from all of the guys...
"How d'you do it with *two*, Ranma?"
"Don't they tire you out at night, Ranma?"
(with Karaoke microphone, spotlit, dressed as depression-era beggar)
"Buddy, can you spare, a girl?"
...you two got it easy...
Ranma pouts. Ukyou and Akane roll their eyes at each other, but can't keep it up;
they're soon smiling. Ukyou reaches out a hand and starts to knead
Ranma's back. Akane puts an arm around Ranma and leans her head against his
shoulder. Together, the three enter Akane's room.
End Act IV
THE END
Some dialog borrowed from JMS. Thanks, Joe, for everything.
Apologies to those readers who don't get the references if they're obtrusive.
C&C welcome. Previous stories posted at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5058
(
geocities.com/tokyo/Dojo) (
geocities.com/tokyo)