Gospel 1:5

Terry, Shinji, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, and Asuka sat in cluster in the courtyard; their lunches set in between them. Hikari gave the extra food from her lunch to Touji, who'd forgotten to make his own, again.

"Yuck!" Asuka exclaimed, throwing her box to the ground. "I hate school lunch boxes."

Terry smirked, concealing the expression by stuffing his mouth with rice.

"I can make lunch for you, too," Shinji offered. "It didn’t bother me to do it before and if you’re not careful Misato might decide to start cooking for you."

Asuka stuck out her tongue. "There’s a threat for you. Hey, what do you think you’re doing, dummkopf!" Asuka shouted, slapping Kensuke’s hand as it crept towards her lunch box.

"Oww!" Kensuke yelped, clutching his stricken hand. "What did you do that for?"

"You were trying to burgle my food, you lousy Dieb!"

"I thought you didn’t want it!"

"I never said that!"

"You said it was terrible!"

"I never said that I didn’t want it!"

"Asuka, Kensuke, settle down," Shinji interjected. "Kensuke, you have your own lunch."

"Butt out, Shinji!" Asuka snapped.

"Hey, why are you yelling at me? I’m just trying to keep the peace."

"Because you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong!"

Touji sighed dramatically. "Looks like the newlyweds are fighting again," he said to no one in particular. "Hey, Class Rep, could you please pass me a taiyaki?"

"Sure," Hikari responded, giving him one of the jam-filled bean cakes.

"Hey cut it out you two!" Touji ordered Shinji and Asuka, who were still arguing.

"Mr. Suzuhara, you leave them alone!" Hikari ordered him.

"Yef mam," Touji muttered around a mouthful of taiyaki.

"Boy, she sure has him whipped," Kensuke said to Terry in a stage whisper.

"Who, me?" Touji demanded, spraying crumbs over everyone.

"Ugh!" Asuka exclaimed, wiping bits of taiyaki off of her dress. "That was gross!"

"Why should you complain?" Terry asked, exploiting the opening that she'd given him, "you’re pretty gross already."

Shinji looked at Asuka worriedly. She and Terry hadn’t spoken to each other, yet, which was a good thing. Whatever fueled the tension between them almost insured that any exchange of words would escalate into a fight. "Don’t let him bait you," he cautioned her.

"You’d know better than I would," she retorted, ignoring Shinji.

"Why don’t you go crying to mommy about it," Terry replied maliciously.

"I don't need to hide behind my mama's apron strings anymore. How about you? Oh, wait, what's that tied to your belt? Still do everything she tells you?"

Touji slapped his hand over Terry's mouth before he could reply. "Would you two shut up! Can either of you say three words without trying to jump down each other's throat?"

"I can be pleasant," Terry said when Touji removed his hand.

Asuka snorted. "The only thing pleasant about you is your back when you're leaving."

"Would you shut up!" Touji shouted. "If either of you open your mouths I swear I'll deck you!"

"I'd like to see you try you one-."

"Asuka, please," Shinji begged.

Asuka glared at him, but kept her mouth shut.

"Now that that's been settled," Hikari said with forced cheerfulness, "let's talk about something else. With the Angels are gone, what are you going to do next."

Shinji answered first. "NERV doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so I guess we'll keep being pilots. I don't think that they'll let us be anything else."

"Gee Shinji, that's tough," Kensuke said with mock sympathy, "stuck piloting an Evangelion for the rest of your life. I'd sure hate to be you."

Hikari leaned towards Touji. "Do you think if he opens his mouth you could punch him too?"

He sighed. "Just call me the class enforcer."

"Well, I'm not going to worry about it," Asuka said haughtily. She shot Terry a glance. "NERV has enough brute labor that they shouldn't need me anymore. Who wouldn't want me, with my talent and beauty?"

"And permanent PMS," Terry said archly.

Asuka curled her lip. "Never let him get you into a room with a lock, because if someone tells him, he'll never let you out again."

Terry’s face flushed an ugly shade of purple. "What do you want from me, an apology? I didn’t do anything wrong, so I’ll be damned if I apologize to you!"

"Is that a raw nerve I hear jangling? If you didn’t do anything wrong, then why are you still so touchy about it?"

"What do you want from me, you crazy bitch?" Terry hissed through clenched teeth.

Asuka's face went dead white, "What…did…you…say?"

A viscous sneer crossed his face, "What do you want from me," he spat each word out, "Sie. Verrücktes. Weibchen."

A tremor raced across Asuka's face and she looked like she was about to explode from raw fury. Then her expression crumpled. "I WANT MY MAMA BACK!" she screamed, tears dropping from her face.

"Asuka, calm down." Shinji pleaded, grabbing hold of her arm.

Then she did explode her face contorting with fury as she shook off his hand. "Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! Just leave me alone Shinji!"

"Asuka--" Shinji began, a note of ire in his voice as he took hold of her arm again.

She rounded on him, swatting his hand away. "Butt out, Shinji!"

"Asuka!" Shinji rose to his feet, grabbing her arm again.

"Go to hell, Shinji!" she shouted, shoving him away.

"You go to hell, Asuka!" Shinji shouted back, his face flushing red.

For a moment, Asuka’s face seemed to freeze before shattering into a million pieces. "I hate you!" she screamed then turned and ran, sobs tearing from her throat. Shinji rocked back, as if her words had struck him with physical force, a stricken look crossing his face as he sank to the ground.

For a moment everyone sat utterly still, stunned by the argument's furious escalation, unable to do anything more than watch Asuka's retreating back.

"Shinji, go apologize to her! You too Terry!" Hikari shouted.

He stared back at her coldly. "I would rather burn."

"I’ll do it," Shinji said, hanging his head. "I shouldn't have lost my temper."

"No," Touji said, clenching his good fist, "it’s Terry’s fault. You go find Asuka and tell her you're sorry. Then you're going to tell us what you're problem is."

"Who's going to make me?" Terry demanded.

Touji rose to his feet, clenching his fist, but before he could take a step forward Terry kicked out, knocking Touji's prosthetic leg from under him. "It’s none of your business," Terry said, stomping off.

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Tears still dripped from Asuka’s eyes as she unlocked the door to Misato’s apartment. No one else was there. Misato was on shift at the geofront until the next morning, but she startled Pen-Pen, who was dozing in the living room. Sensing her mood, he waddled into the kitchen.

He hated her now. She'd lashed out, hurt him. Any chance that she'd had of sharing his peace, of filling her emptiness was gone now. She'd her chance and with a single sentence she'd tossed it away. She regretted lashing out with all of her heart, but Terry had ripped open old wounds and in her pain she struck anything that came to close to her.

Shinji could be kind.

Shinji could be cruel.

But only when she'd been cruel to him first. She'd hurt him without provocation and now he hated her. She'd ruined it all. Any value that she'd held in his eyes had been burned to ash by three simple words. The emptiness in her heart yawned before her like a fathomless pit and her feet were perched at its edge. She stared into it and knew that there was no chance of it ever being filled.

She opened the door to the balcony letting the curtains billow around her. Brushing the curtains aside she walked to the rail. She didn't wipe the tears from her face and she watched as they fell past rail sparkling in the sun as they plunged seven stories to the ground below.

Her mother’s voice floated through her head. Come to me, Asuka.

She was sure that she could hear the sound as her tears struck the pavement. Be with me, Asuka.

Her tells fell, brief, graceful diamonds before they hit the pavement. Die with me, Asuka.

"Yes."

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The bell rang, ending lunch and as the class took their seats Shinji stared at her desk, waiting for Asuka to return, but it remained stubbornly vacant.

"Does anyone know where Miss Soryu is?" the teacher asked and when nobody answered, he clucked regretfully. "I’ll have to mark her as absent for the day."

Terry had returned though and Shinji stared at the back of his head. He wanted to grab Terry by the collar and demand to know what had happened to Asuka, but when he'd tried to approach him before class, the other boy had given him such a glare that Shinji had backed down immediately.

Shinji drummed his fingers restlessly against his desktop. Where was Asuka?

"Is there a problem Mr. Ikari?" the teacher demanded. Belatedly, Shinji realized that his fingers had been rattling against his desk like a staccato drum.

"Sorry, sir."

He shifted in his seat as he looked between the door and Asuka's desk. Where could she have gone? His head went to the door. He'd spent the rest of lunch searching for her, but couldn't find her anywhere on the school grounds. His head went to her desk. He'd never seen Asuka fall apart like that. His head went to the door.

"Mr. Ikari! Would you sit still!"

Shinji flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry sir."

"Did she run away again?" he whispered. The only time he'd seen her come apart like that was after her battle with the 15^th Angel. It had taken more than a week for Section Two to find where she'd hidden herself in the wreckage of Tokyo-3. "Where did she go?"

"Mr. Ikari! Go stand in the hall!" the teacher ordered and belatedly, Shinji realized that he'd said the last sentence out loud.

"Sorry sir," he said as he shuffled out into the hall. Once outside the classroom he glanced around, hoping to see Asuka, but aside from himself, the hall was empty.

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Terry hunched his shoulders. He could feel the eyes on his back and hear Touji muttering to himself. He wanted to turn around and shout, 'It wasn't my fault! She started it! She's as much to blame as I am!' He kept his mouth shut though. Ever since he'd sent Shinji to the hall the teacher had been eyeing the class, waiting for someone else to step out of line.

"Well you're going to talk about it," hissed Touji, "'cause I'm not gonna let you off the hook for knocking me down like that."

"Touji you asshole," Terry shouted. "You sent that message!"

"St. John! Suzihara!" the teacher said severely. "Hall, now!"

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Shinji was staring dejectedly at the floor when Touji and Terry joined him in the hall. "Okay St. John," Touji said cracking his knuckles, "you're going to start talking. You. Asuka. Don't get along. Why?"

"She's a bitch. What more do I need to say?"

"I told you." Shinji mumbled quietly, "don't call her a bitch."

"The truth," Touji said.

" It's like-. We don't-." Terry ground his teeth and ran a hand through his hair, the gesture revealed a long, thin scar that ran from his temple to his ear. "Look Touji, I'm sorry that I lost my temper and kicked you, but I'm not going to talk about this. Just accept my apology and let it drop."

"Fine," Touji said, and the breath whooshed out of Terry's lungs as Touji's fist sank into his stomach. "Now I accept your apology."

"Fair…enough," Terry wheezed.

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When school ended and there was still no sign of Asuka, Shinji ran all the way back to the apartment building. He debated whether or not to call Misato and tell her what had happened but finally decided against it. He didn't want to worry Misato if he could find Asuka on his own, and he didn't want to think what the consequences might be if Section 2 had to track her down again.

He decided to check Misato's apartment first and when the elevator finally deposited him on the seventh floor he noticed that its door was ajar. "Asuka?" he shouted.

Instead of Asuka, his yell brought Pen-Pen, jumping up and down and yelping wildly.

"Hello, Pen-Pen," Shinji said. "Is Asuka home?"

Instead of answering, Pen-Pen yelped even louder. Ignoring the penguin’s antics, Shinji stepped into the apartment. "Asuka? Are you here?" The apartment seemed empty but as Shinji turned to go, he noticed the balcony curtains flutter slightly and felt a light breeze blowing through the apartment. He walked over to the balcony and drew back the curtain. "Are you out here, As--?" Shinji's voice cut off as he saw what lay beyond the curtain. For a moment, he refused to believe what he saw, praying that his eyes were playing a trick on him.

Asuka was on the other side of the balcony railing, her eyes clenched shut, her feet braced against the concrete, her knuckles white with strain as they clutched the top of the concrete balustrade.

Sensing his presence, she opened her eyes. "Go away Shinji."

Shinji’s throat seemed to swell shut. "Asuka?" His voice was barely a croak.

"You hate me, Shinji. Let me go. Please, just let me go."

He shook his head violently. "I don’t hate you, Asuka." He took a hesitant step out onto the balcony. "Don't do anything sudden," he said, extending his arm, "move slowly and take my hand." Asuka tilted her head and smiled benignly at him, as if he were speaking in a language that she was only pretending to understand.

Shinji swallowed convulsively as he edged closer. "Please Asuka, come back over here. You don't want to do this. Please, just take my hand."

"No, Shinji, this is how it must be."

A voice flashed through Shinji's head. Because there are some things worth dying for.

"This isn't how it should be, Asuka. There are some things that are worth dying for, but this isn't one of them."

"Why not? Emptiness, I'm filled with it, and its so cold. What do I have to live for if I have to live with that?"

Shinji glanced down at her fingers. She was almost in reach, just a little bit further…. "Because, there are some things worth living for, like--"

"Like what, Shinji? Can you honestly name one thing?" A passing breeze stirred up her unfettered hair as she smiled sadly. "Shinji, just… let… me… go."

Her arms tensed.

"ASUKA, NO!" Shinji shouted as her fingers released their grip on the railing. Her back arched as her body slipped backwards, her hair flaring up, framing her face in a halo of crimson.

Shinji lunged forward, snatching at her retreating fingers and his knees struck the balustrade, his body jackknifing around it. His fingers slapped against her palm and his hand snapped shut around hers. His shoulder screamed in agony as her weight struck his arm, snapping the joint from its socket. As Shinji's body clamped around the balustrade his chin struck the concrete, driving his teeth into his lip. The street lying seven stories below seemed to rush up at him.

Through the haze of pain and fear Shinji realized that his hand no longer responded to his commands and he could feel Asuka's fingers slipping through his hand. Trying to ignore the pain that was making the world go hazy he squeezed the railing between his legs and torso, trying to brace himself so that he could reach her with his other arm.

"Shinji, you can’t pull us both up. If you don’t let go of me, we’ll both fall. Let me go Shinji. It's the only way."

"I won’t let you go!" Shinji shouted, grabbing her other hand. He felt his feet slide up the concrete banister. Asuka hung limply from his grasp and he felt her hand slide faster as sweat began to slide down his palms.

Blood dripped from his lip, splashing over Asuka’s face. She didn’t seem to notice it. "You hate me, Shinji, let me die."

"Why do you keep saying that! Why would I hate you?" Drawn by his cries, Pen-Pen raced out onto the balcony, squawking madly. He grabbed Shinji’s pant leg in his beak and started ineffectually trying to pull the boy back.

Asuka's smile saddened further at Shinji's continued lack of comprehension. "You have to let me go, Shinji. I hurt you for no reason at all. You must hate me."

Shinji’s feet slid farther up the balustrade and Asuka’s hand slipped a little more. "I don’t hate you, Asuka! Asuka, I-- I--"

"Shinji? Is that you?" Terry’s voice came from within the apartment.

"TERRY, HELP!" Shinji screamed.

The 6^th Child ran onto the balcony and seeing Shinji’s waist disappearing over the railing, dove forward and grabbed Shinji’s legs. The impact caused Asuka to slip even further from Shinji’s grasp and Shinji's legs flailed, kicking Terry in the face.

"Quick, it’s Asuka; help me pull her up!" Shinji gasped, feeling the 2^nd Child start to slip again.

"Asuka?" The note of indecision in Terry’s voice was clear.

A frightening tone of acceptance entered Asuka’s voice. "He won’t save me Shinji, he hates me. You shouldn’t save me, you hate me."

"Stop saying that! I DON'T HATE YOU!"

She looked up at him, a look of blissful resignation filling her face. "Goodbye, Shinji."

"NO!"

Terry grabbed Shinji’s belt and yanked the boy back over the balcony then threw himself over the the railing and grabbed Asuka’s hand just as it slipped free of Shinji’s. Together, the two boys pulled the girl’s unresisting form back over the railing.

Shinji spat out a mouthful of blood and grunting in pain, he sat down, grasping his arm.

"I think I can fix that," Terry said, grabbing Shinji’s arm, bracing his foot against Shinji's hip, and yanking downward. His effort was rewarded with a loud click as the joint slid smoothly back into its socket. Standing back up suddenly seemed like too much effort for Terry and he sank to his knees. "I don’t believe it," he panted, "You stupid crazy little flipping bitch. You tried to kill yourself."

"Shut up Terry," Shinji snapped. "Just… shut… up." He used the hem of his shirt to try and wipe some of the blood off of Asuka’s face but succeeded only in leaving broad smears of red. As soon as he let go of her head, Asuka curled up tightly into a ball. Straining, Shinji picked her up and carried her into her room, dropping her unceremoniously onto her bed. He looked back at her as he closed the door but she remained tightly curled.

Terry was waiting for him in the living room, his lip already starting to swell from where Shinji had kicked him. "Why'd you even bother?" he asked callously. "What would have been lost if she'd dropped?"

For the first time that he could remember, Terry saw a look of fury take possession of Shinji’s face and the boy’s hands curled into fists. "Go home, Terry. I don't want to see you again tonight."

"You're going to have to. You live with me." Terry replied. Shinji followed him back to his apartment, but to his surprise Shinji gathered up his sleeping mat and blankets and practically ran back to Misato’s apartment. He returned a few moments later and began to grab more of his belongings.

"Shinji, what do you think you're doing?"

"I’m moving back to Misato’s."

"Why?"

Shinji rounded on him, "I don’t know if it matters to you but Asuka just tried to kill herself. Someone needs to be there to watch her, to make sure that she stays safe."

"Just wait until Misato hears about this."

"You will say absolutely nothing to Misato!" Shinji hissed, his voice holding a dangerous edge.

"Are you insane, Ikari? She just tried to kill herself! What if an Angel was to attack tomorrow? Do you really want her in an Eva?"

"You’re unfit to pilot for exactly the same reason! You wouldn’t have grabbed Asuka's hand if she hadn't been about to pull me over too. You would've let her die. If an Angel attacked right now, I would rather have her by my side than you, because I know that my life holds some value to her!"

Terry opened and closed his mouth, like a fish gasping for air, but no words passed between his lips.

Neither of the boys spoke as Shinji made a few more trips between the apartments, ferrying his essential belongings over to Misato’s. As he finished his last trip, Terry handed Shinji his cello, then locked the door.

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Shinji sat in the kitchen, the cello propped between his legs, the bow dangling limply from his hands. He'd checked on Asuka several times but she hadn’t moved or opened her eyes, not even when he'd cleaned her face off with a damp washcloth, or when he draped a blanket over her.

He drew the bow over the strings, the opening strands of Barber's Adagio issuing from the cello. The somber tones sounded suitable for a funeral dirge and sickened his heart. Shinji quickly let the cello lapse back into silence. He tried to play several more pieces, but he couldn't put any enthusiasm into his playing and finally let the strings fall silent.

He put the instrument away, then locked the balcony door and set up his sleeping mat so that he was between Asuka's room and the balcony. He looked in on her one last time before turning off the lights: she was still curled up tightly, almost completely hidden beneath the blanket that he'd wrapped around her.

Shinji lay awake for a long while, his mind in turmoil. What would he tell Misato in the morning, when she returned? He didn’t want to see Asuka taken back to the psychiatric ward but this was the second time she'd tried to kill herself. Her resolve had been greater this time too. He wouldn't have been able to pull her back over the railing without Terry's help. Her willingness to embrace death frightened him and she hadn't shown any regrets, save that he refused to let her go and would join her in her fall.

He was bothered even more by Terry's role. What was it between the two of them that made one of them attempt suicide while the other was willing to let the first die?

He heard the door to Asuka’s room slide open and he quickly shut his eyes, feigning sleep. His muscles tensed and he prepared to leap to his feet and wrestle her to the ground if she went near the balcony. He strained his ears, listening intently as her footsteps came down the corridor and towards him, towards the balcony.

They stopped right next to his head and his blankets were suddenly lifted off of his body. He felt a weight settle on the pad next to him as the blanket settled back down and felt the warm breeze of breathing wash over his face.

Shinji opened his eyes and found Asuka’s face right next to his, their noses less than an inch apart. Her eyes were large and overly reflective with tears on the verge of being shed.

"Asuka?" he asked quietly.

"Shinji, do you… hate me?"

He was taken aback by her question almost as much as by her presence. "N-- no. I don’t hate you."

"Not even when I yell at you?"

"No."

"Not even when I call you names?"

"No."

"Not even when I hurt you?"

Shinji paused a moment before answering, trying to understand her question. "No," he answered finally.

Asuka held her breath, as if his response to her next question would determine whether or not she would breathe again. "Why?"

"Because… I don’t. Because I-- I-- I--" He stuttered, stumbling for words.

Asuka threw her arms around his neck and buried her head against his chest, burying his face in her hair. It smelled good, like wildflowers. He felt more than heard her sob and spots of hot dampness splashed onto his chest.

"Asuka?"

She didn’t raise her head as she spoke. "You didn't let me go. You refused to stop holding on… Please Shinji, hold me. Just hold on to me," she said, tightening her grip around his neck.

Unsure of what else to do Shinji cradled her head against his neck, resting one hand on her back, the other interlaced in her hair, holding her head. As her sobs subsided and her breathing fell into a deep and regular rhythm, he gently stroked her hair.

And so, in that manner, he fell asleep.

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"What the hell is going on here!"

Shinji awoke with a start and realized that it was morning, sunlight streaming in through the windows. Misato stood over him, looking tired, cranky, and not at all pleased with what she saw before her.

"I-- it’s not what you think!" Shinji stammered. He tried to rise but Asuka’s weight kept him pinned to the floor.

"Then just what is it?" Misato demanded, her hands on her hips.

"I was lonely." Asuka murmured, her head still pressed against Shinji’s neck.

"If you were lonely, you could’ve gotten Pen-Pen to sleep with you!"

"He has cold feet."

Misato’s face twisted into an awry expression of exasperation. "I’m going to bed. I’ll deal with this later." In opposition to her words she went into the kitchen and the two children could hear the refrigerator open and the hiss as the seal on a can of beer was broken.

Asuka rose without a word and went into the bathroom, and Shinji soon heard the sound of running water. Sitting up, he shook out the arm that had been pinned under Asuka and had the circulation cut off. After restoring the flow of blood to his limb Shinji stood up and decided that the only thing he could do at this point was to try and act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He went into the kitchen and started on breakfast.

Misato was sitting at the table as he entered, staring at a can of beer as if it held the answer to every question she had.

"Shinji," she began slowly, "did I really set that poor of an example for you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as he opened the refrigerator.

"What do you think I mean?" she asked him irritably. "I come through the door and I find the two of you…."

Shinji shook his head as he stuck a couple slices of bread in the toaster and a bowl of leftover rice in the microwave. "It was nothing like that. Asuka needed, umm, emotional support, I guess."

Misato sighed, and buried her head in her arms. "Shinji, what happened last night?"

"Nothing," he said quickly.

Misato started massaging her temples. "Shinji, when you say nothing in that tone of voice, you practically scream 'pay attention to me'. Now tell me, preferably in small words, what happened here."

"Nothing," Shinji repeated.

"Shinji, it looks like someone tried to fillet your lip, and your face looks like it was used to wear down sandpaper. Nothing’ doesn’t do things like that to someone’s face. A gang of switchblade wielding psychopaths yes. Nothing, no."

"Nothing happened."

Misato threw her arms up in defeat. "Fine, be that way. Nothing happened last night, nothing at all." She stood up and over to the bathroom. She knocked three times and even though there was no answer she opened the door and stepped inside.

Asuka submerged up to her nose in the bathtub and the air was humid enough that Misato couldn’t tell if the tracks running from her eyes were from tears or the steam.

"Okay, Asuka, I don’t know what's with the conspiracy of silence, but I want answers and I want them right now."

The girl sank beneath the surface of the water then reemerged a few moments later, her hair plastered to her head. "You don’t need to concern yourself," Asuka said, wringing out her hair and wrapping it in a towel. "Nothing happened."

"If I hear somebody say that 'nothing happened' one more time, you 're going to wish that we were back in the good old days when the Angels were the worst things you had to worry about. If neither of you will say anything, maybe Terry will. Should I go ask him what happened?"

Asuka froze for a second. "Why would he know anything?" she asked carefully.

"Most of Shinji’s things seem to be back over here. I don’t know about you but if my roommate suddenly moved out, I'd be a little curious. "

"He won’t have anything to say, because there is nothing to say. Not a single thing happened last night."

"In case you forgot, Asuka, I’m your guardian, morally as well as physically," Misato snapped. "Something occurred that both you and Shinji seem very reluctant to talk about. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you’re both growing up and maybe the thought crossed your minds about certain morally questionable--"

Asuka snorted, "You’re one to talk about morals. Kaji might have helped you forget how lonely life can be but he was never around for me."

"And so you picked Shinji? Some might say you took the poor second."

The glare that the girl gave her could have burned a hole through the wall. "It wasn’t like that. There was nothing disgusting about it, unlike your relationship with Kaji."

A nervous tic developed under Misato’s eye. "Leave him out of this."

Asuka closed her eyes and sank back into the bath, refusing to answer any more of Misato’s questions. Close to crying out of sheer frustration, she finally gave up, and retreated to her room to seek the temporary oblivion of sleep.

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Terry awoke with the dawn and watched the gray light filtering through his window slowly change to gold.

Misato will be home by now. What will they tell her? What will they say about what I almost didn’t do? His thoughts bore a distinctly melancholy cast. I would have let her fall. She would have died because of my direct action. Her life would be one my hands, and there would be no way for me to rationalize it, not this time.. Could I stand that, even if the life was hers?

Almost unwillingly, his mind returned nine years earlier to Germany.

His mother giggled. It frightened him. Her voice didn't sound right, and when she giggled it sounded even more wrong than her voice. "The Evangelions will be magnificent, but not alone. They need us, Kyoko Soryu. Don’t you understand? They need us!"

Terry stood up. Whatever the consequences were, he would have to face them not matter what he did, so he might as well face them now.

He knocked timidly on Misato's door. "Good morning, Terry," Shinji said after he opened the door. The forced blandness of his tone put Terry on guard.

He nodded. "Good morning Shinji. May I come in?"

"Yes. Would you like some breakfast?" Shinji asked, his voice still artificially neutral. Neither Asuka nor Misato were in sight as Terry stepped into the apartment and he couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or not.

"Misato has gone to bed already," Shinji informed him.

"What did you tell her?" he asked carefully.

"Nothing. What will you tell her?"

"Nothing," Terry answered reluctantly.

Shinji nodded, but, before he could speak, Asuka entered the kitchen, her hair still wrapped in a towel. She stopped in surprise at seeing Terry and a myriad of expressions, none of them pleasant, flickered across her face. "Good morning," she finally said, the restrained hostility hidden from her face apparent in her voice.

"Good morning, Miss Soryu," he replied stiffly, deciding that, for now, civility was his best option. Still, when she wasn't looking his lips silently formed the word bitch

Shinji set three places at the table then sat down, his eyes fastened on the plate in front of him.

Asuka glanced up from her plate and when she was sure that he wasn't looking shot him a glare. Bastard she said silently.

No one spoke as they ate and the mood that settled over the apartment was strained at best.

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Fuyutsuki tried not to grind his teeth in irritation as he made the inevitable trek across the Commander’s office.

"Has Steele been dealt with?" Gendo asked.

"He had already been 'dealt with,' sir." Fuyutsuki had learned about Steele's unexpected demise while still in the process of arranging for his… termination. As far as surprises went, it had been a pleasant one, for him at least. Even though he could see the necessity for Steele's permanent removal, he hadn't been looking forward to it.

"Really?" Gendo replied sounding only mildly surprised.

"He was struck by a car shortly after abandoning his office and despite over two dozen eyewitnesses the police have been unable to locate the involved vehicle."

The Commander grunted. "It isn't like Kihl to so lightly dispose of such a potentially valuable source of information. I wonder if this isn’t a sign of dissension among the old men. I assume that topside security has been tightened accordingly?"

"Yes, sir. I personally selected Steele’s replacement. He can be trusted."

"For now. The old men are getting nervous, if they are starting to act so openly."

"Also, sir, I was given a… message to pass along to you."

"From who?"

"I don't know. I found it in my office," Fuyutsuki said, handing him a crumpled piece of paper.

-An old friend.

"I assume that the 'branch' and 'fruit' mentioned in the message are-."

"The Second Branch and Unit 04," Gendo finished.