"So, let's start from the beginning." Shigure said, sitting down on a chair as they arrived in one of the rooms in his shack. "Tell me everything."

Hiei looked around, not trusting anything as he stood at a corner of the room, glaring at Shigure. "I don't see the point in this."

"You don't want the jagan?" the older youkai asked, raising an eyebrow. His time was not supposed to be wasted just like that. He stood up and began to usher the little demon out when...

Hiei sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay."

Shigure tsked as he shook his head. He sat at the chair once again, leaning his head on one hand as he looked intently at Hiei.

Hiei leaned against the wall and thought for a while. Where should he start?

"I'm looking for two things." he began.

"Wait." Shigure interrupted. "I must warn you though...boy, if you lie to me now, I'll never let you get away with it. I will find you wherever you may hide. I will catch you no matter how far you'll run and I will make sure that you will be hurt slowly and painfully before I kill you."

Hiei snorted, not believing. "You don't know who you're up against."

"Try me." Shigure retorted with a dangerous tone.

There was silence between the two and Shigure was getting tired of it. He was getting impatient. "Well, start baka!"

"Ch!" Hiei said, rolling his eyes. What an annoying youkai Shigure was. "As I said, I'm looking for two things - my birthplace and my teargem."

"And why are you looking for those things?"

"I have to." Hiei answered.

"Why!?!"

[flashback]

A child's cry. An infant of fire born in the land of ice.

"What?" an elder shrieked as she saw the horrible little creature. "What is this?"

A lot of the other inhabitants of the glacier rushed to the room where the dark child was. They all stared at the young boy in distaste. It was horror to them. The boy was not theirs; he was different, a creature unworthy of their acknowledgment.

"Look at him." a tall woman whispered to another. "Such a disgrace. How could such an unworthy beast exist? Such a waste. This is so humiliating."

Her companion nodded as she looked at the boy then the mother. "Hina. She's such a slut. She's so dirty. Look what came out of her. Such an abomination."

Ruri gave them all a harsh look as she stayed by Hina's side. Her best friend was hysterical as they took the male child away from her instantly, not even giving the chance to touch him once. Another child - a koorime girl - had also been born and she had been taken away as well.

"Hina." an old, short elder then said calmly as she came in the room. "Come. We must talk." Then she left, waiting for Hina outside the room.

"My son..." Hina cried as two tears slid down her cheeks. "Please don't hurt him."

The elders of the koorime island sat in a circle, Hina in the middle. They were judging her...judging the fate of her male child.

"Hina, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Hina bowed her head, unable to look at them. Why was it wrong? Why was she wrong? She had only loved a man...and with that, produced their children. Was that wrong? Why was it wrong?

"Abomination. That child is an abomination."

"What are you going to do to him?" Hina cried, as she stared at them in defiance, trying to muster all her courage to stand up to them. Those kids...her innocent kids were at stake. She must be brave for them.

"He obviously can't stay in the glacier. It's too dangerous."

"Then I'll bring him to the lands below. I will care for my children there."

"Hina..." one of the elders said, shaking her head. "Do you really think that we will let an unworthy beast like him live? He is filth. We can not allow him to live."

Hina's eyes widened. "No! I can not allow you to hurt him.!"

"Hina, you are but a child. You don't understand. He is dirt. We are doing this for a very worthy cause. One day, you'll understand. The reason is far better than-"

"What is the reason? He is but a child!"

"Purity of our clan."
 

All the people of the koorime glacier stood by a cliff, watching the 'cleansing ritual' that the elders initiated. It was time to kill the child...to cleanse their race.

An elder looked at the child's face. The boy almost seemed like he was glaring at her. Such an undignified being. Such a waste. She will remember him...him who they deemed, 'the forbidden child'.

Ruri held the small infant close to her chest. He was innocent yet he still had to die. That was how it was here. Maybe it was better this way though this would hurt Hina. At least the child's suffering would end here.

And if he'll live...

"Child, return one day and seek revenge from us...us who are causing you pain right now and may cause you pain in the future. Come back and seek revenge one day..."

The small boy just stared at her. Of course he wouldn't understand. He was but a young infant. But then, it almost seemed like he was memorizing those words...like he was listening, promising to return one day, just like she told him to.

Farther away from them, Hina was crying hard, restrained by other women as she desperately tried to save her son from this pointlessness. Her son...her son!

"Ruri!"

Ruri took out one of the koorime gems that Hina had cried earlier on, now hung on a piece of leather string. She handed it to the small child's little fingers.

"My son!"

Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply and let go.
 

Bastard youkais were hunting in the northern part of Makai. It was Mukuro's territory. Mukuro - the feared masked youkai who was one of the most powerful in the demon world.

They were near a river. It was kind of cold there but they really weren't that affected. Besides, they were used to it there.

A splash.

One of them looked at the direction of the sound. A small bundle of cloth...no, wards was floating in the water. What could it be? Could it be some kind of a treasure?

One of them retrieved the strange thing and they all crowded around the supposed loot. What they saw however, shocked them.

There was a small child, heavily wrapped in wards, glaring at each one of them. The infant couldn't be more than an hour old and they all marveled at how he could have survived a fall like that. The most amazing thing was that, the child wasn't even injured.

Immediately, they took the boy to their camp. Their master would surely know what to do with the small child.
 

"What is this?" a gigantic, green-skined youkai asked as he stared at the little bundle. There was a child peeking out from the wards. Then a shining gem caught his attention.

There, hanging from a leather string was a rare koorime gem. Those kinds of jewels were expensive and the youkai felt a surge of joy inside him. Lucky child. Maybe they didn't have to kill it after all. Maybe he had use after all.

Grabbing it from the child's tiny hands, the man blinked as he couldn't take it away from the infant. What the hell? The kid was that strong already?

Trying again and again, the youkai finally gave up. The child was going to be very strong one day. If he could be this strong as a newborn, how much stronger would he be in a few more years? Or months? He gulped.
 

Five years had passed. The child had rose to power fast. At five years old, he was now an A-class, feared by even his own comrades. He had been a bandit, stealing for his masters, killing and doing all sorts of things that he never really liked but had to do. It was his way of survival. It was the only way to live.

But now...

His green-skined master looked at him from inside the cave as he stood outside. It was over. They didn't want him anymore. He was more trouble than anything now. They didn't like him anymore.

The small child turned his back from the betrayal with a brave face. Shutting his eyes tightly to prevent the tears that threatened to fall, he ran as fast as he can, as far as his little feet can take him.
 

Hiei...

That was his name now. He had earned it by reputation but it sounded right.

Flying shadow...

He was like those things anyway. Like a shadow that lived in darkness. Like the soot from his flames that was like his black soul.

He was alone again. Where was his mother? Where was his sister? Who was his father?

He looked at his teargem and looked for the answers there. He tried again not to cry.
 

A child and a giant beast dueled, sword against sword. It had been only because of food. The child had been hungry and the beast had had some food.

Standing off, the beast cut the leather string from his neck and the child watched in horror as it fell down the high cliff. Enraged, he thrust his sword through the youkai's heart and watched in despair as his only treasure was washed away by the river below him.

And now, he searched for it and for his home and along with those things, his mother and his sister as well.

[end of flashback]
 

Shigure stared at the small demon in silence. Inside, he could feel...what? Pity probably. Growing up in the harsh Makai world and raised like that. That was painful. Who knows what else this...this...this child could have experienced.

"You're not telling me everything."

Hiei kept his silence. How could the youkai know that? He was so good at keeping things...his secrets...yet, how?

Shigure shifted in his chair. "So? Why are those things important to you?"

Hiei sighed as he looked at the darkening sky outside. "I want to come to terms with them. Those represent my past and I want to break free from them...let them go."

Shigure shook his head. "What you're saying still isn't complete."

"...I have a twin."

Shigure grinned at this. "At the glacier? Wasn't rejected like you? You want to go there and feel loved, don't you? You want to tell her and your mother how you had a bad life and expect them to make the pain go away, don't you?"

Hiei glared at Shigure, denying the accusation...yet...in his heart...that was what his heart had been wishing for since he could remember. It still hurt to be cast away even if eight years had passed. It still hurt...to remember.

"Why do you find satisfaction in other's stories?"

"Lack of story in my life perhaps." He laughed, the piercings that were visible on his body vibrating as he found joy at another suffering creature.

Hiei ignored the insane youkai, not understnding. It had always been like this. They all laughed and mocked him. It wasn't new...

Yet it still hurt.

"In return, what do you want?" Hiei asked boldly.

"The payment?"

Hiei nodded.

"You must never tell her."
 

"Hiei, lie down there." Shigure commanded, pointing to the operating bed as he moved to get what he needed. He couldn't figure out why Hiei would go through all this. The pain would be harsh. The operation would give the child much agony. Hn. Why? All this for a sister who the boy hadn't even met? He couldn't understand it. Even if Hiei would pay him, it somehow felt wrong to do this. Hiei would be hurt...bad.

Shigure stopped in mid thought. Why would he care? He had only met the kid this afternoon. Was he getting weak or something? Or was he...?

No, he couldn't be possibly getting concerned for the child so fast, could he?

Hiei watched Shigure for a moment, untrusting eyes fixed on the older youkai. He knew this operation would cost him a lot...possibly even his life so coming here, letting this man take control of his future, his life and everything...it was damn frightening. What if Shigure did something wrong? What if he died?

He snorted. Why did this matter so much to him? To strive for peace? Yeah, that was it. It's time for his sufferings to end.

Slowly, the half-koorime sat on the bed, his face stony yet his insides raging with worry and with doubt. He could feel his heart beating faster. His stomach began to ache. Perhaps these were his final moments. Perhaps he was breathing his last breaths now.

But then, he knew he should take this risk. He was on a quest...on a quest for peace.

Shigure finally turned to the young youkai as his machines suddenly turned on, the noise getting louder and louder. "Lie down, boy."

Hiei tensed as his thoughts were interrupted. This was it. It was now or never. He was Hiei, the forbidden child, ready for torture, ready for pain...even ready for death.

As Hiei lay down slowly on the bed, Shigure sighed. He knew that even though Hiei didn't say anything, the fear was still there. This was too dangerous and Hiei was just a child. Shigure doubted if the young demon would even survive this. Maybe he could convince him to stop..to not push through. Only a few countable youkais had survived this and those youkais who perished had even been older, tougher and more powerful than this mere child.

"Hiei, are you sure about this?"

"Just do it."

Shigure shook his head. Too stubborn...the youkai was too stubborn. "You do realize that this could end your life...that this could damage you imensely."

"I don't care about the pain. I don't even care about the risks." Hiei answered with a scowl. "I don't even care if it kills me. All I want is for you to get this over with. Now, just start it!"

Shigure moved by the tiny figure of the fire youkai and began to bind his hands and feet. This would help prevent any danger from happening.

Hiei looked at Shigure's actions sharply. It was hard to trust anyone and right now, everything he had was in Shigure's hands.

Finished with the task, Shigure went away again, taking some more of his tools. It was almost as if he didn't want to do this. Hiei was just a child. He might die for goodness' sake! Children are not supposed to die...they are supposed to live and to enjoy life.

Hiei stared at the lights above him in silence. His face was devoid of any emotions but deep inside, he was trembling. This was no joke. This was one of the more intense moments of his short life.

"Are you sure you want to push through with this?" Shigure asked again as he went near the lying figure. He touched the switch of the machine that would do the work...that would provide the pain and the agony.

"Do it!"
 

Blood came forth from Hiei's mouth as the torment began. Black spots began to form in front of him as nausea took over. It was so damn painful. It was worse. It was torture he never knew existed.

He belched as his stomach ached fiercely, struggling in his bonds as he did, feeling his soul rip away from his body, tearing his diminutive frame apart.

Darkness was coming but it wasn't still quite there yet. Everything was hurting him, the air, the light, the earth...everything! And there was blood...blood everywhere. So much blood! And he saw shadows...and souls...and a nightmare that welcomed him to stillness even as he was still alive.

He was going to die. No doubt. He could smell death creeping up his body, touching him and pulling him to the grave that had been waiting for him since birth. It felt like shards of glasses were shoved deep in his throat and he had no choice but to swallow and to suffer from it. He stilled suddenly, not taking the pain any longer. Either death or bad nightmares would take him now. But either way, living, dying or just damn sleeping, pain never would leave and now, he was set to face agony once more.

More agony!

Shigure stared at the little child, his brows knitted as he calculated the damage. Power level dramatically lowered to almost zero, life still very very much at risk, breathing ragged.

He glanced at Hiei's face, his body. He had gone limp within his bonds, his muscles still unrelaxed as blood continued to trickle from his mouth.

Blood...

It was everywhere within the room, some vile and vomit as well. It was sickening here and Shigure wanted to bolt. But then he stopped as his gaze went back to the little child. It was critical. Maybe the boy would survive it, maybe he won't and that all depended on him now - on his will and his courage to continue on.

To continue on...

This child was going to survive.

Shigure went near the unconscious figure slowly, avoiding the mess on the floor as he did. He unstrapped the bonds from his patient and lifted the very light form easily. Hiei was so light that he wondered if he hadn't been eating well. Maybe he could fix him up once he awakens...

If...
 

The door leading to a small room within Shigure's shack opened and a little being was placed on the bed. Hiei was clean now, his clothes changed as he wore only a really big shirt which unsurprisingly, was enough to cover him. Shigure had cleansed him, healing internal and external wounds as well.

Shigure sat at the side of the bed, staring down at the sleeping figure. In him he could remember his own past...when he had been young as well. His memories from decades ago returned briefly and he frowned at that. No, it wasn't necessary to remember such thoughts any longer. Everything was fine now. He was doing great.

...right?

He had a wife once and a little boy who would have been so strong now..so powerful as he was. But they were gone now, claimed early by death, leaving him alone with nothing but his skills and nothing more.

No, he shouldn't think of those things right now.

But he loved them...loved them so much...and missed them....so much...

Why does pain never cease? He had always believed in fate but if one's fate was agony then what was life for anyway? What does it mean to live? How does one find the answers to the truth? The truth hidden by beings' cruelty, greed and hate. Where was the truth now? Why was it so hard to live!?!

Shigure panted as he realized that he had just gone through an internal emotional outburst. Is this where his life had gone to? To provide children with hideous torture just to gain gold? What was it he wanted? What was it he needed...

And had never gotten?

Hiei stirred in his sleep and moaned as if in agony...a nightmare clutching at him again. All the same. Never had he slept without a nightmare....ever.

Shigure glanced at the child. His son had died at this boy's age. His son had suffered. His son had been hurt. His son had died with agony and pain. His son had vanished from life...and was gone forever.

[flashback]

The winds were warm. The skies were bright and joyous. Just as the small family of three were. There was a father, a mother and a child. And they were happy...happy as could be.

The couple strolled down a garden that was hidden from the wild youkais of Makai. They walked on side by side, each with a happy smile. Times had been good. Everything was perfect as they lived in honor and in peace. They were lucky perhaps as there had never been trouble for them. Beings in this area were unlike the 'typical youkais' that humans knew about. In truth, youkais were not evil at all as those ningens believed. Yes, it was true that some were cruel and fierce but that wouldn't necessarily mean that everyone would be that way. It was just a really bad misconception.

Shigure stopped, closing his eyes and breathing the sweet smell of the flowers that his wife had planted not so long ago. This had been his dream...to live on in peace and harmony...to have a wife and a kid...to be all that he could be.

"Shigure." a soft feminine voice called out, interrupting his train of thoughts. His wife. His lovely precious wife. "What are you thinking about, itooshi?"

The man smiled warmly, not opening his eyes and just pulling his smaller wife to him, sharing his warmth and his love. "Life. Love. What I have now..." He paused, inhaling the fragrance of the woman of his life. "I'm very lucky."

The woman just smiled, leaning on her dearest and embracing back. She loved this man who had offered her so much in her life and never failed to deliver. She loved this honorable creature who lived life to the fullest and always counted his blessings. She loved this being who was one of the few respectable souls in this world. Shigure was his name.
 

"Tousan, are we gonna catch that rabbit over there?" a small boy asked his father, whispering so as not to ruin the hunt. "Tousan?"

The man beside the boy nodded quietly. He was teaching his child how to hunt and how to care for himself. He was guiding the youngster so that when the time would come when they would have to part one day, the boy would know what to do. He was also showing him the things that one would have a hard time understanding in the flow of life. It was the things that mattered...things so simple and sometimes, so not. Things about life...about the great ways of living it.

"Hiro, do you know why we hunt?"

Short black hair flew in the wind as blue irises glistened in joy. The boy looked up at his father. "To live, father. So that we would eat. So that we wouldn't starve and die. To live, father. To live."

Yes, that was right. To live...

Shigure smiled and ruffled his son's raven black hair. "Very good, Hiro-chan."

And the boy laughed. "Tousan, stop calling me that! I'm a man now."

"Oh really?" Shigure teased.

Hiro just giggled.

And the rabbit got away.

"Tousan, the hunt!" Hiro yelled in panic as he looked at the fleeing rabbit. "Tousan! Tousan!"

Shigure grinned at his panicked son, ruffling the black hair once more. "Oh, don't worry. Your kaasan is already cooking something special."

The boy didn't look convinced. "But the rabbit..."

"Son, in life, we never get everything. We win some. We lose some. Sometimes, even though we rightfully deserve some things, even if we need it so much, if we couldn't get it then we don't get it. Not all moments in life are nice. We just have to live with it. And live on."

The child looked up at his father, smiling. "And life will be good, ne Tousan?"

"Yes, Hiro. Life will be good."

[end of flashback]
 

Hiei had said he didn't care...didn't care if he was going to live or die...didn't care about pain...didn't care about anything. Who had raised this child? Who had raised this broken doll that had a heart of ice? Who had taught him the values and importance of life?

No one.

Why was it so?

A sob escaped Hiei's lips as he moaned in agony even as he slept. What was it that this boy dreamt about? What was it that tormented this young soul who was every bit as deserving of life as all other creatures? Who was this child? What did he want?

Almost as if automatic, Shigure bent down and kissed the boy on the cheeks, caressing the little face after. Hiei? Was that really who this boy was? Or was it just a name? Was he Hiro? Was he someone else?

He had to be somebody.

At the gentle touch on the child's face, the sobbing ceased and dulled to little short gasps. And he shifted, leaning in on the touch, liking the comfort it gave.

Hiei? Is this what he wanted? Just to be cared for even for just a second?

...Is it?