Itinerant Press Productions Presents:
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Misplaced Science Theater #1
Hellstorm Evangelion: (Mock 2) Part 1
(copyrighted to Issei Mataloun, who is quite welcome to it.)
Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted to Gainax
(god bless them all)
Original Msting performed by Elmer Studioes
(http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm)
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Scene: [A set of rooms, deep within a secret laboratory, itself hidden deep
beneath the arctic circle (owned by Dr. Immaculate Crappums, card carrying
member of the Brotherhood of Really Evil Scientists). The rooms in question are
sealed behind three impenetrable titanium airlocks, a series of deathtraps that
can only be deactivated by a twenty syllable nonsense word changed daily, and
guarded by a hemorrhoidal rabid wombat named Biff.]
[Despite the extraordinary security around the rooms' entrance, it didn't
seem like the kind of place you'd find in a secret laboratory. In fact, it
rather reasonably nice apartment and was only inhabited by two people: a
reasonably normal looking young man and a reasonably abnormal tiger boy.]
[However, the closer one looked, the less normal the apartment seemed. It
had a ten foot TV, but that was behind a sheet of six inch thick safety glass.
Speakers were set in odd places all over the apartment, in corners, along walls,
in the toilet tank in the bathroom.... There are TVs tucked away throughout as
well, in the kitchen cupboards, under the bathroom sink... To confirm the really
bad feeling that a casual viewer has probably developed by this point, the
airlock lacked an interior latch.]
[The only furniture in the apartment's main room was a couch set several
feet back from the TV, upon which sat the young man and the tiger boy, watching
as credits began to roll across the screen announcing the end of "Neon Leviticus
Evangelion." The young man leaps to his feet]
Dom: [shouting] My name is Domingo Semanas! You killed Evangelion, prepare to
die!
T-chan: [looking up from his latest plot to kill Mikage Souji. (at this point
it should be noted that T-chan is a rabid Shoujo Kakumei Utena fan and utterly
despises Mikage Souji; one of his hobbies is devising plots to messily murder
Mikage -current count: one hundred and forty seven-; however since he's never
been able to find a way to sneak past Biff, he's never had a chance to carry any
of them out). We've been forced to watch lousy Ranma fics, bad Utena fics, lame
Kenshin fics... I'd think that by now you would've gotten tired of leaping to
your feet and shouting, 'My name is Domingo Semanas, you killed -blah blah!'
Dom: [glaring at his roommate] You know, I really wish I could remember one
reason why I put up with you.
T-chan: [extends the claws on one hand] Here're five.
[Before Domingo can reply the airlock bangs open and a figure in a lab
coat stumbles in, trying to shake Biff off of his leg. He finally manages to
punt the foaming wombat back into the airlock and slams it shut. He gives a
sigh of relief and turns around, jumping when he sees the other two.]
T-chan: Dr. Crappums, what a surprise. [looks around for some blunt object he
can use to pummel the mad scientist with (however, there aren't any since Dr.
Crappums removed every possible weapon in the room after the time T-chan tried
to bludgeon Domingo to death with a potted chrysanthemum)]
Dom: [staring at the doctor] No taser, cattle prod, stun gun, razor net, not
even a whiffle bat? [looks to T-chan and grins] Let's smack a twenty syllable
nonsense word out of the good doctor here and we can be on our way.
Dr. C: Crap. I should've known I was using the wrong airlock when I ran into
the wombat... [adjusts his official pair of Mad Scientist GlassesTM nervously]
I'm afraid that it won't be that easy. There was a little... ah, accident in
the lab the next glacier over and my facilities ended up getting infested by,
[he pauses then started screaming] ROTTING ZOMBIE BASTARDS! [he holds two
fingers about an inch apart] I was this close to perfecting the perfect
biological assassins! No salad, no where in the world would have been safe from
my killer tomatoes! And those stupid zombies ATE THEM!
T-chan: Aw, look at me, I'm crying a river.
[The intercom suddenly snaps on]
Intercom: BRAINS! BRAINS!
Dr. C: No brains in here! Just mush!
T-chan: Speak for yourself.
Dr. C: I was talking about the two of you.
Dom: [shooting the airlock a worried look] So how long are those zombies going
to be out there?
Dr. C: Well, given that my lab is in the arctic, and in true zombie fashion
those bastards went and broke all my windows, thus completely ruining the
environmental containment system, it'll probably take three years or so before
they completely fall apart.
Dom: [blinking] You have a secret laboratory, buried deep beneath the arctic
ice, and it has windows?
T-chan: We're stuck in here with you for THREE years?"
Dr. C: [looks nervous] If we're lucky... Actually, it'll probably be closer to
five."
T-chan: Hey Dom, would mind terribly if I killed him? Plan forty-six version C
would be perfect for this situation.
Dom: [looks thoughtful] It's tempting, but you'd better not. It'll get pretty
ripe in here if we have to hold onto his rotting corpse for five years.
Dr. C: [looks at the credits rolling across the TV screen] On the bright side,
with me in here no one is going to making you watch any more lousy fics.
T-chan: Well, I suppose that's something.
Intercom: BRAINS!
Dr. C: I told you, no brains! Go away!
Intercom: BRAINS! BRA-! OOH, BUTTONS! BLUE BUTTONS!
Dr C: NO! DON'T PUSH THE BLUE BUTTON!
Dom: What happens if they push the blue button?
Dr. C: It activates the automatic so-bad-it-makes-your-eyes-bleed fic search
and processing program I set up to run while I went to the Insane Genius'
Convention at the old Janus base. [shakes his fist at the airlock] I would be
in Cuba right now if it weren't for you God damned zombies!
[the TV screen flicks and another fic begins to roll]
Dom: Aw hell.
[they all collapse onto the couch conveniently placed in front of the TV]
> Hellstorm evangelion
T-chan: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Dom: Great. Your sense of self-preservation doesn't usually kick in until at
least the third line. This is going to be a really bad one.
Dr. C: I didn't name the program 'so-bad-it-makes-your-eyes-bleed' for nothing.
> by - Iseei Mataloun, the 6th Child
> EVAkid6@hotmail.com
T-chan: [starts sniffing] Hey, does anyone else smell a self insert, 'cause I
sure smell a self insert.
Dom: A million bucks says that he ends up in bed with one or more of the main
cast before the fic is over.
T-chan: My money's on Asuka. Fic authors seem to have nominated her for the
post of village bicycle.
Dom: Hasn't she suffered enough? Dyron, Croft, Foster, how much more does she
have to endure?
> Note: this happens after episode 17 when shinji killed Kaoru. since I
> diodn't understand them,
Dom: Who did?
Dr. C: What a minute, call me crazy-
T-chan: Crazy.
Dr. C: Shut up. Kaworu didn't die until episode twenty-four. I think seventeen
was the episode right before Shinji made goulash out of Touji.
Dom: So... We have to watch a self-insert fic by a kid who didn't bother to
even make sure his story stayed in canon.... This is going to hurt.
T-chan: [glaring at Crappums] You're sure you don't want me to kill him?
> we'll pretend the 25-26 episodes did not happen and say that the story goes on
> right here. Hope you enjouy my first fanfic!!!
Dom: Damn it kid! Watch where you're pointing those exclamation points. I
nearly lost an eye.
Dr. C: I'd feel better if he'd ask me to enjoy the fic. I'm not sure what he
wants me to do in order to 'enjouy' it.
T-chan: Something French.
> Shinji was laying on his bed crying. it hadd been 7-8 hour since he killed
> Kaoru
T-chan: He didn't know for sure since he'd loaned Kaworu his watch
Dom: Which was the real reason he was crying. [Shinji, sniffling] my new
timex...
> and he was really sad. misato has been cold about Kauru's death and didn't
> even have nice words to say to Shinji.
Dr. C: Did she even know who Kaworu was? [Shinji] Misato! I killed Kaworu!
T-chan: [Misato] Who the hell are you talking about? Quit whining kid, you're
bothering me. Go eat an angel or something.
> Asuka and Rei didn't even talk to Shinji anymore.
Dr. C: But that was because he was a spineless little wuss, so that's okay.
Dom: No, they didn't talk to him because Asuka was in a coma and Rei's getting
busy to initiate the Third Impact.
Dr. C: But the Third Impact never happened, and given the almost complete lack
of comprehension this author has shown for the series, it probably never will,
rendering the entire point of Evangelion null and void.
T-chan: I think my eyes are starting to bleed...
> so no one would help him through it. he was alone.
> Then in his room he heard a wisper.
Dom: Psst! Hey kid, you're stuck in a lousy fic!
T-chan: Again.
Dr. C: That's been happening a lot these days, hasn't it?
T-chan: I guess that's the price of fame.
Dr. C: I dare not to imagine what Gendo's going to be like...[shudders].
Dom: An evil domineering bastard.
T-chan: Just a poorly written one.
> he looked over to the door and a light was gleaming underneath the door.
T-chan: Oh my god! Misato left the hall light on again! AHH! SHE'S RUNNING UP
THE ELECTRIC BILL!
Dr. C: [annoyed] Did you have to do that in my ear?
T-chan: Yes.
> The voice sayed "you did good Shinji. you killed God's best fighters."
Dom: In the crappy N64 Eva video game.
T-chan: Hey, if he actually beat that thing then he has to be good.
Dr. C: I can't believe you actually played that ga-. Hey! How did you get video
games in here?
[Dom and T-chan whistle innocently]
> he voice was really quiet and scary sounding. Shinji almost wet himself when
> he heared it!
T-chan: Oh c'mon. If having Bardiel try and pop your head off doesn't loosen
your bladder then I doubt that Misato whispering through a cheap voice distorter
would do it.
> "Who's there?!?" shinji sayed in a scared voice. no answer came.
> Finally the door opened and a red man came in.
Dr. C: The injuns have invaded Tokyo-3!
Dom: Quick! Circle the wagons
> he had a pitch fork and red skin and a crooked beard. he smiled evily at
> Shinji.
Dom: Farmer Brown's gone over to the dark side! [evil Farmer Brown] Ahm gonna
bail you good boy! And Ahm gonna do it with this here pitching fork!
Dr. C: Ah, actually, I think that's Satan.
T-chan: That's ridiculous. What would Satan be doing in an Evangelion fic?
> When Shinji looked at him he wet his pants.
Dom: Scaring the piss out of Shinji apparently.
> The yellow pee went all over his blankets.
T-chan: Oh ick, did we really need to see that?
Dom: Well, if the pee did something weird, like turn into a little blazing
sword, we'd want to know that.
T-chan: You mean like a little Voltron of the urinary track?
> "Hi Shinji I'm the devil nice to meet you."
T-chan: [the devil] Hey kid, want some candy?
> Shinji waved at the scary man and sayed "hi how do you know my name????"
Dr C: It's written on his underwear.
T-chan: Pen-pen told him. I always knew you couldn't trust that feathery little
bastard. He's been working for the enemy all along.
Dom: Doesn't it say 'Shinji's Lovely Suite' on the door?
> "You really popular in hell, kid. You killed 17 of God's angels
> and we all like you."
> "Really? Thank you." Shinji sayed his face happy.
Dom: The rest of him however, was quite unhappy.
T-chan: You know, being covered in pee and stuff.
> "Yeah kid want to work for me and hell?"
> "Um...no I better not."
> "Why not kid?
Dr. C: Because you're the father of lies, the source of all evil...
T-chan: Friend of yours?
> what do you have here?" the devil sayed with a weird look on his face.
>"Well...um....I have to stay here. I have a lot of peole here I care about."
> Shinni sayed
T-chan: Did Shinji just say that he had a lot of peyote?
Dom: No, Shinni said that.
Dr. C: Who's Shinni?
T-chan: Well, if I had to guess, I'd say he's Shinji's evil twin from another
dimension, who's come to work with the devil and steal all of Shinij's peyote.
> he was getting ever scareder now.
> "Oh well I tryed." the devil sayed that and he was walking away
> back to the door.
> "Wait!!!! Shinji sayed.
Dr. C: Is it just me, or are the exclamation marks multiplying?
Dom: Next on Fox: When Punctuation Attacks!
T-chan: This kid was obviously a fatality.
Dr.C: At the rate he's going there's not going to be enough punctuation left to
finish the fic.
T-chan: You mean it's going to turn into one incomprehensible run-on sentence?
Dom: It's not already?
> "What are you going to do?"
> "I going to destroy the world." the devil sayed as he stroked his bushy
> beard.
Dr. C: That sounds vaguely obscene.
T-chan: I don't suppose there's any particular reason why he's going to destroy
the world now as opposed to say... two thousand years ago.
Dr. C: Because Shinji destroyed all of the Angel's that were protecting it.
Dom: You mean the Angels that were trying to wipe out humanity?
T-chan: Arg! It doesn't make any sense!
> "WHAT?!? WHY????"
T-chan: [starts singing] WHEN! WHERE! WHO! WHICH! Kioku no Ori no Chi no
Nagare-.
[Dom and Dr. C pull cushions off the couch and began beating on T-chan]
Dr.C: No singing duelist themes from Utena! [whispers to Dom] Does he do that
often?
Dom: [whispering back] Every chance he gets. Pray that we don't get anymore
Utena fics.
> "I don't like humans." the devil sayed. "Since God couldn't kill you off, me
> and my demons will. You and the rest of mankind is deadmeat kid."
T-chan: Didn't you know? God and Satan always work towards common ends. They
play Euchre every Thursday too.
> Shinji stood up from his bed and looked hero like.
Dom: Oh yeah, I'm impressed.
T-chan: Is it possible to look brave when your pants are leaking like that?
> He was scared but he wouldn't let the devil see it.
Dr. C: [ Shinji] I'm not scared of you!
T-chan: [the devil] So do you always piss your bed in the middle of the night?
Doc C: [Shinji] Um...yeah.
> "I won't let you. I'll kick your ass if you try somethong like that."
T-chan: If I caught the devil in some thong, I'd kick his ass too.
Dom: Hey, don't diss Shinji. We all know what an imposing physical specimen he
is.
T-chan: Toothpicks?
> "Suit yourself kid" sayed the devil as he vanished.
Dr. C: Does anyone actually 'say' anything in this fic?
>
> *************
>
T-chan: Hold on, what happened to the previous scene?
Dr. C: It ended.
T-chan: When?
Dom: You must've blinked.
> When shinji woke up the next day
T-chan: Having slept like a baby in his cold, wet shorts.
Dr. C: Satanic visitations aside...
> he went to Misato and told her what happened rto him. when he was done,
> Misato had a worried look on her face.
Dom: [Misato] That's it, no more peyote for Shinji before bed.
> "OH NO!! We have to tell Gendo!!!!!!"
T-chan: And stab him to death with exclamation points.
Dom: Hey, sounds like a plan to me.
> Shinji moened. He didn't like his dad at all. He was such a mean guy.
Dom: And the understatement of the year award goes to...
T-chan: Aw c'mon, I'm sure that beneath that cold, uncaring exterior Gendo is
really-.
Dom: A cold-hearted despicable bastard?
T-chan: That too.
> But if Misato though that was for the best then it would be smart to do it.
Dr. C: Because we know that Misato has NEVER had a bad plan before.
> Misato grabed the celluar fone.
T-chan: She did? Kinky.
Dom: I think she meant to grab the phone...
T-chan: She can grab my fone anyday.
> She dialed gendo's number and when she told him what happened, gendo laughed.
> Misato asked "What's so funny sir???"
T-chan: Besides the number of question marks she used.
> "That so funny!!!! Maybe the idea of finishing off the angels has made you a
> little batty, but you think the devil's going to try to kill us???
> hahahahahaha!!!"
Dr. C: I am greatly amused by excess punctuation.
T-chan: Today, the part of Gendo will be played by Katsuhiko Jinnai.
> Right after he sayed that an explosion was hearded over the fone.
Dom: Someone stuck a pin in Gendo's ego.
> Followed by gendo's heavy breathing.
Dom: Does it bother you when I do this?
T-chan: [heavy breathing Gendo] Do you like... scary movies?
> A lot of loud buzzes were heared over the fone
T-chan: Good damn fone's full of bees! Why can't these guys use phones like
regular people?
> and Misto looks scared.
Dom: Looks like Misato's gotten an evil clone too.
T-chan: No one's peyote will be safe.
> Finally Gendo came back on the fone
T-chan: [Gendo] Sorry, the phone died and I had to switch to my fone.
> and sayed "We need the Third Child NOW!!! there's something attacking Tokyo
> 3!!!"
Dom: I don't suppose you could be any more vague.
Dr. C: [bridge bunny] Uh, sir? You're looking at the wrong screen. Those are
the power rangers.
> "we're on our way" sayed Misato. She grabed Shinji and pulled him > out of
the appartment and into her car. They drove really fast toward Nerv
> and saw something werird.
T-chan: A decent author coming to salvage the fic?
Dom: Right. You probably believe in the loch ness monster too.
Dr. C: This fic was unsalvageable as soon as the title rolled.
> All of the people and cars that were usually in the street were gone. gendo
> must have called a curfew already.
T-chan: It's eleven p.m. Do you know where your Angels are?
> Nowing that she went even faster.
> When they were almost there, they saw the monster. It was 2000 ft. tall and
> was really fat and ugly.
Dr. C: Whereas the Evas are two hundred feet tall, really skinny, and cute as
buttons.
T-chan: You know, if Fat Bastard was a half mile tall, he'd probably look
something like that.
Dr. C: I think Rei's about to die again.
Dom: No problem, with new insta-Rei just add LCL and you'll have a brand new
human/Angel clone in no time flat.
> it had horns, red skin, and really REALLY sharp fangs. Shinji wet his pants
> again.
Dom: Ick.
T-chan: The amazing wonder bladder strikes again!
Dom: I think it's time for Shinji to learn about adult diapers and rubber
pants.
> Misatto
Dr. C: Wait, who's Misatto?
T-chan: Another evil duplicate I guess.
Dr. C: We should keep track of these. How many we got so far?
Dom: One evil Shinji, two evil Misatos.
Dr. C: So what do you do when you're an evil Misato?
T-chan: Be a celibate teetotaler?
> said "Wow look that thing! IT'S HUGE! AND UGLY!
T-chan: and strangely arousing...
Dr. C: Wait a second! Someone actually 'SAID' something.
Dom: Maybe the time of the 'sayeds' has finally past.
> I wonder...
T-chan: I wonder, do you know what I wonder?
Dom: Thank you Mr. Shadowgirl.
> hey, Shinji you wet youself! You nasty boy! you better clean that up NOW!!"
Dom: God only knows how she expects him to do that while still in the car.
Dr. C: God has nothing to do with this fic.
Dom: Obviously.
>
> *************
>
T-chan: What happened to the last scene?
Dom: It ended in a spray of piss.
T-chan: That was not an image I needed.
> When Shinji and Misato got to nerv Gendo was nowhere to be found.
Dr. C: I guess the fone got him.
> When they looked really hard they saw him at his desk looking angry.
Dom: Where he'd been sitting all along. Boy did they feel stupid.
T-chan: He's like one of those magic pictures. You can only see him if you
look at him just the right way.
Dr. C: Wouldn't his desk have been the first place they looked, since he's
practically surgically attached to it at the ass?
> Shinji didn't look at nhis dad....he HATED his dad! He didn'y want to look at
> him so he didn't.
All: INTESNSE NOT LOOKING AT ACTION!
T-chan: That was a rather redundant line.
Dom: Redundantly redundant.
Doc C: Repetitively redundantly redundant.
> "We need Shinji to beat this thing up for us. It's really strong
T-chan: [monster] Hell yeah!
Dom: AH! It's Tom Dyron!
[They all scream and hide behind the couch]
Dr. C: [glaring] Don't ever do that again.
> and we don't have any pilots. asuka's in a comma,
Dr. C: Another victim of bad punctuation.
> Toji left,
Dom: No, Shinji made goulash out of him.
> Shinji killed Kaoru and Rei... well I won't SAY where Rei is!!!!!" gendo
> smiled as he said that.
Dr. C: Because Rei was underneath the desk.
T-chan: Ritsuko's going to be pissed when she learns about that.
Dr. C: Do see her anywhere in this scene?
T-chan: No.
Dr. C: Then she's probably down there too.
Dom: Ick.
> You bastard Shinji thought. I didn't WANT TO KILL KAORU!!!!
Dom: The Rurouni Kenshin crossover we never saw.
T-chan: Thank God.
Dr. C: You know, this kid also wrote a Rurouni Kenshin fic.
Dom: Dare I ask what it was about?
Dr. C: The devil pops up, most of the main characters die in puddles of their
own gore...
Dom: I think I see a pattern developing.
> Shinii almost cryed when he thunk
Dr. C: Whoops, someone dropped on I-beam on Shinji.
> that but he didn't cause it would be embarassing.
T-chan: You mean he isn't already embarrassed to be standing in the command
center in wet pants?
> Then Hyuga came in. He smiled and winked at Misato and sayed "Hi cute-stuff
> guess what?" > Mistao
Dom: Evil Misato twin number three.
Dr. C: Doesn't that make her an evil triplet?
T-chan: Mmm... evil Misato triplets...
Dr. C: They're celibate teetotalers, remember?
T-chan: Damn it!
> looked at her boyfiend
Dom: Hey, when did he start working for the devil?
T-chan: More proof that they're evil duplicates! Why would she go after the
nerdiest bridge bunny since Wesley Crusher when she has Kaji.
Dr. C: Because he's dead.
T-chan: And still sexier than Makoto.
> and sayed "What????"
Dom: [ducks the excess punctuation] My reaction too.
Dr. C: Exactly when did he get so chummy with Misato?
Dom: Right after he shot Kaji.
> Hyuuga sayed "This bugger ain't no angel. It something we never seen
> before...something stronger.
> I don't know if we can beat it up with EVA."
Dom: Its only half mile tall, with great big teeth and stuff. I don't see the
problem.
T-chan: Time to use NERV's newest weapon: the progressive wiffle bat.
> "It's a demon from hell" sayed Shinji. "this is what the devil
> told me about he sayed he was going to kill mankind with demons. So I'm going
> to beat him with Eva
> cuz I told the devil that I wouild beat him."
> "ok Shinji" Misato sayed.
Dr. C: Just nod and smile.
Dom: [Misato] Looks like Ritsuko's been putting LSD in the LCL again.
> "Go into the dressing room and get into your plug suit."
>
> *************
>
> Shinji came out of the dressing room wearing his
Dom: birthday suit and a great big grin.
> plug suit. He looked ready for action with a big smile on his face.
Dom: Ritsuko's been lacing the plug suits with PCP too.
> Misato gave him a big hug
T-chan: [imagines getting a big hug from Misato] mmmm.... bosomy.
Dom: [whacks T-chan] Stop that!
> and Shinji walked into the entry plug.
All: BANG!
T-chan: Now is when he should go 'thunk.'
> the little hole where he sat filled up with icky LCL
Dom: If he thinks it's bad now, wait until the wonder bladder strikes again.
> and his lungs was filled with the stuff. it still tasted nasty
Dr. C: They forgot to add the cherry flavoring.
> but Shinji had to live with it!> Misato yelled "EVA 1!!!!!! LAUNCH!!!!!"
T-chan: BANG! CLANG! THUNK! [Misato] Oops, my bad. I forgot to open the
lift doors again.
> The eva launched and Shinji was outside.
T-chan: Looks like she forgot to screw in the entry plug too. Boy, look at
that kid fly.
Dr. C: All those exclamation points he hit on the way up made him pretty
aerodynamic.
> It was a warm day in Tokyo 3........
T-chan: And a cold day in Hell.
> but then he saw the demon!
T-chan: Uh, I think it would be pretty hard to miss.
> It was alot taller than the Eva
Dom: Only about ten times taller. I bet it tries to play hacky sack with Unit
01.
> and it was snarling.
Dom: [demon] Damn it! I 'm the token monster in a lousy fic!
> "I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shinji screamed
Dr. C: Incoming puncutation! Hard Cover!
[They all jump behind the couch, which shudders beneath the barrage of
exclamation points.]
> as he took out the Eva's knife and ran toward the demon. The demon laughed.
> Shinji tryed to stab the demon but the demon grabed the knife by the blade and
> broke it in two. After that he laughed some more and flung its blood on the
> Eva.
Dr. C: Yeah, try that again and I'll bleed on you!
> "This planet is OURS!!!!!!" shouted the demon.
> "I don't THINK so!!!" screamed Shinji.
Dom: I pity the foo who tries to take my planet!
T-Chan: So the world is going to be saved by Shinji T?
Dom: With the help of Stone Cold Steve Asuka.
> He then punched the demon in the face and the demon flew ten ft. away.
Dr. C: So he just punched a two thousand foot demon, and it went ten feet?
Dom: And you thought pro wrestling looked fake.
> But when the demon hit the ground, some beams came out of its eyes and hit the
> Eva. The beams melted the Eva;s chest and it gave Shinji heart burn.
T-chan: Actually that was from the spicy burritos he had for lunch.
> He WOULDN'T let this demon beat him up!
> "My name is Ramama
Dom: You killed my father! Prepare to-!
T-chan: Shut up.
Dr. C: Ramama? This is Evangelion. Shouldn't it be Ramamael?
> and I will be the one to kill you!!!!" shouted the demon.
Dom: And at this point the token monster dies in a puddle of its own gore. The
end.
> Ramama growled and jumped on top of the Eva. he began punching it really
> hard. Shinji screamed as the demon hurt him. Ramama shot some more rays of
> light at Shinji and it hurt even more.
Dr. C: Then he started fighting really dirty, giving Unit 01 a good dutch rub
and an atomic wedgie.
> Finally Shinji sayed "I've have enough of this!!!"
All: So have we!
> and punched Ramama in the jaw. He was so mad that it made Shinji 1000000000
> times stronger and the punch broke Ramama's jaw.
Dom: I really doubt that. A wuss punch multiplied by a billion is still a wuss
punch.
Dr. C: Yeah, but this is an Eva powered wuss punch. Multiply that by a billion
and you got a punch strong enough too...[pulls out a calculator] kill the
Emerald Weapon.
T-chan: And all that did was break fatass's jaw?
> Shinji then took out the EVA's gun and pointed it at the demon and shot him
> six times.
T-chan: No more, no less.
Dom: Shouldn't he had tried that at ... the start of the fight?
> The demon screamed as he died and his blood shot out everywhere.
[They all put up umbrellas.]
Dom: I hope someone has a big mop handy.
> Finally, the demon felled on the one of the buildings and broke it.
Dr. C: So the half-mile high demon falls down and only breaks one building?
This must be the cleanest fight ever in Tokyo-3.
T-chan: The gallons of blood coursing through the streets aside.
> Shinji felt proud. He had kicked this demon's ass and now he could go home in
> time to watch Ruroni Kenshin.
T-chan: It's good to know that he's got his priorities straight.
>
> *************
>
T-chan: I think the scene changed again.
> Shinji was in front of the TV watching Sagara and Himura beat the > crap out
of each other when something happened.
Dom: The fic got better?
T-chan: Could we be so lucky?
Dr. C: No.
> Himura went to the front of thew TV and looked at directly at Shinji.
T-chan: Come in here and visit me Shinji; we all float in here.
Dom: Pennywise the battousai?
Dr. C: You're sick in the head.
> Himura's face then changed into the devil's and smiled evily. Misato, who was
> watching because that of cute guy Himura,
T-chan: Because ogling an animated samurai is so much more important than
anything else.
Dom: As opposed to ogling an animated pink-haired duelist.
T-chan: Shut up.
> spit out her beer and almost choked.
> The devil looked at both of them and sayed "You may have beat
> Ramama, but he was a wuss compard to my other demons. WE WILL TRUMPH!"
Dom: Wouldn't it be a lot easier to just send all the tough demons at once and
win?
T-chan: Of course not, then the fic would be over.
Dom: Wouldn't that be a shame...
> Shinji stood up and sayed "Oh Yeah?!? Well, we''ll just see about that!" And
> kicked the telebision screen and broke it.
T-chan: Bad TV! Take that!
Dom: Well that's what you get for being cheap and buying one of those
Yugoslavian telebisions.
> Misato went SD
Dom: Because Evangelion is just chock full of those charming SD moments.
> then grabed Shinji and screamed "WHAT DID YOU DO > THAT FOR SHINJI????? YOU
> HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT COST??????"
>
> *************
>
Dr. C: That was pointless.
T-chan: This whole fic is pointless.
Dr. C: Touché
> To be cont.
Dom: I think that's meant to be a threat.
> I hope you like my first fanfic!!!
T-chan: Nope.
Dr. C: Not a chance.
Dom: Uh-uh.
> Sorry, but I'm a crappy typer
Dom: No shit shemlock.
> and my brother wont help me out!!!
Dom: Now we know who got the brains in that family.
> I'll have the rest of these parts up soon......
T-chan: I'm a quiver with anticipation.
Doc C: No, you're having a seizure.
> I just need to type them! In the next part I'll show you the sixth child
> (Issei)
All: ARG!
T-chan: I told you I smelled self-insert.
Dom: This is gonna get worse before it gets better.
T-chan: You think?
Dom: I try not to at this point. It hurts too much.
> and he and Shinji will team up to beat up an even harder demon!
T-chan: Sound kinky.
> Stay tuneD!!!
Dom: No.
> - Issei Mataloun
[As the final credit rolls across the screen Dom leaps to his feet]
Dom: My name is mmf!
[T-chan stuffs a couch cushion in Dom's face.]
Dr.C: I would recommend saving your indignation until the end. That was only
the first episode, and if I remember my notes, there are five more episodes,
then a second and even a third series.
T-chan: [shivering] And we have to watch them all?
Dr.C: Probably, unless something even worse supercedes it.
T-chan: Dom, are you sure that you don't want to kill him?
Dom: [spitting out couch stuffing] Em fur. Look on the bright side.
T-chan: How can there possibly be a bright side to this?
Dom: [smiles evilly] Everything that we have to watch, he has to watch too.
Dr. C: [wishes really hard to be in Cuba]
________________________________________________________________________________
- He had kicked this demon's ass and now he could go home in time to watch
Ruroni Kenshin.
MST notes: This is my first attempt at MSTing a fic and I hope that it meets
with everyone's expectations. I chose Hellstorm for my freshman debut as it was
one of the first fics I ever read, and as such, nearly scared me away from
fanfiction forever. Payback for that particular trauma has been a long time
a'coming. As a Mock-2, I have to admit that in this effort I was heavily
influenced by all the great people at Elmer Studios, god bless them all for
dredging through all this drek in the first place. And remember, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery, so if any of my riffs came a little to close to
theirs, it's because they were too funny to escape from, not because I'm
a blatantly unoriginal sonuvabitch. Really.
Msted by: Douglass Weeks (weeksdo1@pilot.msu.edu)
Stop by and visit Wonder Central, home of Doug's Fanfic Review, The Gospels of
Malachel, and soon to be home of Itinerant Press Productions:
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Gulf/4127/Welcome.html
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