ENG VS SA

The match was set for The Oval (the one in London, not at Churchgate) and it looked to be a bowler's pitch as Alec Stewart continued his good luck with the toss and put South Africa in to bat. He had brought Angus Fraser in the team at the cost of Adam Hollioake, simply because he had taken wickets against the South Africans on this very pitch a few months back.

The South Africans started magnificently (almost as if to mock the English Captain's decision to bowl first) as they moved on all to swiftly to 111(Nelson) before losing Gibbs just after he had made his 50. Gary Kirsten seemed to have found his form (he didn't want us to know it) but he was unlucky as he was caught behind at 46. It looked like SA would get on to an absolutely huge total but Kallis took care of that as he was bowled by Mullally for a duck. He seemed to have set the tempo for the rest of the batsmen as they too started to fall in quick succession. Before you could say "Long live the Queen's pussy" (I mean cat what did u think?) they were 168 for 7, losing 7 wickets for just 57 runs, the last wicket being that of Shaun Pollock who didn't have any idea what happened as his stumps were shattered by a perfect yoker by Gough. He looked like he thought that the wicketkeeper had an extra ball in his pocket and he had thrown it on to the stumps with Gough hiding the original ball in his pocket. We all know the SA team bats down to no. 9 but what happened then was totally phenomenal. Lance Klusener came in with a look that said "I am LANCE, mighty king of South African cricket and I will not let this happen" He bated as if he had to go to the loo really bad as he seemed to remove his urinary frustrations on the ball. He struck a Quick fire 48 of just 40 balls leadding his team to a fighting 225 off 50 overs. Mark boucher musn't be left out as he supported Lance well with his well played 17 (Besides if I leave him out hemay tell his big brother to beat me up!)

England fell mighty confidant after having restricted the favourites to "just" 225. They were wrong, maybe even overconfidant (but that didn' last long). Kallis having failed with the bat was determined to stop me from abusing me in this report so he went out and got both the openers giving the English captain another Duck to add to his record. Hick seemed to get hiccups after thorpe saw his thorny end and he soon left as if to say "I got to find a cure for these hiccups before they kill me" On came Donald, angry and determined (his anger towards Shoaib Akhtar for taking over his position as fastest bowler) and decided who better to take it out on than these English hot dogs!! He bowled really faaaaaast and at a good line to scalp the English middle order finishing with 4 for 17 of his 10 overs. The English kept losing wickets with consistency as they were bowled out for 103 in 41 overs. Fairbrother who was the only one to show some semblance of resistance as he top scored with 22. The English were devestated losing to SA by 122 runs (quite a comfortable victory some might dare to say)

Lance, sorry The mighty Lance Klusener was announced the man of the match once again for his superb batting and tremendous bowling effort. Alec Stewart looked as if he would just push this aside and moveon to the next match, but to me he looked like he wanted his MOMMY to cry in her lap and ask her his innocent question "What went wrong, Mommy?" "How did I anage to lose this one?" They'll be looking to beat Zimbabwe in their next match to gaurantee them a place in the Super Sixes and lets hope for Alec Stewart (and his Mommy's) sake that they do win!!

The Honest Critic,

Cooldj