Date: Wed, 25 Nov 1998 07:36:45 -0800
From: Tempus Skylorn 
Subject: [FFML] My attempt to MSTy A-Kun's little story

Forgive this author's note.  If you read What an Odd, Odd World by A-Kun
McCrillis, you'll understand why I ask for forgiveness.  Instead of going
through and commenting on chapter 1 for the umpteenth time, I decided to go
straight into chapter 3.  For those of you who read MSTs of chapter 1 and
2, you have been spared.

I have completed a MST for Chapters 1 and 2, but I will only post it if I
get enough positive feedback and people asking for it.  As far as C&C goes,
it's my first time at a MST.  Feel free to slam.  Hell, you can even MST
it. :-)

Without futher ado....
**************************************************************************
Fanfiction MST Theater, Sort of.
Episode 102: What an Odd, Torture. 
by Tempus Skylorn.

Main Victim: Tempus Skylorn
Guest Victims:

From Ranma 1/2- Shampoo and Tatewaki Kuno.
From Tenchi Muyo- Ayeka, Mihoshi, Ryo-Ohki, and Sasami.

Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Tenchi Muyo is the property of Pioneer/AIC.
MST (Mystery Science Theater) is the property of Best Brains, Inc.
Tempus Skylorn is his own property, thank you very much.

This was written in the spirit of a bored, challenged, and possibly
crazy fan who is currently suffering from sleep depervation.
No money was made in the production of this fanfic, 
although some money was spent.  A case of Coca-Cola set me back five
dollars. This is first MST and with writing it I have gained respect for
Megane and even A-Kun, but not for the story you are about to see.

This Week's Opening Theme:  E=Mc^2 by Big Audio Dynamite.

Somebody I never met, but in a way I know.
Didn't think that you could get so much from
a picture show.
Man dies first reel. People ask "What's the deal?"
This ain't it's supposed to be.
Don't like no aborgine...

************************************************************************
Space, kinda.  A swirling mass of purple, red, green, blue, and 
yellow gases surround a floating building rotating in space.  The 
building itself is three stories high and made of brick.  Besides
the levitation, the brick building appears unaffected and looks as if
it was completed less than a year ago.  

*************************************************************************
Previously on Fanfiction MST theater:

Tempus Skylorn attempted to escape from the Warehouse of Doom using
the Time Scoop.  He failed, but managed to bring our guest stars
to the Warehouse in the process.  This action angered Dr. No Otaku,
Dues-Paying Member of Mad Scientists Local 113 and his asistant, Fred.
The regularly scheduled fic by Oscar was replaced by Chapters 1-2 of
"What an Odd, Odd World" by A-Kun McCrillis. A Ranma fanfic with no Ranma,
but lots of author's notes.  It also featured a super gaijin by the name
of Orion Fleiss, which yielded this little gem:

Tempus: Woah. I just realized that this guy has the same last name as
		a famous hollywood madam.  I wonder if he's her ancestor...
		
Shampoo: Aiya! That mean Shana become... (Shampoo blushes)

Ayeka: (blushing) That's disgusting.

Kuno: The fiend!!! Wait until you face the wrath of my noble ancestor.

Mihoshi: That would mean that she's....related to him.

Everyone in the room facelfaults.

And Now (Sorry, I can't spare you any longer), Chapter 3...

****************************************************************************
Ranma 1/2
Chapter 3
Back To The Present

Ayeka: Well, it appears that they got rid of the author's notes.

Tempus: Don't be too sure of that...they're in there, waiting for some
        unsuspecting reader.  Everyone, keep alert.


	About a month later, they had destroyed the farm.  Shana did not want 
to live there in the happier time of her life.

Tempus: That was when her sister was alive and before this geek showed up.

Sasami: Tempus! A-Kun asked you to be nice! (see opening author notes in
	  chapter one)

Tempus: But he wrote this. What's worse is he wrote 13 chapters of this.
	It's my sacred duty to slam it.



  That had been about nine 
days ago, and  they had been traveling all over China since.  They 
arrived at a huge mountain range.  {"Juesenkyo."} Shana muttered.
	{"So, this is where big bad Juesenkyo is, huh?"} Orion said to himself.

Shampoo: Shampoo wonder what curse he get.  He stupid enough.  Walk in
         like Mousse.

Kuno: Mayhaps he is forced to take Saotome's body as a curse.  It would
      truly be fitting for a piece of literature chronicling the fair
      citizens of Nermia.  

Tempus: Whatever.

	{"We should leave."} Shana told him.

Tempus: (imitiating Orion): but, then we'll have no job. Wait a sec.
	I still have that carrer as a guinea pig in labs all over the
	world...

	Just then, Orion felt a shiver rise up his spine.  He ran to Juesenkyo 
with Shana running behind him.  Orion stopped short of the pools.
	{"Dammit, you lousy piece of s---!  I'll get you, DEMON."} Orion 
yelled.
	{"What's wrong?"} Shana asked.
	{"A demon has joined with Juesenkyo and is drawing power.  I won't be 
able to attack it until it comes out of the earth."} Orion answered.
	{"How you know a demon is here?"} Shana asked.  Orion slapped his 
forehead.

Mihoshi: Maybe he was mistaken and it was just Ryoko.  Tenchi thought she
	 was a demon.

Ayeka: Lord Tenchi was right! Uh-oh.  Poor Tenchi is trapped with that
	horrible Ryoko all alone. Tempus, you have to get us back.

Tempus: I can't while the fic is going on.  Dr. No has the place booby-
        trapped.  You know that.  Provided that Mihoshi doesn't electocute
	me again, I'll work on it when the chapter's over.  Besides, Washu
	will probalby expriement on him before Ryoko gets him.

Kuno: Such a horrid fate. To be chased by a demon only to be saved by
      one who would put you through horrendous examanations...

Ayeka gets more and more concerned.

Tempus: Either that or Kiyone is keeping on eye on him.

Ayeka: (relaxes) Kiyone..Yes, I'm sure that's what's happening.

	{"I have never told anyone this, but I was born with the gift of 
magic."} Orion began to retell his life.
	{"So, you're from the future and you were sent here because of a 
horrible accident."}  Shana said summarizing what Orion had told her.  
Orion nodded.

Tempus: Thank you for not putting an author's note giving us the finer
	points on his life.

Mihoshi: Poor Kiyone, I hope she's okay.  She's probably worried about me.

Tempus: Somehow I don't see that happening.

Mihoshi: The solar system is a big place, even the remote one Earth is in.

Tempus: (crossing his fingers and rolling his eyes) I'm sure that's it.

	{"The demon will most likely attack years into the future and I won't 
be able to stop it alone.  I'll need you and some other martial 
artists."} Orion declared.

Tempus: Hmmm...a demon, huh?  Need some real powerful martial artists.
	
Shampoo: Amazons fight demons for many centuries according to great-grandma.

Kuno: Don't forget. We also possess the power of time travel.  We could
      bring heroes of legend to fight.

Tempus: or better yet, any DragonBall Z character.  In Dragonball Z, 
	mountains are destroyed with baby kicks.  How Powerful can a demon
	be? But I forgot, this is Orion Fleiss.  We'll probably end up in
	Nermia...
	
	{"Why me?"} Shana asked.

Shampoo: You is wife.

Tempus: If you don't the last two chapters will be pointless.

Kuno: You almost look like my pig-tailed goddess.  Thus provoking my
	twisted sister into a duel.	

{"Would you rather stay behind while go on an adventure?"} Orion 
countered.
	{"No."} Shana answered.
	{"And besides, I may be able to resurrect your sister after the demon 
is defeated."} Orion announced.
	Shana smiled and hugged Orion.
	(Author's note: Yeah, right. You're really disgusted because you didn't 
think of it first.  And remember she is VERY open minded.)

Tempus: She hugged her husband!! The Slut! Has She No Morals?!?! 
	(rolls his eyes and shakes his head.)

Sasami: What was wrong with that?

Tempus: You got me.

Mihoshi: I don't get it.

Tempus: That's my point...


	{"So.  How we going to live until the demon comes back?"} Shana asked.
	{"Easy.  We'll take a hyper dimension.  It will accelerate time so half 
a minute there will equal one day here.  And the best part is that we 
won't age, so we'll literally be less than one year older."}  Orion 
replied.

Ayeka: Actually, you'll be 381 days older give or take half a day.  

	{"How long will we be in this hyper dimension?" Shana asked.
	Orion shrugged.
	Shana indicated that she was ready.  Orion opened a glowing gate and 
the two leaped through.

	(Authur's note: Warning.  I have a compulsion to put in an occasional 
commercial)

Tempus: (singing badly) Someone left the cake out in the rain.  
	Oh, I don't think I can take it, 'cause it took so long to bake it...

Everybody else glares at Tempus.

Ryo-ohki: (with the fur standing up) Miyaah!!

Tempus: Sorry, I thought it said McAuthur note.  Anyway, how serious
	can we take this thing.  He puts commercials in these things to
	make them longer.

Kuno: The fiend!!! May my ancestors get a hold of you.

Sasami: I think he was refering to A-Kun, the writer and not Orion,
	the character.

Kuno: May the spirits of my ancestors get a hold of you.  


	(We see Ranma-chan underwater.)

Kuno: Pig-Tailed Girl!  Truly a sight for sore eyes!!!

	"Aloe vera.  Keeps you skin young, healthy and beautiful." the annoucer 
says off screen.
	(We see Mousse-duck swim by.)
	"See you later, alligator." the annoucer says.

Shampoo: No is alligator. Is Mousse. Hmph! This is stupid.

	(Ranma-chan's cheeks are turning red.  She breaks the surface of the 
water.)
	"Why did I ever trust Nabiki to give me a decent job.  And that's a 
duck, not an alligator." Ranma-chan yells at the announcer and director.


Kuno: You have been decieved by the evil Nabiki Tendo.  Fear Not, 
      Pig-tailed Goddess! I will avenge you.

Tempus: Why Me?
	
	"Remember, Ranma.  You kept screaming when we tried to put the 
alligator in.  Besides, it not like we don't have an experienced editing 
crew." the director counters.
	(Author's note:We're seeing this on public T.V.)

Blood-curdling screams occur in the screening room.

	(Standard disclaimer and the credit goes to whoever wants it.)
	(End of Commercial (Thank god.))

Tempus: No. End of the fic, thank God.

	(Author's note:Present day, Japan.)   


More Screams.

Ayeka: This has to stop.  Mr. McCrillis is beginning to test my patience.
	"Good morning, Ranma." Akane said sweetly in Ranma's ear.
	Ranma muttered a response.
	"You were such a man last night." Akane continued, still sweetly.
	Ranma's eyes shot open.  He jumped up and babbled "Wha...?! Huh?! What 
did you say?!?!"
	Akane laughed.  She no longer just beat up on Ranma, she now tortured 
and confused him.  Ranma noticed she was already dressed.

Shampoo: Why Airen hang around Pervert Girl when he can have real woman
	 like Shampoo?
 
Kuno: It does bring me pleasure to see the lovely Akane Tendo striking back
      at the vile Ranma Saotome, enslaver of women.

Tempus: Sure. Okay dokey...

	"Jeez.  You'd think some people would grow up." Ranma said angrily.  
Akane laughed again.  Ranma shooed her out of the room so he could 
dress.
	When he was finished dressing, the two walked down stairs.
	The Tendo dojo hadn't changed much, except for the fact that Nodoka was 
moving in.  She had revealed that she had known that Ranko was Ranma and 
that Mr. Panda was Genma.  Both father and son asked how she had known.
	"Oh, come now.  You two stink at acting.  And besides I knew something 
was up when your father stopped writing." Nodoka answered.
	
Tempus: Normally, being a bad actor would be a bad thing.  In this fic,
	everybody is acting horribly so it doesn't matter.

	As punishment for not telling her right away, she forced Ranma to move 
in with Akane and Genma had to promise to never to interfere with 
Nodoka's plans.

Tempus: Not to mention being forced to appear in this fic.

	Akane also decided to reveal that she had known all along that Ryoga 
was P-chan,  and she used P-chan try and get Ranma to admit his 
feelings.  Ranma stared her down and she admitted she knew when Ranma 
began calling Ryoga 'P-chan' and P-chan 'Ryoga'.
	After Akane revealed this, Nabiki scolded Ranma for not telling her 
about Ryoga's little secret.  Well, until she realized Ryoga didn't know 
that Akane knew.  The scolding stopped.

Tempus: ...and the revenge began.  That would make an amusing story.

Shampoo: Is why we won't see story here.

Mihoshi: Unless he put it in an author's note.

Tempus: Don't encourage him.

	Ranma tried to convince his mom not to put him in Akane's room, but was 
quickly stifled when Nodoka started to reach for her katana.  The 
subject was closed.
	A lot has changed since we last saw Akane and Ranma.  Akane has grown 
her hair out to her shoulders and become a full woman.  Ranma has added 
a bit of muscle to his arms and has grown about an inch.
	As Ranma and Akane got to the living room, they find out the Genma has 
eaten his breakfast and theirs.  So, after thoroughly pounding Genma, 
the two left for school.
	Today, the two had gotten up early enough so they weren't in a hurry.  
Ranma decided that they should leech some ramen from Shampoo.  Akane 
complained about having to eat ramen in the morning, but she was too 
hungry to complain for long.

Shampoo: Shampoo complain about giving Pervert Girl free Ramen.

  As they arrived at the Nekohaten, Colonge 
met them.
	"Did your father eat your breakfast again son-in-law?" Colonge asked.
	"Yeah. Do have enough ramen ready for two?" Ranma asked.
	Colonge disappeared into the Nekohaten and returned with two bowls.  
"Just bring the bowls back after school." Colonge told them.
	Ranma and Akane thanked Colonge and walked off.  They finished the 
ramen before they reached the school.
	The day passed with the normal incidents (namely Kuno), but otherwise 
it was quite boring.  They brought the bowls back to the Nekohaten and 
walked home.  "Hey, Ranma.  Notice that Shampoo hasn't been around to 
grab you today?" Akane said realizing it as they stopped at the gate 
into the Tendo dojo.

Shampoo: Stupid writer in dream.  Shampoo love airen and won't accept
	 him sleeping with Violent Girl.	

Tempus: Maybe he has you falling in love with Orion.  These things DO 
	happen in Gaijin fics.

Shampoo begins pulling out a sword.

Tempus: Then again, these things usually happen to Ukyo or Nabiki...
	
	"Yeah.  That's unusual." Ranma replied.
	As they walked in, Soun met them.  "Akane, I just got a call from the 
airport.  Some american student and his fiancee want to rent the 
training hall as another room.  Would you please go and bring them 
here?" Soun asked.
	
Tempus: Some freeloader gaijin called.  Said something about advancing
	the plot.  Could you please pick him up?  I don't want to be stuck
	in this fic forever.


"Why did Nabiki talk you into that crazy deal anyway?" Akane asked.

Tempus: Too Late. She's in love with him already.  Never mind the fact that
	he's married.  The Gaijin always has to outdo the main character
	in these things...

	"Because, with you two always fighting, we need more income.  Remember 
who nearly bankrupted me with their last little squabble?" Nabiki 
answered.
	"Alright.  Come on, Ranma."  Akane said grabbing Ranma's hand.
	"Wait a minute, Akane.  Hey, what's this american guy's name?" Ranma 
asked Soun.
	"He said it was Orion.  Orion Fleiss." Soun replied.

	"Wow.  It must be neat being named after a constellation." Akane said 
to herself.  Ranma muttered something about the stupidity of the name.

Kuno: Astounding. Saotome said something that rang with the voice of wisdom.

	They got to the airport quickly (Mainly because Ranma picked up Akane 
and leaped there).  They asked six couples before they saw a young man 
in chinese clothes next to a young chinese girl.  "Might as well." Ranma 
told Akane.
	
Tempus: Excuse me, but my fiancee and I are about to appear in a lemon
	with plenty of gratuatious sex scenes.  Normally we wouldn't do
	such a thing, but it's only way we know how to be more open minded
	in this story.
	
Ayeka gives Tempus a disgusted look while Shampoo draws out her sword.

Tempus: We even got a guy who's related to Heidi Fleiss, the famous
	Hollywood Madam.  We're using him to get the picture to America.
	It was her sister's idea. Anyway, would you like to take part
	in a sex scene for this story?

Shampoo whacks Tempus on the head with the sword.

Tempus: OW! That hurts.

Shampoo: You not funny.


"Excuse me, but are you Orion Fleiss?" Akane asked the young man.
	"Yeah.  Let me introduce you to my fiancee, Shana." Orion said.  Shana 
bowed.  Akane and Ranma followed in suit.
	"Well, it's going to be a long walk back." Ranma declared after brief 
introductions.

Tempus: Unless, of course you can hop.  What am I saying, you're a
	gaijin in a gaijin fic.  You can fly.  I bet you didn't even use a
	plane. So what are you doing here?

	"It's no problem.  Besides, it will give us a chance to get to know 
each other better." Akane said.

Tempus is about to say something, but then looks at a still annoyed Shampoo
and thinks better of it.

	Orion slowly began to tell a story that was very convincing.  "So, you 
two met in China while you were on a hike.  That's so romantic." Akane 
said smiling.
	"Yeah, I had purchased this necklace in a town as something to remember 
my trip by, but when I met her, I just gave it to her." Orion said.
	"So, how do you know so many languages?  I mean, I'm having trouble in 
english." Ranma asked.
	"Some people just have the gift to learn one or more languages, some 
don't." Orion answered.

Ayeka: I wish Orion would kill the demon Ryoko.

Sasami: Come on, Ayeka, Ryoko's not that bad.

	"Anyway, didn't your parents object to your being engaged?" Ranma 
asked.

	Ranma bit his tounge as both Orion and Shana lowered their heads.  "Our 
parents died a long time ago as did her sister and all of my relatives." 
Orion said sadly.
	"My mom died when I was young, too." Akane said.
	Ranma aplogized for bringing the subject up.
	"You have no reason to aplogize, you didn't do anything.  And you 
couldn't have known about what happened."  Shana told Ranma.
	Suddenly, they all stopped.

The audience cheered because it was the end of the fic.

  "Wow, I didn't even notice we had even 
gone very far." Akane remarked.  In front of them stood the huge door of 
the Tendo dojo.

The audience groaned because they were decieved.

	"Well, time to introduce you to our families." Ranma announced.  Then 
he sighed in despair.

Tempus: We are ALL sighing in despair.

	The introductions were lengthy, especially when a majority of the Ranma 
1/2 gang showed up (all of them have grown and fully matured).  Shampoo, 
Colonge, Ukyo and Kodachi decided that they could like Shana because she 
wasn't after Ranma, while Ryoga, Mousse, and Kuno decided that they 
could like Orion because he wasn't after Akane, Shampoo, or the Pig 
tailed girl. 

 		Akane took Orion aside and told him about most of what 
she knew (excluding curses).  Orion, in turn, took Shana aside and told 
her what Akane had told him.
	But, trouble broke out when Kuno decided that Shana also loved him.  		
"Come to me, my love!" Kuno shouted, pulling out a rose (He hadn't had a 
chance to pick up a bouquet).  Shana grabbed one of Kuno's arms, twisted 
it so
he was in front of her, and shoved him into the ground.

Kuno: Have you gone mad?!?!  I don't fall in love with every female in
      the cast.  I have TWO true loves and only TWO.  I also only fall
      in love with worthy martial artists.  I never cared for Mariko.

Tempus: What about Ukyo?

Kuno: The one day she wore a dress I considered it.  I knew beforehand that
      she was a martial arts worthy of my attention.  The Amazon is as well,
      but you don't see me chasing her with roses every week.

Shampoo: Shampoo already have airen.

Kuno: You can keep him.  It is Akane Tendo and the Pig-Tailed Venus I seek.

	"Brother dear!" Kodachi yelled, moving to help her downed brother.  
Orion blocked her path.  "No, no, no. Naughty, naughty, naughty." Orion 
said to Kodachi.


Ayeka: Helping one's brother in duress has been considered an extremely
       honorable act in Jurai.  Is this planet that barbaric?  I fail to
	see the connection.

Tempus: I think that we're not open minded enough...	

	"Ki-Rope Surround!" Orion yelled.  A ki bolt shot from Orion's hand and
tied Kodachi up.  The rope extended from Kodachi shoulders down to her
ankles.
 	Ranma whistled his appraisal.  Shana had hog-tied Kuno in two seconds 
flat.  Ranma whistled again.  Then, Orion and Shana grabbed the duo and 
after asking Akane where the Kuno household was, hurled them in that 
direction.

Mihoshi: Do you think he's whistling because he's bored?

Tempus: That, Mihoshi, has been the first smart thing you said all day.

	 "Anyway, we're going to need to be here for a while.  So, about that 
room...." Orion said, turning towards Soun.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------

Sasami: Is it over?

Ayeka: For now.

Kuno: Skylorn, it is most imparative...

Tempus: I know.  Fix the Time Scoop.  Mihoshi, you stay here.

************************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cause and effect, Chain of Events
All of the chaos makes perfect sense.
When you're spinning 'round, things come undone.
Welcome to Earth, 3rd Rock from the Sun.
  -"Third Rock From The Sun" by Joe Diffie


"Never play an Ace if a Two will do."-The Great Red Dragon in Bone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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