Dedication? Hrm, not something I really do, and the only one I ever
did was a direct rip-off of a dedication of a favoured book of a
favoured author of mine, but, oh well. Even if it is never seen by
whom I dedicate it to, and it probably won't be
If we were merely friends,
nothing more than acquaintances
Colleagues and nothing more
still it would suffice.
If we were strangers passing on streets or in halls,
If we were nothing more than that I could be glad.
If we had our separate visions
you and I,
If I only knew you or of you and nothing else
still it would be enough,
But that I know you and love you is
all I ever need know of Grace.
and this, even this I cannot say is wholly mine. The flavour, at
least, debased as it has become in my hands, is mostly a rip-off of
another dedication of another favoured book by another favoured
author of mine. They say it so well though!
Ah well, I suppose it is to be expected, me ripping off other
authors... aren't I about to do that again anyway? It doesn't make
the words less true though....
When Ranma Was Three-- I mean Two!
Home is where the fists of fury are:
Ranma bowed to his opponent, who bowed back in the exact same
way. Another grin on his face, both of them. Time to spar. This
time Ranma wore shoes, and this time he didn't wear shoes, as well.
One wore a sleeveless red shirt, while the other wore one with a
short sleeve. Those were to be the identifiers for any onlookers in
the match.
The match began with a leap in the air-- it had a tendency to
do that since Ranma almost invariably fought over the koi pond, for
some reason. Perhaps to give himself more motivation not to fall or
land badly. Nabiki could ask if she really wanted to know, but the
how's and why's of combat did not really matter to her too much,
unless of course they could be adapted for some other purpose (such
as a free show of masculine muscle and meat, for example).
Ranma was all poised for an attack or a defense, or both, by
the time he reached mid-way over the pond but found only air
meeting him, for you see Ranma did not leap, and was instead
waiting for Ranma on the other side of the pond, braced and with a
very large grin on his face. It ended up being a very short match,
really.
"So," the Ranma without shoes said.
"If we..." the other continued.
"...and then...."
"...didn't think...."
"Why...?"
"Because...."
"Of course. Obvious," one said, nodding.
"What are you talking about?" asked Akane, who had given up
trying to follow the conversation, which seemed to possibly be
about the fight.
"Nothing," Ranma replied, both of him. "Nothing important,
anyway. Just going over the fight."
"But you didn't say anything about it!"
"Why should I? I know myself well enough to know what I'm
thinking."
"But if you knew what you were thinking, why didn't you
anticipate what happened?"
"Yes, son, why didn't you think that you would do something
like that?" Soun asked Ranma over the newspaper at the table.
"It didn't occur to me," Ranma replied, rubbing his jaw
slightly as he sat down by the table.
"I asked myself, 'what wouldn't we think of?' and I got that,"
Ranma added before dumping hot water on himself.
The other Ranma, the one with the shoes and the no sleeved
shirt disappeared, leaving a pile of clothes. Ranma shrugged. "I
thought that body was... don't matter, I s'pose."
Ranma ate his breakfast, starting with the rice, ignoring any
larger concerns. "Time to go now," he said absently after finishing
breakfast.
The application of some cool water and a brief blurring, and
Ranma was off to school as well as his parents. "Don't worry about
dinner for me, I'll be at my mom and dad's," Ranma said at the
door.
Akane and Nabiki left at about the same time, having eaten
while Ranma sparred.
Higher Learning, or Studentz N the School:
"Mister Saotome! Why are you staring out the window for when I
am clearly in front of the classrom, teaching?" the teacher, some
nameless drone, demanded.
"China, Shampoo," Ranma sighed.
"I am not even going to pretend to understand that, nor do I
care. Stand out in the hall if you're going to look outside, and
take two buckets of water with you."
The teacher pulled his glasses down to rub between his eyes.
This was going to be another one of those days, he knew it. If only
that transfer came through, then maybe he could teach some real
students. Why, it was almost enough to make one change religions
and become Catholic-- if for no other reason than you could teach
at a Catholic school, like St. Hebereke. Nice and quiet, no
hormonally driven boys or anything there. This was a dream, his
dream, and it kept him going through the long, lonely days
surrounded by inattentive students and moronic administrators.
Everyone needs a dream, right?
The end of all things, or of school at least:
Walking to his parents after school, Ranma came upon three men
in bandages surrounding a high-school girl. The men had clubs, the
girl had a small duffel bag. A martial artist's duty was never
done. Ranma sighed and prepared to enter the fray when the three
armed men (okay, so they only had two arms, but you know what I
mean, right? three guys with weapons) rushed the girl, who pulled
out a long ribbon.
The girl, about high school age, probably the same age as
Ranma, blocked the one man's clubstrike with the ribbon and then
proceeded to use it as a whip. In no time at all the girl had her
three assailants on their knees and was whipping them with her
ribbon, cutting into their clothes.
"That's enough. You've won," Ranma said, stepping into the fray
and catching the ribbon harmlessly around his arm.
"You are not an ordinary man, are you?" the girl asked.
Ranma smirked cockily. "There ain't nuthin' ordinary about me."
"I can see that," the girl replied, sizing Ranma up and down
with an appreciative yet more than somewhat disconcerting grin.
"Anyway, looks like they needed my help more than you did."
The girl changed her whole demeanour, becoming all downcast
eyes and small, demure smile. "You were going to protect me?" she
said in a voice hinting that it was Ranma's virtue which would
shortly be in need of protecting, and not her.
"Er, yeah. I guess. Three against one didn't seem fair,
especially when they got weapons and you looked unarmed. Anyway,"
Ranma started to edge away from the girl, "I gotta get going. Have
to get back to my mom an' dad's and...," Ranma trailed off, ready
to bolt.
"Very well," the girl said imperiously. She turned to her
would-be assailants and said, "And you, count yourselves lucky that
you escaped so lightly from the wrath of Kodachi, Black Rose of
Saint Hebereke High!"
The girl, Kodachi, turned and gave a sultry wink to Ranma
before she said, "I bid you adieu, kind sir. We shall meet again."
That said, Kodachi disappeared in a spiral of black rose petals.
Ranma looked at the three men, about the same age as him, given
their size-- perhaps a year or two younger, so boys might be a more
correct term-- who were still on their knees and crying.
"Stop crying and get up," Ranma said disgustedly. "You're guys,
aren't you?"
They took the bandages off their faces, revealing cuts and
bruises and definitely female features.
"But that's just it! We're not guys!" the one closest to Ranma
bawled, lunging and clinging to his knees. "Oh, thank you thank you
thankyouthankyou! You saved us from her!"
"Hey, get up now. Don't cry. Could you please stop grabbing
me?" Ranma said weakly, to no avail.
"We can't beat her," another girl sobbed.
"Furinkan will have to forfeit, unless we can find someone
else!" the third sobbed.
"Have you tried asking someone else to substitute?"
"Who could we get? We need a girl who can fight!" the girl who
was still clinging to Ranma's legs cried out.
Ranma managed to disengage himself from her when the third girl
said, "What about Akane? She can fight. We could ask her!"
The second one looked at Ranma. "You know the Tendos, don't
you, Ranma? Please," she begged, kneeling with her head touching
the ground, "will you help us convince Akane to fight for us?"
"I gotta do something first at my parents, but then yeah, okay.
After dinner-- I'll meet ya's at the Tendos, an' give ya my
support."
Never accept challenges on a full stomach:
"That must be Ranma," Nabiki said, hearing the knock at the
front door. She scrambled from the dinner table which Kasummi was
still in the middle of clearing, to answer it.
Nabiki came back, moving sluggishly and eyes downcast. "It's
for you, Akane." Nabiki waved her hand in the general direction of
the door. "Three girls want to see you. They look beat up."
"Maybe they want to take lessons from me to protect
themselves," Akane said.
Nabiki snorted. "Why wouldn't they ask Ranma then?"
Akane pretended that she did not hear Nabiki as she swept by
her sister on her way to the door. A moment later and Akane was
leading three schoolgirls to her room to talk. Ranma arrived at the
door about ten minutes later.
"Hey Nabiki, what's up? You look a little out of breath, you
okay?"
Nabiki, who had once again ran to the door to answer it, merely
nodded.
"Akane here? Supposed to meet with 'er about somthin'."
Nabiki gave Ranma a peeved look, which he did not receive.
"Three girls came by a bit earlier, to talk to her."
"Great, they were s'posed to come after dinner, and...," Ranma
frowned. "Anyway, I better go up and talk to 'em. They're expecting
me." Ranma nodded to Nabiki and dodged around her easily, making
his way to Akane's room.
The door to Akane's room was closed, but sounds could be heard
coming from it. Ranma knocked on the door, which was opened shortly
after some scuffling sounds. The three girls from before were
there, sitting on the bed and looking at him while Akane held the
door in her hands.
"I thought you were supposed to wait for me," Ranma told the
three girls while scowling marginally at them.
They looked around at everywhere else but Ranma.
"So, have they asked you yet, Akane?" Ranma asked.
"Well, yes, but I don't really do gymnastics and--"
"But we need you, Akane!" one of the girls pleaded. "It's
_martial arts_ rhythmic gymnastics! You use the tools of rhythmic
gymnastics to fight your opponent! We need a girl who can fight and
you're the best!"
"And what are you doing here, Ranma?"
"I was walkin' along and saw the girl they want you to fight
beatin' on 'em."
"So?"
"So anyway they wan'ed me to help talk you inta fightin' for
'em."
"And?"
Ranma shrugged. "You wanna fight, go ahead. I told 'em I'd talk
to ya and give 'em my support, but really? Ain't no skin off my
nose."
The three girls looked somewhat dismayed. Actually, remove the
'somewhat' part, and the description would be more accurate. Akane,
on the other hand, looked somewhat annoyed.
"What are you saying, Ranma?"
Ranma blinked. Didn't she hear what he just said?
"Are you saying that I'm not graceful enough? that I'm not good
enough? Is that it? Is it?"
Ranma was about to open his mouth and probably do the extremely
wrong thing by agreeing with Akane when Nabiki tapped Ranma on the
shoulder.
"That guy who challenged you a week or so ago, Ryoga Hibiki?
Well, he's downstairs. Wants to talk to you, he says." Nabiki
paused for a second and added, "He was very polite. He's in the
kitchen right now, talking with Kasumi."
Ranma took this opportune moment to dodge Akane's insinuations.
"Thanks Nabiki!" Ranma said at the end of the hall, before anyone
else even knew he had moved.
Nabiki looked inside Akane's room and then down the hall, where
Ranma's voice came from. She shook her head and muttered to
herself, "I swear, I'm becoming an answering machine or door
greeter or something. The next time, I'll charge them," and walked
away.
The three girls blinked and their leader asked Akane, "So, will
you do it?"
"Maybe," Akane said, which meant yes, in all likelihood, if
they had enough time to work on her in the days to come.
In the Mouth of Politeness:
Ranma entered the kitchen.
"...and so that is how you-- Oh, hello Ranma!" Ryoga turned
around to greet Ranma.
Kasumi noticed Ranma's entrance and blushed lightly. Ranma
blinked. "Your friend Ryoga was just telling me how to calm wild,
rampaging animals while making origami swans at the same time,"
Kasumi explained.
Ranma was about to say something to Ryoga when Kasumi's words
hit him. Well, not hit him, really, since this is Kasumi we're
talking about and when did she ever do something violent? Right. So
maybe hitting was the wrong word. How about penetrated his skull?
Made themselves known to him? That's better. So, Kasumi's words
made themselves known to Ranma, at which point all thoughts of
whether the words were hitting him, penetrating his skull or
something less violent became moot as Ranma wobbled and fell over
on his side in mid-step.
Ryoga was at Ranma's side in a moment. "Are you all right?"
Ranma brushed himself off. "Yeah, no problem. Just distracted
by something, that's all. You wanted to talk or something?"
"Well yes. First, I wished to thank you for taking me home
after the fight, that was awfully kind of you."
"Weren't nothin'. You'd do the same fer me, right? We're buds."
"Yes, quite true. I saw my mother again, while I was there.
Quite a treat, really. We think father is still somewhere in
Honshu, but we cannot be sure. At any rate, bandaging me up was
nice of you as well."
"Heck, I was the one who caused the wounds, it's only right
that I bandage 'em up, right?"
"Yes, I suppose there is a kind of sense to that. At any rate,
I wished to thank you for doing both when you did not have to."
Ranma, it should be noted, was feeling kind of bashful, for the
thanks. Kasumi had busied herself in another room of the house,
doing laundry perhaps, or maybe dusting, or possibly practicing
making origami swans, just in case the day came that Nerima got
overran by ravening tigers or something. Hey, it could happen,
right?
"Is that it? You just came by to say thanks?"
"No, that could easily have been done from a phone, or with a
note, or maybe if I was on my way to somewhere else. Actually, you
see, that is to say...." Ryoga sighed. "I am afraid there is no
real easy way to say this, so I'll just come right out: I would
like a rematch."
"What? I beat you fair and square!"
"Yes, quite true. Very soundly, I won't deny that. But still, I
am afraid that I must ask for a rematch. Sorry to trouble you, but
that's the way it is."
"Why? I thought that the breadfeud thing was done with!"
"Oh, yes. Quite done. But you see it didn't just really make up
for it, you know? I mean, look at it from my position: here I am,
spending several years of my life tracking you down, accidentally
getting myself cursed along the way, and then when I finally meet
you to exact justice upon you, not only do you not remember me, but
you also don't lose. All in all, a rather unsatisfying and
unfulfilling end, wouldn't you say?"
Ranma nodded.
"So," Ryoga continued, "I am afraid that I must ask for a
rematch. A best two out of three type thing, I suppose, if that
wouldn't be too much to ask. Our match the other week we should
consider the first one, of course, so if you win again then we
won't have to go through this business. On a purely personal level
I hope you don't win, but on an objective level I hope you do so
that way we can just get this behind us. I really hope you do not
mind too much."
A startled Ranma replied, "Oh no, of course not. I can
understand that, I s'pose. When and where?"
Ryoga laughed. "Oh no, none of this setting the time and place
stuff, we've tried that before and look where it got us-- right
where we are now. Why don't we go outdoors or in the dojo and do it
there?"
"Outside then. Don't want to wreck the dojo, and the stone is
sturdier than wood," Ranma replied and began to lead them outside.
"Ryoga and I are going to try to beat each other up now," Ranma
hollered into the house.
"Try not to make a mess," Kasumi replied.
"Don't worry, we're taking it outside!"
Soun's voice could be heard. "Try not to damage the koi pond! I
just got the pH balance right, and it took me a lot of time to get
the plants in it just _so_."
"We'll do our best!" Ranma and Ryoga respectfully, but loudly,
shouted back.
Haven't I hit you there before? a.k.a. Deja fu:
Ranma bowed to his opponent, who bowed back.
"We're still friends, right?" Ryoga asked.
"Of course! Why wouldn't we be? Just because we're going to try
to beat the stuffing out of each other again doesn't mean we ain't
buds! After this, hows about you an' me go out an' do something.
Get some fast food, catch a movie, that kinda thing."
Ryoga wiped his forehead. "I'd like that. I was worried for a
second you might take this the wrong way."
"Hey, just cuz we're fightin' each other don't mean we gotta be
enemies. Heck, I don't think we could really _be_ friends if we
didn't do this at least once."
"When do you want to begin?"
"Oh, whenever. It's your call."
Ryoga nodded. "Ah, well then, what about-- Now!"
Ryoga ran forward to catch a Ranma who was not there. Ranma's
shoes were. Ryoga looked towards a thudding sound he heard coming
from his left and saw Ranma running alongside the wall and then
launch himself from it, straight towards Ryoga with a large grin.
Ryoga grabbed a bandanna and flung it at Ranma, who dodged it by
somehow corkscrewing in the air. The bandanna embedded itself in
the wall before going limp. Ryoga did the same thing really,
although it was a different wall, it must be admitted.
Kasumi ducked her head out from the house. "Are you done yet?
Who won?"
"Finished, Kasumi. I won, of course." Ranma hefted his friend
over his shoulder and started to go inside. "He'll be fine as soon
as he wakes up in an hour or so. Me an' Ryoga are going to go out
an' have some fun then. You know, guy stuff, right?"
"Oh yes, male bonding. Very important thing to do," Kasumi
agreed. "Do you want to know of some good karaoke bars?"
"Er, not really. Maybe some other time though, Kasumi. Thanks
for the thought though."
Ranma brought Ryoga inside and put him down on the floor near
the television set and proceeded to watch the latest episode of
Rurouni Kenshin. That Futae no Kiwami technique looked rather
interesting-- it would be fun to see if the Double Limit really
could work.
Outside, a figure detached itself from some bushes. The figure
was slim and most definitely feminine, but cloaked in shadows,
owing her standing in a very shaded part of the Tendo yard. She had
been on her way to meet with one Akane Tendo, whom sources had
confirmed as a likely alternate in the upcoming Martial Arts
Rhythmic Gymnastics competition. She fanned herself, and laughed, a
most disturbing and jarring thing, really.
"So handsome, so strong, the both of them! Oh, my quick-footed
Ranma and my rock-like Ryoga, I cannot choose!" She licked her lips
and said the forbidden words. "I, Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St.
Hebereke High, must have you both!" Somewhere in the world,
lightning did not strike.
Never accept challenges on a school day:
"We didn't do anything, Nabiki!" Ranma said with a slight whine
in his voice as the two Tendo girls and Saotome boy walked to the
school gates.
"Then you shouldn't have any problem with my question," Nabiki
countered.
Ranma gave her a sour face as Akane started making her way
through those who would unknowingly woo her in the traditional
Joketsuzoku fashion.
"Look, Ryoga's been dunked in the spring of virtuous man,
right? You think he'd do anything wrong or let anything wrong go on
in front of him? Hell, it was all I could do to stop him from
wandering off to a park to pick up garbage!"
Ranma's explanation seemed to mollify Nabiki, just as Akane's
improving time to get to the doors appeared to mollify her.
"Yeesh," Ranma mumbled only slightly too loud, "it's not like
we're going out or anything. Shampoo's the only one for me."
Nabiki's scowl, though it was directed at Ranma, went unnoticed
by him. Ranma had other things on his mind, namely a haunting
laughter. Haunting, not in the sense that it was memorable, which
it was (with Formula 411 ond the right pressure points one might be
able to perhaps dim the memory, but that's about it, really), but
haunting more of in the sense of it just really creeping him out.
It was coming off to Ranma's left, and up.
"I see that you have some skill, Akane Tendo dear," the voice
said.
"You!" Tatewaki managed to force out, lying on the ground as he
was with his bokken shoved up his-- schoolbag! schoolbag! Where
else would it be? Akane just shoved it through the bag, damaging it
and perhaps the notes inside it.
"Who are you?" Akane asked.
"I am the person you shall lose to in the upcoming martial arts
rhythmic gymnastics contest!" the voice, who resolved into a high
school girl of the same age as Akane and wearing a green leotard
and having her hair tied off on one side of her head, said.
"You're that Blue Tulip chick, ain'tcha?" Ranma interjected.
"Koochie, or somethin'?"
"Oh, Ranma darling, you remember me!" Kodachi said with obvious
glee. "Soon, my love, we shall be together!"
Nabiki looked at Ranma with slitted eyes. Ranma was too busy
shivering in revulsion to notice.
"I haven't yet agreed to participate yet!" Akane said, bringing
the conversation back to its original point.
"Scared of losing, little girl?" Kodachi said dismissively. "A
reasonable reaction, of course, since one such as you would have no
chance against my obvious grace and skill." Kodachi raised the back
of her hand to her mouth and laughed her laugh again.
Now, if there's one thing Akane did not like, and there were
several things really, but one thing in particular, it was digs at
her physical prowess.
"Lose! I'm not the one who will lose, you will!"
"Oho! So she thinks she can best me, does she? Well, we shall
see then, we shall see. Farewell Ranma, my love, farewell brother!"
and so saying, Kodachi leapt away, laughing into the distance.
"Brother?" Akane said.
"Brother?" Nabiki said.
"Brother?" Ranma said, looking around for the man who was
related to the nutjob. For some strange reason, his eyes rested
on--
"Brother," Tatewaki Kuno nodded, having managed to stand up
again. "My lamentably unstable and twisted sister. She seems to
have taken a liking to you, Saotome, though I cannot conceive of
any possible reason why." Tatewaki pivoted on a heel and entered
the school halls.
"It kind of makes sense, really," Akane philosophised, "that
they're related." She shook her head sadly.
Nabiki, who had taken that time to move closer to her sister,
nudged Akane lightly in the ribs. "Beat her, Akane. Make sure you
beat her a lot, okay?" and then she smiled and darted off for
homeroom.
Speaking of homeroom, Akane looked up at the clock and noticed,
"Oh crud, I'm going to be late!" and ran into the school.
Ranma had a somewhat more lackadaisical but more efficient and
definitely quicker approach: he merely jogged to the general
vicinity of the window of the class he needed to be in and jumped.
It was a three story jump, but that did not really pose much of a
problem to him.
Training, planing and automobiling:
Akane was more than a little worried. "How am I going to win? I
don't know anything about martial arts rhythmic gymnastics?" She
looked at the hoop in her hand, trying to decipher its purpose.
"I said I'd help, if ya want," Ranma, both of him replied. One
was busy twirling a pin on one finger while the other was trying to
figure out how to use the ribbon as a whip and failing miserably,
getting tangled up more than once. "But I don't use weapons," said
the Ranma with the pin. The other had accidentally gagged himself.
Ranma glared at himself. "Hey, you're making us look bad,
y'know!" and proceeded to help him untangle himself.
"I think we almost got it," Ranma, who was now mostly
untangled, replied with a slighttly faraway look on his face.
"Hello! I thought I was the one who was supposed to be
training!" Akane said, breaking up Ranma's little conversation with
himself.
"Well, yeah, but I need to know how to use the stuff before I
can teach you, right?" the Ranma with the ribbon stiff in his hand
said.
"I don't see why you need to use weapons anyway. Heh, we don't
need any to stomp someone inta th' ground, right?" he smirked and
high-fived the other Ranma.
"Because it is by creating and using tools that we
differentiate ourselves from other animals," Ryoga said, walking
into the dojo from the main doors.
"I have heard that you require some training, Akane Tendo,"
Ryoga said, addressing her. "If you wish, this most humble person
would gladly share the techniques he knows."
"You know this?" the Ranma with the pin said, dropping it. The
other Ranma was still practicing with the ribbon, and while not
extremely adept with it, he had figured out how to not tangle
himself with it.
"I know something of the techniques and weapons and style.
There are similarities, which I sometimes use to disable an
opponent without hurting him or her."
Akane had only one question: "How good are you?" Actually, she
had two, the second one being, "And when can we start training?"
Ryoga picked up a ribbon which was on the floor near him and
used it to snatch a hoop, which he then threw over both Ranmas. "I
suffice," he said modestly.
And so that's how the training began.
Somewhat later, after practice and when Akane had left the
dojo, Ranma, Ranma and Ryoga had a talk.
Ranma was refining his newfound mastery of the ribbon, while he
looked on with an expression of distaste.
"So, what do you think?" Ryoga asked. "Do you think she'll be
ready?"
"Dunno," the Ranma watching the one with the ribbon said. "It
depends on the other girl, Kodachi. I heard stuff about her."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. They say that everyone she's gone up against has to
forfeit, due to injury."
"Surely you're not suggesting that--!"
Ranma shrugged. "Hey, those three girls I came across were
trying to get revenge on her," he said, and left it at that.
Ryoga narrowed her eyes. "We had better step up Akane's
training than, shan't we?"
A loud female scream from the house made them think that a bit
of protection until the match could be a good idea as well. Ranma
was out of the door and running towards the source of the scream
first, followed closely behind by Ranma, who had just dropped the
ribbon and Ryoga, who the lagging Ranma grabbed and led out the
door.
Investigation of the scream found one (1) martial artist
wearing a green leotard hanging from the ceiling of Akane's room
with an improbably large wooden hammer strapped to her back. Akane
was currently trying to use the aforementioned martial artist whom
we may call Kodachi, because it was her name after all, as a
pinata. Ryoga took the bokken away from Akane's hands and asked
what was going on.
"What was going on?" Ryoga said (see? I told you).
"She was waiting in here for me, trying to trap me and take me
out of the match before it began!" Akane protested, looking into
Ryoga's stern and somewhat disappointed eyes.
"Is this true?" Ryoga turned to Kodachi and asked.
"I fight fairly before the match as well as during!" Kodachi
announced.
"We need to talk, young lady," Ryoga said, helping her down
from the ceiling, "about what is fair and what is not."
Kodachi blushed and fluttered her eyelashes at Ryoga, to no
discernable effect. "Yes, of course," she said, sounding quite
ashamed.
Ryoga turned to leave, grabbing hold of Kodachi's hand (and
sending the poor girl into near ecstacy with the contact,
unbeknownst to him). Ranma pulled Ryoga aside for a moment before
Ryoga left, while Ranma talked Akane down from her adrenaline rush.
"Careful, Ryoga. Stay at the Tendos for a couple of days, until
the match, at least. That way you won't get lost and we won't have
to find you. Akane needs someone to train her, after all."
Ryoga smiled. "Are you admitting you're not the best or that
you don't know a martial arts style?"
Ranma smiled back. "Nah, nuthin' of the sort. I never really
saw the need to use any weapons. I'm good enough that I don't need
to."
"Don't worry, Ranma. This young woman is merely misguided. I
shall bring her back to the path of righteousness."
Ranma nodded.
Ryoga left with Kodachi and he explained to her about such
concepts as right and wrong, as well as fairness and cheating, and
why one was better than the other. Kodachi was very attentive,
nodding and agreeing with what Ryoga had to say as they walked
throughout the city. By the time Ryoga had finished his talk and
left, Kodachi had learned something very important: his full name
was Ryoga Hibiki.
In this ring, I thee pummel:
Everyone who was anyone was at the match, which was being held
at St. Hebereke. Not only students of Furinkan and St. Hebereke,
but also some adults as well, such Soun Tendo, who was crying
joyfully at how his little baby has grown up into such a bruiser.
He was a little odd like that, you know.
Genma and Nodoka Saotome were also there, to cheer on Akane.
There was a little disturbance around them though, and Nodoka had
the family sword out and was waving it dangerously. Ranma's parents
were slowly backing up into a corner, Genma behind Nodoka.
"Come on, ma'am! All we want is to touch his hair!" one of the
multitude of girls surrounding them said.
"You can't take us all on at once," another girl cried, a small
pair of scissors in hand so that she could grab a souvenir.
"No," Nodoka replied calmly, "maybe not, but I can sure get the
first few who try to come near my husband's hair!" she cried and
brandished the sword. Nodoka was definitely not going to let any of
these little Lolita's come near _her_ husband's hair, especially
since some of them wanted to do more than touch, as if that wasn't
bad enough!
So there was a bit of a stand-off, as the girls would not rush
forward, but would not back off. After a while a few of the
teachers came and broke it up, giving a stern warning to the girls
and congradulating Nodoka on landing a husband with such fine hair
and was it too much to ask if they might-- no? Oh well then.
In another corner, Ranma was masaging Akane's shoulders, much
to Nabiki's consternation, as Ryoga gave her the pep talk. It
helped Nabiki a bit that Akane had a towel on her shoulders, and
that it was obviously just to help her keep loose for the match,
but still, wouldn't it be better if Ranma were massaging _her_
shoulders?
"You have a chance at winning this, I think, Akane," Ryoga
began. "I explained right and wrong and fairness to Kodachi before,
and I really believe that she took it to heart, so you will not
have to worry about any tricks or anything. Just remember though
that even with all the training we have been giving you over the
past few days, Kodachi has been practicing this for a very long
time. You would be better off trying to get her out of the ring
rather than a submission, and remember: use the tools!"
Akane nodded to Ryoga as he hopped out of the ring and stayed
near her corner, while Ranma went to a seat just behind them in the
front row of the bleachers, in between Genma (who had Nodoka on the
other side of him) and Nabiki. It was a rather tight fit, owing to
the amount of people there, but Nabiki did not seem to mind.
Kadachi entered the ring without her usual spectacle. She
walked in demurely, eyes downcast. As she stood in the center of
the ring she looked up, not at her opponent but at Ryoga, and
mouthed the words, "soon, love."
The match began soon after.
Kodachi started the offensive first, calling for a set of clubs
which she lunged at Akane with. Akane dodged and called for her own
set and started her own counteroffensive. Kodachi backed off under
the assault and tossed her clubs in the air while calling for more,
which she received. Instead of holding these new clubs, Kodachi
started juggling them. First another two, then another for, six,
eight, ten, and finally twenty clubs in total in rapid succession.
Kodachi did not juggle twenty clubs for long, instead she
started to throw them-- at Akane-- very rapidly. Akane could not
block them all, but she did block more than half with her own set
of clubs. Afterwards Akane called for a hoop which she threw at
Kodachi. Kodachi caught the hoop by sticking her arm through it,
and in one fluid motion tossed it back at Akane, hitting her in the
forehead.
"If you had more training you would stand a better chance
against me, Akane Tendo, and as it stands you are the most
formidable opponent to face me in the ring in a long time, but I do
not wish to prolong the inevitable. Ribbon!" Kodachi cried, and her
ribbon was handed to her.
Akane did the same. Ribbons always meant endgame in martial
arts rhythmic gymnastics, especially with Kodachi using one.
Kodachi, however, was finding it most difficult, most difficult
indeed to capture Akane with her ribbon. Akane was simply not
there. Unfortunately for Akane, she had the same problem.
Akane flicked her ribbon back, preparing for another assault
when it got caught on something. She grimaced and pulled a little
harder to dislodge the ribbon, which seemed to work. What Akane, or
Kodachi did not seem to expect was the announcer's table which
seemed to come along for the ride.
Kodachi, however, reacted admirably and snagged her brother,
who was in his usual faux samurai attire. "Big brother defense!"
she cried.
Tatewaki also reacted admirably, slicing the offending table in
half with his bokken. Unfortunately for him one of the halves
collided with his head and knocked him unconscious. Kodachi quirked
a small smile at that. Akane, however, had hit upon a good idea:
using objects outside of the ring and flinging them at Kodachi to
hopefully force her out.
A bell, a microphone, part of the bleachers, Akane tried it
all, even the sink at the far end of the stadium that someone had
recently installed (well, a water fountain at least). Kodachi
dodged them all with ease.
Akane needed something that Kodachi could not or would not
dodge. Her eyes scanned the room.
Wait. There was something-- well, some_one_ really, but....
Nabiki stared back at Akane and shook her head as she suddenly
latched onto Ranma's arm and squeezed tight. Akane had to find
something else.
Akane looked at Kodachi, and noticed her opponent's eyes
focused on something just behind her. Akane turned her head, all
the while keeping Kodachi in her view, and noticed only Ryoga.
Akane grinned and whispered, "Sorry, Ryoga, but I have to do
this to you." So saying, Akane wrapped her ribbon around Ryoga and
tugged with all her might, sending him, bound and helpless towards
Kodachi.
Kodachi prepared to dodge again when she registered what, or
rather who, was approaching her, all wrapped up like a birthday
gift. She grinned, the way a shark might grin, or more specifically
the way a woman grins when she is handed the man of her dreams, or
one of the men of her dreams at least, all trussed up. Kodachi
opened her arms to accept Ryoga, who smashed into her, knocking
both of them out of the ring. Ryoga managed to twist around, still
mostly bound as he was, so that he absorbed the brunt of the impact
against the wall.
"Ow," Ryoga uttered, more out of reflex rather than actual
pain.
Kodachi was immediately attentive to Ryoga's needs. "Are you
hurt, my love? Here, let me help you! Some flowers, perhaps, to
help take your mind off of your pain, perhaps?"
Kodachi pulled a bouquet of black roses from somewhere on her
person (there are some things, such as where, or how, that are
better left unknown) and offered them to Ryoga, who politely
sniffed them.
Sniffing Kodachi's roses was perhaps not the wisest of
manouvers on Ryoga's part, considering that now he was totally
immobilised.
Kodachi laughed. "You may have won the fight, Akane Tendo, but
I have won the war!" She slung Ryoga far too easily over her
shoulders and made her way out of the gymnasium humming a
particularly jaunty tune and then suddenly started to sing it.
"Here comes the bride, all dressed in black!" Kodachi laughed and
laughed and laughed.
Ryoga, if he could have spoken, would have whimpered for help.
This was, of course, impossible for him, due to certain foreign,
exotic and quite possibly illegal chemicals in his system.
Akane stood in the center of the ring. "I won?" she asked, not
quite believing it was over.
The crowd cheered, her family and the Saotomes the loudest
amongst them, for her. Ranma picked up Nabiki (who was still
latched onto his arm, it must be noted) and twirled her in the air,
laughing happily.
The students of Furinkan were smiling. Her father was smiling.
Genma and Nodoka were smiling. Ranma was smiling, and her sister
Nabiki, now _she_ was most definitely smiling. Akane smiled and
laughed. Life was good.
Playing mice:
"I think I'm starting to get the hang of Mandarin," Ranma
announced one day coming back from school.
"Why did you want to learn Mandarin anyway?" Nabiki inquired.
It might be nice if Ranma had non-physical interests, after all,
but with a physique like his, Nabiki would not be too disappointed
if Ranma was not a Rhodes scholar.
Ranma looked at her somewhat peevishly. "Why, for when I go
back to China with Shampoo, of course!"
Nabiki just grimaced. "I'd like to meet this Shampoo sometime,"
she managed to utter behind grit teeth.
Akane laughed and teased her sister. "Hoho! I can just imagine
the cat-fight!" Akane made a playful swiping motion with her hand,
bending it to resemble a paw. "Meow!"
Ranma shrieked. "Cat fight! Where?" he shouted, panicking, and
jumped straight up, far higher than any human had any right to be
able to do.
The funny thing was Ranma did not come down. Instead, he was
clinging to an overhanging streetlight.
"You don't like cats?" Nabiki called out.
"I think he's afraid of them," Akane said slyly.
Ranma descended slowly, after making sure there were no felines
in the immediate vicinity.
"Am not!" he cried out. "I ain't afraid of no pussy!" he
shouted, running all the way back to himself at his parent's house.
Nabiki blinked. Akane blinked.
"Well," Akane said slowly, "I'm glad we got that straightened
out." An idea formed of one way she might be able to beat Ranma.
When the cat's not away, Ranma will screech and gibber:
"You wanted to just spar, Akane?" Ranma asked her in her family
dojo, hands behind his back.
Akane nodded, looking back at the boxes against the wall behind
her. "I just want to try something," she evaded.
Ranma shrugged negligently, confident in his abilities.
"Whenever you're ready," he said, eyes wandering around the hall.
With a curt nod, Akane stepped back and shut the doors to the
dojo, then barred them. Ranma did not react. Akane went over to the
boxes. Ranma did not react. Akane opened the boxes, and again,
Ranma did not react.
Something came out of the boxes, or rather, many somethings
did. Many yowling, mewling somethings, in fact. Many furry
whiskered somethings which, according to folklore had nine lives
each and always landed on their feet. Many, many of these
somethings. Ranma... reacted.
"Whu-- whu-- what're they for?" Ranma stammered out, watching
the horde of feline forms stride confidently towards him.
"Oh, I thought I'd see if you have any weak points," Akane
said, smiling. Not very nice perhaps, but she'd take a win any way
she could get it.
Ranma backed up, high-pitched hysterical laughter accomanying
his denial. "What? Me afraid of a-- of a--," Ranma's left eye
developed a flutter at this point, "cat? Never!" Ranma's eyes were
beginning to roll up now.
The cats lunged at Ranma before Akane could. Well, not so much
lunged as a few of them rubbed up against his legs. Ranma fell
over, twitching. Others cats padded silently onto his chest and
arms and legs and face, turned around a few times, and laid down
for a catnap (of course).
Ranma screamed and shrieked incoherently. Not a good thing to
do while having many cats on you not expecting that reaction,
especially when the majority of them are not declawed.
Akane started babbling. "Oh my god! I didn't think it would be
that bad! I didn't know Ranma, I'm sorrysorrysosorrypleaseI'll
helpyouIswearI'llneverdoanythinglikethisagain," and unbarred the
doors, opening them to release the cats.
The cats left through the door, running away from a very large,
strange looking cat. Very, very large, in fact. One would have to
say the size of, oh, say Ranma? The whole thing was shaping up to
be quite a catastrophe.
Akane looked at Ranma, who was on all fours and prowling around
the training hall like he owned the place. She blinked, and called
Nabiki. Nabiki came, and blinked. Ranma looked at her, sat on his
haunches, and licked the back of a hand. Nabiki left the dojo.
Where did Nabiki go? What did Nabiki do? Very simple, she went
straight to the phone, and called up Ranma.
"Mrs. Saotome? May I please speak with Ranma?" a brief pause.
"Thank you." Another pause. "Ranma? Good. You need to come over
now-- yes, I know that you're already over, but that's the problem.
No, no, don't do that, I don't know if that would work. Just--
that's what I'm trying to tell you! Stop interrupting me. Good.
Now, do you have any idea why you would be acting like a cat?"
Kasumi looked up from hanging the wash. "That's the loudest
profanity I ever heard," she remarked to herself.
Nabiki held the phone away from her and stared at it strangely.
"You didn't have to shout that into the phone, Ranma," she said
drolly. "I've got ears and a delicate sensibility. That's not the
way to win a woman's heart, using language like that," the middle
Tendo sister admonished. "So you'll be over right away? good."
True to his word, Ranma was over right away, taking
considerably less time that Nabiki expected, even knowing how fast
he could go. Ranma was actually out of breath and sweating, for the
first time Nabiki ever noticed.
"Right, now, where am I?" Ranma asked, gulping air.
Nabiki just looked at him with a wry expression on her face.
"You know what I mean," Ranma said sourly. "It's really
important."
"Why? Don't want people to find out you're afraid of cats?"
"I am not afraid of cats!" Ranma shouted. "Besides, it's not me
I'm worried about, it's everyone else."
"Oh? What do you mean?"
"Have you ever heard of a technique called the Neko-ken?"
Nabiki shook her head. Soun popped in from nowhere, and most
certainly not spying or eavesdropping on the conversation or
anything because that would be unethical and shouted with surprise
and glee and awe, "The legendary cat-fist! You know that unbeatable
technicque, son?"
Ranma nodded. "Right, now, tell me where I am, and if we don't
come back in about 5 minutes, call my parents, okay?"
Nabiki and Soun nodded. "You might not want to be around, just
in case something happens," Ranma added.
Nabiki and Akane escorted Ranma to the dojo, where he had taken
up residence. Akane apologised all the way. At the entrance to the
training hall, Ranma closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths
before going inside.
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty," Ranma cooed. "Good Ranma. Come
here, me. We've got a good treat for me if we want," he said,
sing-song and unthreatening.
Ranma, the cat, crept towards Ranma, not a cat, slowly. The
still sentient Ranma shivered involuntarily, and sat on the ground.
Ranma crawled into Ranma's lap. Ranma started petting Ranma,
twitching uncontrollably. Ranma purred. Ranma also made strange
sounds, glottal stops as well as palatal ones. Finally, he rolled
his eyes up and keeled over, ceasing to pet Ranma.
Akane and Nabiki watched the whole scene in awe. Ranma got up
again and went back to preening himself.
"What do we do now?" Akane asked her sister.
Nabiki blinked and pointed. "Wait. Look."
Ranma got up, but on all fours. "Mrowr," he said calmly,
looking at them and then at himself who was preening.
"I think we should call his parents," Nabiki said evenly.
Genma and Nodoka came over in short order. Nodoka walked into
the dojo, unafraid, and sat down. Both Ranmas immediately padded
over to her and tried to sit in her lap at the same time, but could
not, so they settled for their heads. Nodoka ran her fingers
through her sons' hair and made calming noises until they went to
sleep.
"What is this all about, dearest?" Nodoka asked Genma, who
watched the whole scene with the Tendo family at the entrance to
the dojo.
Genma wailed (quietly mind you, lest he wake Ranma up), "It is
a tragic tale. Six years ago, I saw a technique in this accursed
training manual," Genma pulled out a large, thick, hard-bound book
simply entitled 'Advanced Training Techniques,' from his gi top,
and continued. "I saw there the legendary Neko-ken, which is said
to be unbeatable, and so I sought to train our son in it."
Genma paused and looked around, to ensure that his audience was
hanging on his every word with baited breath. "The training in
itself was surprisingly simple," Genma continued conversationally,
satisfied as to the state of his audience. "All you do is tie the
trainee in fish sausages, and throw him in a pit of hungry cats."
Nabiki started back and blinked. "You mean you tossed Ranma
into a pit of starving cats after tying food around him when he was
ten years old just to learn some technique?"
"Yes, but the manual didn't warn me about the horrible,
horrible side-effects, foul book."
"May I see that book?" Kasumi asked. Genma nodded and gave it
to her.
"Mr. Saotome? If you turn the page," Kasumi demonstrated how to
do so, "you see a warning, that, 'only the insane would do this as
this technique causes severe psychological scarring and has been
banned.'"
"Evil, evil book!" Genma shouted-- quietly though, so as not to
wake Ranma, of course. "Accursed tome! How was I to know not to
fall into such a trick!" he bemoaned.
"So that's it?" Nabiki asked.
"Well, no, of course not," Genma said indignantly. "It is true
that afterwards my son grew an irrational fear of cats. I tried to
cure him. I honestly did. I tried everything I knew. I tried
fishcakes, I tried catnip, I tried sardines in...."
"So you threw him in again and again, in other words," Akane
interjected.
"You could say that, yes."
Nodoka, it should be noted, was not saying anything, and
(hopefully) not paying attention to what was going on, happy to be
with both of her son, sleeping calmly and no longer curled up but
stretched out.
"So why does he act like a cat?" Akane asked.
"Because when his fear reaches a peak, he becomes a cat," Soun
said, figuring that much out.
"But my son knows the Neko-ken!" Genma pronounced. "Of course,"
he added in a mumble, "he can only use it when he thinks he's a
cat, but so there's some minor details, so what?"
After about ten minutes, Ranma woke up, opening his eyes and
looking at their mother. "Mom? What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Last thing I remember I was sparring with Akane, and--"
"We went cat. They called us over, and then I went cat too. Me
acting like one is enough to make us act like one too," Ranma
replied, answering himself.
The far wall exploded with a man-sized hole being created. A
figure stepped through, waving a large, very curved scimitar. Make
that a woman-sized hole, since it was a young woman (who was
curvier than the scimitar she wielded, I might add) that stepped
out of the dust and into the training hall.
Both Ranmas looked at her. "Shampoo?" they said in wonderment
and joy.
"Ranma," Shampoo said grimly, "I kill."
End part 3
Author's Notes: Ahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahah!!!!!! Hu-hah!
Hu-hah! Hu-hah! Wah-ha-ha-ha-hah!
I know what you're thinking. A) What an evil place to end it,
and what an utter bastard I am for doing so, right? Well, I'm not
going to deny that one, it's all true, and I'm actually revelling
in it.... B) What the hell's up with that? Shampoo? Kill? But I
thought her and Ranma were....
Now, don't you worry and don't you cry, because I have
explanations and reasons.... There's a rationale behind having
this, of which I'm not going to explain to you right here because
I'm like that. ^_^ Hey, I had to figure it out, so why shouldn't
you have to as well? ;-)
It really is a believable response on Shampoo's part, if you
just think it through, I'll just say that....
So, anyway the next part's obviously going to have more Shampoo,
but I don't know what else.... Eventually I'm going to put
Principal Kuno in, you know I'm going to have to do that, and of
_course_ him and Genma are going to have to duke it out... but I
don't know when.... ^_^
So, comments and the like would be a nice thing for me to
receive from you all.... :)
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