(El Hazard, Pokemon, Ranma 1/2 and Bastard! are all property of someone other than me. Blah, blah, blah, borrowing, blah, blah, blah, don't sue I have no money, blah, blah blah.)
[The Control Room.]
Gillberg: Greetings. We're here to torture some of the most hated characters in Anime. As time goes on, they'll die and we'll replace them. Soon, we'll have killed all of the bastards.
A-kun: Well, Gillberg, who are these lucky contestants?
Gillberg: [grinning] Let's see, oh, just Jinnai Katsuhiko, Giovanni, Happosai and Abigail. Dark Schneider owes me for putting the last one in.
[The Room of Terror. Inside, four beings are about to be tortured with things better left untouched.]
Abigail: What in the-
Happosai: There aren't any pretty-
Giovanni: I demand to know-
Jinnai: OHOHOhOhOhohOhOHOhOHOhoHoHOhOhOhoHOhOhoHOHohoh-ACK!
[Jinnai backs away from Giovanni who sends out his Marowak to pummel Jinnai.]
A-kun's voice: Greetings, morons. You're here until after our little fanfic is over. Then you'll be let loose.
[Control Room.]
Gillberg: [after A-kun shuts off the microphone.] That true?
A-kun: Gotta let 'em think there's hope of escape.
Gillberg: You _are_ a bastard.
A-kun: Thank you, but Dark Schneider isn't here.
[Room of Terror.]
Happosai: I want panties....
[Jinnai cringes as Giovanni's Marowak begins beating him senseless. Suddenly, the Marowak stops.]
Giovanni: [recalling the Marowak] Don't laugh like that ever again. Or I won't stop my Marowak next time.
Abigail: I don't care, just so long as I can get out of here.
Happosai: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I NEED PAAAAAANTIEEEEEEESSSSSS!
A-kun's voice: Your fanfic is "Baby Jigglypuffs are Cute!" by anonymous.
Giovanni: I demand to know what the hell you used to get us here.
A-kun's voice: Just shut up and enjoy the fanfic.
Giovanni: Like HELL I will. Those damn Jigglypuffs are too damn cute. I'm not going to read a fanfic about some fangirl or fanboy who think they're cute and wants to tell me about it.
A-kun's voice: MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE! GO GRAPPLERS!
[Mechanical hands grab the four and slam them down into seats where metal manacles hold their hands and legs in place. The four men squeal, cry, protest and cry some more. Finally, they accept that there's no possible way for them to be freed, save for watching the fanfic.]
>Baby Jigglypuffs are Cute! by [withdrawn]
Happosai: What is a Jigglypuff anyway?
[The others stay silent as they know. A quick picture of one appears. The old man screams in terror at the sight. For the readers, think of a beachball that's about sixteen inches in diameter, has ears, big blue eyes (the googly kind), cute little fins for hands and two flipper-like feet that can allow it to move with astounding speed. Most are light pink.]
> Luke and Lori were walking along the road one day
Happosai: [not really caring about age difference] PRETTY LADY! [begins struggling against the restraints.]
Giovanni and Jinnai: [singing] %There we were, just a walkin' down the street, singin' Do-wah-diddy diddy-dum diddy-do!%
> and
>they heard a very loud
Abigail: fart, eminating from the pants of Dark Schneider.
> JIGGLY! that sounded like a
Jinnai: Plot contrivance.
> sex groan.
[All of the men grow exceedingly pale, beating out Rei Ayanami, Ifurita and Hotaru Tomoe.]
Giovanni: [shuddering] If I didn't know they could mate, I'd puke right about now.
Abigail: Hmmm, if I combined these Jigglypuffs with some blood from Anthraxis... [looks around, then begins taking notes.]
Happosai: [hallucinating and shivering] Preeeetty laaaady.... save me from the digustingly cute things!
Jinnai: If that thing let out a sexual groan...
[Jinnai struggles not to hurl as does Giovanni and Abigail. Finally, they recovered moderately. Then, Abigail noticed something.]
Abigail: The small one seems quiet.
[Cut to Control Room, A-kun is preparing to summon another person to take Happosai's place while Gillberg calls the local morgue. Suddenly Happosai vanishes and in his place appears... Brian J. Mason.]
Brian: What the hell?! [the manacles grasp his hands and feet so he can't move either.]
Giovanni: Join the group. We get out of here once we finish this disgusting lemon.
Brian: Lemon? What's it about?
Giovanni: My world.
[Brian nearly pukes as he played Pokemon for years before remembering...]
Brian: Does it involve any of the sexy female gym leaders?
Giovanni: No, it looks like it'll involve Jigglypuffs.
[Brian is shown the introduction and is brought up to speed.]
> "Jigg-ah-lyy!" over and over they heard.
Giovanni: [really upset] DO WE REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY WHILE MATING?!
Jinnai: You can understand them?
Giovanni: I managed to make a rapport with quite a few types of Pokemon before I quit being a Gym Leader and became the leader of Team Rocket. Jigglypuffs are... shall we say... very foul-mouthed?
Jinnai: You're kidding, right?
Giovanni: No, I'm afraid it's true. The things those Jigglypuffs'll say if you don't know them... it would make MewTwo faint.
> Luke and Lori looked around and saw a
Brian: J-55-C Boomer bursting free of it's skin to kill everyone.
Abigail: What's J-55-C Boomer?
Brian: [grinning evilly] Well, you see, Quincy saw Pokemon and thought that making Boomers out of the Pokemon would be a cute idea. J-55-C is the Jigglypuff variant of the 55-C Boomer model.
> family of 3
>Jigglypuffs on the side of the road.
Brian: [Lori] Look, they're taking hitting off of that helium tank.
Giovanni: [Luke] EEEWWW! DRUG-USERS!
> 2 of them were having
>sex.
Jinnai: How does a furry beach ball mate?
Giovanni: How do they live?
Jinnai: Point.
> The 3rd one was a baby Jigglypuff,
Brian: Well, since the opening mentioned them, I really hoped there would be AT LEAST one. [thinks, then states aloud] On second thought, forget I ever said that.
> trying to get to
>it's mother's cunt.
[Everyone turns ashen gray. Abigail faints.]
Giovanni: [struggling to recover] Saw.... Agatha.... naked.... this.... is.... nothing! GAAAAH! SAW AGATHA NAKED!
[Giovanni begins bashing his head against the headrest as Abigail recovers.]
> Just then, the father's dick exploded
Brian: Causing it to die of blood loss.
Abigail: A spell to cause the penis to explode... hmmm... [chuckling] That would be interesting to try on Dark Schneider. Maybe that's what will finally kill him! [bursts out laughing.]
>with pink liquid and sprayed the child.
Giovanni: Okay, we've seen the baby Jigglypuff. Sex happened. Saw the really wrong scene. Time to go.
Gillberg's VO: I'm afraid the lemon ain't over.
> The baby took this
>advantage and moved in on it's mother.
[Abigail horks. Brian and Jinnai struggle not to block chunks. Giovanni is flaring with a red aura.]
> The mother rolled on
>her back so the baby could get closer.
[Giovanni lets loose a primal roar, breaks free of the restraints and lunges at the screens, clawing, biting, pounding and thrashing, trying to destroy the screen, but to no avail. Soon, he's back in his seat with double the restraints.]
> At this time, Luke
>dropped his pants.
[Brian and Jinnai's faces turn from bright green to ashen grey. Abigail spews. Giovanni fumes.]
> Lori too, dropped hers.
[The group brightens, drooling at the sight.]
A-kun: Should we ruin their moment by lying to them and say she's ten?
Gillberg: Naw. Let 'em enjoy it. It's the only part of the fanfic they've enjoyed.
> Luke and Lori
>both moved toward the baby Jigglypuff.
Giovanni: [Luke, pulling a revolver] Ready... aiiiim... FIRE! *BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM*
[Lori drops to the ground, dead.]
Giovanni: [Luke] BWAHAHAHA! Now they're all mine to sell!
Jinnai: [Luke] Fourth down, twenty yards! Time to punt! *BOOT*
> Now, the baby had
>started sucking his mom very hard,
Jinnai: Please tell me it's just sucking her toe!
Brian: [face growing paler than normal] Sorry, no can do.
> but out of the corner of
>his eye he saw Lori.
Abigail: She was summoning Anthraxis, the God of Destruction, to [Torgo-esque] DeStRoY ThE WoRlD!
> Instantly, the baby jumped on Lori.
Brian: That's when she ripped out of her flesh and fired her head-mounted particle-cannon at it.
> "My my, what a horny little Pokemon!" said Luke.
A-kun's VO: Guys, I have to say this... I'm REALLY sorry you have to read this. Even _you_ guys don't deserve this kind of torture.
Jinnai: Are you going to let us out early?
A-kun's VO: No chance in Heaven or Hell.
> Suddenly, the mother jumped toward Luke.
Jinnai: From her back too. That's like trying to get a turtle to flip over on it's own.
> The mother
>jumped up, trying to suck Luke's dick.
Abigail: [Dark Schneider] FRY MONKEYBOY!
> Luke kneeled down and
>the Jigglypuff began sucking Luke's dick.
Giovanni: I'm going to have nightmares of this fanfic. But then, I'll find these two and kill them.
> Meanwhile, Lori
>started to suck the baby's little dick.
Jinnai: You know, it looks like cotton candy or a pink chocolate bunny. So, why hasn't she bitten it's ears off?
Abigail: I wish I could access my undead forces. This would almost be a righteous slaughter.
> The father
>Jigglypuff moved over to Lori and began to fuck her.
Brian: I'm sorry, but I've got to make this comment. [Lori] Geez! I've felt TAMPONS longer, bigger and firmer than that!
[Jinnai hits him.]
Brian: Thanks man.
Jinnai: No problem.
> All of
>them, Luke, Lori, and Jigglypuffs began to orgasm.
[Brian takes out a stopwatch and starts it.]
> They all
>came at the same time.
[Brian stops the stopwatch.]
Brian: Three minutes, forty six seconds and I managed to distract myself.
> But, the baby didn't come.
Abigail: Then why did.... AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!
[Abigail faints.]
Remaining Trio: Lucky bastard.
> He walked
>around to everybody, sucking up all their juices.
All (save Abigail): AAAAAAAH! VAMPIRE JIGGLYPUFF!
Giovanni: JEEZ! I thought it was horrible when they just sang filthy songs or looked cute! But if they can suck blood too... [shudders]
> Then, all
>fell back from their partners.
Brian: Is that possible?
Jinnai: No clue. I'll check when I get home.
Giovanni: You're going to have sex with Deva? After watching this?
Jinnai: I lose about fifteen hours of memories when I do it with her. Still don't know why.
Giovanni and Brian: Lucky S.O.B.
> Luke and Lori got up, put
>their pants on and started to leave.
Giovanni: It's over. Thank god. I'm turning over a new leaf after this.
> After a while, they
>noticed the baby Jigglypuff following them.
Giovanni: No... Noooo.... NOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT'S JUST BEGINNING!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
> They turned
>around, and the baby rushed to Lori,
Brian: Extending it's monofilament wires and slicing her to pieces. Then, it got to work on Luke...
> trying to get to her
>cunt.
Jinnai: Aaaaand run away with it!
> "Horny little bugger, isn't it?" said Luke.
Brian: [snorting imperiously] You're one to talk.
> "Yeah... maybe we'll keep it for... special occasions."
>said Lori.
All (save Abigail): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Abigail: [snorts awake] Wha? French toast please... oh, it's the fanfic.
> She stuffed the Jigglypuff in her pants.
Abigail: Ah, she's going to KILL it.
All: [sighing in relief] Aaaaah...
> Instantly, the
>Jigglypuff began sucking Lori. Lori didn't mind, and they
>walked on....
Giovanni: Only to fall into a pit trap and DIE HORRIBLY AS GIOVANNI BEGAN UNLEASHING SANDSLASHES AND SCYTHERS AND ARBOKS AND EKANS AND ALL SORTS OF NASTY POKEMON TO _KILL_ __KILL__ ___KILL___!!!
[After about a minute of panting, frothing, hacking, spitting, howling, coughing and drooling, Giovanni recomposes himself.]
A-kun's VO: [oozing smugness] So, what did you think of the fanfic?
Abigail: I thought.... it needed a lot of work.
Everyone else: HUH!?
Abigail: Come on, the four of us survived it, didn't we? It's not even close to the sheer horror factor that a Fear Ray of Death spell can provide.
Giovanni: It was bad. I wouldn't want people under 126 years old to read it and even then, they should WANT to die beforehand.
Jinnai: And there was no characterization. Who were Luke and Lori? Where did they come from? Did they have sex with Pokemon a lot?
Brian: And if all the author wanted to do was show someone having sex with some Jigglypuffs, they could've just ignored the whole story line and started with the sex. For crying out loud, DON'T BOTHER IF IT ISN'T IMPORTANT!
A-kun's VO: Well, I guess the next one will have to be worse.
All: WHAT?!
Gillberg's VO: Let's just say this is compensation for what you've done. MWEHEHEHEHEHEHE-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[A-kun and Gillberg's voices echo throughout the room. Suddenly, up in the control booth, the door is kicked open.]
Austin Powers: Oh, you've very bad.... hey, you aren't Dr. Evil. Well, keep groovin' baby! Yeah, baby, yeah!
===============================================================================================
A-kun, signing off.
reply at akun15@hotmail.com
Look for more MSTs from me at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Island/3968/MSTings.html
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