Cycle of Our Souls (5/?)
by M is for Mars
E-mail: MCW717@hotmail.com
Rated: PG
Disclaimers: Sailor Moon and company don't belong to me, blahblahblah.  Don't
sue!  I don't have any money anyway.  :)

As always, this takes place between Sailor Moon R and S, but this time there's
a little change: this is the chapter when the conversion from past to present 
is made.  But don't worry, you shouldn't have any trouble keeping track of 
things. :)

Oh!  And I finally use the song the story is named after.  Like I said, it's
by Shawn Mullins, and no infringement is intended.  I do hope he wins a 
Grammy... the man deserves it!  (In case you can't tell, I practically
worship him... he's so talented!  If you haven't already, go pick up "Soul's
Core", which features the song "Lullabye".  "Cycle of Our Souls" is on 
"Eggshells", an earlier album.) 

See that little bit up there that looks something like "MCW717@hotmail.com"?
That's my e-mail address!  Please, please use it to write me and tell me what
you think!

I'll just shut up and let you read now.  :x
-------------------
Cycle of Our Souls (5/?)

Later that afternoon, the girls were sitting in the park enjoying a rare quiet 
moment.  Amy and Raye were studying, Mina and Serena were absorbed in a manga 
(each, obviously, or there would have been trouble), and Lita was reading a 
cook book, looking for new recipes to try out on her ever-willing friends.
        
Tugging at a lock of curly hair that had escaped her ponytail, the brunette 
suddenly kicked Raye lightly in the shin.  "Well?" she asked, as if the miko 
would know precisely what she was talking about.
        
"Well what?" Raye asked blankly.
        
"Have you told Jay about us?" she demanded.
        
"You just met him yesterday, Lita.  One too many shock-treatments affecting 
your memory?" she asked sweetly, her eyes glittering with amusement.
        
"Funny, pyro.  I meant have you told Jay about the *other* side of us?"
        
This caught the other girls' attentions, and each one looked up from her book, 
and Raye found herself staring back at four pairs of questioning eyes.  "Iie, 
of course I haven't!  I know being a Sailor Scout is a secret, and I would 
never tell him."
        
"Never?" Serena questioned.  "I don't know what I would do if I couldn't tell 
Darien about being Sailor Moon." 
        
"Well I'm not you, meatball head.  I'm perfectly capable of keeping this 
secret to myself, and that's what I intend to do.  Besides, telling him would 
only put him in danger... and that's the last thing I want."
        
"You should tell him," Mina spoke up, drawing an astonished look from Raye.  
"I'm serious!" she defended hastily.  "If you don't, he's going to suspect 
something's up eventually, and you'll make up stuff to tell him, and that'll 
lead to mistrust and that will ruin your relationship!  I've always found that 
honest people make the best police," she said, perfectly serious as she 
completely massacred the saying.
        
"Isn't being a Scout more important than some boy?" Lita asked with a frown, 
the memory of past heartbreaks manifesting itself through bitterness towards 
love.
        
"Jay isn't just 'some boy'!" Raye cried before she could stop herself.  She 
frowned and looked away, small white teeth digging into her lower lip.
        
Serena smiled over at her friend.  "You really like him, ne?" she asked 
gently.
        
She nodded slowly.  "I've never felt this way before... and I'm afraid, like 
Mina said, that being a Scout will come between us."
        
"You must be careful with what you tell him, Raye.  We don't know enough about 
him..." Amy cautioned.
        
"If he were an enemy, I think I could pick that up with my sixth sense, Amy."
        
"There's more out there than just the Negaverse.  He could be anything!  A 
reporter, a stalker... you just need to be careful."
        
"That's true with anyone, Ames.  Don't worry... the last thing Jay Dalinger 
is is dangerous."
        
"I agree with Mina," Serena said after a moment.  "You should tell him."
        
Raye shook her head violently.  "Nai, Serena, I can't!  He probably wouldn't 
believe me anyway."
        
"Talk about losing memory... your brain must be charred!" Lita cried.  "Have 
you forgotten about that handy-dandy little power you have known as 
*transformation*?  If he doesn't believe you, show him!"
        
"It's more than that, Lita," she said, ignoring her friend's payback barb, 
"I can't tell him because then he would *know*.  Knowledge is dangerous when 
there are people out there who would like to see me dead."
        
"So you're not going to tell him?" Amy asked.

Raye sighed and rested her head in her hands, tired of thinking, tired of 
being unsure.  "I only have one choice," she finally whispered, jumping up 
from the ground.  "I have to go talk to Jay!" she told her friends, running 
from the park.
        
"So I guess she decided to tell him," Mina said brightly.  "I love it when 
people follow my advice!"
        
"I have a bad feeling about this," Serena replied softly, watching her dark-
haired friend as she ran away from them.

-------------
"Raye?" a familiar voice called, the sound echoing through the empty, silent 
temple.
        
"Hai, Jay," the priestess replied from the main room.  "I'm in here."
        
"I was so glad when you called," he said, coming around the corner and into 
her view.  He went to her and leaned over for a kiss, but she stepped away, 
turning her back to him.  "Is something wrong?" he asked, brow creased in 
confusion.
        
Raye didn't reply, and he couldn't see the sadness in her onyx eyes as she
questioned her decision for the millionth time.    She turned to face him with a cold, set expression and said, 
"Jay, I don't think this is working out."  Though the words broke her heart, 
her voice was tight and emotionless.  
        
Jay's eyes widened in disbelief.  "What do you mean?  Are you breaking up 
with me, Raye?"
        
Deciding anger was as good a self-defense mechanism as any, she said 
haughtily, "Hai, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I just think you and I don't 
have enough in common and aren't compatible.  I'm sorry."
        
He looked as though she had pulled his heart from his chest and stomped it 
into a bloody pulp.  "Is there someone else, Raye?  Please be honest with me. 
This just seems so sudden... did I do something to make you angry?"
        
"Iie, no one else.  I simply don't have time for a relationship right now, as 
I told you the first time you asked me out.  Now please, Jay, I have chores 
to get to."  She turned away again and grabbed her broom.
        
"But, Raye..."  He trailed off, unsure what to say, and finally told her 
softly, "Ai shiteru, Hino-san."  She said nothing, and he left the temple 
quickly, not wanting her to see his tears, or how much she had truly hurt him.
        
Raye turned, tears streaming down her cheeks, and whispered, "I love you too, 
Jay."  Dropping the broom, she ran down the temple's halls and threw herself 
on her bed, sobbing out all her pain and anger and frustration.

*******************************
"I can't believe it's only been a week since I broke his heart... and mine.  
It seems like two years, or two centuries!  Gods, I hate myself and my 
stubbornness sometimes.  Mina was right: I should have told him.  I should 
have told him everything, but now it's too late.  Now I've lost him... 
        
"Hai, Serena, Raye Hino can admit when she's done wrong.  And *Gods* have I 
done this all wrong!  He loved me, but by now he's probably drawn horns on 
all my pictures and had me declared Bitch of the Century.  Why was I so 
cruel to him?  Why didn't I just explain that there are things about me he 
can never know, things I can never tell him?  Why didn't I tell him how much 
I love him?  That might have softened the blow a little bit.  
        
"But no, I had to be cold and cruel and harsh simply to make it hurt *me* 
less. Well that plan didn't work either!  His pain is my pain, and I don't 
think I've ever hurt anyone as much as I hurt him.  Maybe I should call him.
Nai, he would probably hang up on me, and I don't believe I could bear that 
humiliation.
        
"I should forget him.  I should move on.  I should do my chores before 
Grandpa kills me.  I've spent enough time moping over Jay Dalinger.  It's 
time to remember who I am, to remember and be proud.  I am enough without 
him!  Aren't I?"  This was the final straw, the final bit of whining that 
pushed Raye over the edge of frustration.  She threw her pen down and 
returned the journal to its place under her mattress with an angry shove.
        
Worrying over the past had never changed anything in her life before, so why 
should this situation be any different?  She had work to do, responsibilities 
as a miko, a student, a friend and a Sailor Soldier.   she thought cynically, part of her blaming Sailor Mars for the break up 
with Jay.
        
Raye's meandering course took her out of the temple and behind it, back to 
her grandfather's garden.  The summer flowers were in full bloom, and the 
sight of the roses made her heart ache.  She reached out to touch a delicate 
blossom, but a sudden breeze blew through the bush and she pricked her finger 
on a thorn.  "Itai!  Kuso!" she whispered fiercely, sucking on the sore 
fingertip.
        
"I guess it goes to show you can't trust anything, no matter how lovely it 
appears to be on the surface."
        
She whirled around, dark eyes wide.  "What are you doing here, Jay?" she 
asked, struggling to keep the emotion from her face and voice.
        
"I came to see you, of course," he replied, his tone casual, his vivid blue 
eyes unreadable.  "I thought maybe you could give me Lita's number.  I wanted 
to call for that pie recipe."
        
"You came all the way over here to ask for Lita's number?  You could've just 
gone by her apartment," she said stiffly, careful not to meet his eyes.
        
"Gomen nasai.  It's obvious I shouldn't have come."  He bowed respectfully 
and turned to go - this time, she sensed, forever.
        
Raye chewed on her lower lip for a moment, wondering, before coming to a 
decision.  "Matte!" she called to him, and he stopped in his tracks, slowly 
moving around to face her.  "I..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say.  
"I just can't let you go," she finally admitted.

He ran to her then, scooping her up in his arms and kissing her a thousand 
times.  "My beautiful Raye," he whispered between kisses, "my sweet miko, my 
stubborn firefly... Gods, Raye, you nearly killed me."
        
"Gomen nasai, Jay, I'm so, so sorry!  I love you so much, but I... it 
frightened me and I handled everything all wrong," she tried to explain.  
"There are so many things you don't know about me, and so many things I can't 
tell you."
        
His blue eyes clouded in concern as he realized how serious she was.  "You 
can tell me anything, Raye, don't you know that?"
        
"Nai, it's not like that... I trust you, it's just that... some secrets 
aren't mine alone, do you see?"
        
Jay nodded slowly, though he didn't really understand, and took her face in 
his large, warm hands.  "It doesn't matter, firefly.  I know you'll tell me 
when you can, ne?"
        
She smiled beautifully and he felt his heart melt.  "Hai, I promise," she 
declared, tipping her head back for his kiss.  Their lips met and her arms 
went around his neck, fingers tangling in his thick blond hair, as their 
tongues created a fire between them.  Raye pulled away from him, her face 
flushed and her eyes stormy.  "Let's go inside," she whispered, taking his 
hand.

Later as they lay in a tangle of covers on her bed, Raye rested her head 
against his chest and sighed contentedly, letting the warm, soulful voice of 
Shawn Mullins wash over her.

*"Let me touch you,"* he sang, 
*"Put my hands on you.
I'll kiss you and we'll see things through.
Would you lay with me,
Would you lay with me till the sun peeks through the blinds? 
We can stay right here till our heads are clear;
We can lose all track of time."*
        
Jay chuckled softly.  "Rather fitting, ne?" he asked, squeezing her gently.

She nodded sadly, longing to have the freedom to "lose all track of time" as 
she lay in his arms.

*"You are silenced by your memory,
And if I lose you, I lose a part of me.
I can save the world,
I can save the world, but I just can't save myself."*

Raye smiled, thinking of her role as Sailor Mars.  How true it was... she 
could save the world, but she had nearly destroyed herself by trying to 
sabotage her relationship with Jay.  Thank the Gods he'd come to the temple 
that day with his silly excuse... thank the Gods she'd had sense enough to 
prevent him from leaving.

*"So I write these lines - metaphors and rhymes - 
till I think of something else. 
Is there really nothing else?"*

 her mind whispered, 

*"I am here now,
You've got the best of me.
So go ahead now,
Go ahead and take the rest of me.
There are two of us,
There are two of us - it's the cycle of our souls.
Yet we try and change and rearrange the way the story goes.
That's the way the story goes..."*

 she thought,   Suddenly she realized Jay was saying something to her, and 
she jerked herself from her train of thought.  "Nani, koibito?" she asked.
        
"I said I brought a gift for you.  Shall I go get it?"
        
She grinned and poked him in the ribs.  "I thought you came to get Lita's 
number.  Are you saying you *made that up*?"
        
He laughed and stood to pull a small black box from the pocket of his jeans.
"I'm saying that I'm a terrible cook, and that I would never want to ruin 
Lita's delicious recipe.  Here you go," he said, handing it to her with a 
sheepish grin.
        
Raye gasped and opened it carefully.  What she saw made her world seem to 
stop moving.  "What... what is this?" she finally managed.
        
"I know you're too young to get married, Raye - and I am too, I think - but I 
just wanted you to have something to let you know how much I love you, and 
that... that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you.  Kind of 
a... a pre-engagement ring, ne?" he explained quickly.
        
She stared down at the beautiful ring - silver, with a bright ruby set 
between two wings, a diamond on each one - and tried to process what she was 
seeing.  It's not possible! she thought.  She shook her head, glancing up at 
him, and as her onyx eyes met his sapphire ones, she *knew*.  "Jadeite," she 
whispered, her voice as cold and hard as the stone he was named for.
        
"Iie, silly," he said, a little confused, "it's not jadeite.  It's silver, 
diamonds and a ruby... I thought the red would suit you.  If you don't like 
it, I can get another one..."  He trailed off, realizing that something was 
very wrong.  "Raye, what is it?" he asked after a long moment.
        
"You lied to me!" she cried, pulling the blanket around her body and jumping 
from the bed.  "How could you?!  How could you make me fall in love with you?  
After what you did, I should blast you away!  I thought you were dead.  I was 
*glad* you were dead.  Get out!"
        
"What are you talking about, Raye?  I never lied to you, and I've certainly 
never been dead!" Jay said, worried that she'd lost her mind.
        
"Liar!" she screamed.  "Get out!  Get out of my temple!  I never want to see 
you again, traitor!"  She shoved him out the door and threw his clothes and 
the box after him.  "Stay away from me if you value your life," she hissed, 
slamming the door in his face.  Raye collapsed onto her rumpled bed and cried 
even harder than she had a week before, the memory of her most recent Silver 
Millenium dream flooding through her...

End part 5/?

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