Just for your edification, this is a work of fiction, and any
resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental,
especially those of Anand Rao, Andrew Huang, Dave Eddy, Matthew
Lewis and Michael Chen-- especially that Matt fellow who doesn't
actually appear in this part, but still. Names drawn completely at
random, and not meant in any way, shape or form to represent fanfic
authors in the slightest.
I'd like to take this moment to thank my prereaders, Anand Rao,
Andrew Huang, Dave Eddy, Michael Chen, and special guest volunteer
prereader Eternal Lost Lurker, who also most definitely doesn't
appear.
What has gone before:
Picture it. The five greatest fanfic writers to have ever
graced the FFML, or anywhere else for that matter, brought together
by unseen forces. Anand Rao, Andrew Huang, Dave Eddy, Michael Chen
and of course the great and wise Matt Lewis. Bound together in
Japan, they wander the Land of the Rising Sun, until they are
brought to the world of El Hazard, which Matt, and no one else,
seems to have intimate knowledge about. Alas, Matt is soon parted
from the rest of the group by an insectoid race, and so the four
are left without his guidance.
El Hazard-- The World of Too Many Authors
Part 2
a.k.a. One Down and Four Left To Go
a.k.a. Just Like Rabbits
What else was it I wanted to say? Oh yeah, that's right. Ahem.
o/~ Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
and the bad things that may be
Let's talk about SEX! o/~
Apologies to Salt 'N Pepa. I think you've all been warned. Shall we
continue?
Dramatis Personae:
Michael "I'm not the man I used to be" Chen
-covert ops, disguise specialist
-good at hiding instability
-no one else is really sure how stable he is
Andrew "Like a desert sun that burns my skin I've been waiting for
her so long" Huang
-procurement officer, transportation
-wishes he took more notes when Matt swore
-nobody else seems to care how stable he is
Dave "Let's play/ Master and servant!" Eddy
-de facto leader
-known to actually plan things out once in a while
-high up on the normality scale in the group
Anand "Dreaming of the Queen/ Visiting for tea" Rao
-kindly enforcer
-helps Dave keep his hegemony intact because it makes sense
-quite possibly the most normal one of the group (although
that's not really saying much, is it?)
Matthew "Love Monkey #9/ You always wanted to be!" Lewis
-Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Part
-agent provocateur
-a committed man, or is that he should be committed?
-first one down, four left to go
Andrew was starting to get really annoyed by his ability, or
rather, the abuse of his ability. Once again he was stuck as the
engine for the van. If anything, this time it was worse, as if
there was some added resistance and young mister Huang could not
figure out why.
Why was Andrew once again pushing the van through the desert?
Well, beyond the fact that they didn't have any rope so that he
could pull the van, there was just not enough fuel for them to get
to Florestica; hence the use of his gullibi-- er, ability.
Inside the van Anand was at the wheel asking Dave, "... so what
gear should I be in right now?"
"Well, considering Andrew's pushing us so that we're not really
going under our own power, you don't need to put it in gear at all,
really, but at this speed," Dave glanced at the speedometer, "I'd
say fifth gear with this van."
Anand nodded sagely after Dave's thymely pause. Dave continued,
"You may as well practice it now though. Andrew doesn't seem to be
hurting any. After a while you'll know when to change gears just
from listening to the sound of the engine."
Outside Andrew gasped for air as he tried to keep up the speed.
Inside, Dave heard (having the windows rolled down made it easier
to hear sounds from the outside).
Mike, who was looking out the back windows, exclaimed, "Hey
guys! You gotta see this! I didn't think people could turn that
colour!"
Dave cocked his head slightly and told Anand that, "I think you
should put it in neutral; you remember what I said about listening
to the engine, right? Well, ours is telling us to put it in
neutral. Remember, foot on the clutch, not on the brake...."
And so our happy little group of contest winners made their way
across the desert, minus one member.
But why, I suppose you are asking, but why are they going to
Florestica? How do they even know the name Florestica, in fact?
Good questions, questions which need answering in fact, so let us
go back a little bit, to just after Matt was volunteered to
participate (unwilling or not, although it really was the former)
in a little cross-species exchange program.
Anand, Dave, and Mike heard Matt's screams and came running.
Andrew did not come running, but he did start to crawl towards the
sound, arising from the sulphurous waters like an ancient Greek god
the morning after tying one on at a party held by Dionysus. Andrew
was, in point of fact, in the process of standing up and had made
it to the I'm-just-catching-my-breath phase (characterised by
standing hunched over with palms bracing the legs just above
slightly bent knees) when Dave, Anand and then Mike entered the
picture. Well, ran into the picture at any rate. If one wants to be
more specific, they ran into Andrew, although now that I think of
it only Dave (who was faster than one of his size might look to be)
ran into Andrew; Anand and then Mike merely ran over Andrew in
their haste. Andrew's consciousness, which had only tentatively
reappeared, decided it had enough of this and went on extended
vacation.
Mike thought about going back-- after all, who could pass up a
chance to kick a man when he was down?-- but decided against it
since it would take too much time to catch up with the others.
Dave stopped, quickly. Anand stopped, even quicker than Dave.
Anand accomplished this feat by running into Dave, who stopped too
quickly for Anand to react. Dave fell over. Anand fell too, on top
of Dave. Mike joined his larger compatriots in their tribute to the
Keystone Cops, also unable to check his headlong rush.
"Why'd you do that, Dave?" asked Anand, somewhat peeved at what
just occurred, as he brushed himself off.
Dave just pointed at the ground. "Look."
Anand and Mike looked at the ground. They did not see anything
special about it-- ground was ground, meaning that thing you stood
or drove a car on. Andrew managed to finally stagger into the
clearing. Noting everyone looking at the ground Andrew managed to
come to the obvious conclusion and said, "Did someone lose their
contacts?"
Dave restrained the desire to smack some sense into Andrew.
Mike restrained a... somewhat more extreme response. Anand,
however, answered that, "We're looking for evidence, I think."
"Evidence of what?" queried Andrew.
"Can't say. Dave just told us to look and pointed," Anand
replied.
Dave shook his head sadly. Would Matt's corruption stop at
nothing? "The footprints, goddammit! The footprints!"
"Oh," was the collective deadpan response. Dave promised
himself he would not be assimilated.
Dave pointed to the ground. "See! Look, not all these tracks
are human. These here would be the chicks' we saw running after
Matt (I still can't believe they wanted him, by the way. Wanted to
_hurt_ him, maybe, but want him?) and this set looks like Matt's
and--."
Dave was cut off by Anand. "Whoa. How do you know these tracks
were made by Matt?"
"Simple. One, they're farther in than any other human track.
Now, since we know that the girls didn't carry him away (we
would've seen carrying him away or something, instead of running in
fear) that means they didn't catch him. That means that he stayed
ahead of them, hence his tracks would be farther in. Two, look at
the shape of the footprint. You know as well as I do Matt ain't got
any arch in his feet; he's got goddamn flippers." Dave sighed. "God
knows he's told us that enough."
There was a brief moment of silence as they all shook their
heads, remembering Matt talk about his feet. Andrew actually
shuddered a bit. No one blamed him though, and neither will I.
"Okay, so what about this other set?" asked Andrew. "The
non-human bunch."
"I figure they got to Matt. Don't know what they are though."
One of the women at the spring, beautiful but they all were and
since she only had the status of an extra I won't bother describing
her beyond saying that she was now fully dressed (disappointing
Anand and Mike to no end, I might add), timidly entered the
clearing. "Is he here?" she asked tentatively. "Are they gone?"
Mike and Anand were too caught up in having a pretty woman (who
bore no resemblance to Julia Roberts, I might add) to actually
respond, and Dave was busy making rude gestures at the ground and
grumbling something about, "...tracks. What kind of effed up things
made those...," you get the picture.
So it befell Andrew to ask the young, extremely nubile and
I'm-not-going-to-bother-describing-her woman-- "Who are 'they?'"
She blinked, cutely. Mike and Anand groaned. Dave finally
noticed what was going on. "The Bugrom, of course. Big purple,
orange and red insects." She pointed to the tracks Dave found so
offensive.
"They took him, miss--?" Anand was able to stammer out, more
fishing for a name than he was trying to actually find out anything
about Matt's location.
"Oh no!" she cried, neatly side-stepping Anand's question
because there was no way in hell she was going to give this group
of lose-- er, strangers... her name. "We'll never get him back from
the Bugrom now! They've probably got him half-way to the River of
God by now!" she wailed.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Ohmygod!" Mike cried out. "Do you know
what this means?"
"We need him to get back home?" Dave asked.
"We won't hear his rantings and ravings for a while?" asked
Andrew.
"That we should perhaps get him back before they're able to
perform whatever unspeakable acts they intend to do to him, of
which I won't speak of because then they wouldn't be unspeakable?"
Anand threw in. Matt was definitely having an effect on them.
Perhaps it was just trying to fill in the gap of nonsense and
personal quirks that Matt's absence had made-- to help get over the
shock of losing him. Something like that, anyway. Hopefully it
would diminish over time.
"No!" Mike shouted out, looking comically cross at all of them.
"It means we get to ransack his luggage!"
The four men-- yes, we can call them men. Real men, the type
who leave the toilet seat up and all that. Manly men, with no X
chromosome between the four of them and most certainly none of them
harbouring any secret desire to crochet a cardigan, or who knew
what the difference between taupe and khaki. Nothing wrong with
wanting to crochet something.... DON'T IMPOSE YOUR GENDER ROLES ON
ME, FASCIST PIG! Ahem. Manly men. --The four of them sprinted for
the van. Andrew would have reached it first with his speed, except
he kept running into trees, tripping over roots, and twice he
overshot the van.
"Dibs on his Old Spice!" Anand called out as Dave pulled out
the baggage from the van. Apparently Anand had bought into Matt's
pronouncement about the efficacy of Old Spice on women.
"Hey, lookit this!" Andrew held up a piece of paper which had
some writing on it. "It's a note, from Matt!"
"What's it say?" asked Dave. Perhaps Matt knew what was going
to happen (don't ask how; then again he did know about this world,
so you guess) so he wrote some stuff down.
Andrew began to read the note aloud. "Stop rooting through my
stuff, you bastards. If I find anything out of place, I'll kill you
all in your sleep after first cutting you up good, and don't think
I won't." Andrew paused. "Pee ess, I mean it. Stay away from my
stuff. Pee pee ess, This means now, rasshole."
"Don't you mean assho--" Mike began.
"Nono. It's says 'rasshole,' see?" Andrew handed Mike the
letter.
"Well, so it does. My mistake."
"I've heard him say that before," Anand interjected.
"Regardless of that, I just wonder how he knew we'd be going
through his stuff," Andrew mentioned.
"Maybe he's psychic," Mike supplied.
"No, Mike," Dave corrected. "The correct term you're looking
for is 'psychotic,' not 'psychic.' He's just paranoid."
"Well, considering we actually _are_ looking through his stuff,
doesn't that imply that his paranoia wasn't justified? Is it really
paranoia if the world really _is_ out to get you?" theorised
Andrew.
Everyone else shrugged and kept on rooting through Matt's
luggage. Want to know what strange, eerie, unholy things they
found? Not much, really. The socks were definitely not unholy--
there were certainly more than enough holes in them to ensure that.
What was kind of strange was:
"Hey, lookit this!" Mike said. He pointed at a pile of clothing
with a stick.
The four men gathered around. Some of the women were becoming a
little curious and had decided to investigate these strangers.
"That's kinda strange," Dave said. The other men nodded. A
woman or two tried to peek in and see what they were talking about,
but could not quite manage it.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm a boxer man, myself," Mike
said.
"Really? Me too, but I like the large cotton ones-- gives me
room to move-- lots of comfort," Anand supplied.
"I've always been a briefs boy," Andrew announced proudly.
"Ever since I started to wear underwear!"
"When was that, a month ago?" Dave snorted. Anand and Mike
laughed-- Andrew did not.
"I like the freedom boxers give me; I don't want to be
constrained or anything," Mike said, explaining his position.
Now, you might be wondering what else was going on while the
guys were having this conversation-- i.e. what were the women
doing? Well, at first they were kind of confused, but by the time
Andrew announced his choice a kind of horrified suspicion had grown
in their minds. After Andrew made his pronouncement, clearing up
any chance of confusion or hope of denial as to what they were
talking about, the women made a decision-- a quick one. At the
exact same instant, they turned around and ran away (faster, I
might add, than when they ran from the Bugrom which captured Matt).
"I'm a jockey kind of guy myself as well, gimp," Dave said
somewhat apologetically, not noticing (deliberately or not, I can't
be absolutely sure) the twitch in Andrew's eye or the grinding of
his teeth when Dave called him 'gimp.' "I want something to keep me
in place when I'm doing stuff, you know? I don't want to be
flopping around all the time, and jockeys give me the support that
I need."
Anand and Mike thought about it for a moment and decided that
yes, there were indeed some times when too much freedom and
movement could be a bad thing.
"Looks like Matt can't make up his mind though; look at this:
jockeys _and_ boxers!" Dave said quizzically. "And what's this? Are
those boxers silk?"
"I ain't touching them to make sure man, okay? Let's just get
that straight right now!" Anand made absolutely sure there was a
line being drawn.
"Looks like silk," Dave said and shrugged.
Mike frowned a bit. "Why the hell would he want to wear silk
underwear? That'd be like wearing women's panties!" he exclaimed.
Mike quickly noted the looks he was getting from the others and
amended, "Not... that... I've... ever worn... women's underwear or
anything of the sort.... Hey, why are you guys looking at me like
that?"
Dave took a step back from Mike. A large step. Anand did the
same. Andrew took more than a single step and prepared to run.
"As fascinating as this conversation is," Dave said in a droll
fashion, "perhaps we should decide what the hell we're going to do.
I hate to say it, I mean I _really_ hate to say it, but Matt was
the only one of us with a clue about this place. How the hell are
we going to get back to Earth?"
One of the women, priestesses as they would find out soon, had
returned, curiousity overpowering her normal instincts. She was not
the same one which they were talking to earlier, but was just as
beautiful and just as unimportant and unworthy of description.
"You're from Earth? That could explain your friend and his
effect on us," the incredibly beautiful and sexily dressed woman
whom-I-won't-be-describing-in-any-detail whatsoever mused, the
effects of Matt's pheromones obviously having worn off.
"You know about Earth?" Mike asked, curious now. "How?"
"Oh. Well, you're not the first people from Earth to come here.
Some others came, not too long ago," she said.
"Do you think they'd be able to help us get back?" Dave asked
pragmatically.
"I think some of them are working on it, at least. You should
go to Roshtaria, in Florestica-- if you're going to find any help,
it would be there, at the palace."
"Do you think that you could show us the way? We could really
use a guide," Mike said, practically drooling.
The woman jerked back her head. "Er, no... I can't do that."
She franticly fumbled for an acceptable excuse not to get trapped
in a metal box with these four men as they went to Roshtaria.
"I'm... you see... I'm a priestess. We all are!" she exclaimed,
finding an idea. "None of us can leave here right now, due to
certain rituals which we have to perform."
"Well, we're not in any hurry, ma'am," Anand pointed out.
"Yes, well... you need to get help for your friend, and they
might be able to help you there!" the priestess exclaimed. Noting
the identical and rather sour expressions on the faces of Anand,
Andrew, Dave and Mike, she knew this excuse to get rid of them
wouldn't work. "Besides," she began, "you can't stay... yes! That's
right! Can't stay, nosiree! We have to perform these rites in
secret, no men allowed, so sorry." She beamed with pride at her
quick thinking.
"Well, can you give us directions, at least?" Dave sighed.
"Oh, yes. Of course. Certainly. My duty to help out people in
need. The least I could do, really." Once she had effectively got
rid of them, it was no trouble at all to be magnanimous-- beyond
which it would make them get out quicker.
So now you know how the four of them came to be in the desert,
journeying towards Roshtaria. Just in case you forgot, Andrew was
pushing the van and changing colours-- Anand was in the process of
putting the van in neutral, as a prelude to stopping it since
Andrew was rapidly becoming, well, suffice to say they were worried
about Andrew-- worried he wouldn't be able to act as a propulsion
system for them, at least. We'll skip to when they actually
stopped.
Andrew's hands still clenched the immobile van. Andrew himself
was lying down on the sand, with his face slightly above the sand,
his upper body hanging from the van by his hands, as it were. Mike
opened the back doors.
"C'mon in, Andy," Mike said while trying to pry open Andrew's
hands.
It was a testament to how tired Andrew was that he only barely
managed to mumble out, "Don't call me Andy."
Mike was having trouble dragging Andrew in. "Anyone want to
help me with this?" he called back over his shoulder.
Dave got out of the van, walked around the back and picked
Andrew up and stuffed him in the back of the van with a sigh. Dave
then proceeded to walk back around to the driver's side of the van
and open the door. Anand was sitting there.
"I'll drive for a bit. I know how to drive a clutch better, and
can save more petrol doing it," Dave announced.
Anand blinked and moved to the passenger seat. Dave got in and
started driving. Luckily, Anand had remembered to write the
directions the directions the priestess gave them and was much
better at following them.
The rest of the journey to the palace was fairly uneventful.
Andrew slept the rest of the trip away. Anand turned on the radio
at Mike's request, which resulted in absolutely nothing, even after
fiddling with the channels. Dave drove and Anand told him where to
go (and managed to get away with it, as well).
There was one somewhat interesting conversation, mind you, just
before they reached the palace. The topic was language.
"Ever notice in a lot of science fiction movies and teevee
shows, everyone speaks English? I mean, how come all these other
races that we just met speak the same language as us? Come on, how
believable is that?" Anand started the conversation off.
"I know what you mean. Anime does it too, except it's Japanese
instead of English. Well, English if it's dubbed, I suppose," Mike
added upon reflection.
Anand grunted a reply. Andrew made funny sleeping noises which
he would later deny vehemently ever making. Mike held up a small
Vocal Operated Recording device (using those tiny cassettes) which
he had confiscated from Matt's luggage, just for this kind of
purpose, and not, I repeat not, to listen to Matt's personal notes
or thoughts, to try to gain insight on Matt's somewhat not-hinged
mind. Mike giggled to himself a bit as he recorded Andrew's
emanations.
"What's your point, Anand?" Dave asked, eyes not leaving the
front windshield and definitely ignoring whatever was causing Mike
to giggle like that. Better it happen to Andrew than Dave,
according to Dave.
"Well, I'm just thinking didn't that just happen here? The
priestesses we talked to spoke the same language as us quite
easily."
"I've been thinking about that a bit, Anand, and here's what
I've come up with:
"Now, given that we've somehow been transported off of earth
and brought to this place, what do you think the odds are that it
just happens to have a totally breathable atmosphere, gravity and
the like? What are the odds that it would be exactly one gee, or
close enough so that we don't know the difference? I won't even
talk about food, water or diseases. Obviously we've been altered
somehow. That would explain the stuff about the powers."
Dave grimaced a bit. "Matt knew something about that; he
mentioned that we'd all be getting them. Anyway, what I'm saying is
that maybe we were altered more, so that we can understand the
language of the people here. We only think we're speaking English.
A side-effect of the translation to El Hazard."
"Right, Dave," Anand said.
"You don't believe me?"
"No, I mean right. Make a right turn here."
"Oh." Dave spun the wheel quickly and made a sharp turn. Andrew
woke up with what would most certainly become a bruise, mostly due
to his not wearing a seat-belt. Let that be a lesson to you all--
seat-belts save lives! There, that should satisfy anyone who
complains about this being low-brow and just mere entertainment...
I got a message here, man! Reading this just might save your life!
"Ow," Andrew said peevishly, having just been rather rudely
awakened. "What the heck just happened?" Andrew peered to the front
of the van, trying to make out what was going on outside.
Something occurred to Andrew as he woke up from his torpor. A
certain sound was evident. "Hey, we're moving! I thought you guys
wanted to conserve gas."
Anand looked back and said over his shoulder, "True, but we
have a full tank after all, and there's plenty left. More than
enough to get us to the palace, so we figured we might as well
use some of it."
Andrew's left eye started to twitch uncontrollably. "You mean,"
he said, voice rising both in volume and pitch, "that I did all
that pushing when I didn't have to!"
Mike was having a grand old time watching Andrew's face go
through a series of contortions and colour changes most humans were
not normally capable of.
"I wouldn't say that," Anand said. "Think of it as being
environmentally friendly."
"Screw the environment, what about Andrew-friendly?" Andrew
shouted out in a shrill voice. "Do you know what kind of hell I
went through? It's bloody hot out there, and here I am running and
pushing a freaking _van_ in that heat, with the sun beating down on
me!"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. You'll make our lives a living
hell and all that. Stop being such a wimp and suck it up, okay?"
Dave said. "Besides, we're here."
Mike and Andrew looked outside the van, and there it was. No
questions about it, this had to be the capital. The van was idling
in front of the gates to the palace, gleaming white spires and ivy
reaching into the sky. Mike dug a camera out of... well, someone's
luggage anyway. Dave turned the van off. "Everyone out," he said.
Outside of the van, everyone looked at the gates, except for
Mike, who was busy taking pictures. "Okay, how about a group shot,
guys? Let's all get in front there and.... Aw, nuts. We need
someone to take the picture for us. You see anyone?" Mike said.
"So what do we do now?" Andrew asked.
Dave shrugged. "Let's go in, I guess." Dave looked around.
"Wait a sec." He took a pen from his pocket and a piece of paper.
Dave wrote something down on the paper rather hastily and then
stuck it underneath a windshield wiper. "There, that'll do."
"What did you do?" asked Anand.
"Just wrote a note which basically says that we'll be back soon
so they shouldn't tow it."
"Oh," the other three replied in perfect synchronicity.
"Lock it, too," Andrew suggested. "Just in case someone tries
to take our luggage. You can never be too careful, y'know."
"That makes sense. I always do that. A good habit to get into,"
Anand agreed.
Strangely enough, Andrew's suggestion was heeded, and those
precautions taken, Dorothy, the Lion, the Tinman and the
Scarecrow went into the Emerald City to see the Wizard... wait,
that's not right. I forgot about Dorothy's little dog, Toto.... Oh,
right, yes. Sorry. Wrong story. Dave, Anand, Andrew and Mike
(D.A.A.M.) walked through the gates to the palace.
* * *
The forces of D.A.A.M. made their way through the palace as
word of their passage spread before them. They made their way
inexorably towards the main hall, being subtly guided there by
people pointing in a direction whenever they stopped to make a
choice on where to go.
In the large hall were gathered various members of the
aristocracy. Two beautiful women sat on a slightly raised dais,
indicating they were royalty. The one was blonde and more
voluptuous than the other, who was slim and svelte and a dark
brunette. Bugger it, if you're reading this, odds are you've seen
the series before and you know full well that these are Rune Venus
and Fatora, and you know which one is which, as well. So, in the
interests of efficiency, I'll cut to the chase. Ah, the joys of
streamlining.
What? Downsizing? Contract only, now? Hey, I'm the bloody
narrator here! You can't do that to me! Oh, that's it, I'll get you
back, trust me on this one!
Sorry about that, folks. We'll get you back to your regularly
scheduled story, and try to keep the interruptions to a minimum.
Anand looked at the blonde princess and, in a goofy, dreamy
voice quietly said, "I think I'm in love."
Mike, who was beside Anand, and looking at the brunette and the
brunette's smaller, more buxom friend, agreed. "Me too."
Anand, Dave and Andrew looked at Mike. Something was wrong with
his voice. Upon visual inspection, they decided that nothing was
wrong with her voice, but something was wrong with her body.
Several things, really, but mainly that it was _her_ body, and not
_his_ body.
"Mike? Is that you?" asked Anand, tentatively.
"Who else would it be?" came the high-voiced and confused
reply.
Andrew looked around for a mirror, but could find none. Dave,
while finding Mike's latest development rather interesting, decided
that now was not the time nor place to figure it out and would
instead deal with the natives. Besides, Anand and Andrew could
figure it out, right?
"We were at Arliman, and the priestesses there told us to come
here for help," Dave announced, noting the good acoustics in the
room.
"Why is that?" asked the blonde, Rune Venus, who had not yet
been introduced.
"Mike, you know how you used to have the nickname "Key" for a
bit on eye are see?" Anand asked, quieter than Dave, to keep the
conversation at least semi-private and within the group.
Rune Venus asked aloud, "Why did they send you here?"
"They said you could help us find our frie-- our comra-- our...
hm... the other member of our group, who was captured by the
Bugrom, and perhaps it might be possible to find a way back home."
"Hey, I remember that. Used to be Zenki, then you changed it to
Key for a bit, then back to Zenki, right?"
"That's right," came the quiet-voiced response.
"Yes, well," Anand started, "now you look like her."
Mike blinked pale lavender eyes and looked at her new
heroin-chic, waif-like figure. She reached up to feel her hair, and
brought some of it down in front of her eyes, and noticed the sandy
brown and general non-black colour.
Rune Venus looked at the group, and at the one who was doing
all the speaking for them, Dave, in particular. She noted their
strange form of dress, unlike anything she had seen previously on
El Hazard before, except perhaps.... "Where are you from?" she
asked suddenly, having a sneaking suspicion as to the answer.
"Well, that's the thing. According to our lost group member,
and what confirmation we've seen since he's been captured, we're
from a different planet. We called it Earth," Dave answered.
"Key is feeling kind of strange," Mike said, mimicking
perfectly the anime character she now looked like.
Andrew and Anand blinked. "You can stop that now, Mike. You're
back to normal. Wonder why that happened?" Andrew queried.
"It isn't like we doused you with hot water or anything," Anand
joined in.
"Hey, something reminded me. Why's Matt always calling you
superman, anyway?" Andrew added.
"Ah, like Makoto and the others, then. This explains much,"
Rune Venus nodded sagely to herself, suspicions being confirmed.
"The other member of your party, the one who is captured, knew
something of El Hazard?"
Makoto? Didn't Matt say something about a Makoto before they
were dropped here? "It seems like he knew or knows more and more as
time goes on."
"Well, Matt mentioned his chain of logic on eye are see once,
and I remembered it just because it's... well, it's typical of him,
let's just say that," Mike said, male again.
"Oh." Deadpan stereo response, from both Andrew and Anand, who
flanked Mike on either side.
"So, he said that from Key, he got lock and key," Mike
continued on. Anand and Andrew nodded.
"He also said something about Eye of God, to get back, if that
means anything. Do you know anything about that?" questioned Dave
to the princess.
Rune Venus blinked.
"He knows of the Eye of God?" she said, suddenly pale.
"And from lock and key, he gets lock, and from lock to Locke,
with an ee," Mike continued his explanation.
"Heh, I didn't know Matt was into philosophy. That's my
department."
"What did you say, Andrew?" asked Mike, momentarily distracted
from the chain of association.
"What is the Eye of God? He didn't exactly tell us," Dave said,
somewhat annoyed at the remembrance of Matt.
"Great, more Earthers," blurted out Fatora, sighing at the
indignity of it all-- especially because there wasn't a cute girl
amongst this group. For a second or two, she thought there was, but
it turned out to be a rather short young man, instead. Different
hair colour than she originally thought, as well. Very strange.
"Anyway," Mike said, peering strangely at Andrew, "from Locke,
he got Locke the Superman (apparently a rather old anime movie or
something), and from there? Superman."
"So that's how come he calls you superman?" Anand asked.
"Well, I kind of doubted it had something to do with
Nietzsche,"
Andrew replied, obviously trying to show off how well educated in
the classics he was by dropping names.
"It would be best if you stayed with us at the palace for a
while, as we try to sort out this situation. At the very least you
can meet others from your homeworld," Rune Venus said.
A man with a kind of Van Dyke beard and a turban stood, sitting
behind and off to the side a bit from the two princesses.
"Introductions are in order. I am Londs, chief servant to the
princesses, Rune Venus," who nodded politely, "and her younger
sister, Fatora," who did not nod politely, although she did nod.
"Dave Eddy," said Dave, if you couldn't figure out who was
talking. Seeing the Three Stooges still arguing amongst themselves,
Dave nudged Anand, the one nearest him.
"Oh yes, Anand Rao."
"Michael Chen, but most just call me Mike."
"Andrew Huang."
"He pushed the van for us most of the way, turns out he's real
fast here," Mike supplied cheerfully.
"You have powers like the others as well?"
"Well, we know of two of us, at least," Andrew spoke, before
anyone else had a chance to cut him off. "I've got speed, and Matt
was pretty much irresistible to women."
"Freakiest damn thing I ever saw," Dave added.
"We think it was scent-based," Anand cut in.
"Maybe that's why he was captured by those bug guys? The
Bugrom?" Andrew postulated.
"We think another might have just manifested, but we're not
sure about the whys and wherefores," Dave cut in, and before
someone else could say something, he made an attempt to steer the
conversation back in another direction. "So what exactly is this
Eye of God?"
The members of the court collectively looked outside and up
into the sky. There, as Dave and the rest could see once they also
looked, was the large, artificial satellite glowering ominously
from its niche in the heavens.
A young man stepped out from an entrance behind the princesses.
He wore a suit and tie-- a school uniform, actually. The Japanese
(by his looks) high-school (by his age) student wore a serious
expression on his face.
"Makoto? I thought you were in the library," Londs asked the
young man.
"I was just coming, when I heard what they said." Makoto turned
to the newer arrivals from Earth. "The Eye of God is a devastating
weapon, able to bore holes through space and time. Both princesses
are needed to activate it. Recent events caused it to be used
again."
"Hey," Mike nudged Anand. "You can understand him, right? Maybe
that thing Dave was talking about, with the language and the
translations and stuff, was right. What do you think?" he
whispered.
Anand shrugged for a response.
"Makoto? Live anywhere near Shinanome?" Dave inquired intently.
"Yes, how did you know?"
Dave turned to the rest of his group. "Bollocks. Matt knew
something for sure, guys. Betcha he knows how to use that thing up
there," a quick bob of his head indicated te Eye of God, "to get us
home."
"You know how it works?" Makoto asked, eager to find out.
"Not us, per se, but there was another one of us, whom has been
mentioned before," Andrew answered.
"What's the hurry? We should stay, and look around a bit. Take
pictures and stuff. Enjoy ourselves a bit," Anand said, looking
closely at Rune Venus and her completely-incongruous-given-her-
position harem-girl outfit. Not that Anand was complaining about
it, mind you.
"Sounds like a good idea," Mike chimed in, looking around the
room in a very unspecific fashion. Just browsing, as it were,
really.
Dave stifled a yawn, a monumental effort that left him drained.
"Long trip. Full day, and all that driving," he muttered, loud
enough to be overheard, of course.
"You must be tired. Rooms will be prepared for you," Londs
said, taking the hint. A clap of his hands, and a few servants
appeared next to the latest arrivals from Earth. "They will show
you to your suite. Just ask, and it will be provided for you."
Within reason, said Londs' face.
***
"Nice set of rooms," Andrew said absently, looking around at
the ornate ceiling.
Dave grunted an agreement.
"So, you turn into a girl it looks like, Mike," Anand said,
cutting straight through to the matter at hand.
Mike nodded. "Don't know why though."
"Wasn't any water around or anything?" Dave said, starting to
brainstorm.
"Bone dry. Well, as dry as dry bones, because the ones in
people or animals would probably be kind of wet, what with the
blood and everything," Mike replied.
"I didn't need to hear that, you know," Anand interjected.
"Well, what else could it be? Something like Maze, maybe?" Dave
asked the air.
"What, you mean like it just happens? Related to day-night, or
the phases of the moon or something?" Andrew scoffed a bit. "Hey
Mike, maybe you're a werewoman!" Andrew laughed.
Dave looked at Andrew. If looks could kill they probably will,
games without frontiers, world without tears. Er, I mean that Dave
gave Andrew a very dirty look, and did not, I repeat did not, wish
to infringe in any way, shape or form, upon Peter Gabriel.
"You got a better idea, mister smarty arse?" Dave was, at the
very least, a bit annoyed.
"Actually, hmmm." Andrew paced around the room a bit, thinking.
"Well, let's try this: Ahem. Long, luscious legs, full, firm
breasts. Lips made, just for kissing. Hot passionate, sweaty sex.
Going at it like bunnies, burning with desire. Lusty eyes and
slim-- There! See!" Andrew pointed at Mike, or rather at Key, the
metal idol.
"I didn't know you did lemons, Andrew," the Key clone
questioned.
"I don't. Just testing a theory which seems to be correct,"
Andrew replied in a cool tone.
"So you're saying that...," Anand began.
"So you're saying that Mike...," Dave continued.
"So you're saying that I...," Mike repeated.
"Yes," answered Andrew. "You turn into a girl when you get
horny enough." Andrew paused and looked reflective. "Well, maybe
other stuff too, like stress, or excitement, but otherwise, yeah,
that's pretty bang-on."
"So you're saying that I'm Futaba-kun Change?"
"No, you're Mike-kun Change," quipped Dave.
"Great, just what I need," Mike grumbled. "How am I supposed to
score with that princess then?"
"Rune Venus?" Anand asked a little too quickly.
"No, no, of course not. Fatora, the brunette."
"Oh, good." Anand nodded to himself.
Andrew stretched and took a more in depth look at the rooms.
"I'm going to take a shower or bath, or whatever, to wash up, then
I'm going to sleep. All that dirt and sand on me." Andrew made a
face of mild disgust. "Eew."
"Good idea for us all. Lot to do tomorrow, and it has been a
long day," Dave grudgingly agreed with Andrew.
The four men, for by now Mike had calmed down enough that he
had regained his Y chromosome, went their own ways, to their own
private rooms and own private baths.
***
They say that there is no rest for the wicked. Some amend that
there's no rest for even the especially wicked. Now, since Anand,
Andrew, Dave and Mike all slept like logs recently clear-cut from a
rainforest to make particle board for some really crappy furniture,
one could infer that either a) they were not wicked, or b) they
were really, really wicked. I mean beyond purple dinosaur wicked
here, right? Of course, there was always c), that the old adage,
and the amended version, was a total crock and should have read
something like "no rest for the insomniac," but it just doesn't
really have the same zing now, does it? I guess that's what happens
when you try to be truthful in sayings.
***
Mike woke up first. Shower, change clothes (something with a
belt would be good-- just in case something happened), and then...?
Well, quite boring being the first person awake, even though there
was always a chance for mischief.
The second person awake, by only a few seconds, was Andrew.
Only a few seconds, because the first thing Andrew saw, upon
opening his eyes, was Mike. More precisely, Andrew saw Mike's
face-- very close up. I'm talking about 'hey, you use peppermint
mouthwash, don't you?' kind of close, okay? And while there might
be several ways one might like to wake up in the morning, finding
Mike's impassive and somewhat curious face looking straight into
your eyes was not one of them. So Andrew screamed-- loudly. Very
loudly, in fact, since he woke Anand and Dave up, who were in
different rooms and having quite a peaceful sleep. This did nothing
to further endear Andrew to them.
Baths and breakfast later, The four lads (Mike was currently,
ah, thinking with the head on top of his shoulders and so could be
included with them under the heading 'lads') wandered around the
Palace, eventually making their way to the van. Dave got out the
keys and opened the driver's side door, unlocking the rest with the
power locks. Andrew started to step inside when Dave made a curt
motion with his head and pointed to the back of the van.
"Ah-ah-ahh, Andrew. You know the drill."
Mike and Anand merely nodded, siding with Dave.
"Well, that's a fair cop," Andrew started grumbling, though he
did as he was told.
So the insipi-- er, intrepid double duo (well, I suppose I
could say quadruple, but I'm not gonna), drove around and parked in
the back of the Palace. That's where vehicles were kept, you see,
in the back. The maintenance bays and stuff, don't you know.
Storage facilities and all that. Keeps them from being all out in
the open and unsightly and stuff.
Dave did a decent job parking-- nice and straight, totally
perpendicular from the wall. If there were lines, he'd be totally
parallel. Andrew was still in position to push the van, but was
leaning heavily into it, catching his breath as Anand, Mike and
Dave filed past him.
"We're going to see what we can find out about this Eye of God
stuff and how to get back from this Makoto guy, 'kay Drew?" Mike
said nonchalantly.
"You should have kept it in neutral, Anand. No reason to put it
in gear, and even if you did, you should have kept the clutch all
the way down," Dave said, voice fading away as they passed Andrew's
range of hearing. "Saves wear and tear on the transmission. We
don't even know if would could get it repaired if something
happened to it, right? Oh yeah, and Andrew, too. Makes it easier
for him."
"Kill... them," Andrew managed to pant. "Swear I'll... hah...
get them for... hah... this."
"Hello there. You're one of the new people from Earth, aren't
you?"
Andrew looked over his left arm and was about to give a biting
reply to the female voice he heard, and had in fact started with,
"What gave you the clue? The clothes? The spee--," but then Andrew
finally saw whom he was addressing and fell silent. No, I mean that
literally, you see, because he was sweating a lot from all that
exertion and his palms which were on the van doors, bracing him,
slipped and he buckled forward, ending up sucking bumper.
"Are you okay?" the girl, young, nubile, Japanese and fairly
short auburn-haired asked as she bent at the waist with her hands
folded behind her back to talk to Andrew.
The girl, young woman, really, wore a school uniform: gold
jacket, white shirt done up to the collar, thin black tie and a
short skirt. The tie was currently hanging about close to Andrew's
face, forcing his gaze to a certain area, and I'm not referring to
her face. Andrew did notice that a) she was wearing a bra and, b)
the shirt was freshly pressed and collar appropriately starched.
Quite white, in fact, the shirt. Advanced laundry techniques in
this world, apparently. Maybe they use phosphates to get it so
bright, but then what about the environmental impact? I mean, you
have all the--
"Are you okay?" the young woman repeated.
"Uhhhh. Yeah, yeah. Fine. Just peachy. Perfect. Out of breath a
bit, that's all. They left it in gear and I pushed."
The young woman giggled-- cutely, and held out a hand. "I'm
Nanami Jinnai. I'm from Earth as well. Japan, actually. You?"
Andrew scrambled to a standing position and shook her hand,
first wiping the sweat off his palm and onto a pant-leg. "Andrew
Huang. America, but we were in Japan, having won a contest, when we
got brought over here."
"You've found your power, I see."
"Oh yes. Very fast. Haha." Andrew laughed weakly, having his
breath taken away yet again, only this time by Nanami in front of
him. "What's yours, if you don't mind asking?"
"Well, I see things, or rather I don't see things. You see,
there's a group of people here called the Phantom Tribe-- they live
underground and have blue skin-- and they can make you see stuff
that isn't there. Make themselves appear like other people, or a
tidal wave or something, and you believe it." Nanami shook her
head. "I don't even notice it. It doesn't affect me at all."
"Cool!" Andrew said, not knowing what to say about such a
specific and most of the time useless power.
"Would you like to talk? I always wondered what America was
like," Ms. Jinnai said, smiling kindly.
Andrew fell for the smile, and the girl beind it, immediately,
and nodded franticly, not noting the somewhat predatory glint in
her eyes or the edge to the smile. Andrew was good at not noticing
stuff like that when they occurred on pretty girls who showed the
least bit of interest in him.
"Just exactly how fast are you?" Nanami asked.
***
So, while Andrew was busy not noting he was about to get
suckered into something, the rest of the crew were in the Palace,
trying to decide where to go, and more importantly, how to get
there. Mike started taking pictures with a camera, because he was
on vacation after all, and what's a vacation without taking
pictures? All he needed now was a tacky Hawaiian shirt (the one in
Matt's luggage was easily too large) and he would be set.
Currently Mike had Dave and Anand getting their picture taken
with one of the guards, who had his bayonet pointed at them as if
he were taking them to a cell. In mid-shot though, Fatora and her
friend (man, I really should put quotation marks or something
around that word, shouldn't I? I should, but I won't) walked
through the shot ruining it. Well, not really ruining it, I
suppose, not for everyone. Mike, for instance, found the shot much
more interesting as he started to lose the ability to write his
name in the snow without running around a lot.
"Uhm, gotta go guys. Talk to you later. Have to talk to
someone," Mike said, paying absolutely no attention to the people
(Anand and Dave) he was talking to.
Mike wandered off as soon as he returned to being Mike and not
Key. Well, maybe not wandered-- a better term would be followed,
searched, or hunted, or stalked. He went after (ooh! there's a good
one. I like that one, it stays) Fatora and her cuter, smaller,
bustier friend, whom Mike had not yet been introduced to nor knew
her name, but was really going to try to get to know.
"So, what do we do now?" Anand asked.
"Well, I don't know. We don't know this palace very well, do
we?" Dave replied.
The guard, young and rather nervously helpful, and incidentally
still pointing the sharp, pointy object attached to a bigger,
longer object at them, managed to stutter out, "Well, I go
off-shift in about ten minutes. I'll give you a tour if you want."
Dave looked at the guard and clapped an arm around the smaller
man's shoulder. "You're a sport, mate. Here, have a piece of gum.
Dentyne Fresh, peppermint flavour." Hey, if Matt really wanted that
gum, he wouldn't have left it locked up in his luggage with that
note telling everyone not to touch anything, would he?
The guard graciously accepted. They exchanged names and stuff,
but since he's such a minor character I'm not going to bother
telling you that. He's the type of guy you'd see wearing a red
shirt and carrying a big gun in a landing party on Star Trek,
basically. Well, except for the shirt, wearing an armour there
instead, and then there's that dying horribly bit (this particular
guard would grow to an old age and pass away peacefully in his
sleep, surrounded by those he loved), but otherwise it was pretty
much the same thing.
Mike followed the trail of the princess and her friend much
like a drughound heading towards a Grateful Dead concert. A
combination of keen senses and primal hunting instinct allowed Mike
to find the two he was looking for, beyond which they were just at
the end of the hall, standing there and talking loudly about
something that I don't really care about.
"Uh, hi. I'm Mike, one of the guys from Earth who you saw
yesterday," Mike said nervously, unsure of what to say now that he
was actually talking to them.
Fatora and Alielle stopped their discussion-- well, Fatora
stopped her monologue, at least-- and looked at Mike. Fatora
blinked, once, and then looked back at Alielle. Alielle, on the
other hand, greeted Mike warmly, raising her arm and waving,
causing Mike to conclude that she was not, at the time, wearing a
bra and also that she had not had any surgery.
"Hi, Mike! This is princess Fatora, and I'm Alielle. How do you
like El Hazard so far?" Alielle asked with girlish cheer.
Mike, sadly, did not hear what Alielle had to say. He was too
focused on something else. Mike managed to whimper out, "Huge
tracts of land," but that was about it.
"Come, Alielle. We can have this discussion in private," was
Fatora's curt contribution to the conversation.
"Uhm, Fatora? Do you remember how we thought there was a girl
in the new group of Earth people yesterday?"
"Yes, and I was so disappointed when they turned out to be all
guys. Why do you ask, Alielle?"
Alielle pointed to Mike, who was going to try to get Fatora and
Alielle to be the first two out of thirty thousand friends.
"Wha--? How?" Fatora said, looking at the woman formerly a man
before her.
"Your power?" Alielle asked.
"Ah," Mike said, momentarily snapping back to sentience. "Under
certain... conditions... I turn female. I turn back though!"
Fatora narrowed her eyes. "What conditions might though be?"
"Well, if I get, er... too excited," Mike said, his form
already shifting back to baseline.
Fatora looked at Alielle. "Are you thinking about what I'm
thinking?"
Now, normally that would be an opening for a line something
like, "Yes, but where are we going to get a fig Newton and ten
thousand paperclips?" but they've never seen Pinky and the Brain,
never even heard of them, in fact, so obviously that wouldn't
happen. Hey, didn't I fire you? Well, er no, actually.... Yes I
did! What'd you do with the new narrator! Help! Help! He's going to
kill me! Just bring him back and it'll all be okay. Sigh, okay,
okay, I'll do it. Right, that's better now. On with the story.
"He does have possibilities, doesn't he?" Alielle agreed.
"Very cute as a girl, wouldn't you say?" Fatora nodded.
"But we have to keep him excited, right?"
"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem, I think." Fatora turned
around, looking straight at Mike. "How would you like to have a
little fun with us?" she said seductively.
Instant Y-chromosome removal from Mike, who just nodded
franticly.
"See? Told you." Fatora smirked, and then started to walk down
the hall.
Alielle looked at Fatora's retreating figure, and then grabbed
Mike by the hand and said, "Well, come on, she won't wait forever!"
in a rather pouting yet extremely cute and sexy voice.
Mike's last thought before being pulled along by Alielle was that
perhaps his power was not such a bad deal after all.
In Fatora's bedchamber, there were three women.
Wanting
Waiting
Desire
Desire
Desire
Burning
Desire
Straining
Yearning
Panting
Groaning
Moaning
Groaning
Pleasure
Pleasure
Finally, there was
*E*
*R* *L* *A* *E*
*E* *S*
Mike laid there, breathing heavily but satiated. Definitely not
a bad power, not with these two women. "That was... that was...,"
he said. Oh, did I say he? Wrong pronoun. Meant to say she. "Is it
always like that?"
"Not always," Alielle answered. "Sometimes we don't use the--"
Whatever it was they did not always use will be forever a
mystery to Mike, because Fatora rolled over onto Mike and grinned,
saying, "Ready for round two?"
Mike, who was not actually ready for round two, began to beg
for some more time. Fatora liked it when they begged. "Wait a sec!
I'm a guy right now, right? Just give me a little bit of time to
recharge my lust, and--."
"Guy? I don't see any men right here," Fatora purred, letting
her hand wander over parts of Mike's body normally covered by
clothes.
"Just us girls here," Alielle chimed in.
"Wait, that's not right. I should be a guy right now. I mean,
I'm not even _close_ to being--" Mike stopped talking as what she
was saying was rapidly becoming untrue, due to Fatora and Alielle's
more than competent ministrations.
Did I say she? Silly me.
Fatora, due to where her hands happened to be, noticed the
rather marked difference right away. She screamed, loudly-- which
was not a very nice thing to do to Mike, since she had sntarted to
nibble Mike's ear scant seconds ago.
Alielle did not notice quite as quickly, her hands being in a
slightly more gender neutral spot on Mike, but caught on very
quickly as well.
The scream dampened the mood, to say the least.
"What the hell was that?" Fatora shouted at Mike.
"What? What? What was what?" Mike said.
Mike took a look at him-- er, herself, and said, "I don't see
the problem?" Mike thought about it for a moment and then amended
his previous statement. "Well, okay, I see a problem, but I don't
see your problem! You didn't mind this before!"
"You were a guy, you idiot! What the hell is that, turning into
a guy when we were in the middle of something?"
Mike shouted back, "But that shouldn't happen! I should have
turned into a girl then! That's when I turn into a girl, when...
I'm.... Oh dear." Mike's predicament finally occurred to him...
her... well, it finally occurred to Mike. Being a girl when he
should have been a guy, being a guy when he should have been a
girl-- it made perfect sense now.
"Do you have an explanation for this?" Fatora demanded,
suspecting that Mike did by the total lack of colour and the
horrified expression on Mike's face.
Mike nodded dumbly. Not only was he stuck looking like Key most
of the time, but more importantly, he wouldn't get another chance
with Fatora and Alielle! Mike shrieked and ran out of the bedroom,
ran back in and collected her clothes, then put them on, and _then_
ran out of the bedroom, with another shriek. Fatora and Alielle
blinked.
"How many times has that happened?" Fatora asked.
"Well, usually they run away _before_ and not after. I thtink
this is the first time for that," Alielle said, having kept track
of these type of things.
Fatora nodded absently, and looked at Alielle. A wanton grin
grew on Fatora's face as she reached for her Alielle and they
started everything over again, including the bit with the....
***
A gibbering female streak ran by Anand, Dave, and the now
off-duty guard whom they befriended but I'm still not going to name
or really describe.
Anand blinked, openned his mouth as if to say something, closed
it and then opened it again, doing a credible imitation of a fish.
"Wasn't that Mike?"
Dave shook his head. "Think so, but why was Mike a girl then?
Wasn't wearing too many clothes either, really. More like holding
them in front of hi-- er, her."
"Maybe he's an exhibitionist and gets off on streaking?"
"That's so seventies."
The guard was too busy chewing on Matt's gum (he just cadged a
fresh piece of Dave and was enjoying the taste of it) to enter into
the conversation, which is good because I really don't want to give
him any more speaking parts.
Anand blinked a few more times for good measure. Dave was
starting to wonder whether or not Anand was trying to say something
in Morse code, but all he got was S O D O F when Anand shook his
head and said, half-rhetorically, "You don't suppose something
might be wrong and we should perhaps go after him, do you?"
They mulled it over for a few moments before nodding
simultaneously and ran after Mike, leaving the guard by himself.
"It was nice meeting you--" Anand managed to shout out before
his voice became too faint for the guard to hear.
***
Mike managed to find a hidden alcove and got into her clothes.
Dave and Anand ran by after a few moments and kept on going, not
noticing Mike's hiding pot.
"Hey guys! I'm back here!" Mike shouted to their backs.
Dave and Anand skidded a bit and managed to get themselves
turned around, upon which time they ran back to Mike's position.
They blinked.
"So Mike," Dave began casually.
"You're a girl right now," Anand continued.
Mike nodded franticly, extremely nervous and anxious and
possibly a few other -ous words as well. "Guys, I know, AND THAT'S
WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT!" Mike panted. "I can't turn back, I can't
freakin' turn back!"
"Well, that's gotta suck," Dave said, not really noticing Mike
any more because the most enchanting tanned red-headed woman walked
by, wearing a micro-miniskirt so short that it had to be illegal in
many countries. Dave merely thanked whomever was in charge of these
things that the land they were in apparently did not have such a
law barring them. "Red hair," Dave murmurred dreamily.
Mike was having none of it, however. "Hey! Dave! Snap out of
it! I've gotta problem here which is a little bit more important
than that!"
"Oh?" Dave said, watching the red-head walk down the hall,
enjoying the sway of her hips and the move of certain taut muscles
the swaying hips caused. "I'm not so sure about that."
Mike decided to give in and follow Dave's gaze. "Okay, so maybe
you have a point," Mike said in a deeper voice after a moment.
Anand noticed the change in Mike immediately. "Hey, you're a
guy again!" Anand announced happily.
Mike looked himself over and gave himself a brief manual
inspection to make sure that everything was where it was supposed
to be. "You're right! I am, which is odd, because I was thinking
of--"
"Oh, you're not, again," Anand interrupted Mike dejectedly.
"What? Why the hell not?" Mike shouted, being rather upset now
by the whole situation.
Dave blinked a few times and returned to the conversation.
Having just recently resumed normal blood flow to his brain, Dave
had perhaps a slightly different perspective on the situation and
so he asked, "So Mike, what were you doing just before you found
you were normally stuck as a girl?"
Mike mumbled something.
"What was that? I didn't catch it," Dave said.
"I said it wasn't so much _what_ I was doing as it was _who_."
"Oh," Anand responded, perfectly summing up his and Dave's
reaction.
"Getting in touch with your feminine side, Mike?"
"Actually, getting in touch with a couple of other feminine
sides," Mike replied.
Dave hummed for a second. "Let me try something," he said then
cleared his throat. "Hot, sweaty nights of passion. Creamy thighs
and firm buttocks. The woman in that skirt that just walked by,
only covered in chocolate. Oral se--"
"I see where you're going, Dave, and it seems to be working,"
Anand interrupted, pointing at Mike, who was no longer looked like
he should be referring to himself in the third person.
The currently male in question, Mike, did not know what Anand
was alluding to. "What do you mean?"
"It means," Dave said, noting that Mike was already on her way
once again to make 30 000 friends, "that your power seems to have
undergone a reversal. Instead of turning into a girl when you get
turned on, you turn into a guy, and the girl form is now your
baseline."
Anand nodded. "Maybe if you found thirty thousand friends, you
could turn back to--"
"Hey! This isn't funny guys! There's gotta be _something that
can be done!" It was rather strange seeing what looked to be Key
looking all panicky and nervous.
Dave shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe you can ask someone else,
someone who's been here longer than we have. They might have a
better understanding than we do of how these things work." Dave
fussed with the collar of his shirt, which, considering it was a
tee shirt, was rather futile. "At any rate," Dave said, glancing
down the hall in the direction the red-head went, "I've got to
go... talk... to someone... about something else. Bye!" Dave ran
away from Mike and Anand, trying desparately to find the girl who
could get away with wearing a skirt that short.
***
Andrew had somehow been finangled into cleaning a toilet for
Nanami. He was not completely sure why she wanted him to, or even
how she got him to do it, but it had something to do with the most
irresistably cute pout which had been focused on him, Andrew
remembered that much. He felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Excuse me, mate. You haven't seen a red head in a real short
skirt go by, have you?"
Andrew turned his head and saw the man addressing him. "No,
Dave, I haven't."
"Ah, oh well." Dave sat down on a nearby perch, a tree stump or
something similar. "Very strange restrooms in this place, eh? Feels
almost like you're out camping when you go to take a leak, with all
these plants and stuff. I mean, there's even grass on the floor!"
"Er, yeah," Andrew said absently, concentrating as he was on
getting his hand out of the toilet since he thought it was stuck.
"So, why the hell are you in here playing mister Plumber,
Drew?"
Andrew frowned. Definitely stuck. "I think my hand is stuck."
Dave nodded. "So you lost something down there or something
like that? A ring maybe?" Dave did not move from his spot, however.
"Nope. Don't wear any rings. My hand is still stuck, you know."
"Ah." Dave nods sagely. "So you're a fecalphiliac then?"
"No! I am not a freakin' fecalphiliac! I was bloody well
cleaning this toilet and my hand got stuck! Now, are you going to
help me or what?" Andrew exploded in a very metaphorical and
non-literal way.
"Why would you do that?" Dave asked, curious.
This time, however, he did move to help Andrew. Dave hummed,
Dave hah-ed, inspecting the object of non-terrestrial plumbing, and
then simply grabbed Andrew by the waist and pulled. It seemed to
work. Andrew was free from the clutches of the foul waste
management system.
"Because somebody asked me to!" Andrew said, holding the arm
which was recently stuck and glaring peevishly at Dave.
"Ah. Whipped already, eh Andrew? Henh. Well, at least you're
better off than Mike." Dave sat back down on his previous perch.
"Oh? Why is that?"
Dave just said, "You'll find out. Just find Mike, I'm sure
he'll tell you." Dave got up slowly. "Well, I'm off to find
someone."
Andrew waved Dave off.
***
"So, what now?" Mike asked, staring at the direction Dave left.
"I think I'll go around and see if I can find the princess, I
mean, see what I can discern about their political system through
observation of the ruling class." Yes, Mike would believe that one.
"Maybe I'll just wander around or something. Go find Drew or
something." Mike sighed, noting that Anand had already hurried off.
***
Our favourite foursome were lounging in what appeared to be a
lounge (which makes it all right), which was connected to their
rooms.
"You found her yet, Dave?" Andrew asked, tired even though it
was only late afternoon.
"No! No I haven't and that's hacking me off!"
"Well, the priestesses from Mount Muldoon are coming back
today, and we're supposed to meet them," Anand said. "So try to
be a little happier, okay?"
"Where'd they go, anyway? It's been two weeks since they left,
and we never did see them," Dave asked.
"I heard," Anand said, having spent a lot of time around
princess Rune had made him somewhat more knowledgable on current
events, "that they went to check something out about the Bugrom."
"Oh?"
Anand nodded. "Yeah, maybe see if they can find Matt or
something."
"That Makoto guy is always coming by, asking us questions about
how we got here and about Matt and how he knew about the Eye of God
and about getting back to Earth," Dave commented. "A bit annoying,
really."
"Masamichi's okay though," Anand added.
"Yeah, he brought a couple of bottles by the other day, and we
killed a few of them," Dave agreed.
Mike looked up. "I suppose I'll be having to wear a bra soon or
something." Mike then thought about what kind of bra she would have
to wear and a smile grew on his face. "Or maybe not," he amended.
"So they haven't found anything to help you yet?" Andrew said
while stifling a yawn.
"Nothing," Mike said sullenly. "So why're you so tired?" he
asked, perking up a bit.
Andrew yawned again.
"Yeah, do tell!" Anand added, curious.
"I was up all night."
"Doing what?" Dave asked, and then with a sly grin added, "Or
should that be 'doing who?'"
Andrew frowned. "Nothing of the sort," he said loftily. "I was
doing a favour for a friend."
"What friend? A _female_ friend?" Mike asked.
"What kind of favour?" Anand chimed in.
"Well, not much. I was just running around, doing some errands
for Nanami."
"Nanami? She's another one of us, right?" Dave asked.
"Well," Anand explained, "not quite one of _us_, but she's from
Earth as well."
Andrew nodded. "Right, anyway--"
"She's starting up that lunch business, isn't she?" Mike
interrupted in her soft and disconcertingly cheerful, if one has
seen Key the Metal Idol anime, voice. "I dunno how she's going to
get all the stuff together and-- oh. I see."
Andrew frowned a bit. "So that's what I've been doing, getting
all the stuff together for her."
"So your plan is to make yourself indispensable to her and then
you can take the relationship up a couple of notches?" Dave asked.
Andrew nodded sheepishly.
Anand made a motion with his hand, as if he was cracking a
whip, and produced the necessary accoustical accompaniment.
"Hey! I'm not whipped!"
"Who was it that had you sticking your hand down a toilet
again, Drew?" Dave asked, recalling the incident in which he had to
help Andrew.
Andrew hung his head in shame. "Okay, so maybe I'm whipped."
"At least you're admitting it. That's a good step," Anand
agreed.
"Doesn't Nanami have a crush on Makoto though?" Mike
interjected. "Sounds to me like she's taking advantage of you,
Andrew. Getting all these favours and stuff off of you while you
get squat in return!"
Dave and Anand shared a look and nodded in perfect
synchronicity. "Yup," they agreed. "You're not even pussywhipped,
Andrew," they said solemnly. "Your situation would actually have to
become _less_ pathetic before you could qualify as pussywhipped,"
Dave added.
Mike had to nod her agreement. "I'm sorry, Drew, but they're
right." Mike paused for a moment. "Actually, wait a second. That's
not true... I'm not sorry."
Andrew swept all of them with a baleful glare, or he would have
if he could get up enough energy to do so. "Let's just go and get
it over with," he mumbled.
"Happy faces, Drew, happy face!" Mike said, clapping Andrew in
the back.
The frantic foursome left for the grand reception hall and
ended up being the stragglers.
"Where's these priestesses?" Dave whispered to Anand.
Anand shrugged. "Maybe they're waiting until everyone got here
before they made an entrance."
Dave led the others to their seats, beside Makoto, Nanami and
Masamichi, the other Earthlings. Andrew immediately took the spot
next to Nanami.
"What happened to the other one of your group? I thought four
of you were here," Nanami asked Andrew quietly.
"We are," Mike, who had not yet sat down and was close enough
to overhear, replied. "I'm Mike."
"That's a strange name for a girl," Nanami said.
"Yes, it would be," Mike agreed quite amiably, "but I was
originally a guy. Now, I'm mostly stuck like this."
"You're taking it very well."
"Oh, I'm in denial right now," Mike nodded and agreed
cheerfully. "It's better that way." Mike looked around and took his
seat, just before the main guests entered.
The priestesses came in, all three of them.
Dave pointed at one of the priestesses and said excitedly,
"That's her! That's her!"
Anand leaned closer. "Who? What?"
"Where? When? Why? How?" Mike chimed in.
"Her! Red hair! Miniskirt leaving only how to get her out of it
into the imagination! She's the one I've been looking for!"
"Wow, Dave," Mike said blithely, "I didn't know you wanted to
get into the priesthood." Mike snickered as his hair started to
slowly change back to it's normal colour and style.
The oldest priestess, the one leading the other two and trying
to flirt outrageously with Masamichi, proclaimed, "We have found
something very strange happening in Bugrom lands," in a clear
voice.
Rune Venus made a small gesture for the priestess to continue.
Anand sighed, a vapid-- make that dreamy-- on second thought, or
third thought, rather, make it vapid, which was closer to the truth
--expression on his face.
The slightly-older-but-still-definitely-nubile priestess
continued. "Shayla Shayla," the redhead nodded as her name was
announced, "Afura Mann," the third priestess, a shapely, but
somewhat pale-skinned and serious looking brunette with fairly
short hair inclined her head gracefully, "and myself noted that the
Bugrom seem to be going through some internal conflict."
"Internal conflict?" Rune Venus asked, truly confused.
Dave started shaking his head slowly as a familiar feeling
started in the pit of his stomach. Anand sighed again at hearing
Rune's voice.
"A revolution, or uprising of some sort, it looks like," Afura
Mann confirmed.
"Matt," Dave said in a low voice.
"Who?" asked the older and lavender-haired priestess.
"Matt," Dave repeated louder, as he stood up. "It's got to be
his doing. Trust me on this, you don't know what he's capable of."
Anand, Andrew and Mike nodded. "He's right you know."
"Most definitely, oh yes."
"If anyone could do something like that, it'd be Matt. I always
knew he'd either be one of the first ones to go in a revolution, or
be one of the ones starting the revolution."
"Who is Matt? Who are you, for that matter?" Shayla Shayla
asked.
"Obviously they are the other group of Earthlings that came,
Shayla," sighed Afura in a bored tone. "Don't you remember? They
arrived shortly before we left, but we never got a chance to see
them."
Shayla growled as blue flame erupted from the large gem on her
bandanna.
Afura blinked. "That seems larger than usual," she noted.
"What do you mean," asked Shayla, letting the flame die down.
"Your flame, Shayla," the eldest priestess supplied. "Normally
a comment like that wouldn't have bothered you enough for a flame
that size."
"What do you mean? I didn't make it any bigger than I normally
would have."
The three priestesses looked at the latest arrivals from Earth,
whom they still did not know the name of.
"Dave Eddy, perhaps we can discuss this more privately later?"
Dave waved.
"Anand Rao, very nice to meet you."
"Michael Chen. Mike. Key, if you really want to, when I look
like this," Mike explained.
"Andrew Huang." Andrew nodded, still kind of sleepy.
Mike slapped Andrew on the back of the head.
"Why'd you do that for?" Andrew asked peevishly.
"Be polite, git!" Dave answered for Mike. "Where's your
manners? Even Matt knows better than that!"
"Well, I'm not so sure about that," Anand began.
"He knows," Dave said sourly. "He might not do it on a whim, or
to hack you off, but he knows."
Anand nodded thoughtfully. "You might have something there.
Sure, he's not what one would call formal, but he still has limits,
after all."
So the audience went on for a while longer-- boring details and
stuff which had not only Andrew nodding off but the others as well,
and in the interests of being a good storyteller, and definitely
not laziness on my part, nosirree! I'm not going to bother going
through all that and instead skip forward to the end, just after
the meeting was over.
Dave managed to catch up with Shayla Shayla before she
completely left the hall with Afura Mann (Miz Mishtal, the other
priestess had taken off after Masamichi Fujisawa who created a
human barrier by grabbing Mike and a sleeping Andrew, keeping them
in between the priestess who wanted his bachelourhood and himself).
"So," Dave said, in a forced casual kind of way, "what's it
like being a priestess here? What's your duties and that?"
Mike was thoroughly enjoying Miz' attempts to get to Masamichi,
as it meant that all sorts of soft yet firm parts of Miz' body were
up against his, as Mike had resumed his male form. It should be
noted that Andrew was still asleep and so unaware of any enjoyment
he should be having on his part.
But back to Dave and his blasphemous attempt to get religion.
"So," he said, extending an arm out to lean against the frame
of the doorway, "maybe we could discuss similarities and
differences of various Earth and El Hazard religions." Dave was
definitely showing far too many teeth with his grin.
Shayla looked towards Makoto, who was about to round a corner
in the hall and said, "Buzz off, creep." She left, following Makoto
rather quickly.
Afura snorted and in a very droll voice said, "Better luck next
time, Dave."
***
Let me set the scene for you. It's inside, because just like
Matt knew before, outside is for chumps. It's in one of the main
halls-- a big vaulting cathedral-like thing with a long rectangular
pond in the center and cushions precisely placed alongside it--
because I say so. You got your princess Rune Venus there, along
with her court. She's sitting at one of the ends, away from the
common entrance, while everyone else has taken up positions on the
cushions. Anand is there as well, hanging around on the sidelines
like a faithful, or pathetic (I can't really tell) puppy dog--
probably the latter.
Anand was not the only male from Earth pining away there, for
you see the three priestesses of mount Muldoon were there as well,
which meant Shayla-Shayla was there, which meant that Dave was
there as well. He was beside Anand, actually, and looking similarly
patheti-- er, faithful. What about Mike and Andrew, you might ask?
Well, all I can say is sod off, they're not important right now.
Baking cookies for all I know, okay? Yeesh, you'd think I was
supposed to know everything or something. Hey, you think if I was
omniscient I'd have this jerk-water gig?
So now that I've set the scene, my bright and beautiful work,
someone has to screw it up. Isn't that the way it always is? Who
was it that dared have the temerity to undo all my efforts? Well,
I'm not one to name names, so let's just call him D. Eddy. No,
wait... let's call him Dave E. I like that better.
Right, so Dave, most likely due to a sudden lack of bloodflow
to the brain (having just stood up quickly), was not at his most
stable. Dave stumbled towards Shayla Shayla just as she was in the
process of amusing herself by creating a fire at the edge of her
fingertip. Maybe Dave had a momentary loss of equilibrium, maybe
somone nudged him, maybe he just wasn't thinking properly and
thought that perhaps it was a good way to cop a quick feel, I don't
know, but what I do know is that as soon as Dave stood up, he
toppled forward, towards Shayla.
The flame, very small, perhaps half a finger-length high, grew
in height and in width, doing considerably more than singeing
Shayla and her eyebrows. Afura looked at Shayla's forlorn
expression and somewhat darkened face and could not help but
snicker. I don't blame her myself.
"Looks like you need more practice," Afura commented quietly in
an aside to her fellow priestess.
Shayla shifted uncomfortably. She almost seemed to shine and
was perspiring more than usual for her. "It wasn't my fault. There
was a... surge... of power that I couldn't control." Shayla looked
around, a strange and almost feral grin on her face. "Why don't we
go test how much stronger I am?"
"If you can't control yourself, it doesn't matter how powerful
you are-- I'll still win," Afura replied.
"I hope they don't fight in here," Anand murmurred to himself,
edging closer to Run Venus, just in case.
Dave seemed to have a different attitude: you know, that
watching two beautiful women in rather tight and revealing clothing
fight was a very, very good thing. The only important thing about
where they fought was that they do it in a place where he could
watch, and perhaps render first aid. You know, CPR, heart massage,
that sort of thing. Very high-minded and noble of Dave, wouldn't
you say?
Luckily for Dave, Shayla and Afura did not move far. For Rune
Venus, whose domicile they were fighting in, the same could not be
said. For Anand? well, he did get closer to Rune Venus-- just in
case something happened and she needed help, of course.
Shayla burst into flame, though it did not harm her, with Dave
behind her, and leapt towards Afura. Shayla's flame decreased in
size and incandescence as she closed the distance. Afura cupped her
hands and blew Shayla away, straight back, and incidentally in
Dave's direction. Dave did the prudent thing and did not dodge out
of the way. Well, okay, so it wasn't really prudent. Noble then?
Maybe, or, more likely, a desparate/horny/perverted type thing,
which would allow Dave to cop a quick feel at the very least. I'm
not absolutely sure which one it was, but that big ol' smile on
Dave's face might be a good hint.
Well, regardless, Dave did end up touching Shayla, in fact in
several soft and protruding places that are usually covered up,
except at the beaches of some fairly liberal countries, and even
then....
Ahem.
Now, I know what you're expecting. Frankly, I was too. Shayla
Shayla really should have taken this moment to haul off and really
belt Dave one-- but she did not. What, pray tell, did she do when
she felt his fingers conduct a detailed topological research of her
curves? Shayla turned around and grabbed Dave's head with both
hands, and kissed him, long and deep. You know the type-- where she
tries to suck out his tonsils, unless he's had them removed, or
fillings, if he's had any dental work. Yeah, that's the one.
Afura, was a little surprised, to say the least. I would have
to say most people witnessing this display were surprised, upon
reflection. Of course, they did not have much time to be surprised
at Shayla's reaction because of something else: namely, her power.
A large translucent blue phoenix fire, several times larger than
anything Shayla had any right to be able to manifest on her best
day, of which this most certainly was not, ripped itself from
Shayla's heedless back and threw itself through the ceiling.
First, there was the falling rubble. Destroyed ceilings tend to
create some of that. Afura created a shield of air to block most of
it, but Rune Venus was out of range. A large block, instant and
messy death, plummetted towards the princess at ever increasing
speeds. Anand did not think, he just reacted. Anand sprinted
towards the doomed princess and _stretched_.
Anand blinked and shrugged, causing the block to slide off his
shoulders.
"I didn't even feel that," he said in wonderment.
"Anand?" Rune Venus asked in dulcet tones.
"Princess?" Anand responded.
"Do you suppose you could get off me now?"
"Get off? What do you mean by," Anand actually looked at his
position. "Oh, I see. Well, I didn't even know I could do that. I
suppose I know what my power is now, don't I?"
For your edification, Anand's body had stretched, becoming
longer and thinner, and he had wrapped himself around the princess,
protecting her, doing quite a bang-up job of it as well, I might
add. Anand managed to reverse the process, returning to his
original form beside the princess (other people were there,
watching, after all).
Back to Dave and Shayla and Afura. Er... make that Dave and
Shayla. So, there she was on top of a somewhat stunned and
bewildered (but not complaining!) Dave, showing him the finer
points of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and generally forgetting
about her match with Afura, when Afura decided to help Shayla out.
No! Not like that! What kind of horndogger are you? I mean help her
remember! Remember dammit!
What did Afura do? Not much, just put her hand on Shayla's
shoulder. That's all. Really. Honest. Okay, so she might have said
something, but nothing inflammatory. Nope. Nosiree, not a bit.
Well, maybe a little. Hm... how about if you judge for yourself?
Afura said, "Not getting Makoto is making you a little
desparate, Shayla?"
Shayla back-handed Afura, of course. Afura did not take kindly
to that, as you can expect. "Get lost, Afura! He's mine!" and then
went back to exploring Dave's dental work.
"This is quite strange, Shayla. He's doing something to you."
Afura backed up her statement with a blast of hard air, to remove
Shayla from Dave's person, and then ran at Dave, catching him
unawares.
"What have you done to Shayla?" Afura demanded with much more
feeling than one normally expected from her.
"I... ug... erglah," Dave managed to say, the speech centers in
his brain not quite up to the task of working yet.
Afura rushed Dave, only to get blasted by Shayla on her right.
"Get your own man, Afura!" was Shayla's battlecry.
Afura's answer (beyond the deeply annoyed frown, that is), was
supposed to be a small ball of air to Shayla's gut, knocking the
(forgive me) wind out of the red-head. The operative part of the
previous statement is 'was supposed to be,' however. Afura's small
ball of air was a giant hammer which smashed Shayla into the wall
behind her... about four meters behind her.
"That... shouldn't have happened," Afura remarked absently, a
strangely salacious grin starting to spread on her face. She turned
around and addressed Dave. "This is your doing, isn't it? You were
near Shayla whenever her powers were boosted, and now...." Afura's
smile changed from salacious and sexy to rampant lust as she
approached Dave. "Let's just see how much you boost us, shall we?"
Dave's rational mind did not like where this was going; it was
quite frightened by Afura's grin. Dave's non-rational mind, the
part of him which did not do the thinking with the head on top of
his neck, if you know what I mean, rather liked that grin and what
it promised. The non-rational mind, receiving a greater blood-flow,
beat the snot out of the rational mind and told it to go figure out
what else it was boosting beyond these women's power levels and
obviously their lust.
"I told you to stay away from my man, Afura! Why do you always
want what I've got?" Shayla said, rising from the rubble like a
phoenix from the ashes-- very like a phoenix, what with her being
enveloped in flame and all.
"Ladies, ladies," Dave said, trying to get a word in to stop
their bickering. "There's enough of me for _both_ of you!"
This was perhaps not the most judicious thing Dave could have
said, and his rational mind would have agreed, but being overruled
just sat back and laughed. Maybe it stuck out a metaphorical
tongue, but that's it. Honest.
Shayla and Afura looked at Dave. Now, before I go further, I
should tell you that Dave's not a small man. He's big. He's tall,
and he's not a thin, scrawny lad either. He's got the type of build
you want your bouncer to have. In other words, he is quite capable
of taking care of himself, and he knew it. He was also, at the
moment, cringing in abject fear from the look he was receiving.
"I'll be quiet now," Dave whimpe-- aw hell, let's face it, he
whimpered. No way to sugar-coat it or anything. I don't blame him,
and neither should you. You'd do the same, or worse, okay? I know
I'd be proud if I could maintain that much composure, right?
So where was I? Oh yes, staring match between the two horny...
er, holy priestesses of mount Muldoon. Afura said, "Let's end this
now," and grabbed Dave's arm as she started to form another blast
of wind.
This was not as good an idea as Afura, had she been totally
clear-headed, would have thought. Wind swirled uncontrollably
around her, reaching a critical point and going beyond it to
another critical point, before finally releasing itself in a blast
even Lina Inverse (not appearing in this story) would be quite
proud of.
Needless to say the hall was pretty much trashed. Shayla was
thrown far away, although protected by her fire shield from much of
the damage. Afura and Dave were thrown in the opposite direction.
Afura was somewhat protected, but Dave could not be so lucky, and
was knocked unconscious.
Rune Venus looked near tears at the ruin of the hall.
"Ahhhhhhh...," was Anand's only response, mere white noise
filling the sudden silence.
The princess turned to Anand. "I thank you for saving me, Anand
Rao. Your ability is similar to that of our armour cats, used only
by the royal family for protection."
Anand blushed and looked at the ground, doing a credible
puppy-dog impression. "Shucks, it was instinctive."
"But I must repay you somehow. What can I do for you?"
"If I could continue to serve you like that, that would be
enough," Anand said quickly enough, and perhaps a tad too eager for
decency.
Rune Venus thought about it for a moment, and then clapped her
hands twice. Londs stepped forward. "Very well then," the princess
said. "From now on, until you leave El Hazard, you shall be the
armour for Londs, our most trusted servant."
"But! But! Butbutbutbut...," Anand sputtered out.
Londs went over to Anand and looked him over, up and down, from
all sides. Londs lifted Anand's arms and squeezed the biceps.
"I myself have an armour cat, of course," Rune Venus explained,
"and it would be unseemly for you, a man, to function as one for
me, especially since we are not married nor at the least
betrothed."
"I like my men with strong arms," Londs announced, as they were
the only three left in the what remained of the hall. "You'll do,"
he nodded, patting Anand on the buttocks. "You'll do nicely," Londs
whispered into Anand's ear seductively.
"But! But! Butbutbutbutbutbutbutbut--!" Anand managed to say
again, being escorted out by Londs.
"No need to thank me," Rune Venus said to the leaving Anand.
"It is the least I can do."
* *
Dave woke up in a very strange and uncomfortable position. For
one, he noted groggily, he was vertical instead of horizontal,
which was how he usually found himself upon waking. For another,
his feet were not touching the ground. Dave did, in fact, seem to
be suspended in the air via something around his wrists and ankles.
That something, or four somethings really, to be more precise,
turned out to be, upon closer inspection and more consciousness,
manacles, attached to chains, which had Dave spread eagle in the
air.
The room was dark, with harsh light surrounding Dave in a
circle, making anything outside of the circle seem even darker. It
was cool and damp and Dave's clothes, such as that which were left
on him, were ragged and torn, for the most part. He moaned.
"Oh good, you're awake," a sensual and throaty female voice
said slowly. There was a few shifting sounds as the owner of the
voice moved, resolving itself to a form just outside of Dave's
range of vision.
"We're all alone now, without anyone around to distract-- or
hear-- us," the voice continued, stepping into the circle of light.
Pale, pale skin the colour of cream. Svelte and curvy build.
Long black leather boots with long stiletto heels that reached
mid-thigh. A black leather corset adorned with metals studs and
which supported and pushed up and out the generous chest and
cleavage the woman possessed. A black leather mask, with zippers to
zip up the eyes and the mouth was worn, covering the woman's face.
A long, black, of course, bullwhip was unfurled in her right hand.
"Do I know you?" Dave asked in a small, weak voice.
The woman pulled off her mask and shook her short hair free.
"The only asking you'll be doing worm is begging me!" Afura Mann,
holy priestess of mount Muldoon and clost dominatrix, answered in a
cruel voice. She cracked her whip, just centimeters away from
Dave's family jewels, and we're not talking about any rings on his
fingers, if you catch my drift.
"Yes Afura!" Dave said quickly.
The whip cracked again, this time even closer. "What was that?"
"Yes, mistress!"
"That's better. And remember, down here where we are, no one
can hear you scream except for me, not that it should stop you from
screaming, if you want."
Dave screamed.
***
"How long has it been since we first got here?" Dave asked,
twitching slightly.
"Don't know," a hungover Anand replied. "I lost track after
about a month or two."
"Where's Andrew?" Mike asked, the most chipper one in the
common room of their set of rooms.
"Still sleeping," Dave replied, a slight flicker in his eye.
Anand was too busy applying an effective cure to a hangover--
namely staying drunk --to reply. Putting down the empty bottle of
wine, Anand sighed. "Something's up today, I heard. Strange
visitors coming, apparently."
"You know who?" Dave asked, rummaging around for something to
drink himself.
Anand shook his head. "Nope. That's all I overheard. Londs
isn't saying anything else. Sounds like it could be important
though. They want us all there."
"I'll go wake Andrew!" Mike announced cheerfully.
"Er, Mike?" Dave said. "You might want to put that knife down."
Mike looked at the knife she had been sharpening meticulously
for the last half hour in her hand with a shocked expression.
"This? Why, I actually forgot I had this in my hand!" Mike laughed
nervously, like a kid caught with a toy she shouldn't have, and put
the knife down.
Mike left the room, heading towards Andrew's bedroom, but not
before picking up an empty wine bottle and raising it over her head
while humming a jaunty little tune. I'm sure you know the one. From
the movie Psycho (the Alfred Hitchcock one, of course. Now _there_
was a man who could do horror films, not like these slasher flicks
today, like Friday the 13th, or Halloween, where they try to shock
you with gore or anything). You know the scene-- that one in the
shower, right? Yeah, that's it.
Dave and Anand shook their heads. "Mike won't actually hurt
Andrew, will he?" Anand asked.
"Nah," Dave said. "Not in a physical sense at least," he
amended."
So anyway, a blood-curdling shriek and a few moments later as
everyone made themselves ready, they found themselves once again in
a large hall filled with people, and somethings else.
In front of Rune Venus and Fatora were six large... beings. Not
quite Bugrom, not with fleshy mouths and human eyes. Not with five
fully articulated fingers which included an opposable thumb on the
end of each of their four arms, these were much more human-looking
than any Bugrom anyone had seen before.
These new creatures bowed.
"The Revolution is true," the leftmost one said, perfectly
understandable to all present.
"We seek alliance," the one next to it said.
"Together we can overthrow Diva and Jinnai," the third said.
"We come bringing a gift from our First Among Equals," the
fourth announced.
The fifth one opened a box which it held before it, and
ritualisticly picked up the contents of the box and threw it at
Fatora's face. It was a cream pie.
"Nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck!" the last one exclaimed.
The five Bugromoids bowed, one knee on the ground.
"I am Karl," the leftmost one said, cuffing the one next to it
on the back of the head.
"I am Moe," said the next one, repeating the manouver to the
one on its right.
"Larry," the third said simply, tapping the ones on its left
and right on their shoulders, and then banging their heads
together.
"Shemp," the fourth said, using one hand to poke all five eyes
of the one to its right.
"Curly-Joe," the fifth one said, using its upper left hand to
block the eye poking with a classic block.
The last one made a strange grunting sound and started slapping
its face repeatedly before saying, "Woise goiy, eh? I'm Curly!" in
a higher-pitched voice.
Rune Venus did not know what to make of the display she just
saw, and Fatora was trying to wipe the cream pie off of her face
while maintaining some dignity. It wasn't working.
"Who is your First Among Equals?" Rune inquired politely.
Before the neo-Bugrom could reply, Dave, Andrew, Mike and Anand
came to the same conclusion at the same time. "Matt!" they shouted,
but definitely not with glee. No reindeer games for him, obviously.
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