Standard Disclaimers apply starting now.
This is a continuation of the movie ending for Eva: Is Nothing Sacred?
Authored by Godsend777
All situations just happen
Stop Staring At Me
Stoppit!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Misato's Bedroom
'Twas the end of Third Impact,
A time for party and dance,
Which Kaji was doing,
In Misato's pants.
The condoms were hung
Over a nearby chair.
Misato didn't like them,
So Kaji shagged bare.
Some up and down,
A little left and right
She hoped Kaji would last
All through the night.
She gasped and she moaned,
And listened to Kaji grunt.
She knew in a moment,
He'd fill up her c-
"Misato!" Ritsuko burst in. "We've got a problem!"
Evangelion: Strangely Darkfic
--PROLOGUE--
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! RITSUKO! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
"Sorry, sorry." Ritsuko walks out, plugging her ears. "Better wake up Shinji
and Asuka."
She walks over to Shinji's room first, knowing he'd be the more agreeable of the
two pilots. Sliding the door open, she calmly walks over to his bed and yanks
off the covers, getting her second shock of the night.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! DAMMIT RITSUKO!! KNOCK ON THE FUCKIN' DOOR
BEFORE YOU COME INTO SOMEONE'S ROOM!!" Asuka screams. "SHINJI!! WHY ARE YOU
STOPPING!?! GET BACK TO WORK!!"
"Y-yes, m'aam."
"YES, WHAT!?!"
"Y-yes, mein fuhrer! Heil Asuka!"
"That's better! Now, prepare to be punished!"
By this time, Ritsuko had run for the safety of Penpen's freezer.
A half hour later, Ritsuko, Asuka, Shinji, Kaji, and Misato were sitting in the
kitchen drinking beer. Shinji would have made tea, but everyone opted for beer.
"So what's the problem, Ritsuko." Misato asks, very annoyed.
"Remember when we killed Lillith, thinking she was the last angel on earth?"
Ritsuko says as she downs another beer to try to forget the night's prior
events.
"Yeah?"
"She wasn't. Apparently there are two more angels predicted in the Dead Sea
Scrolls." She says as she pops the top on another can.
Everyone looked at Ritsuko, unsure of what to say. Even more creepy was the
orchestral music coming from somewhere, enhancing the eerie feel in the room.
"Shinji, don't practice when we're talking." Kaji says.
"Sorry." He replies as he puts away his cello. "So do you know anything about
these angels?"
"Nothing whatsoever. Apparently they didn't get to us due to budget
restraints."
"Oh, like Eva-04." Misato says. She picks up a bottle of tequila, and breaks
the head off the same way one would snap their fingers.
"Why couldn't this have waited until morning?!" Asuka finally spoke. "Me and
Shinji were going through the German Kama Sutra! Only four more pages to go,
too!"
"What does Rei have to say about that, Shinji?" Ritsuko asks, now on the verge
of a good buzz.
"She obeys the restraining order, except when Asuka feels the need for a third
partner." He rubs a few welts that are on his back.
"You try 'Navigating the Rhine' without a boat, idiot. Besides, you never
complain."
"That's 'cause there's always one of you sitting on my f-"
"ANYWAYS," Ritsuko interrupts, "Nothing can really be done until morning. I
just wanted to warn you, so you can be prepared to pilot if necessary. Now, if
you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Maya. She said if I wasn't back soon,
Aoba would get a chance."
"Alright, see-ya Ritsuko. But call next time, 'kay?" Misato says while getting
up. "Come on Kaji, you've got a job to do."
"So do you, idiot." Asuka begins.
"Actually Asuka, I've got to get up early. Me and my mom are getting together
to catch up on stuff."
"Again?! That's the third time this week! What about me!?" She actually
sounded hurt.
"It's been a whole month since the Third Impact, Asuka. I haven't seen her in
ten years. Please understand." He puts his hands on her shoulders, drawing her
close.
"Oh, all right. But on two conditions. One, let me come with you. I miss my
mom, and would like to know what it's like."
"Fine. That'll be great actually, as Commander Fuuyutsuki is supposed to be
there as well. What's the other condition?"
"The last four pages, NOW!"
"Yes, Ma'am!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
NERV Cafe
"So that's how you and Gendo met." Asuka says, sipping on her drink. She was
wearing her pretty yellow sundress, complete with maching shoes and handbag.
Next to her was Shinji, in his typical drab school attire.
"Yes, although I should have just gone with Fuuyutsuki-Sensei here." Yui
replies, nudging Fuuyutsuki, who just laughed and blushed. "But that's about
it."
"Father never told me that."
"There was a lot of things he never told you. Speaking of which, how did you
take my 'death,' Shinji?"
"Well, it wasn't easy... especially the way Father presented it..." He looked
out a nearby window, in that way people do before a flashback.
--SAID FLASHBACK--
"Shinji..."
"Father! Father! Where's Mother!? What happened to Mother!?"
"I'm afraid... She's gone, Shinji..."
"W-what? H-how?"
"It's... best to show you, Shinji." With that, he pulled out a small metal can.
The label read 'Campbell's Primordial Soup - LCL Flavored'
"MOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
--END OF SAID FLASHBACK--
"A-after that, we t-tried to bring you back by h-heating you at 350 degrees
Fahrenheit, w-while adding salt and pepper." Shinji was crying by this time.
"I-it was about to w-work when Anno, our cat, jumped up on the c-counter and...
and smelled the fish stock we were using, AND ATE YOU UP! EVERY LAST DROP!
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" The waterworks went full force this time, unable to
stop. Asuka puts her arm around him, while Yui speaks in soothing tones.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm fine now." He says, drying his eyes.
"I see that Gendo didn't take good care of you. But we don't have to worry
about that any more, do we?" says Yui cheerfully.
A silence permeates the room. Yui suddenly stands up and reaches offstage, so
to speak. She grabs the writer and pulls him close to her.
"I SAID WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GENDO ANYMORE, NOW DO WE?" She politely
asks him.
"R-right. No more Gendo." The writer replies. "Can I go now?"
"Yeah, go back to work." Shinji, Asuka, and Fuuyutsuki sweatdrop. Then Asuka's
watch beeps.
"Oh! Shinji, time for our show!"
"Show?" Fuuyutsuki inquires.
"Yeah, Shinji scored a cooking slot on the Tokyo Television National
Association." Asuka says as she picks up her bag.
"Tokyo TNA? Isn't that the station that plays those awful Anime cartoons or
something?"
"Yeah, but it pays until school gets rebuilt." Shinji finishes for Asuka,
slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
"About that," Fuuyutsuki began, "Are you SURE that was a 'training accident'
as you so put it?"
"Uh...gotta go!" The pair says in unison as they start to run.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NERV Headquarters
"Kaji, could you pry Maya off me for a second?"
"Sure, Rit-chan." Kaji pulls out a crowbar and carefully removes Maya from
Ritsuko's hip.
"Thanks, she's been acting weird since she visited Rei's apartment last week."
"Oh? What's the problem, Maya?" Misato asks as she enters the room.
"Furry pink tribbles... A whole world of nothing but white... Shinji at the
center of it all... Z-zenogias..."
"I think she played the Marmalade Boy drinking game with Rei." Kaji explains.
"Ever since being locked in Hyuuga's shojo manga vault, she's been addicted to
it. I went to visit her, and I had to play the Fuushigi Yuugi drinking game."
Kaji shivers at the memory. "Never again will I be able to see Miaka and
Tamahome together without puking."
"So why's Maya acting weird?"
"T-too drunk to refuse. Leather gear...Studs...Razor whip...A-and Shinji's
spare plug suit..." Maya stammers out.
"Sounds like our last date, eh, Misato?" Kaji threw in Misato's direction,
which causes her to blush viciously. Unfortunately, Ritsuko didn't share the
joke, and bursts a vein in her forehead.
"HOW DARE SHE TOUCH MY BITCH!! I'LL RIP HER FUCKIN' CLONED HEAD OFF!!" The
Anime Flames of Anger (tm) torch everything in the room, leaving nothing
unscathed (or clothed). As Maya, Kaji and Misato head for the shower and some
new clothing, Ritsuko goes about plotting Rei's downfall. What she didn't
notice was that they all went to the same shower, and Maya's and Misato's
girlish giggling could be heard throughout NERV.
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Rei's Apartment
If one would walk through the door of Rei's apartment, they would notice several
odd paraphanelia for a 14 year-old girl inside. One, the various leather goods
lying on the floor. Two, the ever-growing (yet carefully organized) collection
of shojo manga and anime. And three, the giant life-sized standup of Shinji
Ikari. Upon closer inspection, one would see that it's not only the standup,
but the pictures on the wall, the sheets on the bed, and the anatomically
correct blow-up doll that all resemble a certain young Eva pilot. The only out-
of-place item would have to be the picture of Asuka with a fire axe sticking in
it. If that one person would listen to the noises in the apartment, they would
hear a shower running.
Hyuuga let out an "Eep!" as he realizes that this is the worst time to walk into
a female's home. His mind panicks with fear as he hears the shower stop, and
someone stepping out of it. He wets his pants as Rei walks into her bedroom,
wearing only a Shinji Ikari towel around her waist.
"I-I just wanted to see if you were done w-with my c-comics yet..." Hyuuga
began.
"Eh?" Rei looks up to see Hyuuga. Rei's eyes go wide. Rei's fear flares.
Were this a place were perspective constantly changes (and it is) the next scene
would be an outside shot of Rei's apartment. The cry of "Pervert!" would be
heard, a small explosion would be seen, as well as Hyuuga flying through the air
courtesy of a well-placed ATField.
Rei sighs in relief as the disturbance was forced through the air at the speed
of sound. Satisfied, she flops onto her bed and pulls out a photo album of
Shinji Ikari. If perspective changed to the front door, one would hear a slight
buzzing noise and erotic moaning.
Kensuke wipes some blood from his nose and decides not to ask for his 'Sailor
Moon' collection back. He quietly walks home.
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" - And that is how you make proper pork buns!" A round of applause follows as
Shinji and Asuka give slight bows to their live audience. A few catcalls from
seemingly happily married homemakers makes Shinji blush, while some more daring
remarks are made to Asuka from the smaller, yet loud, male part of the audience.
She tucks a few away in her mind to use on Shinji later.
"Is there anything you would like to show our viewers, Asuka?" Shinji asks.
His much practiced repartee with his co-host Asuka had been paying off.
"Just a few..." Asuka responds seductively.
"Please keep in mind our TV-G rating." Shinji nearly begs.
"Oh, I will. First off..." She points at the happy homemakers seated
throughout the audience. "SHINJI'S MINE! MINE MINE MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU
CAN'T HAVE HIM!" She gloats. This causes several of the homemakers to frown.
"And number two?" Shinji asks, sweatdropping immensely.
"I would like to show our viewers the quick 'n' easy way to make a cream puff."
"Oh? We only have three minutes left. Can you do it in that time?"
"Simple! Here's how, ladies!" She then quickly grabs Shinji, and plants a
deep, passionate kiss on his lips. After two minutes, she pulls away as Shinji
dissolves into LCL.
"Whoops!" She says. "That was actually my portable Third Impact Attack! Oh,
well, he'll be back for tomorrow's show. Have a nice day, everybody!" Another
round of applause is heard, as a curtain closes on the set. "Okay, Shinji get
up!" Upon hearing Asuka's voice, the LCL immediately reforms into the young
Ikari.
"Uhh...Asuka, could you not do that? That feels weird."
"Sorryyyyyyy." She says, using the Lovey-Eyes Attack of Death. "I'll make it
all better." She knocks him to the ground, and uses the more 'forbidden'
techniques of Sacred Eva Fist. Much moaning is heard.
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High above the earth, the fifteenth angel hovers. It spiky protrusions
reinforce its fearsome appearance. It thinks aloud, speaking into the cold
vacuum of space, disregarding physics entirely. "Ha! Puny Lillim! The rest of
my brethren may have failed, but I, The Blue Thunder of Heaven, shall prevail!
HAHAHAHA!"
Yes, the fifteenth angel is upon us. May Rumiko Takahashi not sue me in anger.
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That's part one of Strangely Darkfic. Most of you are probably wondering what
is so dark about it. Well, for starters, there are more Angels! And Shinji had
to re-live the painful memories of his mother's death! Maya's mind was a wreck!
Ritsuko's out for blood! Hyuuga got ATFielded! And the 15th Angel has the mind
of a certain bokken-weilding moron! Can our heroes survive? Find out in the
next part - Strangely Darkfic 2 - "I Love You. I Would Date With You."
Remember, this is a continuation of "Is Nothing Sacred." The same rules apply
here. HAHAHAHAHA!
(
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