I'm standing here now waiting for Kurama to say goodbye. I know I won't be seeing him for a long long time.

The Makai tournament had been interesting as I saw the potential of many youkais. I was impressed by Yuusuke very much. He is very capable of handling his own kingdom now.

Thinking about it, I have always respected him. Probably ever since he beat me as a ningen. That was hard to do considering that I have been undefeated in Makai for years.

As I shift my position under this tree, I could feel that Kurama is coming. He's still far but I coul feel his presence.

Hm, Kurama, my bestfriend. I never thought that a youko could be changed but he is living proof that there are still beings who care. I value him much though I'll never admit it anytime soon. In a way, he taught me about life. He taught me things that I've never known before. He gave hope to a worthless forbidden child.

In the tournament, I liked the way he handled Shigure. I know Shigure was very capable of beating him but he pushed through even in his ningen form.

Thinking about my respect for my half-ningen teammates makes me think of Kuwabara, my full-ningen other teammate. Personally, I think he's an idiot but now that I've thought it over, I do value him too as a teammate and even as a friend. I know he would never harm my sister. I have spent most of the moments I was in Ningenkai to be sure of that. I have observed them from a distance. I know I can trust him.

Hn, trust. Since when have I had that in my vocabulary? I admit that I have
trusted them as teammates and maybe friends but I have never trusted them
completely.

Maybe it was at the time of my supposed death. I wanted to die. Hell, I really wanted to die. In my mind and in my soul, that was all that I wished for. But then, someone saved me. Someone who I first thought was my enemy.

That fight with Shigure was the most important to me because though I knew I could beat him easily, it was supposed to be my last match. And Shigure's last one as well.

Shigure had been the first one who ever cared about me, I realize now. After I got my Jagan from him, he was there to protect me until I was strong enough again. That and the fact that he was a worthy opponent to beat me was my motivation for ending my life through him.

I had no purpose. Life had no more meaning. All my responsibilities were over and I could finally rest. Rest from this cruel world. Rest from all kinds of beings mocking me and looking down upon me. Rest and finally have peace. That was all that I needed.

Then, this devil came to me. A devil of a woman. Mukuro. She healed my body and made me her heir.

For what? To inflict more blood to myself and to others?

I thought she was crazy. Hell, I thought she was deranged. But then she taught me lots of things. Things that people never taught me before. Things that even Kurama never taught me.

Love.

Finally, I had a home. I had some place to come home to after doing my duties. But that wasn't all. Mukuro gave me the love that I've always hungered for. Not that kind of love but something greater.

She could understand me. She could relate to all the pain I have been through. The things that I've tried so hard to forget. With her, we faced those again and for once, we weren't defeated.

It was past after all. What's past is past no matter how traumatizing it was.

I realize now that she is my savior. The person who was sent not only to heal my body but also my soul.

Finally, I had a family. Finally, I had a mother. Finally, I found the peace I thought I would find in death. Finally, I could rest.