Okay...here's: (standard disclaimers apply) 
This fic is dedicated to Denise, our Resident Keeper of the Penguin Suit ^_^
 

The Complete Guidelines on How To Operate The Ultimate 

Penguin Catcher


1) Always keep this UPC away from foxes, youkos, and people named Kurama. 

Kurama:  HEY!!  What's THAT supposed to MEAN?! 
Theresa:  I didn't say anything.  You did. 

2) Always keep the UPC dry, for water damages mechanism.... 
(hey...you want to catch penguins or not?!) 

Kurama:  *walks in with the hose* 
UPC Maintainer: *whacks Kurama* 
Boy:  Look at that pretty star! 

3) Clean the UPC DAILY! (dirt means more work.) 

Denise:   
*screeeeeeeeeeeekkkk screeeeeeeekkkkkkk* 

4) Step 1.  FLick on the red switch. 

Denise:  *sweatdrops as she sees THREE red switches* 
Theresa:  erk....misprint!  Flick on the red switch with the smiley-face sticker! 
Denise:  ........ *sweatdrops again* 
Theresa:  Oops...wrong button.  The one with the smiling penguin sticker! 
 
Denise:  YATTA!  It's working! It's working! 
UPC:   
Theresa:  And in ....5 seconds, Hiei-maru will be plopped down our doorstep. 
 
 
Denise:  *frantically wades through the pile of Penguins* 
Denise:  WHERE'S MY HIEI-MARU! 
Kurama:  *from a distance* OHOHOHOHO!   
TML:  HEY! 
HnFC: HEY! 
UPC:  *extends arms again, grabs Hiei-maru from Kurama's arms* 
TML: YATTA!  *raise fists* 
Hiei-maru:  *grumbles* 

5) Step 2.  Press the green switch. 

Hiei-maru:  *flits away AGAIN* 

Denise:  Demo...... (stares at 6 green switches) 
Theresa:  *sweatdrops*  Gotta do something about these same colors.... 
 
Denise:  ......  
UPC:   

6) Step 3.  Press the black button. 

Denise:  Oooohhh...the one with Hiei-chan's picture!  And right next to it is Batz-maru! 
Theresa:  .....uh..hai.  Press the Hiei one, I think. 
Denise:   
UPC:    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!!! 
Theresa:  Uh-oh....malfunction! Malfunction!  BAIL! 
Denise:  ACK!  My UPC!   
KA-BOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! 
Kurama:  .........there goes the bomb!  MWAHAHAHAHA!  THat teaches you to keep the UPC away from me! 
Karasu:  Hey, you owe me 10000000000000000000 Yen for that bomb you used. 
Window Man:  And you owe me 50000000000000000 Yen for that window you just broke. 
Theresa:  And you owe me 100000000000000000000000000000 Yen for the UPC! 
Denise:  And 6000000000000000000000000 Yen for my Hiei and Batz-maru stickers! 
Kurama:  ................. *sweatrains* 
UPC:  And you owe me 70000000000000000 Yen for pain and suffering. 
Minna:    YAAGGGGGG!!! IT TALKS! IT TALKS!  *runs away screaming* 
Hiei:  Hn.  Stupid Ningens. 
 

 ©1998 Theresa-chan