[Lightbulbs flash in the air. The Suzaku Shichi Seishi sit at a long table which is piled with drinks and snacks. Reporters are clustered around them, hollering questions. From left to right:
Mitsukake, who is looking boring, er...I mean, strong and silent, as usual.
Tasuki, who is looking grumpy. ("Dragged me from Kouji, for this?").
Nuriko, who is staring at Hotohori. ("He's so beautiful...").
Hotohori, who is staring into a hand-held mirror. ("I'm so beautiful...").
Miaka, who is stuffing her face. ("Itadakimasu!!").
Tamahome, who is trying to make people pay for their pictures of him. ("20 gold ryu per picture and I'll throw in a free punch for the people you don't like!").
Chiriko, who is reading.
Chichiri, who is...wait, where is Chichiri? And who invited Nakago? (POOF! "Fooled you, no da!").
(*Ritz sweatdrops* "Chichiri...isn't that getting a leetle bit old?...")
So begins our interview with the most talked about people in the world, the Suzaku...well, you know who.]
"Tamahome, would you ever sell any of your friends?"
Tamahome: No!! I would never do anything like that!!
"So, even if I offered you 1,000 gold ryu for say, Hotohori--"
Tamahome: (eyes become dollars signs. You can almost hear the 'ka-ching!' sound in his head) 1,000 gold ryu, eh?...
Hotohori: Hey! I cost more than that!!
(Everyone sweatdrops)
"Uh...yah...I'm sure you do, Hotohori...uh...let's go onto another question. Nuriko and Tasuki! There are certain rumours about you two...Are you?.."
Nuriko: (tosses his head) I only go for beautiful men.
Tasuki: Hey! What's that supposed to mean?
Nuriko: No offense, Tasuki, but you're not Hotohori...(he sighs and gives Hotohori a meaningful gaze. Hotohori is back to *sweatdrop* staring at that mirror)
"But Nuriko! Weren't you SUPPOSED to be straight before you died? How come you went back to liking Hotohori?"
Hotohori: Isn't that simple to figure out? I'm beautiful.
(Everyone sweatdrops)
Nuriko: Well, think about it. I'm dead with only 3 other guys as company. One of them is as beautiful as I am. When you're in this position, you have to make allowances...
"Point taken, Nuriko. OK, Chiriko, fans want to know. Were you ever kissed?"
Chiriko: (shakes his head. He's so innocent!! ^_^)
"Nuriko, what about you? Oh, wait, there was Tamahome, never mind. Okay, Tasuki, what about YOU? Why don't you fill us in on your first kiss."
Tasuki: Che. Do I look like I want to kiss a GIRL?!?
"Right, Tasuki. So, why don't you fill us in on you and Kouji."
Tasuki: Shut up! I'm not sleeping with my best friend.
"I never said YOU did. I only asked you what's going on between you two."
Tasuki: (laughs weakly as he goes SD and the screen turns to black and white) Oh yah...well...it was a joke...ha, ha...(sweat runs down his face)
"But since we're on the topic of you and Kouji being bedmates, would you mind explaining your bedsheets to us?"
Tasuki: F@!* this! I told you, I'm not sleeping with Kouji!!
"Yeah, okay. Now explain your bedsheets to us."
Tasuki: It was just a coincidence that--
"Sure, Tasuki, it's always just a COINCIDENCE, isn't it? I mean, you don't want to kiss a GIRL, however, you show no objections to kissing a GUY. Plus, you HATE women. Oh well, it doesn't matter, we KNOW the TRUTH. So, let's go on to someone else. Hotohori, are you SURE you were never attracted to Nuriko-sama? You married someone who looks exactly like her, er, him."
Hotohori: Nani?!? I'm straight all the way! My wife is just...a coincidence. (Nuriko swoons)
"Oh right...another COINCIDENCE, huh?"
Hotohori: Is it my fault that I'm beautiful?
"What does THAT have to do with anything?"
Hotohori: Do I look like the type of guy who would be gay?
"Does NURIKO look like the type of guy who would be--uh, never mind. I see your point."
Tamahome: Yeah, besides, he's not gay like Tasuki!!
Tasuki: (jumps on top of the table) Shut up, obaki-chan!
Tamahome: Obaki-chan?!? (forehead begins to glow, jumps up on the table too)
Tasuki: LEKKA SHIEN!! (Tamahome is fried/burnt? chicken)
Tamahome: BAKA!!! (Tasuki goes flying through the roof. Miaka bursts into tears) Oi, Miaka. Why are you so sad? Tasuki will be okay.
Miaka: WAHHHH! My food!!
Tamahome: Your food? (He looks down. His right foot is buried in a cake. His left foot has crushed all the chips into crumbs)
Miaka: Tamahome no baka!!! (she uppercuts him)
Tamahome: (yelps 'Gomen nasai' as he goes flying)
*Reporters sweatdrop* "I didn't know Tamahome was so...whipped."
(Murmurs of "oh yah", "definitely", and "you didn't know that?" is heard from the remaining seishi minus Miaka, who is looking for food.)
"Well...we'll just continue without them then. OK, this is a question for everyone. Fans want to know what your dream present would be. Uh, Miaka?"
Miaka: Mountains and mountains of food! Noodles and chocolate and cheesecake and candy and--
"Thank you, Miaka--"
Miaka: ice cream and pie and chips and--
"Miaka, we get the point."
Miaka: rice and steak and pretzels and--
"Mi-Miaka?"
Miaka: pork and ITADAKIMASU! (finally stops and starts rummaging for food)
"Uh, thanks Miaka...Hotohori, what about you?"
Hotohori: A mirror.
"A mirror? But you have so many..."
Hotohori: If you were as beautiful as me, wouldn't you want a mirror?
*reporters sweatdrop*(Have you noticed Hotohori has that effect on people? ^_^;;) "Ri-right, Hotohori....Nuriko?"
Nuriko: Hotohori-sama wrapped in a bow!"
*sweatdrop turns to sweat rain* "Yeah...uh, Chichiri?"
Chichiri: Letting me wander, no da?
"Not going to happen. Mitsukake?"
(No reply)
"Mitsukake?"
(No reply. He really is bor--er, strong and silent...)
"Mitsu--ah, forget it. Chiriko?"
Chiriko: A book!
"Gr-eat! Umm...so, that's it. *Thank God* Any last comments?"
Mitsukake:...
*reporters sweatdrop...*(Did he fall asleep or something?..)
Miaka: The food is delicious! (She's eating the cake that Tamahome stepped in)
*...sweatdrop gets bigger...*
Hotohori: I've been very happy to come and grace this event with my beautiful presence. It was no trouble at all.
*...gets bigger...*
Nuriko: *swoon*
*...and bigger...*
Chichiri: Can I go now, no da?
*...bigger than the reporters' heads now...*
Chiriko: Arigatou, minna!
*reporters breathe a sign of relief* (Count on Chiriko to be the only normal one from this bunch of kawaii freaks...)
Ritz's note: So, what did you think? Maybe when I get around to it, I should try pulling off a 'Seiryuu Exclusive Interview', ne? I already got a question about Nakago and his--ah, er, preferences. If you got any questions you'd like me to include or whatever, feel free to e-mail me at: chen@kwic.com