The front door to the Minamino residence opened quietly as a redheaded being came in. He paused for a moment, taking off his shoes before entering the living room. He immediately climbed up the stairs, muttering only a quiet greeting to his mother, who at the moment was in the kitchen preparing her son's favorite meal.

Shiori sighed as she heard her son's soft alto, remembering the past years. It had been the same. Shuuichi had always been so polite, so perfect...

It was like he didn't have any flaws at all. And in some ways, that intimidated her. In some ways, she couldn't understand him. Shuuichi was very...unique.

Slicing some onions, there were tears in her eyes, her feelings quite betraying the moisture in her eyes as she remembered little Shuuichi. Her son had been so cold and distant then, seemingly harsh. But he had been too much like a child to really be those things. His face, his body and everything about him had been young except those eyes and the attitude. Not once did she ever see her son as a real child. Never.

And that made her guilty in a way. Hadn't she done enough? Why was he so much like a loner...an introvert? Hadn't her best been good enough? But then, he was perfect and that was great but...

She still longed for something. Something else. Something more than this. Something that she had longed for since he was born...and had never gotten.

Yes, she had gotten a son but what she had really wanted was a child. A little boy who longed for her, who was mad about her as she was mad about him. Shuuichi had been so good...too good but still, sometimes, there were gaps. Empty spaces that she had always longed to be filled.

She looked up as a voice called out to her from upstairs. Shuuichi...

Shuuichi had just told her that he was going to miss dinner as he was preparing for his final and crucial exam. He wouldn't be able to spend a mere moment with her tonight...even just a second...

Shiori closed her eyes as the unshed tears caused by the onions trickled slowly down her cheeks. How ironic...

Life was too complicated sometimes...

And it wasn't just because of Shuuichi.

Shuuichi was her life yet there was more. A heart longing for warmth...a scar waiting to be healed...a hunger waiting to be satisfied. She wanted more...so much more...

She missed him. She missed them. Her husband. Her son. She missed the father of Shuuichi who had left the earth so long ago and Shuuichi who was growing up really fast, leaving her soon as well. She wanted to reach out to both men...to embrace and never let go. But then she knew, that when those same arms came back to her, it was with nothing. They were gone now and still going further away. She felt alone in a way...

The woman cleaned up the kitchen quickly, wanting to just sleep. Another dinner wasted but it didn't matter. Anything for her son. Anything to make him happy and contented.

Slowly, she climbed up to the second floor of their house. She smiled softly as she passed framed memories hanging on the hallway walls. Ah, the good old days. It was nice to remember the past, the way it once had been, how it evolved into the future...in the reality they lived in now. It was kind of sad, yes, but there were also the good times. One could never forget those things. Things so pure that were supposed to be left untouched - an inspiration in times of distress. Something valuable worth more than gems and jewelry.

She knocked at her son's bedroom softly, not wanting to disturb her son's concentration but at least wanting to say good night. "Shuu-chan, oyasumi."

She heard a male voice reply and felt a smile in those words. "Oyasumi, kaasan."

She sighed, contented that at least she had heard his voice today. At other times, he couldn't go home because of a project or other things that were important. He was so studious...too studious...but actually, she would love him no matter what. He was dear to her. He was her only son and yet sometimes, she just wanted to embrace him, feel if he was still warm, that he really hadn't left yet. No, not yet...

But then, that was hard to do these days. Shuuichi was either locked in his room, doing his best to please her, which of course she appreciated, or at school...always busy.

She opened the door to her room and sat down on her bed, folding her hands on her lap. Yes, sleep was the solution for homeless hearts. That was what she was going to do now.

As she stood up to get the hairbrush from her dresser, she suddenly stopped, noticing a familiar wooden rocking chair, swaying slowly as a soft warm breeze filled the room. That chair brought so many memories...

Long ago, when Shuuichi was still inside her, she had rocked herself to sleep there, singing soothing lullabies for the infant that was going to be her son one day. Her husband was there too, sometimes, just listening to her, listening to the heartbeat of their child and at other times, singing along as well. He had a sweet voice, very pleasant and very soothing. He made her feel so blessed when he held her, a soft kiss on her cheek before she dozed off on that same rocking chair, dreams of happy land always after that piece of heaven...

Tears fell from her eyes again, a sad one this time. This was for what had been lost and will be lost. This was for the painful longing and the unheard cries...the silent pleas.

She smiled bitterly, before sitting again on that old, familiar rocking chair. The cushions were still as soft as ever, the wood still as smooth and as good as it had been more than two decades ago...when they had first tried to have a child...and failed...and failed again.

Then came Shuuichi, a red-haired boy with the mind of an adult, so unique...so different from what she had expected. But she loved him still because he was her son. And even if he wasn't, she'd probably still loved him. No little boy or girl should ever be alone...
 

The woman closed her eyes, beginning to sing a lullaby as she did so many years ago. It was slow and sweet and very soothing to the senses. Very unlike the noises he was used to hearing. It wasn't a string of curses or degrading comments...or screams or complaints or vulgarity. She was singing something to someone he didn't know.

The little dark shadow shifted in his hiding place as he continued to watch her, fascinated and a little confused. She looked so sad, her face longing for something he didn't know...something he could probably never provide her or anyone else for that matter.

Comfort. Yes, it was obvious in her eyes. She wanted someone near, to share her love with...

But Shuuichi was there. Why would she be sad?

He snorted as realization hit him. Shuuichi was concentrating so much into things that didn't matter that he was forgetting what was more important. His mother. Shiori was an important person and Shuuichi failed to acknowledge her. It really didn't make sense.

The soft lullaby came to an end but the woman continued on, this time humming softly. The tune was almost lonely, like a mother's lullaby to a child who never returned home...or to a young child who had never had a home...

Home...

Somehow, he wished that that song was his'...that that lullaby not be wasted and be given to him. He had never been sung to and he longed to be...

And he also wanted a mother...and to belong...he wanted to belong. He wanted a family like everyone else had if only for a while...if only it could happen for once in his life so at least, he would know how it felt like to be a son...to be someone...

He clutched on to himself, pretending, longing when tears suddenly fell from the woman's eyes, the light reflecting it to his own eyes, like a crystal shimmering in the dark, a glacier amidst the troubled lands...

He barely noticed that he had flitted away from his spot and flickered inside the room of the woman, a contrasting darkness amongst the pastel interior. She was still humming softly...

The small figure slowly and carefully moved closer to the woman, staring at the tears still trickling down her cheeks, never stopping as she rocked back and fort in her chair, her eyes closed.

She looked so much like a mother would...and yes, she was a mother.

He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. Is this how his mother would've looked like? Face so kind, hands so gentle, embraces so warm and loving. He wished he could...

He longed...

He turned away from the scene, his gaze looking back outside. What was he doing? More importantly, why was he in here? No, it couldn't be. Those feelings weren't returning again, were they? He had killed them so long ago. He didn't want this. He didn't long for arms to encircle him, make him feel safe, words to be whispered softly to his ears saying that everything would be better now. Everything had just been a bad dream...

No! That was not what he wanted!
 

Shiori imagined one of them by her side - an unborn child who had vanished before birth, tragedy struck too soon, giving no chance to live...no chance to experience dreams, a comfortable home, guiding arms to lead the way and a mother that loved him freely.

She smiled as she hummed the last melody, a kind note that sent hope to that invisible child.

Never opening her eyes, she snuggled into the comfortable rocking chair, dreaming good things from the past and hopefully the future to come as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
 

Hiei turned away as he heard the last note, biting his lips as he did. It was wrong to have come here. It was wrong to watch her, to witness what a mother would've been like for now he knew what he was missing. She wasn't harsh, she wasn't rough, she was never a creature who wanted pain...

She was genuine and kind and all that and Kurama was very lucky. The kitsune should have realized that.

Looking back slowly at the woman again, his lips trembled a little as he moved closer and closer...too close to be comfortable. Maybe his mother would've wanted this...

Slowly, he closed his eyes and kissed her at her cheek, contented as he did. It was a symbol of what could have been but could never really be. Something that almost was real but quite just wasn't.

He stared at her face once more, almost as if wanting her to open her eyes and acknowledge him too...

But she only smiled.

The woman's face was full of joy as she felt a ghost kissing her cheek just like the past...like her husband giving her a goodnight kiss before she completely dozed off...

And now, she was contented. It really wasn't just Shuuichi. It was her husband and her unborn children too. She had longed for them as well. She loved them as well and she was happy that they were at peace now.

And now, she was off to dreamland where only good things existed. Happy.
 

Hiei settled down on the crook of the tree where he had been earlier, his heart now at rest as he remembered his real mother with no curses and no complaints for once. She had been good tonight unlike the past but that was over now. One must move on. One must survive. Happy or not.

But tonight was neutral. Not sad anymore. Maybe one day, it would be happy as well. Maybe one day, he would be someone too. Maybe...

For the first time though, he smiled genuinely as he realized that he had found his mother...

Not in the teargem that he had stared at for many nights in his life. Not in the battles that he had used to substitute the emptiness and to fill in the empty gaps and not even in Shiori who was such a perfect mother. Not in those things but...

In his heart.

And now, he didn't dream horrible things but a piece of heaven that he thought he'd never even deserve in dreams. And it began.

Nightmares no more. Warmth melting his heart. A kind smile just for him.
 

~owari~