by: Gigei
Before Clamp characters are given their scripts and sent to their sometimes cruel fate in the different Clamp worlds, they first receive psychological and physical conditioning inside Clamp's Top Secret Base which is disguised as an orphanage for exceptional kids. All the Clamp characters actually grow up here.
One day when the Clamp characters were just tiny little tots...
"Christmas?" asked Tai. "What's that?"
"It's when we get presents and there's lots of food and the Base is decorated with green and red stuff," Ryu-ou.
"This season means nothing to me," said the future Sakurazakumori. "Receiving a present is the same as not receiving a present. That's what our teachers told me."
"What are you doing here? This is my territory. Go back to the Tokyo Babylon Wing and kill some cats," said Tai.
"I am an assassin," said Seishirou. The two kids glared at each other. Seishirou knew he would have an advantage in a fight because he could easily get hold of Tai's long hair and pull.
"Three eyes!" Seishirou taunted Tai.
"Sissy!"
"Now, now, don't quarrel children," said one of the nurses. She looked like Julie Andrews anime-style.
"I will kill you," said Seishirou to her.
==[ ] Inter-dimensional mallet attack!**
The nurse peeled off the flattened Seishirou from the floor and took him back to the TB Wing.
"They sure are tough,' said Kendappa-ou. "I like them."
"Ho ho ho!" said a loud voice.
"Who was that?" The Rg Veda characters chorused as they each assumed a cute attack position.
Something heavy landed on the roof then sometime later a person dropped down from the chimney.
"Hello, kids!" said a fat, white bearded man wearing a red suit. "I'm Santa Claus."
"Who?" they asked. Tai scratched his head.
"Hello, I'm Ashura," a Clamp character introduced herself.
"Hey, you shouldn't be so trusting," Kujaku protested.
"If Ashura likes him he's all right" said Yasha-ou.
"Don't you want your presents?" asked Santa.
"I want a bike and a doll," said Ashura.
"I want sword," said Kendappa-ou.
"I want some earrings," said Souma.
"I want a video game," said Ryu-ou.
"I want some hair dye," said Kurara-ou.
"I want some really vicious pets," said Taishakuten.
"Wings! That's what I really want," said Kujaku.
"What do you want Yasha-ou?" Santa asked after distributing the requested presents.
"What about three wishes?"
"I'm not a genie, you know."
"What about long hair that won't get in my way?"
"Okay."
"Thanks, Santa. Promise me you'll stay with forever and take care of me and give me presents," Ashura demanded.
Santa sweatdropped. "Er..."
"C'mon, Ashura," said Kujaku as he grabbed her and tried to fly off with the tyke. "Ugh. You eat too much. I can't lift you."
"Santa, wait..." she called out to the daparting mythical character. "You forgot the food!"
There was a mini-stampede as several Clamp characters left the room as quickly as they could to avoid having to find food for Ashura.
"Yasha, I'm hungry."
"Oh, Clamp," said Ryu-ou. "Now we need to feed the little pig again."
"Who are you calling a pig, carrot-head?"
"They never get tired of that," Kujaku commented.
"Let's just hope the staff have enough food for the Christmas party this time," said Yasha.
***
Some time later, in another part of the Clamp Top Secret Base...
"Emeraude, the party's about to start. You can stop praying now," said Zagato. Though not yet adult size he was still wearing armor, a black cape and a black helmet. Princess Emeraude (hardly bigger than a baby) was on her knees with her eyes closed and her hands clasped together, praying as hard as she could.
"Emeraude..."
She gave up and gave her priest a sad smile. "But if I don't pray the world will go to pieces. I'm not allowed to..."
Zagato grabbed her and carried her off to the party. Lantis and Guru Clef, who had been watching, cheered.
***
Party time! All the kids were dressed up and were ready for some fun. Tai and Seishirou had ganged up on Zagato while Emeraude was in her room frantically searching for something to contribute to the exchange gift part of the party.
Tai and Seishirou each landed a punch on different sides of Zagato's jaw.
"You!" said a little girl's voice. "You are the ones who've hurt Zagato. You're going to pay for that."
An intense yellow light suddenly surrounded Princess Emeraude's body. Outside, small animals cowered in fear. The other Clamp characters backed away from Emeraude.
"Now they're in for it," said Ferio.
"Wait. Let me handle this." Guru Clef interposed his body between the combatants.
"You and what army, Shorty?" laughed Seishirou. Tai wiggled one finger on top of his head to tease Guru Clef, who had a single horn on his head for decoration.
*THUNK. THUNK.*
Guru Clef hit them on their heads with his staff.
"Food!" said Ashura.
The Clamp characters who were on their feet rushed to their places in the dining room where the tables were laden with food. There was roast turkey, ham, spaghetti, cake, ice cream and lots of candy.
"I'm happy," said Ashura.
"So are we," said Ryu-ou. "We don't need to steal food from the kitchen for you today. Christmas is just great."
"Ashura's going to get fat if she keeps this up," Souma warned Yasha-ou.
"Oh, no. Ashuras never get fat. that's because when they eat too much they burn off the extra calories by..."
"Foolish man, you are feeding your doom!" Dark Ashura said to Yasha.
"I see what you mean," Souma commented as a nurse touched Dark Ashura with a special seal.
"What happened?" Ashura asked when she had returned to normal. "Did I do something bad?"
"It's time to exchange gifts, everyone!" one of the staff said. The gifts were randomly exchanged.
"What the-" said Tai as a Mokona clown popped out of a box. "Oh, it's just a stupid toy."
"Face towels?" said Ryu-ou.
"What a nice purple shirt," said Kujaku. Then he looked at the back and sweatdropped. "Mokona wearing purple shades?"
"Face towels with an embroidered Mokona on it?" said Ryu-ou.
"Chocolate Mokonas!" said Ashura.
"Hmmm...a rare Kujaku plushie***," said Yasha-ou. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Can I have it, please?" Ashura begged, knowing very well that Yasha was going to give it to her.
"What did you get, Kendappa?" Souma asked.
"I only like the gifts you give me," said Kendappa-ou who had gotten a Mokona comb.
"I got some Mokona-shaped soap."
(There were a lot of Mokona toys since Mokona had provided all the gifts****.)
After the party the Clampkids were then shepherded back to their rooms by their nurses. Each of them received a surprise.
"Mokona Christmas decor?!?"
Everyone sweatdropped.
______________________________________________________
*All the characters that appear here are the property of Clamp except for Santa and Julie Andrews.
**Borrowed from the famous weapon used by a female anime character. Called inter-dimensional because it mysteriously appears from thin air.
***Unfortunately not available to the members of the Kujaku Fan Club.
****Mokona is a God.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
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Taishakuten Wants His Dinner- Kisshouten's fic. Very funny. Rated G.