The things that remind me of my love...Mamochan
 
There are many things that remind me of my love, Mamochan. Even when we first met...there was something that just made me think about him. Especially when I started to fall in love with him. Pictures, songs, places, and many other things made me think of him and think about the day I would be with him and stay in his arms...safe, protected, and loved. Even when I found out he had a girlfriend while we were friends,  that never stopped me from thinking about him. I loved him and I could never stop loving him. There are also things that reminds me of the day he told me he loved me...and when we both felt pain, sadness, and happiness. The following are the things that made me think of Mamochan when I had a crush on him and now as my boyfriend. ^_^
before...
Before Mamochan and I became a couple, we were pen pals getting to know each other as anime/sailor moon fans. My first impression of him was that he was probably one of those stuck up snobby pinoys that only care about looks and all that. (Is this EVER sooo WRONG) Even when I started finding more about his interests I still thought of him as a snobby pinoy, who was tall, athletic, smart, and hella cute. *giggles* But I guess after I started talking and writing to him more...the image I had kinda changed. (well the snobby pinoy part yes...^_^;) He was actually kind, caring, smart, and funny not the type of pinoy I am used to seeing in Guam where all the care about is looks, money, and sex. As my love for him grew more and more, I also thought of him in kind of a fairy tale sort of way. I would dream about being that princess and him being the prince, rescuing me and holding me tight...never letting go. (Yes I realize I am a sucker for romance) Even listening to the radio as they played r&b, I would think of him holding my hand as we walked through a park or *blushes* if we were married and I would just wake up beside him...smiling...and knowing that we would be together...nothing tearing us apart.
But what made all those dreams and thoughts fall apart was the day I received a letter from his girlfriend. I remember crying and not being able to even listen to the songs I played over and over again that made me think about him 247. I tried to move on...but when I would receive a letter from him I was full of anger...not at him...but towards myself. Because I wanted to tell him how much I felt and how much I loved him. But it was hopeless...when he started talking about being with her...I wanted to break down and cry and I felt it was useless to even try. Though I knew I couldn't have him, I still thought about him. I was just soo deeply in love with him...no one in my whole life has caught my attention like he did. In class, I would write his name over and over again without knowing it...till the teacher hit me and started yelling at me. ^.^;  
the day of truth...pain...and happiness...
Smiling and relaxed, I was working in the Career Center and at the computer lab checking my email...as I checked the new messages my face went pale and a cold sweet broke out, causing me to shiver endlessly. I received an email from him, and as I read it I knew I was in trouble. He found out a deep dark secret I thought no one would find out...I wrote him back that same hour, scared. I tried as much as possible to throw him off...telling him that it wasn't me and that he might have gotten the wrong person. But it was no use...by the time I got home we chatted...and I have forgotten about the letter...but as I chatted with him and checked my email in another window...pain and anger towards myself shook my body and made me wanna run away...run as far as I could go...and die. I was very tempted to kill myself...I even told him this after I left the chat and we messaged each other in icq. He told me not too...and I argued that he wouldn't care...till he said those words I will never forget...I could actually picture him holding my hand, looking in my eyes deeply, his face close to mine telling me that he loved me. I thought that this was a joke...he had a girlfriend that I thought he has been with for 2 years. We talked a lil on icq...He told me that he always had feelings for me...he was just like me...scared what the other will think...scared of rejection...and loneliness. I was shaking, crying, and too mixed up in emotions I was hardly thinking about killing myself. As we talked on the phone...we were both scared...I remember begging for him not to leave me...but he was already depressed cause he had hurt me so much. I didn't care anymore about the emotions of anger but the feeling of finally having my dream come true. I kept begging...when he finally promised me...to never leave me.
The week after that day...we were both on an emotional roller coaster. I guess when I finally got him, I was scared...because I didn't want to lose him. I was scared that I would be abandoned or not being able to be with him. But I learned...to trust him...he was kind and gentle taking my hand and gently taking me through my problems. For the first time in my life...I have experienced something no one has ever given me...love.  
the present and the future...
It has been a lil over 3 months since that day we both told each other what we wanted to tell each other for so long. And still there are many things that remind me of him. Especially those lil fairy tale dreams I still have (a lil different now though...You know what I mean Mamochan ^_~) I still dream of being held in his arms or *blushes* being married to him and just being with him. Yes I know that is a few years wait...but I am willing to wait for that day. ^_^
eek! Yes I know its not like Mamochan's and I hardly talk bout the things that remind me of him. But if you were smart you would know that the memories we have had together really make me think about him. How we would talk to each other over the summer and the months after, how we would email each other like 10 times a day and wait impatiently for the email to come in, how I wanted to say that I love him, how he made fun of me when the email saying I liked him got to him instead of another person and caused a big mess, how we debated over the best class (of course its 98 =P), and many other things that would just pop up in my mind and make me think about him and I being together. But if you are still majorly disappointed I have a list below with the other things that remind me of him. Enjoy! ^_^
Songs Places Other things...